1. There is no such thing as a "literary product." I'm not sure why anyone thinks this is clearer or more elegant than "a novel" or "a memoir" or "narrative non-fiction."
Clarity and specificity are your friends. "Literary product" is neither.
2. "Research for an agency to represent my recently completed novel disclosed your listing which indicated an interest in high-concept thrillers." Find the subject of this sentence. When I can't parse your sentence....no wait, when I START parsing sentences in your query letter, particularly if it's the first, that's a sign of Trouble with a capital T which rhymes with P and that stands for POOL. Right here in River City.
Oh wait, sorry, parsing sentences always makes me think of this River City, Iowa.
3. "I'm writing about Topic A which has also been written about by distinguished names such as Stephen King, John Updike, John Barth, John Irving, Philip Roth, Jeffrey Archer, Paul Auster and Thomas Pynchon."
It takes a particular kind of hubris to include yourself on that list ever, let alone in my incoming queries. You're much better off just telling me about your book. If you're as good as any one of those guys, I'll notice. Me and a whole lot of other people too.
4. "Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya." This is the writing of a grade-schooler. Business letters do not start with "hello my name is (whatever your name is). To state the obvious: it's instantly off-putting.
"Literary product" sounds almost intentionally degrading, as if comparing a manuscript to any other gizmo that rolls off an assembly line.
ReplyDeleteThe only real problem I'd have with the "Hell, man name is ..." opening would be if the next line were, "You killed my father, prepare to die."
When did novel become a bad word?
ReplyDelete"Literary product" sounds about as appetizing as "meat product." :)
ReplyDeleteNot to defend that awful sentence in point 2, but the subject is "Research for an agency to represent my recently completed novel". After all, it was that research which disclosed your listing.
ReplyDeleteIt is a stupid sentence, but subjects and objects needn't be specific words.
And no, I promise I wasn't behind that query.
"No, wait..." and everything else in #2 made my day.
ReplyDeleteI love the occasional poignant posts
I read here (the author concerned about her appearance, the storyteller in the cafe) but you are some funny when you're cranky, even without an F-bomb.
I've put down what I was told was a popular piece of fiction because of #4.
ReplyDeleteWhat about a "Literary 'Fiction Novel' Product"?
ReplyDeleteI like the other quote from The Princess Bride, "What we have here is a failure to communicate."
"inconceivable" product.
ReplyDeleteI don't think literary product means what you think it means.
ReplyDeleteThere actually are literary products. Maybe not within the context of querying, but they do exist.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.trendhunter.com/slideshow/literary-spin-offs
ReplyDeleteDale Bishop's link to literary products
led me to Beowulf sox
which I MUST now have!
Loved the "Music Man" reference. Our Harold Hill spat so much that he was dubbed "Mucus Man" by the end.
ReplyDelete"In my literary product, I use many of the same words as Thomas Pynchon, just in different order. Also, a review of my fiction novel will show much of the same punctuation as the high-concept thrillers of both John Irving and Philip Roth."
ReplyDeleteTerri
And...literary product made ME think of that t-shirt - which I must have, "I like big books and I cannot lie."
ReplyDelete#3. My book has heavy religious undertones, and has been compared favorably with many of God's earlier works. (BTW, He's a member of my writers' critique group.)
ReplyDeleteLance and donnaeverheart, I was already having a MIGHTY fine day indeed, but y'all just iced the cake with buttercream, and I am grateful.
ReplyDeleteIn short: hee.
I thought at first you meant that someone had actually begun with "Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya," which I'd have thought would at least have gotten a careful read.
ReplyDeleteKregger, that quote came from Cool Hand Luke.
ReplyDeleteKitty,
ReplyDeleteYou mean Inigo Montoya didn't eat fifty hard boiled eggs?
Doesn't anyone believe in the Great Pumpkin anymore?
Extruded Literary Product®
ReplyDeleteNow with 20% more parsable sentences!