Sunday, June 02, 2019

The Duchess of Yowl reads a Twitter thread

DoY: Did you see this? A toddler cried because his dad wouldn't let the dog drive him to daycare.*

Me: I'm still laughing.

DoY: That child needs psychiatric intervention.

Me: He's a toddler. They aren't rational.

DoY: He's unhinged poor thing. Why would he want a filthy hound in his car?

Me: A cat should drive him to daycare?

DoY: My point exactly.

Me: Do you know how to drive?

DoY: You have often been heard to mutter that *I* drive you crazy.

Me: I must be tired from BEA. I just walked into that one.

DoY: After you serve dinner, you may lie on my couch.

Me: You've had dinner. It's 9pm!

DoY: I think you're so tired you forgot to serve me.

Me: Have I ever forgotten to serve your victuals?

DoY: (darkly) Not yet.

Me: About as much chance of that as the dog driving the kid to daycare.

DoY: Filthy hounds and sticky toddlers. How did Dante overlook them?



D.H. said...

Ah, toddlers. My youngest is 18 months and her tantrums are over such silly things that I have to go into another room so she doesn't see me laughing sometimes.

My favorites include:

1. Not letting her chew on the metal lock to the filing cabinet.

2. Removing the onesie she peed through. You'd think I was removing her skin.

3. In mid-tantrum over something else, she slams her head against my knee, which cues another tantrum where she melts into the floor and writhes like a worm, refusing to let me pick her up and see if she's OK.

4. Picking her off Daddy's computer and not letting her smash the keyboard with the mouse.

Kae Ridwyn said...

I saw that tweet too :)

And I'm impressed that the DoY would deign to drive a car with a whinging toddler in the back seat!?

Lennon Faris said...

In the toddler's defense, that parent has probably read that kid books with dogs driving cars...

D.H., that's hilarious.

MaggieJ said...

To Her Grace, the Duchess of Yowl:

Tsk-tsk, your grace. I fully understand your hostility to the idea of a dog driving that teary toddler to day care, but somehow I cannot picture you volunteering for such a menial position as chauffeur. Leave such abasement to the canines and the humans, please, and save us the indignity of witnessing such a painful sight.

Your humble servant,

Craig F said...

Then, in all too few years, this happens

Kitty said...

I've been spending long weekends -- 12-13 hours per day -- with my 3-y-o granddaughter while her parents work. (Mom is an ER nurse and Dad is an ICU nurse.) Things that trigger tantrums in Little Miss Sunshine:

1. Not letting her stick one of her boogers in my face
2. Not allowing her to slither across the table at Denny's
3. Hiding her real scissors (what WERE her parents thinking?)

Long weekends.

Kaphri said...

My grandson used to cry when the beautiful coherence of his pop tart was broken by his first bite. Gotta love um.

Miles O'Neal said...

I'm not sure what Hal's problem is here. Days like today, especially, I side with the toddler.
I walked into an infuriating situation today, one that should not have happened since, say, 1997. Fortunately I have my pen at work with a duck head. You press down on the head, laser beams shout out of its mouth, and it quacks. Mood back to happy.

mzfisher said...

Toonces, the Driving Cat, might have something to say about this!