Sunday, May 12, 2019

The Temptress that is The Container Store

I bought a new bed this winter, which means the seven sets of linens for the old bed are now useless (the new bed is a different size.)

Which means, thanks to Mum, they're in storage "Just in case" rather than in the donation box at St. Lucy's School for Wayward Sharks

Just in case of what, I'm not sure.

A Klan rally breaks out in my bathroom?
(too soon?)

I'm called upon to dress ghosts for the Met Gala?

I'll need to smuggle them into St. Lucy's to facilitate a daring midnight breakout?

More likely they'll just sit there, unused, for a decade.
Or more.

When my dear grandmama departed for the Astral Plane, we found linens in her airing cupboard that had been folded and stored for so many years they had discolored at the fold line.

But logic isn't in play here. Nope. It's my mum, who never threw anything away, taught by her mum, who didn't either. I'm third generation "I might need it some day."

Enter my newest enabler: The Container Store.

When you don't throw anything away, ever, you need stuff to put your stuff in.

And whatever evil genius came up with the idea of a store for storage, well, clearly a member of my family, probably my grandmama's daughter too.

So, now that it's not exactly winter and spring cleaning time is nigh, The Container Store begins its sinister campaign:

CS: Those sheets are getting dusty just sitting there. They should go in this pretty box. It's made to fit right on top of your rolling garment rack.

Me: Oh that is so elegant! I need one. No TWO!

CS: You have three garment racks.
Me: Right! Three!

CS: You only need to spend a bit more for free shipping.
Me: oh this is so cute! And sharkly!

CS: You really can't have enough shark in your house. Plus, don't you need to buy a gift soon for La Slitherina Herself??

Me: YES! I do. Let's make that two more bins.

CS: If you spend just a bit more, you get a 30% discount!

Me: I really want, NEED, ....
Let me check the customer reviews on those storage boxes.

CS: Free shipping.Big discount! Elegant living!

Me: no, let me read these...2 stars? FLIMSY? Fabric covered cardboard???

CS: Shark bags!

Me: NO! You are a trickster! I see through you! I'm not ordering any of this.

(clicks browser window closed)
(opens new window to look at paint colors)
Benjamin Moore browser: oh welcome back my beloved. Have you thought about orange?

Some time passes

Me: (checks email)
CS: Did you forget your basket? You have items just waiting to come to your house and help you look elegant, organized and pulled together.

CS: We're sorry you want to leave us. It will take ten days to remove you from our mailing list.

Day Nine

Me: I really wish I had a better way to store these leftover napkins from the carryout bags.
CS: We're here for you!

Me: And those sheets are really getting dusty without a box.
CS: And that shark hamper you wanted for BaPo? It's now on SALE!

Resistance is a bitch.
Also, futile.


Craig F said...

I like using old sheets for drop cloths. They hang on the furniture better than the plastic kind.

I've seen Weimaraners get that look when they see a ghost.

Pericula Ludus said...

According to a certain algorithm, I apparently buy industrial amounts of stuff that entitle me to a business account. Seeing as this is a one person household, I feel very called out and vow to limit my amazonian antics. A few weeks later, here comes the email again "Free Upgrade to a Business Account"...

nightsmusic said...

I love looking through The Container Store, but I know better than to put anything in my cart. I did that once. Just like with Poppin though their things are admittedly smaller and somewhat less expensive...

And I am an orphan now with no parents to 'keep my things tidy and safe' for me and I refuse to stick my kids with my crap so I donate sheets and old towels to the local animal shelters near me. That way, I know they go to a really good cause rather than a closet shelf for years on end.

Craig F I've seen that look on other dogs, mine included just about the time my skin starts to crawl...

Jen said...

There's a reason I can't step inside The Container Store. We'd have to take out a second mortgage to pay the credit card bill. XD

Luralee said...

The shark tote is so cute though.

My mom was an only child of an only child who grew up during the depression. Several generations of never throwing anything away ended up filling the basement of the house she inherited from my grandmother. A basement large enough to fit at least 5 NYC apartments and still have enough room leftover for the Rockettes to practice their kickline.

It took her years to clear out. She had so many yard sales the nosy and suspicious neighbors assumed she was running a business out of her garage. Much of it was antique furniture, housewares, and toys some dating back to the mid 1800’s and it wasn’t hard to see why it had been kept. However, there were some real head-scratchers too.

Mom’s favorite was the box containing a single lightbulb and a note:
“this light bulb not very good”

Adele said...

The shark hamper! Me Want!

Now, to get back to my original comment - I even *buy* odd sheets that I can't use on my bed. Why? Because I sew clothing and old sheets are much cheaper than buying new unbleached muslin just to make the muslin trial version before you make the real thing. Think of a flat sheet not so much as a bedsheet, but as four yards or more (depending on the size of your sheet) of cotton cloth. Many possibilities.

Mister Furkles said...

But...but...The Container Store offers so much spiffy stuff. If only I could find a use for it all. um... they want money...don't have any...spent it all on The Cat.

Kate Larkindale said...

I think your mother's family must be related to my partner's. Neither he or his father ever throw anything out. Our garage is full of things like boxes appliances came in "for when we move" and other useful stuff.

S.P. Bowers said...

Kate, Hubby saves boxes, too. If I have to store something can it at least be something real, not an empty box?

Theresa said...

I love all the pretty containers! (But I don't own any.) I was glad I held on to more sheets than we needed for our beds. Not that I started changing sheets more frequently, but we had loaner cats for a few weeks and had some furniture that needed to be feline-proofed. I know, I know. I already feel the judgement from DoY.

Claire Bobrow said...

"We're here for you!" Yes they are. Love that :-)

The pull of The Container Store is irresistible, akin to the tractor beam on the Death Star. Good luck trying to escape.

(But if you don't, the shark hamper is a winner.)

John Davis Frain said...

I'd have to shop somewhere else first to get something to put in the containers.

So, I think I'll stay here and edit. With as much as I'm deleting, I could probably use a digital container.

Lennon Faris said...

We need some good before and after pictures! The comparison is the best part about organization.

Of course, nothing will beat the sliced & diced couch...

Brenda said...

Embrace the chaos!

K. White said...

I was a declutter long before any of us heard of Marie Kondo. Twice a year I go through drawers, closets, clothes, knickknacks, and kitchen stuff. I just took five bags to Goodwill. Books I sell or donate to the library.

My sister makes fun of me because typically a few months later I'll say "I know I had a (insert item). Where'd I put it?" forgetting I gave it away.

My current goal is not to bring the clutter into my house to begin with.

Kitty said...

My Grandmother BCB was a waste-not-want-not woman. My mother said it was because Grandmother was widowed during The Depression with one child in college, one in high school and one in elementary school. She lived in a huge home with a HUGE attic which was crammed, yet organized, with boxes of all sorts of family things. Every time she made a trip to our home, the trunk of her Buick was crammed with things from her attic. She would open her trunk and say, In case this is my last trip. By the time she died, at the age of 98, her attic was almost empty. Grandmother, who couldn't part with anything, left that chore to us.

julie.weathers said...

Ah, I'm sorry I missed this. I would fall in love with the container store until I read the reviews. Which is why I read reviews religiously. My faithful hammer of lo these many years has disappeared in the kitchen remodel, so I ordered an Estwing hammer which will last longer than I do. Alas, I should have ordered the 12 ounce. The 16 ounce is a little heavy for my injured shoulder.

I think in the back of my mind, one day Will will have . . . . I've even told him, "One day this will all be yours." I'm sure he goes home and weeps at the thought.

I confess I'm a hoarder. My aunt and dad sent me things they thought I'd like to have and I have hung on to them like they are gold. Valuable things like the dishes that used to come in oatmeal, but I remember sitting at the farmhouse table and eating canned crab apples in them with Grandpa. Can't get rid of those. And so it goes.

Mother would gather us up in the middle of the night and tell us, "Come on, we're going. Get a pillow case of clothes. We'd have to hurry up and toss whatever clothes we could grab and dash out the door because the monster was coming.

"Damn it, Julia. Leave the doll, we don't have room."

Invariably she would return to the monster, but all our things would have been thrown away. And so was born a hoarder.

Will, helping me move. "Mom, we have pine cones in Wisconsin. Do you really need these?"

"Those pine cones in the gold pan are from North Carolina. I gathered them when I went out to your deployment ceremony. Yes, I need them."

Out of curiosity, I looked up things you can do with old sheets.

Miss Janet, you can:

1. Line your sleeping bag.
2. Keep in your car for when you're changing your tire so you stay clean.
3. Make a fort.

Amy Johnson said...

Such a funny post! And Julie, what an image you created of a little girl.

Kaphri said...

So much fun to read. My mother still had boxes of our toddler clothes when we were in high school JIC.

I don't know if I could resist that shark hamper. It's kinda cool!

And Julie, I understand your hoarding tendency. My mother-in-law (may she rest in peace) used to throw away all my husband's things when he was a child. They were Air Force, and when it came time to move, only the weight allowance mattered.