Wednesday, August 15, 2018

So, we want to find you on google earth

Recently I received a response to a query I found a bit strange.

As someone with almost no publishing history, my bio tends to be pretty bare bones. I have something a couple lines long that works enough, and sometimes I mention the book is #ownvoices when it seems that would be worth adding, but mostly I let the query stand on its own (or alongside the pages).

Finding myself more interesting is probably something I should work on, but to get back on point, a recent query got a response asking me to re-submit with a bio that included where I live (something amusingly my "extended bio" does make a bit of a joke about, but also something included in my contact information? So a bit confusing), my occupation and my writing credits.

My occupation is "currently unemployed" and my credits are "none". These are literally the only things they've asked me to change in my submission, and I'm honestly just confused. Is this like one of those "see if you can follow directions" thing, or do you think it really makes a difference here? (For the record this is a novel, not non-fiction.)

Thanks for letting me vent if nothing else, and thanks for the blog!

Generally guidelines for submissions are not set up as tests of whether you can follow directions. They're set up so that I can evaluate your work without having to ask you for more information, or reformatting your pages.

In other words, submission guidelines are intended to help you tell me about your work.

So, asking for where you live and your occupation does seem a tad offbeat to me absent "I loved your book and want to begin discussing next steps."  Sure, I may need to know if I'm interested in your book, but unless you live on Mars (in which case, contact me immediately, cause you now have an agent) your location in the world may be needed for talk about promotion, but it really doesn't have anything to do with the caliber of your book.

Your writing credits on the other hand, that's info that I do need. If this is your 13th published novel, we've got a very different situation than if this is your debut.

If you've published three stories in the New Yorker, yes, I really want to know about that (and yes, you now have an agent, please sign right here!)

But unless someone wants to look you up on google earth, they really don't need your address.

As to "unemployed" please don't use that word if you are a stay at home parent. Or a full time writer even if you are not yet published.  In the first case you are a stay at home parent; in the second you are a writer. The government may not count that as employment for statistical purposes but you're sure as hell not lazing about on the porch, firing off tabaccy juice at the one-eyed tom cat come calling on your sweet little tabby.

And if you're taking a break (voluntary or not) from a paid job, you can list your occupation as "asbestos abatement specialist" or "steelworker" or "taxi dancer" even if you are not currently abating, smelting, or shimmying.


I have a real thing about agents who just casually ask writers to jump through hoops, as though their time and fretting is of no consequence.  When I am Queen of the Known Universe things will be much MUCH different.

35 comments:

E.M. Goldsmith said...

Your Majesty,

You are Queen of the Known Universe. Inter-galactic acknowledgement can't be far off.

In other news, I am moving to Mars and publishing a story in the New Yorker right now. Please send appropriate contracts. :)

I had an agent ask for a similar thing last time in the query trenches. They asked for a partial and then the kind of thing you are talking about, OP. I did not quite know what to say either. I've been writing for ages but haven't published anything in thirty years, since high school and college. So yeah, this confuses me too. Good luck, OP. We all have to face these little whoop-de-doohs we must deal with in the trenches.

Carolynnwith2Ns said...

"When I am Queen of the Known Universe things will be much MUCH different."
WTF

JANET !!!
Get up off your chair now, get out of bed,or stop whatever you are doing and stand at attention. Go on get up.
Go to your nearest mirror. Look in that mirror. Don't you turn away, I said look in the mirror.
Repeat after me.
I AM the queen of the known universe.
Hey, hey, hey, don't you walk away.
Look in that mirror again.
Say it.
I AM THE QUEEN OF THE KNOWN UNIVERSE.
Got that?
Don't you forget it missy because if you do a horde of writers will be gathering outside your apartment with paint cans, brushes and rollers to paint you the true picture of who you are.
Don't cry sweetie. Relax.
At ease.
Have a nice day.

Susan at West of Mars said...

How about those of us who are ten miles West of Mars? It's a lovely little town, but I don't like the school district. They abolished spring break. So I remain ten miles West, and my kids get spring break.

--Susan at West of Mars

Katja said...

I have recently seen an agency's website's form for submissions, asking for location (city, address, postcode, ALL of that). Then the * next to it "please fill out all fields".

WHAT!?
I have already said "Goodbye, thank you very much" to them, even though they seem to be a big agency.
No way I am telling anyone, at THIS stage, where I live!

I am so glad to read about what to say instead of "unemployed". As a foreigner in this country, I seem to get asked a lot "Waddya doin'?"
I don't mind their interest! But, EACH TIME, embarrassment crawls up my body. "I don't work like normal people... not like you I suppose."
Then there's always a pause that I can't stand, so I 'admit' to "I've written a book", not feeling confident about using the word "writer" to describe myself, cause I'm not published.

It's true, I don't laze on the porch. I've got none anyway but wouldn't if I had.
I have a fulltime job anyway with my OCD (either struggling with it or fighting it - these days MUCH more fighting it, so I get to do other things :) ).

Yeah, I will try to call myself a writer in future in public, shall I!?

Thank you, Janet!

Katja.

Colin Smith said...

"Pack up dear, we're moving to Mars!"
"But we moved less than two years ago..."
"Don't care. Mars is calling."
"Why?"
"It's for my writing career, now hurry!"
"But the kids...
"We can homeschool on Mars. I think. Have SecondBorn look into that."
"And FirstBorn? She just started back at college..."
"She'll be fine... she made the Dean's List and the Chancellor's List last year. She has a place to stay there. We'll write."
"We're leaving her behind??"
"Good point. We might need her cakes..."

😀

Unknown said...

I believe you need to post a picture of your ID badge from ThrillerFest. It's self-explanatory. :)

Mister Furkles said...

But...but...Janet, we thought you were Queen of the Known Universe and were conniving for Crown Princess of the Unknown Universe.

And by the way: scoop up that one-eyed tomcat, apply Advantage Flea & Tick Control between his shoulder blades, brush him, and give him a can of Fancy Feast Wild Salmon Primavera on a Haviland dessert plate. Then list you occupation as Concierge to Wilderness Explorer.

Melanie Sue Bowles said...

All y'all are cracking me up. Colin HA!

I tell people where I live all the time, 'cause, yanno, horses. But that's off topic.

It is my tendency to ask questions if I have them. I think I would've sent a quick note back to the agent with a polite, "May I ask why you want to know where I live?"

OP, All the best to you. I'll bet you're much more interesting than you believe you are. Send me a note and I'll help you mine the gems that make you, you. I'll also second your "thanks" (to Janet) for the blog.

Anonymous said...

Really? We get to call ourselves writers?

That's good to know when the rejections keep rollin' in.

A loved one calls me an "aspiring writer." I can't say I like that, but I know what he means.

Theresa said...

A bit OT, but this is what happens when the stars align (as reported today in Publishers Marketplace):

History Professor and author of ANGELS OF THE UNDERGROUND: The American Women who Resisted the Japanese in the Philippines in WWII Theresa Kaminski Ph.D's QUEEN OF THE WEST: DALE EVANS, MUSIC, MOVIES, TELEVISION, AND THE CREATION OF MODERN CELEBRITY, the first full-length biography of this mid-twentieth century multi-faceted star Dale Evans, following her career from small-town girl and radio singer to movie stardom with her life and screen partner Roy Rogers, to Rick Rinehart at Lyons Press, in a nice deal, for publication in 2020, by Jacqueline Flynn at Joelle Delbourgo Associates (world English). Film & TV, Audio, Translation

Sam Mills said...

Huh. I've been sticking with my org affiliation and short story credits with the bio. Now I'm thinking I should add something occupational...what do you call an archivist without a day job? A stay-at-home mom with a lot of submission spreadsheets.

Colin Smith said...

Sam: The only stay at home mom whose kids' drawings are properly indexed and filed. 😉

Barbara Etlin said...

Colin, before you hire the moving van, I think I should point out that, according to Elton John,
"Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids/
In fact it's cold as hell"

Maybe bring some extra space heaters.

Claire Bobrow said...

OP, those do seem like strange requests. I'd go with Janet's suggestion to describe yourself as both a writer and a former ___ (insert past occupation). As for address, not sure why they need specifics unless you're corresponding by snail mail?

Theresa - huge congrats on your upcoming book! Sounds like a great subject and one that will appeal to a wide audience. Please keep us posted on the pub date!



Brenda said...

Wonderful news, Theresa! Janet, you are a balm to beleaguered writers everywhere. Thankyou so much for doing what you do.

katz said...

Now must be a terrible time to be an asbestos abatement specialist.

Elissa M said...

There are times when I'm very happy that the US Postal Service does not deliver to my home and instead gives us a free Post Office Box because we live on the edge of nowhere, and the two postal workers at our office don't have the time or ability to deliver mail over a few hundred square miles.

I don't have a street address. I do have a lot number--which is better than the folks whose physical address is something like, "3 miles down Forest Road 136, left at the split oak tree, and a hundred yards past the boulder."

I kid you not.

K. White said...

I used to follow an agent on Twitter who advised he would no longer accept queries from states (mostly in the south) where he disagreed with the politics (such as the bathroom laws). My first thought when I read this post was the agent OP queried was doing something similar.

Congratulations Theresa! A 'nice deal' is always nice.

Colin Smith said...

Theresa: Celebrating Reider successes is never OT. Unless QOTKU says otherwise because... well... QOTKU! :) So CONGRATULATIONS!!!! :D :D :D

Colin Smith said...

... and BTW, yes QOTKU. Present tense. Now and already. None of this "when I am..." nonsense. ;)

Colin Smith said...

K White: What??! So does he research the politics of every State or nation from whence a query comes to make sure the author is living in an agreeable location before he even READS the query??

There's making a stand, and then there's that.

Adele said...

Many years ago I belonged to a group of people who signed up to take an embroidery course from a lady 7,000 miles away, in England. Embroidery. Not brain surgery. The teacher - English, well-known, experienced - sent us application forms requesting a recent photograph and a curriculum vitae. "WTF?" we said, or words to that effect. Why does she need a photo? What's with the CV thing? To us, a CV meant a serious academic & employment history - so she wants to know all the details of my 7 years at university? That time I nearly failed 2nd-year calculus? My brief stint as a lingerie salesperson? Really?

We compromised, sending her a polite response saying we were baffled, no CVs, and photos of our shadows and of our footprints on the beach, assuring her that if she needed something more we would try again.

Turns out what she meant by CV was an answer to "What kind of embroidery have you done and how much experience do you have?" and she asked for our photos because in England she sometimes met with her students and she wanted to be able to recognize us.

So it sounded insane, but was actually based in logic. I wonder if, like that teacher, this agent isn't perhaps asking for something less intrusive than it sounds.

Craig F said...

Wow. I thought writing was about something like, maybe, the writing. Being unpublished, I had thought a biography a space waster, until recently.

A post here a few weeks ago said that a writerly done biography might make an agent feel more like that might, or want to, know you.

A biography as a screening device is scary. There is a jackass in every neighborhood, maybe that is all this is. I hope it is just one or two people with an uptight attitude towards their fellows.

Congrats, Professor Kaminski.

MA Hudson said...

Teresa - congratulations!! How exciting. Let us know when you’re book’s available.

I reckon this address request would put that agent at the bottom of my list, far below the professed NORMANs. However, sigh, that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t end up querying them!

Also OT, if all goes well, I’m meeting up with a fellow Reider tonight. AJ Blythe. So cool!

KDJames said...

See, this is the kind of thing that would get me in trouble. Not the writing/pub credits, I get that. But the rest of it? It's just too tempting not to get creative with answers to stupid sh-- stuff like this. If someone is going to waste my time for no good reason, I'm going to get some entertainment out of it. I mean, c'mon, I'm a writer. I'd probably say that during the week I'm a cobbler and on weekends I'm a paid assassin. And I'd name a location that would prompt a whole lot of time-consuming googling on their part.

Theresa, that is so exciting! Congratulations on the sale!!!

Megan V said...

Congrats Theresa!!!

Panda in Chief said...

Congratulations Theresa!

And I, too was under the impression that Janet was already QOTKU.

I hate telling people where I live if I don't know them. I never thought that it could be a screening technique.

Love hearing about more Reider meet-ups! Maybe there will be a Martian outpost and meet-up soon.

E.M. Goldsmith said...

Congratulations, Theresa! Great news.

And Mars is getting quite crowded. The Martians are so confused. And boy, there are lots of Carkoonians on Mars. Who knew?

I wonder if Colin and I will be neighbors. It would be fabulous to be near a bakery...it’s a big planet. Orange. But hey, no kale.

Theresa said...

Thanks, everyone!

And of course Janet IS the QOTKU.

Gypmar said...

Theresa,

Huzzah! I never did send you the story of my grandma and her sister in the Philippines (at Los Banos) in WWII, but I love that you had already written about the brave women there, and any news of your literary success is near and dear to my heart. :) I recently had one of their stories published in a lit journal (as fiction, but it was true), and I would love to send a copy to you if you want to email me your address at gypsy*at*shaunandgypsy*dot*com. :)

Kae Ridwyn said...

Congratulations, Theresa! That's fantastic!
And yay! For the Reider meet-up, AJ Blythe and MA Hudson :D

Kae Ridwyn said...

Oh, and add me to the list of Reiders who yelled at the screen, "But you're ALREADY the QOTKU!"
And Colin, you always make me laugh. Thanks :)

Unknown said...

Thank you...Just thank you. I can only hear "irresponsible," or "pipe dream" so many times before I tear my hair out. Please continue being the wonderful human that you are.
~ Sara

Joseph S. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Joseph S. said...

Congrats Theresa.

ANGELS OF THE UNDERGROUND was excellent. I'm sure you'll have Happy Trails with Dale Evans too.