I'm writing a story set in a dystopian world. If I have a section in my first chapter that I think nicely summarizes this new world, can I use that in my query? Of course, I will add the main story points as well, but I really like how I've managed to establish this setting. It does a great job grabbing the readers attention and I would like to use it in my query.
I guess my real question is: Will an agent get upset / frustrated / bored three pages into my MS when they realized they're re-reading the same two paragraphs that were in my query?
You haven't found the QueryShark blog yet have you?
Short answer to your question: yes
Some context: Nothing annoys me faster than re-reading things in a query. It's a textbook illustration of the writer not thinking about the purpose of a query. The purpose of a query (all together now) is to entice me to read the pages, and then more pages after that.
Repeating yourself does not accomplish that goal.
Furthermore, you're under the impression (hence the QS comment) that you NEED to tell me about the world. You do not. You need to tell me about the plot. You need to beguile me into wanting to know what happens next. World building rarely does that. Plot does.
So, first, hie thee over to Query Shark.
And get your plot on the page.
You only have about 250 words to intrigue me. Use them wisely.
|I don't have to know how dragons learned to read to believe that they can.|