Sunday, April 02, 2017

holy smokes you guyz!



Honest to godiva, you guyz scare me.
Throw a bunch of writerly types an April Fools Day joke contest, and what do they do?

They write entries.
Of course they do.
What the hell made me think they'd just laugh and go on their merry way?
When did this bunch EVER not do something amazing when shown an opportunity?

Well, ok then, challenge accepted.

You wrote contest entries.
I'll judge them.

But this isn't Contest #100.

It's contest #99-3/4.

38 comments:

Lennon Faris said...

How appropriate, 9-3/4. I loved the lightning-out-the-ass entry (Cheryl). But there were so many fantastically foolish entries!

Thanks for an awesome, non-existent contest, Janet!

AJ Blythe said...

I reckon some of these guys write FF in their sleep! I know they write it for fun because of how many are doing the A-Z by writing a new FF every day! Hats off to them.

Loved the entries for this contest. They were all such fun. The most upbeat contest in ages =)

kdjames.com said...

It feels like if we run really hard and fast at the blog today, we'll end up at Hogwarts.

I want an owl.

french sojourn said...


I'm so pleading the 5th for yesterday, your Honor.

Lisa Bodenheim said...

Ha! 99-3/4. luv it.

LynnRodz said...

This is going to be hard for you, Janet. Are those who didn't tweet their entries out of the running? Yea! But then again, I think we all went over 100 characters and the contest did end when it began, and Hank pleads the 5th, so I plead the 6th for my entries, I'm not crazy. (I know there are lawyers here at the reef!)

Kitty said...

My favorite was The Bun Also Rises, coming in at a whopping 151 characters.

Carolynnwith2Ns said...

Hey, just so you know, my long winded comment yesterday has nothing to do with the agent-99and3/4 contest. I was applying for a Russian Troll job to spread, well, you know, something to talk about.
But, as it were, Vladimir called. He said, "nyeht".
Maybe I'll apply for the same job at Fox.

E.M. Goldsmith said...

I think the winner should get Steve Forti.

We had fun yesterday. I love this blog as much as any bar. Thanks for the laughs and the rodent wheel.

Kitty said...

Y'know, it's not like I didn't know it was April Fool's Day. I was well aware it was, which makes my slightly frantic email to Janet -- Do you really mean characters, or do you mean words? -- even more hilarious. Ohwa-tagoo-siam.

Timothy Lowe said...

How funny. I hope Janet enjoys figuring out which rules we followed and which ones we ignored. Happy April everyone!

Steve Forti said...

E.M. Goldsmith - Do I get a say in which parts of me they get?

Theresa said...

The creativity gloves were off (or on?) yesterday to an unprecedented degree. I don't envy Janet's task of naming a winner.

Sherry Howard said...

Yesterday was a crazy day at my house, and when I tried to figure out a way to uncontest and join the fun I surrendered to the April gods for 99.75. It was fun to see the aftermath!

E.M. Goldsmith said...

Steve I was hoping for the flash bits of you. To improve on chopping flash contest words into bits and pieces in new and clever ways. Would that be so objectionable?

Joseph Snoe said...

I'm still half asleep and my first reaction to today's post was remembering Ivory soap was "99 and 44/100 pure."

That's my grand insight for the day.

RosannaM said...

Oh happy day. I woke to sunshine.(a true miracle this year)
I have all day to go read yesterday's entries, comments and overall laughable weirdness (I got a brief taste of it already)--Colin's I had to read aloud, sounding like every second grader.

And Janet? I did laugh at your very creative, well-written, bizarre post. (missed the time-thing though) And then I laughed again at your today's post, so all around not a bad way to start the day. And did I mention it's sunny?


Megan V said...

Steve I'm pretty sure all finalists need to arm wrestle you for the win. If that's the case, you should totally have a say in which part of you is awarded.

Donnaeve said...

Ha - some of us DID laugh and go on our merry way.

I'm such a rule follower.

Back to editing. At least I'm not unpacking boxes today.

Well done you guyz!

John Davis Frain said...

I succumbed to a family birthday party yesterday (not mine) and I'm told I had a good time. Never got past Cheryl's wonderful limerick in yesterday's comments despite my good intentions. But I will now! See ya yesterday, I'm goin' back in time, which I'm sure is allowable in this contest at the same time it's not.

Colin Smith said...

Of course, there are many excellent writers in these parts that didn't succumb to the challenge. Some of us, however, can't resist. How high can you up the ante? I don't think I want to know... :D

Thanks for the fun yesterday, Janet. I'm sure you'll have a blast reading through them and deciding which, if any, rules to apply. :)

RosannaM said...

Okay, I so missed this part.

All Janet's words spelled April and the last word was fuel. So April fuel. DUH--I be a dunce!

Jennifer R. Donohue said...

It's like dealing with fairies, you have to be very careful about your particulars ;)

John Davis Frain said...

April fuel! Oh, I love this place.

I mean, my family is fine too, but part of me is wishing I had hung around the neighborhood here yesterday. What a treat! (And even a plug that I didn't realize was there -- thanks, guys!)

From Colin's second of one entry to Kate Higgins following all the rules, I can't imagine what the judging would possibly look like.

I have to go to work for a bit, but when I get back -- I'm going back over yesterday's post to see what other choice bits we might have missed. APRIL Fuel, indeed. Totally missed that!

Kitty said...

RosannaM said: All Janet's words spelled April and the last word was fuel.

OMG! I can't believe I did not catch that acrostic! :O

Craig F said...

2 April 2016 0915: The cruelest April fool's joke of all. Summer snuck into my yard and slapped me upside the head while I was reading the misadventures of American government in the newspaper. The funnies haven't been very funny to for the last few months.

I guess Florida's three hour spring has sprung. Que sera!

I too missed that the first letters of the prompts spelled out April. Didn't matter because it was a fun distraction. Thank you my Queen.

Craig F said...

Sorry, that was today. I really am befuddled. Maybe it comes from reading politics before breakfast.

kdjames.com said...

HA! I recognized that "fuel" was an odd word in that list, but didn't catch the acrostic. Good one, Janet!

Thanks for giving us a space to play yesterday. It was great fun and I wasn't expecting you to actually judge our nonsense. I hope it will be as fun for you to do that as it was for us to contribute.

Julie Weathers said...

Hats off to all of you. I enjoyed the entries. Didn't understand some of them, but I admit I didn't take time to try and decipher them either. Yes, creativity abounds here.

My MC's dead father has been haunting her and the plantation as she gets ready to depart for the last time and manumission the slaves. When the characters take hold of the story, you just say, "Yes, sir," and follow along or they threaten to kill you and stuff. I, being a coward to my marrow, have been following meekly along.

I had a discussion with some writer friends yesterday and something Janet said years ago, but is good advice always came up. It goes something like, "Don't write a western and then have a space ship pop up in chapter fifteen." If you're going to have something unusual happen, give some foreshadowing that this is coming up.

So, part of my head buried in WIP, is also going back and weaving in threads that are turning up now, so readers aren't surprised.

Anyway, that's my story and my excuse, and I'm sticking to it.

Good job, y'all.

Ashes said...

I also missed the acrostic and am tickled to see it pointed out today!

I'm thrilled Janet has decided to judge the anti-contest because in reading through yesterday I suspected more entries than usual were going over my pretty little head. But I know Janet always reads slowly and thoughtfully when she judges, so I'm excited to see the curated entries.

Joseph Snoe said...

Wow - A spaceship. It's the perfect way to spruce up the chapter I'm struggling with. Thanks Julie.

P.S. Just kidding,

Off topic - A plumber was here today (the first of several visits to come) to repair a sewer line from the kitchen sink to wherever. I wish I was a good enough writer to express how sickening awful the basement smells now. The plumber promises me he'll put enough lime out to kill the smell. Until then, I'll work strictly up here.

Amy Johnson said...

What a weird, wacky, Lewis Carrollesque weekend here! Thanks for all the fun, Janet and all.

Curt and Rosanna, I missed that the start time and the end time were the same, and the acrostic. You two are as keen as a vorpal blade!

Julie Weathers said...

Joseph,

I would suggest you work at a nice coffee shop or Subway. Subway might be safe since they no longer allow seances and ouija boards. And don't you want to know the story behind that sign?

RosannaM said...

I have to confess I did not see any of the hidden jokes. I just remembered something someone had written about an acrostic (I looked back and couldn't find it or I would give that person credit) and then saw Curt's comment about the times.

So while I wish I was that observant, I cannot face myself in the mirror if I didn't decline all honor!

On the plus side, it stayed sunny most of the day, and spotted husband and I had a wonderful late anniversary celebration, with pub food, wine and a small town theater production.

Claire Bobrow said...

I had to look up acrostic. Totally missed the time zone thing. Loved all the hilarious entries; meaning, all the entries were hilarious and I enjoyed them immensely :-)



Beth Carpenter said...

Wow, I read Janet's April 1st post, laughed, and went on my way. I didn't catch several of the buried jokes and puzzles. So many layers. No wonder she's QOTKU.

John Davis Frain said...

I'm going to lose my sleuthing license over this line from the Queen's Rules:

8a. There are no circumstances in which it is ok to ask for fleabags from ME. NONE.

I clicked through to the fleabags site. Other than it's an odd name for a retailer (figured out they sell bags to take to the flea market, so I'm 0-for-2 in their target market segment), I didn't get the gag here.

And then ME and NONE are in all caps. Is Janet trying to teach us about red herrings here or am I going blind again? Help!

Her Grace, Heidi, the Duchess of Kneale said...

Hey AJ, my A to Z is on astronomy because I'm an ambidextrous polymath.