Monday, January 16, 2017

The Duchess of Yowl is stymied



Duchess of Yowl: What is this?

Me: That's my new backpack. I'll use it to take my laptop to work with me tomorrow.

DoY: That's going to be a tight fit with me and the laptop. I don't like that.

Me: I wasn't planning on bringing you to the office, Your Grace.

DoY: Whyever not? Class up the joint, if you ask me.

Me: No doubt you would, but we generally do not bring pets to the office.

DoY: I am NOT a pet.

Me: So sorry, I confused petting the cat with the cat being a pet. My mistake.

Doy: (huffily) very unprofessional of you. You're always yammering about picking the right words, you should be more careful.

Me: Yes indeed, Your Grace.

DoY: Now, if you're going to be gone tomorrow, who will be coming to pet me?

Me: If you care to stroll down to the elevator and push the down button, people in it will be glad to pet you.

DoY: That's not funny. You know the elevator call buttons are positioned poorly.

Me: Use your light saber.

DoY: This is another one of those not-funny opposable thumbs jokes isn't it?

Me: I'll leave the TV tuned to Animal Planet.

DoY: Not the scary parts though, right?

Me: No dogs. No wolves. No alligators.

DoY: Why they allow dogs on television I do not know.

Me: It's a world gone mad Your Grace.

28 comments:

Lisa Bodenheim said...

Ha--"elevator call buttons are position poorly."

Thank you, Janet, for a Monday laugh via the inimitable DoY. (nono, no offense. not laughing AT the DoY, but the inevitable crashes that occur between her and her human carer!)

Kate Higgins said...

DoY please remind your minion that there are a few humble creatures awaiting results of a certain contest that were promised yesterday and that we understand but we are waiting with baited breath (baited as in patiently not as in chum). Unless of course the internet ate it or my computer is seeking revenge. In that case please hit the delete button which IS positioned properly at paw level...

E.M. Goldsmith said...

Her Grace would be horrified to know that my pug, a dog, is also stymied by the day job where I go without her. Poor Duchess. Maybe they will have a cat marathon on Animal Planet in her honor.

Lisa Bodenheim said...

Kate: Not giving us contest results when she said... The Shark's new form of torture?

DLM said...

Gossamer the Editor Cat has a Very Special relationship with his grandma, and every time I get on the phone with her (this happens with nobody else, though once when I was on the line with her sister he became confused), GtEC becomes Lover Cat Extraordinaire. Last night, I made the mistake of not being in the mood to pet him while speaking with my mom. On my lap lay a contradiction in terms: the tail was *thwapping* disapproval of this not-being-petted situation, but the eyeballs, they were giving me The Look of Love, attempting to get me to begin the pettin's.

Mom suggested I just lay my hand on him so he'd cut out the thwapping. Aww. My mom is naive about the puddy kind. Still, he loves her like he loves Miss Janet.

The lesson I took away: cats are perfectly willing to lie to you, and may or may not be good actors, depending upon whether you can see their tails.

Amy Johnson said...

"DoY: Now, if you're going to be gone tomorrow, who will be coming to pet me?"
The writer of that line should win a book. So funny. And then there's Kate with "baited breath (baited as in patiently not as in chum)." Also deserving of a book. Y'all crack me up. Makes for a happy Monday morning.

nightsmusic said...

If we lived closer, I would happily pet DoY all day while you were at the office. No charge, of course.

Joseph Snoe said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Melanie Sue Bowles said...

Love the conversations with the DoY... Everyone who lives with a cat can relate.

We've had as many as 13 dogs here at the sanctuary. All part of the family, all over the furniture, and we've always had two or three cats. But recently the feline representation was down to one. Until I found two abandoned kittens in an old ramshackle house on our property. They've made themselves at home among all the dogs and I'm madly in love with them.

Amy: Thanks for the shout-out yesterday regarding "Memory"... I haven't been able to get that song out of my head since writing my entry.

Donna: I hope Little Man is on the mend.

Joseph Snoe said...

I grew up in northeast Houston – big city but that part was still rural enough some people raised farm animals.

One of my classmates in the second grade, a girl named Mary, had a pet lamb. Its fleece was as white as snow. Her lamb followed her everywhere, just like my cat, Brigada, follows me now.

The lamb followed her to school one day, right into our classroom. It was so funny, I and the other kids laughed and tried to pet it. Our teacher, Ms. Rule, didn’t know what to do. It was like she had never seen a lamb at school.

She called a janitor and between them they took Mary’s lamb outside.

Mary cried a little, and I felt bad, too. What if the lamb ran away?

When school let out at three o’clock, Mary was the first one out of the room. I ran after her.

Wouldn’t you know it, the lamb was still there. It ran to Mary and jumped up, putting its forefeet on Mary’s chest and licking her face.

Mary never brought her lamb to school again. I wish she had. That was a great day.

kathy joyce said...

Is the contest winner somehow secretly announced in Janet's post?

Craig F said...

Perchance the Queen is peeved because she is still cleaning spewed Scotch off of her keyboard.

Then again it is a holiday and she deserves a day to do what she wishes.

Of course there is, possibly, another reason.

To continue the conversation with the DOY:

DOY: Yes, it's a world gone mad. He did win though.

I can't, I can't, I can't.

DOY: Sure you can.

No, I can't. He is an asshat of the first odor. Besides, he will just ask for that damned autographed 8x10 glossy again.


So to bypass that, if he did win you can give his gift to Donna, she is hurting worse than I at the moment. Donna, I am sorry but it is not your fault and he has not been really sick for all four years you have been with him. It is a slow disease that even he would not notice until it flared up. Get it together so yoy can be strong for the little guy.

Jennifer R. Donohue said...

There are some days when I am away at work and Elka is entirely inconsolable. The rest of the household can be here, but if I'm not, sometimes it simply isn't enough.

I wonder if the Duchess of Yowl is a cat who would take well to walking on a harness? Some do, I know (and I've heard Abyssinians in particular really dig it, I'm not sure of her particular pedigree).

Janice Grinyer said...

Duchess of yowl, you crack me up! Tell your opposable thumb caretaker that today is Dr. Kings birthday, and all national parks are free today in honor of him! What a great way to celebrate and enjoy everyone's USA ☺

Julie Weathers said...

I love the DoY.

Gage The Wonder Dog is remarkably...unconscious most of the time. He's asleep at my feet as we speak. He comes to life when Will or Logan comes over. He loves them and bounds around like a Chihuahua on speed. Other than that, he's in old man mode. I think he's missing Oklahoma and his gopher digging adventures.

It would be nice to have a bit of personality other than, "Oh, you're going to pee, let me lay my head in your lap so you can pet me. No, really, it's no bother."

Joseph,

I love the lamb story. That would have been awesome. Kind of narrow minded of them to evict the poor thing.

Claire Bobrow said...

Here's a little something for the Duchess to watch while you're away. Misery loves company!

Sad Cat Diary

Kate Larkindale said...

I do so love your Duchess of Yowl stories. She really is an extraordinarily haughty cat! But I love that about her...

RosannaM said...

Loved eavesdropping on the little conversation at the Reid household!

Late to all the weekend posts---Janice I laughed at your entry too. Funny infomercial!

Amy Johnson said...

Melanie, Yeah, I know what you mean. I, too, haven't been able to get that song out of my head since you posted your entry. Thanks a LOT. (Just kidding. hehehehe)

Joseph, As I read your lamb story, I kept going back and forth about whether I though it was true. Now I'm thinking that it was. Probably. The teacher's name really was Ms. Rule? Aw, now I'm back to thinking that maybe the story was just a joke.

Joseph Snoe said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Joseph Snoe said...

Amy

Some of it is true.

I did grow up in northeast Houston.
I do have a cat named Brigada.
Brigada does follow me almost everywhere.
Many people did raise farm animals. Our school was big 4-H school. I had friends who had horses, steers, rabbits, etc.
I at one time was in the second grade.
I had a teacher (but her name was not Ms. Rule).
There was a girl named Mary in the class.
School did let out at 3:00.

The stuff about the lamb was made up, inspired by a literary piece known as "Mary had a Little Lamb." It came to mind when I read about Janet Reid's possibly taking DoY to work with her.

BJ Muntain said...

For those who haven't noticed, the winner has been announced on the Preliminary/Final Results page!

Julie Weathers said...

Joseph,

Well, I accepted it as complete truth. We lived in town for part of the time I was in high school and I had a colt in the backyard who was very attached to me. I'd sneak him down to the basement with me to sleep in the bed a lot of nights because he was lonely.

One morning I bid Archie goodbye and walked to school. Archie got out of the yard and followed me. Somehow he got in the school and there was a frantic nicker nicker nicker in the hallways as he went from room to room looking for me.

---small town rural schools

They allowed me to gather Archie up and take him back home without counting me absent.

Amy Johnson said...

LOL, Joseph. So the story was more true than made up. (I'm familiar with "Mary Had a Little Lamb." Hence the naw, did he really experience something so similar?) :) I can be a gullible sort.

Joseph Snoe said...

Amy
Funny things happen in the classroom. (and this story is true). I don’t remember what led into this but in responding to a student’s comment, I started, “That happened to my Uncle Jed, a poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed . . . “ and before I knew it I had recited the entire Beverly Hillbillies theme (including the Texas tea and move to Beverly, Hills, that is, parts) as though I was relating a true story. When I finished I segued back to the topic without missing a beat. Nobody laughed but a couple of students later said that was the funniest thing they ever saw in class.

P.S. – Julie W – I am constantly amazed at the interesting life you’ve led.

Lennon Faris said...

DoY, you are funny as always. You are a lean gal. You haven't lost weight, have you??

Janice congrats on the win yesterday!!

Donna - hope Little Dog can tolerate his meds and feels better soon. Pancreatitis is no fun :( At least you can name it now, though. That's something.

Steve Stubbs said...

So the Duchess is getting catty again, eh?

Tell her she doesn’t know what problems are.

I had a dream last night that I published a book and it was Number One on the NYT Bestseller List for barely twenty-six weeks before it slipped to Number Two.

Bummer.

Worse than that, in my dream I could not get a table at Per Se without a reservation.

I am sure glad real life is not that bad.

It was just a dream, but my face is on the floor, nonetheless.

I’ve tried everything. I am thinking of getting a face lift. Anything to get my face off the floor. It’ll have to be a non-surgical face lift, though.

I don’t go under the knife for anything.

Janice Grinyer said...

Thanks Lennon, it really has made my week :) !