Monday, November 21, 2016


You’ve posted about what you’re looking for in good manuscripts.  But what about good scotch?  As a fellow scotch drinker, I’m curious about your preferences.  What do you drink most often?  What would you like to drink if someone else is buying (like a rich uncle)?  Are there any you’ve tried and would decline, even if Uncle Vitruvius is buying?

This question gets filed under the Good Intentions that pave the road to hell.

If I answer it, I risk people sending me whisky. Risk you say? Risk you scoff? RISK???
Yup, risk.

Some years back there were a bunch of us on Twitter yakking about cupcakes. Next thing you know we couldn't go a day in the office without a cupcake delivery dude showing up.

Such problems! I hear you laughing as you read this.

Well, ok, it was a nice problem, but here's the real problem: writers see this kind of stuff and think they have to send cupcakes, or whisky, or cabana boys.

It adds to the stress level of writers who are already stretched pass the sanity point on the important stuff like when to nudge, and if they should use Courier or TNR font.  And don't get me started on the obsession over where page numbers should be located.

Thus, I stopped answering these kinds of fun questions a while back.

You mean well, and I love Scotch but my goal here is keeping writers off the rodent wheel of obsession, not increase the pace.



CynthiaMc said...

Please forward cabana boys to me. And a cupcake or two might be nice...

nightsmusic said...

The Macallan 1824 and a cabana boy to go, please!

Manda Zim said...

We appreciate your concern and care of our well being!

I wonder how many cupcake peeps then felt they were owed a more favourable look.

Carolynnwith2Ns said...

When my rodent wheel heats up the axel, when it starts to squeak, sputter and wobble I head for a gallon of Rocky Road.
Tears in ice cream dilutes the angst and expands the waist.
(Hey, that rhymes). Not bad for a Monday morning.

Kitty said...

I seem to recall Macallan 12 mentioned a few times. Just sayin'... Or maybe I just imagined it.

Lisa Bodenheim said...

Scotch? It's not even 7 am in the morning here.

What a great way to start the Monday of Thanksgiving week.

E.M. Goldsmith said...

I will gladly relieve you of any unwanted Scotch or cupcakes sent your way by writer's treading rodent wheels. It is the least I can do.

This morning at 5:00 am, I actually sent my first and only born to New York City. I suppose lots of writer's send QOTKU their first born children, yes?

Anyhow, my daughter is there to spend Thanksgiving with her best friend who lives in Brooklyn. And since she is there, I could have her gladly pick up any Scotch or cupcakes her Majesty wishes to dispose of - it would be no trouble at all. We would put it to good use.

DLM said...

Janet, I weep for you.

But Gossamer is still coming to visit from time to time. Fret not, however! For I do not expect we'll ever be in a professional relationship, and he loves the excitement and pettin's. Every time he comes home, I hear, "Now SHE knows how to admire me properly. And she breaks out the tuna juice on kibble more often than thou."

Goss gets a slight case of linguistic gadzookery when he comes home. He puts on airs.

Jennifer R. Donohue said...

Oh, that is an interesting problem to have! Though I find, where I am, good bagels are harder to find than exquisite cupcakes....

I still haven't found Writer's Tears at my local liquor emporiums, but I stopped looking for a little while when trying out a med that meant I couldn't drink. At all. No worries, that med has been abandoned as terrible (for other reasons) and I will resume my search. I did find a surprising range of absinthe at one of the emporiums.

Scott G said...

E.M. - my son actually lives in Brooklyn, so he'd be able to pick up a few bottles, on an ongoing basis even. You can have all the cupcakes.

Since I'm not in a position where if I talk about my favorite Scotch people all of a sudden start sending me bottles, I'll just throw out that I prefer Johnny Walker Black. On a few rare occasions in my life, I've had Blue. Not enough O's in smoooooooooth, I tell you. Some may not consider me a pure Scotch drinker because I don't prefer a single malt, but it's hard to get past what you're raised on.

Now, I will expect bottles to start showing up at my door in the next few days. Thank you all in advance.

Cheryl said...

Jennifer, I tried Writer's Tears last year at an office holiday party; I had never heard of it and thought it was hilarious enough to try. It was drinkable, but I wouldn't buy a bottle.

I'm hoping the caterers have Oban again this year.

My current stash is Canadian Club 100% rye, and I think we have a mickey of Fireball somewhere.

Lennon Faris said...

OK, I like Scott G's approach. I prefer whiskey sours. Or caramel machiattos. Either way. Thanks guys.

Also, I'd like to throw it out there that this post involves Janet not only turning down scotch, but also claiming to want to ease writers' nerves? Janet, shall we organize a rescue invasion? Clearly aliens have taken over NYC and this blog.

Melanie Sue Bowles said...

"Sorry, buddy... Looks like we aren't headin' up to New York this weekend."

*backs Jackson off the trailer and returns him to the herd.

julieweathers said...

I was going to send a gift recently because I knew the Queen was upset. But what to send? Everyone loves cheese curds, or would if they tasted them.

Maybe some Texas trash?

Some Texas pecans?

A calendar? What the heck, people> 2016 is over. Where's the 2017 calendar?

Sharkskin polish? Apparently saddle soap is best, but what kind?

Flowers? Is Janet the flower type? Would she defenestrate the poor things?

I decided to forego the gifts as I remembered a caution about sending food in NY. though the little hamster wheel is still moving. Perhaps a very large bottle of Alieve.

Jenny Chou said...

*Clicks on*

*Orders one bottle of every Scotch known to mankind plus a nice Merlot*

*Remembers Janet doesn't rep YA*

*Remembers I have an agent*

*Cancels order*

*Stops procrastinating and returns to NaNoWriMo WIP*

Craig F said...

For the price I don't think the Glenlivet 15 year old cured in French Oak barrels can't be beat.

Beyond that price just go for longer curing times. The 33 yo Glenlivet, Glenfiddich or Maccallan will never ruin your tastebuds.

As for the odd single malts I like the stuff from the Speyside region. They tend to have undertones that give the a distinctive aftertaste.

Lisa Bodenheim said...

Julie: defenestrate and flowers. Thank you.

My most recent favorite word is flocculent.

b-Nye said...

Happy to say, I've ditched the rodent wheel. Finding being still much more productive.

julieweathers said...

Lisa, Ah, I love flocculent. I will be adding that to my special words list.

I collect interesting words I run across while I'm reading. I like expanding my vocabulary in both my reading and writing. I just tend not to toss in five-dollar words for the sake of being high falluting. The companion reader for my books shouldn't be a dictionary.

Back to the subject at hand, I'll pass on the cabana boy, but if someone sends a spare handyman your way, feel free to give him my address. Or you can send the cabana boy and I'll teach him the finer points of home repair.

Amy Johnson said...

I have no idea what these fancy schmancy drinks are that are being mentioned. I feel like such a nerd.

Julie, I have a special words list too. Some are on it simply because they make me laugh. Like rapscallion. And wacky. I remember once hearing Mayor Giuliani say "wacky" on TV years ago--I found that funny. Back to feeling like a nerd.

LynnRodz said...

Janet, change that whisky to champagne and I'll take those cupcakes, champagne, and cabana boys off your fins.

Adib Khorram said...

I tend to favor bourbon over scotch. My favorite is J. Rieger & Co. Midwestern Style Whiskey, which is made here in KC. But my first love is wine. In case anyone wants to send me drinks randomly.

Flocculent is a great word!

One of my favorite words is paragon, and I wish it got used more often. I also really like the word minutiae right now.

Panda in Chief said...

We recently had a 16 year old scotch while in London. Wish I could remember the name of it, but I'm sure it is prohibitively expensive here. So I, at least, will be able to resist the temptation to send you some. It was spectacular. And smooth doesn't even seem to cover it.
But if you have any extra cupcakes you don't want, I'll be right over!

julieweathers said...


Linda Grimes (author of the Ciel Halligan series) met up with Kari Lynn Dell who writes the western romances books at the RT convention in Dallas. Linda convinced Kari to try a martini. Kari pronounced the martini as something akin to lighter fluid.

Linda is determined to get me to try her martinis to see how I feel about them. I doubt I will have anything better to say. I'm limited to a few Shiner Bocks or the occasional margarita.

I love rapscallion.

When we did the alphabet exercise at Books and Writers, I ran across the word "filemot" for "f". I don't recall exactly how I used it in a scene. It was something like:

She sat in the middle of the floor with stacks of ancient books filled with fading letters flowing across filemot pages surrounding her.

That's not it and it's rough as a cob, but when I saw the word, an image of ancient books with filemot pages immediately sprang to mind.

Yes, Adib I also love paragon. I think Lorena uses it often, mostly scathingly.

Amy Johnson said...

Julie, I just looked up "filemot." Thanks. "Filemot pages"--good stuff. And after hearing Kari Lynn Dell's opinion of a martini, I think I'll be sticking to sweet tea.

The Sleepy One said...

I'm also a member of the prefers bourbon camp. I'm working through a bottle of Eagle's Rare, and I also have a bottle of Balvenie 12 (not bourbon). I've had an odd obsession with manhattans recently, and I'm not sure why.

Colin Smith said...

I've been tempted to send gifts to agents who have been kind to me, but as an unagented, unpublished writer, it's such a minefield to enter. Unless the agent is also your best bud you've known for years, or there is no possible way the agent could perceive the gift as a bribe or a death threat, it's best to resist the urge. An email will probably suffice. Sorry, Janet. The case of scotch and box of FirstBorn's best pastries will have to wait... ;)

Now it's back to putting bookshelves together. The office is slowly taking shape, at last... :)

Anonymous said...

Cupcakes and scotch are for amateurs. If I ever send you something, it'll be a couple cans of paint.

Theresa said...

Our household is more about Irish and rye, but all whiskey is good whiskey. I hope to run across Writer's Tears some day, though in many respects it seems redundant.

And KD: perfect!

Carolynnwith2Ns said...

I sent a couple of bumpa' stickas' once and QOTKU didn't even know who they were from :)
That's the way I like it.
Keep them guessing my friends, keep them guessing.

Sherry Howard said...

With a dog named Vernon's Golden Whiskey Barrel, and living in Kentucky where fine whiskey, bourbon, and scotch are respected, you'd think I'd have some expertise. I relate more to the rodent wheel though. This supplied my morning laugh!

Ann Bennett said...

To have your problem, I would write about cleaning ladies for my home and a mover to rearrange furniture or help me move. Ah, the list is endless.

You just got to know what to ask for.

World peace would be best. Except no one has been known to be able to deliver it.

roadkills-r-us said...

For the first time ever, y'all have really disappointed me. Nobody tried to get Janet started on Where The Pages Numbers Go. I may have to write this as a children's story, with a Shel Silverstein style drawing on the cover.

Meanwhile, I don't drink enough alcohol in a year to make a pecan drunk, and I've backed way off the cupcakes to stay healthier. So if anyone needs to bribe or threaten me, Hatch green chiles will work.

I also collect words, but I don't use them nearly as much as I used to- except in odd ways. Right now I want to tell my grandkids a story about a rap scallion. Does he make it big on stage or end up in a salad? I don't know yet.