Sunday, November 20, 2016

Return of the Duchess of Yowl

Her Grace, The Duchess of Yowl: Ring up the Legal Beagle, I intend to sue these scofflaws at once!

Me: [Dialing 212-BIT-EYOU] At once your grace, but what is the problem here?

DoY: Look at this menu on the television screen!

Me: [peering] No Animal Planet?

DoY: No you furless twit, look again

Me: These are home and fashion shows Your Grace. For people who like to decorate their homes and sew clothes.

DoY: They certainly do not have MY permission to discuss me while they do so!

Me: Your Grace, I'm not sure they even know who you are, let alone are discussing you.

DoY: Everyone knows me. Everyone discusses me.

Me: [aside] I believe we have our next candidate for president here.
Your Grace, back to the menu, what are you reading that has gotten you incensed?

DoY: Look! Right there! DIY! Duchess I am of Yowl. ME! They're using me to promote their show! I am suing! Where is that lawyer??

Me: [hanging up phone] Your Grace, That's D eye Y not D oh Y. It stands for Do It Yourself. Not Duchess of Yowl.

DoY: you mean they are NOT talking about me? 

Me:No Your Grace, I'm sorry, they are not.

DoY: Ring my publicist!



25 comments:

french sojourn said...


J.

How peculiar, Screwtape, Wormwood, and I were just exchanging letters that were about the Duchess of Yowl. Such a ponderously small world.

be well, Hank

Theresa said...

Aww, look at that face! No wonder the Duchess thinks the world revolves around her.

Amanda Capper said...

She looks like she's plotting something. And not anything good.

E.M. Goldsmith said...

It can be tough for a cat. After all many of them used to be gods. Now it is possible although unwise to ignore them. It is an unresolvable conundrum.

Tend well to the poor slighted Duchess. All will be well. And have a care, a cat will get even in the end.

Mark Thurber said...

Haha! Which is worse, being infringed upon or being ignored?

On an unrelated note, I am doing polishing revisions and have to inform you, Janet, that you are responsible for the untimely death of many "that"'s.

Sharyn Ekbergh said...

Ramona is still a Goddess and she knows it.
The Duchess is lovely however Ramona is The Queen Of All (around here anyway)

Lennon Faris said...

Every time I see DoY I always internally read it, "do it yourself" before realizing context and going back. So I guess I'm smart as a cat? Or, almost?

Also, I'm thinking the Dutchess might be McGonagall's sister. I mean, look at that expression! She could make a class sit and shut up with a single lift of the paw.

Craig F said...

The true sign that the holidays are among us. Sometimes I would rather have Trffids. The holiday sign though, unlike the turkey clogging the fridge and the list for two dozen pies, is the list attached to the fridge door saying whose pet we get to keep when.

In the morning we get the blind poodle named Olaf. He was named after that king that Norway and Sweden fought over. He is also from Wisconsin and has taught me the true meaning of Uff Da.Maybe someday I'll figure out to do with the cheese curd he buys us off with.

This year should be fun because we have two new male house cats. They haven't even figured out how to deal with each other yet and we are going to throw an exuberant poodle that sees only motion into the mix.

Ahh, the holidays. Such fun.

Claire Bobrow said...

All Hail, DoY!

Your Royal Highness, prithee command your humble servant, Janet, to tune in to a DIY show about cat trees. You deserve nothing less than 7 stories, oriental carpet, tuna on every level...

Beth said...

I wouldn't cross her. There's a ruthless gleam in those beautiful eyes.

On a related note: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/375980268873302703/

Melanie Sue Bowles said...

I was JUST heading up to the abandoned house on our property to gather up the two kittens who were dumped there by some irresponsible nitwit. (Their photo is on my FB page... GORGEOUS creatures!) We're going to transition them into the household menagerie. I decided to sit down for a moment to peek at a few of my favorite blogs... and behold! The DoY. I guess it's a kitty kinda day.

Send good vibes, everyone, that our 9 dogs behave. When our cat Sunny walks through the room the pack parts like the Red Sea, but Sunny is the Devil's spawn, so there's unmitigated evil on his side. Introducing new kittens will take lots of diligence and discipline.

John Davis Frain said...

Oh, the classic final line that makes a story sing! Huzzah.

I may turn into a cat person yet. Nah. Maybe. Who cares? Ok. After I nap. (See, I'm practicing.)

Kate Larkindale said...

What a beautiful and regal looking cat! No wonder she feels the world should revolve around her.

Adele said...

Maybe I'm just not used to cats with such a long nose, but um.. Janet? I think that's her hunting face. And she's looking at you, kid.

Jennifer R. Donohue said...

Let's be fair, it was an honest mistake, right? ^^

Glad to see the DoY return to her vacation castle.

Kregger said...

Seeing how litigious DoY is, I cancelled my order for my double-masted sailboat with the cockpit behind the mizzenmast. The boat is crewed by a cat, also named Duchess.
Too bad, it was a nice boat. Thanks DoY, I really wanted that yawl.

Carolynnwith2Ns said...

Scratch, sniff, yowl and purrrr...life is good.

Jenny Chou said...

Give the Duchess a hug from me.

Donnaeve said...

No cats here - we're doing lab daycare here She wandered up, looking pitiful. Little Dog is NOT impressed. Matter of fact, he's thrown up and taken to his crate. And I'm thinking of getting him a companion???

If I think the DoY looks offended in that pic, I ain't seen nothin'.

I love the DoY stories. I still say QOTKU needs to put out a book on her. She could use a pseudonym. I'd buy it.

:)

John Davis Frain said...

Donna,

Just making a small point here in case you want to adjust your previous post. You probably had about 70 or 80 words and not a just among 'em.

Just sayin'.

Donnaeve said...

Just give me time, John (are you done with that MS yet) Frain?

:)

Cheryl said...

Craig F, there is no such thing as an excess of cheese curds when you know how to make poutine.

John Davis Frain said...

Haha, Donna. I'm working on it, I'm working on it.

In fact, I'm (just) opening the WIP right now to get my 1,667 words in for today's NANO. I like to start each clean page with a dirty mind, which means I better stop writing here and start writing there.

And thanks for the kick in the derriere. (I love this place!) I wish we could all have a write-in.

MA Hudson said...

Ah, the tortured life of a celebrity - the only thing worse than being harassed by paparazzi is NOT being harassed by paparazzi.

Craig F said...

Alas Dear Cheryl, I am a displaced southern boy living in FLA. I am also an old shit so I do many things in obscure southern ways. I always ate my French Fries one way and I will continue to eat them with ketchup. I will therefore end up with excess cheese curd. Sorry to be narrow minded but...