Yes, this is filled with whisky

Yes, this is filled with whisky

Sunday, May 22, 2016

Week in review 5/22/16

Welcome to the week that was.

In last week's review Steve Stubbs said:
Leatherface from the Texas Chain Saw Massacre becomes Snow White and Her Electric Toothbrush.

and, of course,  I am adding that to the list of what I'm looking for on my #MSWL

KdJames said
Although, got to say, Julie's subhead makes me want to consider a career in nursing...
[Julie's subheader nom: "Cowboy logic: Ride bulls, meet nurses."--Julie M. Weathers]

John Frain referenced an old favorite of mine:
I think JR was the model Lawrence Block used when he wrote "The Thief who Couldn't Sleep." Fun book, read it a long time ago, and this thief got almost as much done in 24 hours as the Queen does. Almost.
Good old Evan Tanner! I read all those books Xyears ago and loved them!

And this from Stacy just cracked me up:
I'm always late to these discussions, but I just saw something that reminded me of a conversation from a while back about grammar. Have trouble remembering the difference between "desert" and "dessert"? Eagle lyrics can help.

On a dark dessert highway
Cool Whip in my hair...
I think the conversation began with my spam filter Priscilla Queen of the Just Desserts
which someone thought should be deserts. Which it should if you're not trying to be hilarious, but clearly this joke is too subject to misunderstanding to keep using. Thus Priscilla has been demoted to Duchess of the Last Desserts. She's still one helluva pricklepuss though.

On Monday the writing contest results were posted. Ya'll are getting downright diabolical in your clever use of the prompt words. I'm not even sure we can say "words" now, just letters in a certain order.

Timothy Lowe said:
BTW, I wonder how many of the rest of you looked at the words for this week's contest and said "Ffffuck..."

and french sojourn just takes the knife and strikes:
And most importantly, the painting...choosing innumerable variations of cottage white. (insert scene of Cary Grant and Myrna Loy meeting with the painters)

Paint! It's almost painting season! I have to wait till the Duchess of Yowl decamps before prying open the paint cans, but I can hardly wait. Well, I don't want Her Grace to leave of course, but painting will be kind of a solace when she's gone.

And yes, I saw that movie, and yes it was funny…but not really. I mean I have 27 paint sample cans here, I am long past the point of laughing!

I like what Lucie Witt said
I think it helps to understand what type of revisions you're doing. After the first draft and any major revisions, I think it's important to let the draft sit at least a few weeks. If you're doing smaller revisions you sometimes don't need any down time at all. For example, near the end of editing I read my book out loud to myself and circled typos, made notes. I started fixing them the morning after I finished the read through, no down time needed.

and MB Owen too
    I always have two projects I'm working on. When I'm finished with one, I'll turn to the other. This gets my head (and heart) in another place, and another voice quicker than anything. The time between revisions varies, (few days, weeks, even months) but because I'm not stuck on the one project, it always has a freshness when I return. That's when the revisions are most valuable: when the heart isn't connected.
and Brigid too
I'm noticing a common theme of stories starting later than we expect. We're the mamas and papas, proud as punch that little Johnny Novel learned to crawl early and almost won a spelling bee in 5th grade. But Johnny's employers expect his resume to start with college, since he's grown.

On Wednesday we talked about what to do when the world of publishing is kicking your asterisk up and down the block.

Lucie Witt identified the problem exactly:
I could be way off but I was under the impression it's not the first book's sales that are the problem, it's the second book.

Yes. While some slump in second book sales is the norm, this was a huge drop. It's the kind of drop that gives us all the shivers because it means we're no longer talking about just increasing pr and marketing efforts for Book #3, we're talking about whether anyone will even publish the book.

When I take on a book, I have confidence I can sell it. That confidence may not always be warranted but I start out with it at least. I would not have that confidence here, due solely to those sales figures.

Adib Khorram asked:
For those who wonder about 30,000 being good sales (Janet, correct me if I'm wrong!), the problem is that the 30,000 was followed by 5,000. And in sales you want that trajectory to be going the other way. A 5,000 debut followed by a 30,000 follow-up would sound much more enticing, no?
yes indeed.

DLM said
But there seems really to be no "middle class" in traditional publishing now. You can't be *dependable*: you have to be a breakout, and - never mind the pressure, it's just a matter of numbers, and the numbers dictate, we simply cannot all be The Next Big Thing.

We call it mid-list but you're right. It's like the Army; you can't spend five years in the same rank or your career is pretty much over. Get promoted or get out. Like baseball: you can play on the farm teams for a while, but either move up, or hang up your glove.

Publishing is not the only place this up or out pattern applies.  But it only applies to COMMERCIAL publishing.  You can publish and sell your own work forever. That's one of the many great things about the electronic marketplace: it's easy to access and it actually works. I'm not saying it's easy to self-publish (well, it is, but let's assume I mean self-publishing well here) but that the barriers to buyers are much diminished from where they were 20 years ago.

Dena Pawling asked:
Is there anything OP can do to promote book 2 to generate more sales?
Can OP get his/her rights back and self-pub to generate more sales?
Would doing either of those things help get an agent and traditional publisher to look at book 3?
I don't know the answers to those questions, but they are good questions to ask. And they speak to the importance of having a contract that allows for reversion of rights when sales fall below a certain threshold.

I really liked what Lennon Faris said:
"the world and publishing are wired to kick your ass"

- that is actually one of the most encouraging things to hear, even without the sentence that followed. It is so easy to think, "what's wrong with me. My writing must suck. I must suck," when actually that's just the way the system is. They really are out to get you. Or, leave you in the dust might be more accurate. You have to break the system to get what you want. Even then it may not work out, but at least you know it wasn't ever supposed to be easy, or even possible.

And frankly, I just loved the writing in DLM's comment to Angie Brooksby-Arcangioli
Angie: you made my day even more than they did, and that's a job. I want a t-shirt that says Clovis is my king on it. THOU ROCKEST MIGHTILY WITH THY BAD SELF (and, for everyone else, no indeed, I do not indulge that sort of gadzookery of language in my histfic!). I shall have to go home and perhaps do a booty-wiggling dance when Penelope the Publishing Pup and I sally forth on our walk this evening. Like nobody's lookin'.

and then everyone kinda went nutso and started talking about knives.

Rachel Erin said
Wow. Knives. Now I have an image of woodland creatures with bundles of knives like chefs, only next to the paring knife, the chefs knife, and the cleaver is an obsidian blade, an army tactical knife, and depending on genre, a silver blade.

I'm at the broadsword stage of editing myself, hacking and whacking and breaking scenes cracking.

I think the Her Grace, Heidi, the Duchess of Kneale had the very last word on that:
I use a laser scalpel. Cuts and cauterises in a single swoop.

On Thursday we talked about how to break the news of a series in a query letter.

I pointed out that telling the agent that several plot points were unresolved was the problem, not the fact it was intended as a series.

Jennifer R. Donohue made me laugh with this one:
But when I first read the post title, I was all huffy "It isn't an agent's business if you decide you're going to have childr---oh. Of course."
Then AJ Blythe offered up:
Hah, I thought the post was going to be about this

I've always wanted another me so I can write all day. The copy can do all the drudgy stuff that gets in the way of writing.
all I could think was ME TOO! (pardon the pun)

nightsmusic's comment exemplifies the readers I was thinking of when I wrote the post:
From a reader's POV, I have quit three 'first in a series' books because:

1. I didn't know until the end that it was a first in a...

B. Thee major plot point/romance/big blue hairy bear was left hanging with no resolve in sight

8. When I get to an ending like that, it's a wallbanger moment because I've lost all trust in the author to be able to bring things full circle in a reasonable manner.

Please, don't do that to your readers. Or your prospective agent. Just...don't.

SiSi said:
As a reader I agree completely with Janet. It's bad enough when TV shows end on a cliffhanger then get cancelled. It's even worse with books.

Oh my god do not get me started on the last season of The Glades, and the final episode.

And if this doesn't beg for elaboration, I don't know what does. Where There's A Quill:
I live in fear of middle-of-the-night phone calls. Nothing like getting a call at 2am from frantic clients who have been denied boarding because their passports don't have enough validity/they opted to organise visas themselves and WHOOPS we screwed it/we forgot our kid's birth certificate and South Africa dun' want us!

Apologies in advance to any agents who might call me at 2am one day if I answer the phone with "Let me put on my pants and I'll meet you at the airport".

And then Craig just upped the ante with this
You can call all you want at 0300. I will not be answering.

I still get cold sweats from one of those calls. It was right at about two years ago. It went like this:

"European Championships are coming up."

"I hope you guys have been practicing."

"You build us special boats. We need them faster."

"I think you need to practice more."

"You build us boats or we send people to visit."

"I build you boats and your neighbors will send people to visit. Practice harder. I am going back to sleep."

Two days later I went to Miami and bought some things. I will not tell you what those things are. Plausible deniability is a lovely thing.

 Julie M. Weathers said:
Ringing me at 3:00 am is going to merit a prayer. It is the witching hour after all. Yes, I have been known to pray for people who call me in the middle of the night. Crazy comes in all forms.

I got a call one Sunday morning from a nice young man some years back. It was a wrong number and when I was pleasant to him, I reaped the reward of a return call. He was interested in a date. Being fresh out of jail,  he really was a "wrong number."  I told him I didn't date,  I was a nun and he'd reached me in the office of the convent. Which was hilarious right up until he asked "Sister, do you think God still loves me?"

french sojourn cracked me up with this:
When my book is done, even someone like you may like it.

Sherry Howard hit the nail on the head with this:
I'm a pragmatist. Putting aside the boot-in-the-ass issues pointed out, why would anybody include that in a query letter?
That is a VERY good question.

luciakaku cracked me up with this reminder:
I'm reminded of a moment in Castle, specifically the face Castle made as his mother said this:
"Never mind them! Harper Lee only wrote one book! You've written dozens! ...Of course, hers was literature...."
He appeared torn between suicide and homicide, in fact.

Claire said:
Umm. A bit of a tone fail on the part of the querier. But I have some sympathy with him/her. It's because of the popular, simplistic misconceptions of literary vs. commercial fiction that writers are reluctant to self-categorise as the former. Because to describe oneself as writing literary fiction can come across as making a qualitative statement about the value your writing, rather than a simple one of genre. So then you get this silly pussy-footing around the term, with the author simpering that "I'd like to think of this as literary fiction, but really that's not for me to say..." And then The Shark gets enraged.

I'm not sure what the answer is. Does there need to be a better term for character-driven, thoughtful mainstream fiction that doesn't fit into a particular genre? 'Cause that's a bit of a mouthful...

There's a big difference between "that's not for me to say" and "my ego would like to think it's literary" Tone deaf indeed but indicative of a state of mind.

And John Frain, now gussying himself up as John Davis Frain cracked me up;
I would reward you with my comment, but my ego doesn't allow me to post beside all you commoners. Had my ego not intervened, you would be reading three poetic remarks, each assembled at 100 words, discussing the literary relevance of blogging. But I'm above all that. And above you.

Meantime, will you Like me on all my social media outlets?

Joseph Snoe has a very funny, and pointed, comment:
At the conference earlier this year, the moderator read the first page of submitted manuscripts. Four agents listened and were instructed to raise their hand when they would reject the submission. Attendees were told to put the genre at the top of the page. One person denoted his or her entry as something like “Literary Romance.” Bam! Rejected before the first sentence.

Two agents jumped all over this. “How dare you call your novel Literary. It is not for you to decide that. It is for us to decide.”

I felt bad for the writer. She classified it the best she knew how.

Ironically, one of the agents gave me her card. She called herself a “Literary Agent.” I wanted to make a joke about it, but she would have been the one to decide if it was funny, and I didn’t risk it.

I hate those Literary Idol events. They seem to bring out the worst side of us. While it's true that "literary romance" isn't a category at all, you'd think most agents would have realized that writers get category wrong at least half the time. 

It's one thing to comment on flaccid writing; it's another thing entirely to castigate a writer for not knowing the mores of category.  It's not like any of us were born knowing this stuff OR that we don't struggle with it ourselves in our pitch letters.

And the scene Timothy Lowe sets here cracked me up for days:
I guess this sort of thing is equivalent to describing what you look like to someone across the table from you at a speed dating event. Even if you do it in modest terms, you still come off as pretty stupid.

"hi, as you can see I'm a good looking smart well-read hunk o'love, just looking for a good home."

And this from Angie Brooksby-Arcangioli made me laugh:
So... Back in February I read seven of K'Wan's Hood Rat series. While I was overdosing on the violence and the sex, I had dinner with a friend who is a director of lyric opera. I raved about K'Wan and she raved about Moliere. She said Moliere wasn't much different, he rode around France in a wagon with a bunch of hooligans and performed in the streets. And she said Shakespeare wrote for the thugs.

Literary writers. Yowl.

On Saturday I posted an excerpt from AnthimriaRampant on editing

kdjames said
Gee, thanks a whole hell of a lot, Janet. And by extension, Mr. McIntyre. I just spent way too much time reading and enjoying all the posts on that site (subscribed now). OK, fine, not all-- I skipped the one about Star Wars language.

Throughout the week on Facebook, there was more from Her Grace, The Duchess of Yowl:

The Duchess of Yowl at your serviette 

The Duchess of Yowl has some notes

 The Duchess of Yowl gets ready

The Duchess of Yowl is peckish

The Duchess of Yowl makes an observation

The Duchess of Yowl is set upon

Is this the first week with no subheader noms?
I must be losing my eye.

I can't believe it's almost the end of May! 

Have a great week!


DLM said...

Janet, I'm gratified you like that writing - because the dancing may be best left for Pen and Goss. It's one thing the latte can't edit, and the former just joins in. She's a bum-wiggler from way back.

Thank you so much; you know what it means when you like our words.

And now to spend a few minutes running errands and a lot more doing some WIPping, because just at the moment I can't worry about commercial/self pub.

E.M. Goldsmith said...

I love the adventures of the Duchess of Yowl. Quite the cat. For me, this was a sick week and I fear I was mostly unintelligible this past week. However, the Reef is a great place to recover.

Arri Frranklin said...

Completely off topic, but I want to celebrate!

A while ago, I entered a short story contest: The Elora Writer's Festival Short Story Contest. While I didn't place and win money, they mentioned the fact that I exist! This is enough to make me deliriously happy and overuse exclamation points! I will be writing a post on my blog about this tomorrow, and will probably self-publish said story.

Now I'm back to homework.

CynthiaMc said...

I've actually been writing and rehearsing for the new show (plus day job) so missed a lot. Thanks for the WIR!

nightsmusic said...

I missed some too this week, I actually had something to do at work a couple of the days! Thank you for summing things up so I know when I do miss something, I can get the gist and still go back and read through if I want to :)

And I've been following TDoY on Facebook. You need your own cat! You are too funny. And maybe TDoY, never mind. Not to be usurped...

DLM said...


(I perhaps should not admit I used to keep a WordArt file that said that, to use in instant messaging at my office ...)

nightsmusic, cats are not usurped. They work together in a catre of power. :)

Carolynnwith2Ns said...

Arri congrats. Use all the exclamation points you want.


What a week it was.
Thanks for the WIR.
I am surprised by how much seagulled over my head and how during my actual week, I was put upon by what seagulls usually do to statues. I am so looking forward to Monday and that's just crazy.

Angie Brooksby-Arcangioli said...

I enjoyed following the Reef this week. And to think I made the Queen laugh makes my day. I'm still yowling at Hank's comment.

Here's a link to an opera my friend directed. Blue Beard's Caslte. It was the first ever 3D Opera. Listening to her speak about the real life and times of Moliere and all those other literary dudes is very entertaining.

Next week, after I get paid, I'll run down the hill to Shakespeare and Co. and order the Singer from Memphis. I'm so jealous Colin is reading it before me. I'll preorder The Education of Dixie Dupree, too. If you ask they'll stamp the inside cover of the new books they sell.

It's a good idea to wait to paint until DoY returns to home camp. A painter friend of mine thought it was cool to leave his oil palette on a shelf in the window of his shop. Turns out the shelf was the best observation spot for his brand new kitten.

Julie Weathers said...


Congratulations! What wonderful news.

Great week in review as always.

I love gadzookery.

I want to know what Janet told the young man.

I've told the story before, but once in Nashville I decided to walk back to my hotel from a bar late at night. I know, wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. A van stopped at an intersection an a man leaned out of a window and asked me directions. I said I wasn't from there and didn't know. Then another one slid the side door open and was crouched down like he was getting ready to jump out.

I figured this was it.

Then a man asked them what they wanted from behind me. There was a black, homeless looking man.


The van sped off.

The man asked me if I had any money. I really didn't have much and didn't think it was good to show it anyway. I offered him a few dollars and hoped I wouldn't get knocked in the head, then thought to ask, "Are you saved?"

"Oh, yes, ma'am! I got saved in prison! Where are you going? It's not safe to be out here. I'll walk you home."

So, we walked and talked about Jesus.

Another day in the life of Julie.

I love the Duchess of Yowl posts. So am I correct in assuming your landlord has relaxed the rule on pets?

Lennon Faris said...

thank you for the wonderful WIR Janet. I'm glad you liked something of mine!

Arri - congratulations :)

Beth said...

In my experience, describing your appearance to the person sitting across the table can actually be effective. It took me awhile to develop any self-esteem. Years ago, I was sitting in the college dining hall with a male friend, and made a comment in passing (which I truly believed) that I wasn't very good looking. My friend cut me off and said, "Beth, you are a delicate flower."

That man is now my husband.

Donnaeve said...

Congrats Arri! Good for you too CynthiaMc on the new play. You'll have to tell us who you're playing.

I'm head down editing so didn't comment or get around as much as usual, therefore, I'm especially loving the WIR today! Thank you Dear Shark for the re-cap.

I'm also loving the DoY snippets on FB but know I'd missed several! I still think you need capture all of the little stories and SELL them to SOMEbody. You might make a bajillion or is it bazillion - which is more - anyway, A LOT OF $$$. Think Grumpy Cat meets Morris. Yeah, she's a female but those are the only two cats I can think of where one is a bit of snark, and the other a bit irritated at humans.

Arri Frranklin said...

Thank you!!!

Cool that you're in a play, Cynthia. Hope it goes well.

Panda in Chief said...

Thanks for a great WIR. Love the Duchess of Yowl, a cat after my on heart. My cat Mehitabel has a similar voice and view of humans.

Congrats to Arri for your story publication, and any other milestones I might have missed this week.

I indulged in a bit of frivolous illustration this week and created a map of Carkoon, at least the major land mass, as I was informed that Carkoon is actually an entire planet. Colin has added it to the Treasure chest (I'm sure he meant to share the link here) and since I was pleased at how it turned out, I submitted it to a really fun website, They Draw and Travel. I've posted illustrated recipes to their sister site, The Draw and Cook. Here's the They Draw and Travel link for my Carkoon Map, in case you were planning to make a visit and want to know where to stay.
Maybe Colin can linkify this for me!
Thanks in advance.

Julie Weathers said...


I love that he said that to you and you married him.

I think Janet should write a book about DoY.

Miranda Lambert bemoaned the fat she was fat to Blake once and chided him, "Why didn't you tell me I'm getting fat?"

"That's not my job. My job is to tell you how beautiful you are."

He didn't think she was fat. Why would he lie to her?


Cynthia, I know you're not supposed to wish an actor good luck so I will raise a toast. I can do that.

Lisa Bodenheim said...

I've also had a busy week so am doubly appreciative of the WiR. And I need to head over to facebook to see which DoY stories I've missed.

Arri: That's wonderful to feel affirmed/mentioned.

Cynthia: is it appropriate to invite you to break a leg or is that U.S. thing? (And boy howdy does that sound terrible when I write it out like this.)

Where There's A Quill said...

To elaborate, Janet: I'm a travel agent, i.e. the first person splattered when mud hits the fan (I changed the turn-of-phrase because the imagery grossed me out). There are approximately 10,823 things that can go wrong during someone's holiday process, and they often don't happen during business hours, so my life is basically one big mud bath. One of my favourite clients is departing today for a holiday that took four months to put together. I'm guaranteed to have a flightmare tonight.

Panda - This They Draw & Travel website you've shared has brought me one step closer to true life bliss. I am going to waste hours over there. I just love your map, too! Particularly the subheader and all-roads-lead-to-shark compass.

NotJana said...

I use cardboard to build homes for books I shouldn't be buying and paint samples are just the right size to add a dash of colour! I'm just telling myself buying on sale - books or paint samples - means I'm actually saving money...

I love learning about the publishing business from this blog during the week, even though I'm far, far away from getting published. Then, reading WIRs on Sundays makes me want to open one of my WIPs and get right back into it. One of these days it's going to happen. I'm sure. Mostly. At least a little. Or so. In the meantime I invest in my writing career by buying books and practice my writing by reading more genres than I ever have.

As for subheader noms - Julie M Weathers, naturally. First time I thought this would make a good one ... just can't remember where it was. Might have been the post from which I've learned Far Rider has been shelved for now after which I had to break out the emergency chocolate.

Panda in Chief said...

Wherethere's aQuill: bless you for still being a travel agent. Our much loved travel agent retired some years back, and we miss her terribly. I can book a simple there and back plane flight (particularly one with no transfers) but anything more complex requires someone who actually knows what they are doing. We did find someone else, and she is good, but I live in fear of her retirement. Travel agenting is a tough business these days.

I love those two websites, (They Draw and Travel & They Draw and Cook.) Thanks for the kind words! I want to do more maps now! They are lots of fun.

I'm seeing the Duchess of Yowl stories as a picture book, or at least an illustrated one. Uh oh. Will this suggestion get me sent to Carkoon? Well, at least now, I have a map.

John Davis Frain said...

I always laugh so much working through these wonderful WIRs. But wait, wait, wait, hold on a minute. In a recap where we're talking about resolving endings we get this:

I told him I didn't date, I was a nun and he'd reached me in the office of the convent. Which was hilarious right up until he asked "Sister, do you think God still loves me?"

And that's the end??? Do we get Part II on Monday or do we have to wait for next week's WIR?

And this will surely expose my vanity. While enjoying all the great stuff in the WIR, I cracked up that I'd gotten gussied up come Thursday. It was quite the metamorphosis, but how does Google know that I now wear a bow tie when coming to the blog?! Regardless, thank you for noticing!

Now excuse me while I change into a comfortable pair of socks.

CynthiaMc said...

Thanks, Arri! Congrats to you!!

Colin Smith said...

Another lovely WiR, Janet. Thanks! One of my quieter weeks, mercifully for you all. ;)

Angie: I've finished THE SINGER FROM MEMPHIS, and it is excellent. All the feels, as the kids would say. There will be a review on my blog soon. :D

Here's Panda's link:

I'm sure I linked to the Treasure Chest where you can pick up a lo-res version of Panda's map. There it is, anyway. :)

CynthiaMc said...

Thanks, everyone! Breaking legs is perfectly proper. Donna, I'm playing Monette Gentry, owner of the biggest club in Nashville. It opens with Monette's wedding to husband #3, who is quite a bit younger. It's the story of 4 best friends who vowed to be in each other's weddings and have kept that promise. It's pure fun, a rip-roaring comedy.

Julie-your guardian angel must be amazing. Holy cow.

Beth - Love your story! Your hubby sounds like a keeper.

Did yard work today (always a joy, never a chore), did laundry, and worked on the garage (not that anyone can tell). It was too pretty to stay inside a moment longer so the dogs and I headed for the countryside and walked along the river.

Hubby is cooking steaks and I am grateful.

Have a wonderful week, y'all!

CynthiaMc said...

Janet - when guys would ask me for my number in college, I'd always give them Dial a Prayer.

Timothy Lowe said...

Always a pleasure to swim in such an enticing pool of words. Thanks everyone, and especially Janet. I don't know if any conferences are in my future but I'm getting the feeling that following this crazy train is a pretty good stand-in.

AJ Blythe said...

I can start my morning now I've read the WiR. Just as well or Jeckle will be late for school. Have to dash but as always thanks to JR for another week that was. As personal slave to the Duchess I'm not sure how you had time...

John Davis Frain said...

Your life. And your style of telling it.

Arri, congratulations. Use all the exclamation points you want over the next 24 hours. Then it's back to only one every 30K words.

Cynthia, you too. Great fun. Bet you guys are in for a fabulous cast party.

I wonder if I checked on Zillow what the property value would be for this neighborhood?

nightsmusic said...

Arri! I'm so sorry! Congrats! Yes, lots and lots of exclamation points are in order :)

DLM...I was thinking more that DoY wouldn't allow any other to usurp her. However, were she of a mind to work in tandem with domination!!

Janet Reid said...

John Davis Frain (if that is indeed your real name)
The rest of the story isn't clever or funny at all. Given the guy was so lonely he was asking wrong numbers for dates, and he'd just gotten out of jail, I didn't mess around with him when he asked me that. I told him in no uncertain terms that God did love him, would always love him,and if fact, had put us together at that moment so he would hear in my voice how much God loved him right this very minute.

And the worst part of the story is I never found out what happened next, so you can see why I stop at that punch line.

This is why we need fiction: better endings!

Which is why I'm now saying: GET BACK TO WORK John! That manuscript isn't going to revise itself.

Colin Smith said...

Janet: What's in a Frain? That which we call a Frain by any other name would smell as sweet.

Or at least his socks would... ;)

Craig said...

Thanks muchly for the WIR my Queen.

For those of you who would not have been able to sleep tonight for worry I will tell you that no one came to visit. I did not think he had the power to order that.

The European Kayak Racing Championship came that year as it always does and his team sucked. In a lot of Europe they place a great deal of their national pride in their competitive athletes. Maybe it is because they have few other things to get excited about.

I am not sure if the guy was retired, disappeared from his own failure or was disappeared for his failure. I never attempted to find out. I did get some cool toys to be careful and I wish I could try them. No, that would be a bad idea. You really don't want to know why.

Angie Brooksby-Arcangioli said...

Congrats Arri!

Angie Brooksby-Arcangioli said...

Craig, what?! Europeans have nothing to get excited over? Perhaps you are correct. There is no Donald candidate over here. Though we do get to dodge random bombings when we hop on trains and relax at caf├ęs.

Jennifer D said...

I agree with those suggesting you write a DoY book. Even a series. I'd be a loyal reader.
Even better, I'd like to see the DoY write an advice column. I can already see responses like,
"Dear Troubled, you could try talking it out when things are calm or, alternatively, the next time you're at her apartment, you can passive-aggressively cough a hairball onto her pillow."
"Dear Gaslighted, you could ask for an explanation about the 3:00AM texts from the 'boss', but I'd suggest the next time he opens the front door, you slip between his feet, and jump the front gate. Don't look back. Find a kindly woman, maybe a literary agent, to take you in."

I'd take comfort knowing there was a DoY out there I could turn to for sound advice, or a reminder that my problems are insignificant. Indeed, that as a human, *I* am insignificant. It would be oddly comforting, I think.