Yes, this is filled with whisky

Yes, this is filled with whisky

Monday, November 25, 2013

The I Love Writing Contests Alot Results!

 You've really reached new heights this week!  It was a real treat to read the entries (after another!! day of painting!)


Here are the results:


Special recognition for Not Quite a story but oh man oh man
JenniferR.Donohue 10:39am
Writer of Wrongs 10:50am

Special recognition for what looks like the start of a good story!
BK 10:54am

Special recognition for a poem
Ali Trotta 9:26am

The  Inaugural Tawna Fenske Award for Hot Writing!
Carolynnwith2Ns 10:21am
he was so hot his sweat was flammable.

No! No! Not the A lot!
ProfeJMarie(JanetRundquist) 9:27am

A phrase I intend to have made in to a rubber stamp and used A LOT!
editorial atrocity
Meg 10:49am

Great phrase:
Karma's a bitch, and irony's an alien.
Lenny Liang 11:24am

Words are thoughts rendered flammable
Frances D 11:23pm

The eyes have it.
Foxcreek 11:41pm

Great sentence:
With such a sulfurous soul I thought he would be more flammable.
Katie Buxton 7:32pm

"Not much in here that’s flammable. Except me of course."
Kirsten 11:06pm

Special recognition for the meta entry
Just Jan 12:12pm

Lovely example of turning a cliché POV on its head!
Jillian Schmidt 12:27
Scott G 8:11pm

I'm not exactly sure what this is, but I do know it's good writing
Amy Schaefer 12:58pm

Not quite a story but an incredible piece of work!
Maple and Baobab 1:28pm

Not a story but will haunt every single person who ever reads it forever
Michael Field 1:42pm


Nice writing for a dead guy (this is an inside joke)
Jed Cullan 2:22pm

Not too often I feel bad for alligators and pythons
Craig 3:19pm

Not quite a story, but you do want to keep reading!
Nickola Vukoja 4:29pm

A phrase we really need to see more of:
flatulent Roman candles
Lance 5:23pm

"My parents won’t let me date a supervillain."
BP 9:34pm

An homage to Fabulous Patrick Lee and RUNNER!
"Where’s the heroic Sam Dryden when you need him?"
Stacey Noneya 8:59pm


 There were eleven entries that made it to the final round. I had to slice it down to a manageable number. It's getting harder and harder to figure out who makes the final cut!


And here are the  six finalists:

(1) Brent Salish 12:07pm
“Masks on.”

-We do this a lot. Third time today.

“Bad out there.”

-In here too. Too much O2, even this dirt’s flammable.

“Something’s… moving.”

-And I’m supposed to stop it? I didn’t sign up for this heroic shit. I’m a-

“Scientist. I know. But Ohanna’s been AWOL two days. I warned him. Vigilant, ever vigilant.”

-Gone native. From caring too much. Wakes up, discovers he’s a Martian.-

“There! Again. I’ll open the hatch. You check.”

-My God! Ohanna! No.... Close it! Close it!-

“It’s okay. Got it. What about...?”

-Did what you told him. Vigilant, vigilant. Became... a lert!”


(2) Annaka 12:25pm
“She’s fallen for an alittle.”
I froze. Had my guardians spotted me?
“She’ll have to unfall. Alots don’t associate with such folk. Weren’t you alert to the risk?”
I scooted behind the drapes as their steps shuffled closer.
“I’d forgotten how inflammable a teenager’s heart can be. Those alittles seem so caring and dashing, but they’re shallow as puddles.”
I caught my breath in outrage.
“What was that?”
I made a heroic dash for the door, but my horn caught the drapes, and I wound up in a tangle on the floor.
So much for alittle romance.


(3)Deborah 1:53pm

"Holy flammable pajamas, Batman; that was heroic!"
I was standing in a puddle of glass shards and Merlot. "That was my last bottle."
"Better the last lot of vino than a single mouse in the pantry."
"You are so alert—and caring." I whisked the tea towel off the counter to dab my boots. "In case you missed it, the mouse survived—thank Gotham."
"It…survived?" My friend clambered on the counter. "OMG where?!"
"Disappeared under the stove," I said. "Now quit being such a ninny Cat Woman and get me the Bat-Vac. I've a sudden need to fly to France."



(4) Bill Scott 10:44p
Procuring the child's hotdog — easy.
Giving it up after it's already in one's mouth — hard.

Alert to incoming cars, she dropped a chunk in the busy intersection, then left a morsel trail back to the gate.

Paw on latch, Cat smiled.
Dog drooled.

Careful. Dog wasn't as stupid as he looked, and the uncaring bastard had a flammable temper. Dog's keen sense of smell led him down the trail. You'd think he'd smell himself, take minute to bathe. Foul beast.

She liked the sound of screeching tires, liked it lots.

Now for the heroics, rescue Kitty from the backyard's elm.





(5) Gabriella 4:39am

“Cause of death on the cake decorator?” asked Detective Caring.

“Deep brain injury. Weapon was a red pen shoved up his nasal cavity,” said Sergeant Flammable.

“Witnesses, alert bystanders?”

“Nope, and nobody made any heroic efforts to hide the weapon, indicating a crime of passion. Luckily the victim kept pictures of all his cakes; these’re the last ten.”

“What’s the story on this?” asked Caring, pointing to a cake inscribed: Thank’s Alot Miss P!

“Party for Miss Perfetto, retired from the Times after 45 years.”

“Forty five years doing what?”

“Says here she was a copy editor.





And the winner in a grand slam, clear the bases, come from behind home run to win the game entry: 

(6) Kelli Carley 6:42pm


They gathered around Dumbassery Inc., tossing flammables into a heap.

Could Of and Would Of alerted the press. There were hyphens, apostrophes, a Could Care Less.

Alot was so caring he even brought booze. The Theres drank it up and uncoiled the fuse.

Affect and Effect giggled with delight. Lie and Lay couldn't wait to watch it ignite.

Dont poured the gas and Cant lit the matches. Dumbassery Inc. was now nothing but ashes.

Scotch was passed 'round and apostrophes claimed. Misspellings corrected, bad grammar shamed.

Heroic indeed, we will always remember, the day bad grammar died with the embers.




Kelli if you'll email me your mailing address I'll send you a copy of Hyperbole and A Half by Allie Brosh.  If you already have a copy or would rather have something else, let me know.

Thanks to everyone who took the time to enter. I loved reading these!  

Congrats to all those who made the final cut, and the finalists as well!

 


21 comments:

french sojourn said...

That was an out and out blast. It has gotten to the point where reading all the entries is as fun as scratching one down.

Kelli...great job congrats.

Everyone else..I really enjoyed these small 100 piece works of art.

Thank you Janet Reid. Really appreciate your time.

Carolynnwith2Ns said...


Congrats to the finalists and Kelli's Dumbassery Inc., which I added to my dictionary, love it.

Madeline Mora-Summonte said...

Congratulations to everyone! Great contest, Ms. Reid.

donnaeverhart.com said...

Agree with Hank P - I love reading the entries, and am always impressed.

Congrats to finalists and winner!

SiSi said...

Congratulations to Kelli and the other finalists! The quality of these entries is incredible. I love reading them.

Annaka said...

Great entries! They really perked up my Saturday.
I was thrilled to make the finalists, really made my day.
Congrats to Kelli and the other finalists!

Maple and Baobab said...

Kelli,
Wow! That was incredible. Loved it! I'm going to print it off and we're going to read it in class today. Thanks for the shout out Ms. Reid. And thanks for these contests. Congratulations to everyone. And yes, I love reading all the entries too. Have a marvelous week. Gina

Kitty said...

Congrats to the finalists and to the winner, Kelli!

BP said...

Oy yes Kelli takes the cake! Read that entry over and over and laughed every time. Needs to be a picture book for grown ups (ala Go the F to Sleep!), yesterday!

Lenny Liang said...

That was great Kelli! Thanks again for this opportunity Janet, and thanks to everyone for your great writing.

Terri Lynn Coop said...

One minute I am swimming along and the next minute I am on the dock, dripping wet, having been blown out of the water by these great stories.

Y'all are better men than me this week. I had nuttin'

Congrats to Kelli and all the finalists and shoutouts. I mean it. I mean it alot!

Terri

Bill Scott said...

Congrats, Kelli. Awesome entry.

Writer of Wrongs said...

As always, a big thank you to Ms. Reid. I love reading the different ways 5 little words can be spun.

Congrats to the finalists and especially to Kelli!

french sojourn said...

My wife and I were blown away by Michael Seese's entry.

Pun intended...but also great entry M.S.

Ali Trotta said...

Congrats, everyone -- wonderful entries! A special congrata to Kelli! <3

Amy Schaefer said...

That was hilarious, Kelli! Nice one.

Just Jan said...

Congrats, Kelli! You made me laugh. I enjoyed the creativity of all of these entries.

Thanks for the shout out Ms. Reid.
And thanks also to those who helped me through my Blogger malfunction! I truly appreciate it.

LynnRodz said...

Congratulations to Kelli (great job) and all the finalists! Hank and Just Jan, I loved both your entries this week as well! Thanks again, Janet, for the opportunity.

Lance said...

Super congratulations, Kelli. Terrific entry. Applause to the finalists and shout-outees. Thank you, Ms. Reid for this shout and for once again undertaking another great contest. Unreal.

Michael Seese said...

Irregardless of the fact that I didn't make the cut, Kelli's entry made me bust my gut laughing. Literally.

Kelli Carley said...

Thanks everybody. Now I'm completely terrified of making any kind of grammar/spelling/usage error. Backed myself right into a corner with this one, huh?

Love these contests and all of the entries. There is some serious talent lurking around this blog in the shadow of the shark.