Tuesday, October 01, 2013

The perfect reply

I saw a book review for something written by one of the real housewives of New Jersey: her strategy for a happy marriage.*****

When trusty Brooks Sherman  posted this link on Facebook I knew what I'd now send to anyone who doesn't know that poor NJ dear is heading for a reality smackdown and soon.

****(The thing that sent me into spiral of screeching was this: "Girls don't poop. Me, never have. Never will. It just doesn't happen. Or, that's what Joe thinks! We've been married for nine years, and he has never once seen or smelled my business. How have I pulled this off? I don't do it when he's around or awake. In an emergency, I have my ways of pooping so he won't hear, smell, or see. It's a challenge."

The idea that in this day and age you'd give any thought at all to this is mind-boggling to me.  Decorum is one thing.  This is the other.)


Heidi Willis said...

I felt a little nauseous at the first sentence and your astericked paragraph, and then I clicked on the link about Danny and Annie, and it was like a palate cleanser. So much so that I momentarily forgot what this post was about.

Thank you for a little bit of bittersweet happy/sad in this grey morning where life seems to be turned upside down. I cried, but it was a good one.

Anonymous said...

I read a little from the link about the book the NJ housewife published. I didn't have to read much. You have to wonder how and why someone believes their self worth hinges on the "ass'onian" views of such a dipstick.

And then, for a much needed healthy view of what marriage is, I listened/watched ALL of Danny/Annie's story to reset. And then I listened/watched it again just for the pleasure of their words. And then I sent the link to my husband. He is like Danny. And, I can only hope I am a little like Annie, for him.

Wonderful post.

Jane | @janelebak said...

That woman better never birth in front of her husband. He'll see a lot worse than a little poop. (And he might see that too.)

Silly me, but I thought "for better or worse" included all of the woman.

Marian Perera said...

Now I'm wondering if she has to time her periods as well so they only occur when he's away.

Jennifer R. Donohue said...

"Nobody. I walked in with you, I'll walk out with you."

I'm going to go cry in the shower now.

Morning, everybody!

Amanda Capper said...

Both links are sad but in totally different ways. The first is a pity sad, the second, a happy sad.

This NJ woman is going to get old, you can't avoid it, and she'll be alone. This husband won't stick around. He'll suggest nips and tucks and she'll do it and he'll still screw around on her and she'll accept it because that's what all men do and a good woman knows that.

And what is really sad, is she'll never know any different. Her husband will never let her leave to find out for herself what a good man is all about.

You can't tell her any different. She probably thinks she'll never go through menopause, either.

M. G. Tarquini said...

I've known a lot of real housewives from New Jersey; I don't recognize any of them in this gal. No matter. She doesn't care what I think, or you think or anybody. All this controversy gets her book sales. More book sales, more husband-pleasing clothes, and probably enough left over to get her own little porta-potty.

Steve Stubbs said...

Most women define a “happy marriage” as murdering hubby for the life insurance, collecting a seven figure award tax free, bumfuzzling everone at the insurance company, and getting away with it. I started outlining a “feminist” novel about a lady who starts a consulting business helping women get rich off “happy marriages” but the story started getting so dark I was afraid it might alienate readers rather than entertain them. So in the can it went. It was a fun story to outline, though. The query letter was fun to write, too.

T.D. Hart said...

Interesting. (I say coolly, wiping tears after watching the video.)

The Housewife tries to convince everyone (mostly herself) that being abused is making her happy.

Meanwhile, Danny's biggest worry is for his wife's happiness after he's gone.

Brilliant display of 'Show-Not-Tell.'

dylan said...

Dear Ms Reid

Sounds like this woman is full of **it.



dylan said...

The NJ housewife, that is.

J.M. Bray said...

I won't comment about the video other than to say this. Every married person, or any considering it, should watch that clip. Then go watch the first 5 minutes of the movie "Up."

Thanks...I'm off to write my wife a note.

Elissa M said...

I looked at the review for the book and wanted to scrub my brain.

Then I watched the video.

Oh, yeah. THAT'S what a real marriage is. Thank you, and thank Brooks.

LynnRodz said...

Love Italian Style, I don't think so! I've lived in Italy and I think this New Jersey housewife needs to take a trip there to see what love Italian style is really like! Several questions do come to mind, however. Not only who in the heck writes this crap, but who in the heck reads this crap? And most of all, who in the heck publishes this crap?

Btw, I loved the video!