Yes, this is filled with whisky

Yes, this is filled with whisky

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Vengeance is yours sayeth the Shark--ARGH!! REVOTE

UPDATE:  I screwed up the ballot for voting on the finalists and left the last one off. Shirin Dubbin is probably wondering if that was personal (it wasn't--just a reminder not to do anything requiring accuracy at 10pm.)

REVOTE on the finalists today: ballot closes at 5pm. (all previous votes have been deleted)

It's always a lot of fun to see what amazing stuff you dream up for these writing contests.  Reading your entries is like getting a mini-vacation in the middle of the day.  Since I spent the best part of the last two days tormenting one of my clients in person (we were shredding and reassembling her novel!) taking a break this afternoon to see what you've done was a lot of fun!

But, because I did spend all day actually working (how you writers do this all day boggles my mind--it's HARD!) I have no brain power left to choose both winners.  That's where you come in!

Without further ado, here are the results:


Outstanding achievement for demonstrating the linkage of the word prompts:
ChiTrader 11:08am
Listen my children and you shall hear
Of the midnight reading of tales revered,
By Twist, Sharp, Law, then Slaughter and Say;
All mystery writers of note are they,
Whose words most certainly are to be feared.

Child said to his friends, “If you march
By land or sea to your desk to-night,
Hang from your loft a lantern or torch,
A signal that you have begun to write,--
One if by pencil, two if by pen;
On opposite coasts will be men and women
Eager to read your stories again,
Even be scared by a shark now and then

The Ice-T Award for Best Rap Lyrics:

Charley 11:22am
’Twas the night before contest, and all through the house
Came the sharp stench of slaughter, blood/guts from a mouse.
The innocent kitten says, “This time, not me.”
The Doberman pinscher: “I’ll tell you for free.
“A twist of the pen gave a twist to this tale.
“The writer upstairs, she has skewered that pale
“And hairless old rodent. She did it because
“Of your contest, insane from the stress of your laws
“About word count and usage and deadlines and stuff.
“She wants to get back to real writing. Enough!”


Special recognition for what I'm not exactly sure, but whatever it is, it's amazing! 
DSH 12:36pm
house of truth and love

Sunday School Teacher says not to lick the end of my pencil or I'll get lead poisoning, but you can break one apart, pick the lead out, eat every bit of it, and still wake up the next morning.

nod

Pray it away

Amen

but so far, ten is no different from nine.

that's not me becomes a silent chant

not a fag
not a fag
not a fag

Reverend's face stays soft, but when he preaches God's law to me his tongue is sharp and love twists into something else.


two pencil slaughter house



Auric Goldfinger Award with props to Jay-Z

Jim McClellan 6:22pm
“A-U” in Brooklyn, is a greeting they say,
And Au means gold in a science-y way;

The A-U in slaughter is pronounced like law,
But this rule is made moot by a serious flaw;

Say the word “laughter” and you’ll get the gist,
Of how the A-U sound often comes with a twist;

And those folks who are sharp already know,
Add an “X” the end, and it’s pronounced like “faux.”

If I could only have just a few words more,
I’d explain A-U as in “dinosaur.”

Now, if cutesy little rhymes just don’t turn you on,
Sue me.


Special recognition for amazing voice, but not quite a story

Damian O 2:20am
My pinky took a rotini twist in the elevator door. Pain so sharp, cheddar’s jealous.

“Shit!” I muffle-yell, pen in mouth. Quit smoking ten minutes prior, after seeing a “Smoking Slaughters” poster. Now I always got a pen chomped. Always, as in, last ten minutes. Pen keeps the mouth busy, I hear. Makes ‘er muffle, too.

And the yell, ‘cause no one listens to what I say.

But I’m sick of yelling. So I’m in a ritzy freight up to pop’s office, Smith and Wesson in coat, ‘bout to shoot up the place.

Law, meet me, Bill, your breaker.




Here are the stories that made the final cut:


Kregger 11:51am
I approach her bed.

She lays with her back to me, a lump of covers.

Her favorite Karin Slaughter novel left helpless on the floor.

All I have to do is twist my knife under her ribs.

The law will say I executed my lovely with premeditation, and they’ll be right.

I threw back the covers to plunge my steel into her cold heart…nothing, she’s gone.

A cold hand grasped my throat from behind.

A sharp stick pierces my neck, every cell in my body afire and my heart thumps.

“Don’t worry, dear, it will only hurt for a second.”


Naomi 12:15pm
SHARPSLAUGHTER. The twist of paper skitters under his feet. He picks up, reads, looks back, sees the evil flash in Jim's eyes.
"Sharp" slaughter why? Because with a knife or box cutter, not a gun or bomb? Or sharp as in sudden?
Not now, not like this, not in second period English.
Should he stand up, say something? Try to warn Mr. Connelly?
There's no law says I have to stay.
He stands, strolls past Lee, Karin and Brendan towards the door while he palms, then swallows the scrap of paper, unaware the other side says GODILOVETHESOUNDOF BEAUTIFULZOE




Patrick diOrio 12:40pm
Below Zaragosa Bridge where the Rio Grande made a sharp twist Mexican kids huddled hard up along its banks and called up to us. “Say! Hey! C’mon, toss a coin!”
White paper cones on long poles bright in the fading light jabbed hungrily upward.
“Stinkin’ beggars. Oughta be a law,” a sloppy tourist muttered next to me as he leaned to peer over the railing. “Watch this,” he said with a wink.
He tossed a penny.
The fight below a near slaughter as poles jousted to snatch the coin.
The asshole laughed.
Until I tossed his fatass over the side.



Unknown 1:08pm
The school's educational farm had started smoothly that year, but the decision to send the lamb to slaughter was divisive. The uproar, carried along by the media, reached animal-loving and worrying types, who rallied to keep the castrated (no good for breeding) lamb alive.

"Children shouldn't know such terrible things," they’d say, a chorus of sharp voices. "Teach them about wool instead!"

The children hand-fed Oliver Twist whenever he bleated for more, while the teachers stayed longer in the staffroom.

Jenny Law delivered the Children's Council's decision: 13-1 in favour of killing Oliver to raise the money for piglets.



Michael Seese 6:04pm
“You’re texting as I speak?”
“Yes. Is that OK?”
“I suppose.”
“Go on. What does the law say?”
“It’s very clear. We’ve been doing this for millennia.”
“Really? Good to know. What are some specifics?”
“Make sure the blade is sharp, so the kill is quick. Don’t twist it.”
“Sounds merciful.”
“We don’t want to slaughter them, have them die in pain. After all, we do eat them.”
“You do?
“Yes.”
“And they say waterboarding is cruel.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Um...”
“I’m speaking of the
shechita. What are you asking about?”
“The same, of course!” (texting) “Cancel Guantanamo! CANCEL!”



Rhen Wilson 8:01pm
A sharp shudder and the nose dropped and I knew it was too late. The left engine was dead, and nothing I could do would bring it back. I heard screams and twisted panic from the passengers behind me as the law of gravity consumed the plane, yanking us into death's bowels. The impact would slaughter every child, every life, without discrimination: a merciless kill. The ground swelled, and my sight contained the hard rock and earth as surely as it would contain me —

“Wake up!” I opened my eyes, my co-pilot shouting, “Say, you want us to crash?”



Sam 10:59pm
“Your honor, the defense can twist the words, but the felony murder rule isn’t open to interpretation. Any death that occurs during commission of a felony is murder. When the defendant stole $3,000, he committed a felony and the death became a murder.” In Kate’s mind, it wasn’t just murder. It was slaughter.

“Judge, the victim simply fell.”

"Not too sharp," thought Kate, but she gently corrected, “Cause of death is irrelevant. And let’s not forget -- someone used a knife to carve initials on the victim’s cheek.”

Kate needed the defendant in jail, if only to keep him alive.



SiSi 11:05pm
He slips inside, slaughters them all, slides right back to his regular life. Says martini with a twist when the boss asks him what he wants, says no problem when the customer asks how it went, says no idea when the law asks what happened, says you gotta stay sharp when the kid asks how he’s survived so long.

Says vengeance sucks when the new guy asks if he has any last words.



Shirin Dubbin 1:15am
After sixty years the little things killed. One day, the sharp poke of her elbow while he slept. On another, the floppy twist of his toupee when he chortled—no one chortled anymore.

She might tease to offend. Perhaps he sneered as she exited the bath.

Who could say what made them proactive and turned slaughter into a competition? She baked him apple pies, leaving in enough seeds to make the arsenic viable. He oiled the kitchen floor in hopes of a fatal slip.

The law would say, “Attempted murder.” But they called it breathing life into a tiresome marriage.



Since we have two copies of VENGEANCE, how about I select one winner and you blog readers select the other? 

Vote for any one of the eight nine (yea, I'm completely witless at this point( finalists in the comments column below.
 
(1) Kregger 11:51am
(2) Naomi 12:15pm

(3) Patrick diOrio 12:40pm
(4) Unknown 1:08pm

(5) Michael Seese 6:04pm
(6) Rhen Wilson 8:01pm

(7) Sam 10:59pm
(8) SiSi 11:05pm
(9) Shirin Dubbin 1:15am
 (10) Occupy The Reef--I'm voting for something/someone else entirely:



Voting closes at 5pm Eastern Shark Time 5/23. (and then the Shark is swimming off for a restorative whisky--medicinal of course)

Ready?
Set?
Vote!