Reading these contest entries is a real guilty pleasure. Guilty because of course I should be reading your queries, but I'm not!
A lot of you had fun with what razzmatazz meant:
Lipstick (Amy 1:44pm)
Band name (Leslie 1:50)
danish! (Qraig 2:27pm)
White lightning! (MarissaV 3:10pm)
Hair color (Karin 4:55pm)
There were some hilarious uses of double agent:
A football double agent! (Joan 7:13pm)
A toddler double agent! (Erin 2:29pm)
There were some really great lines:
you look like RaggedyAnn: The Prostitute Years.” (Erin Kelly 2:28pm)
"You have to cut down on the coffee. Your hair is vibrating." (Lyra 1:01am)
"Sorry, dollface. I already promised your stuffing to Geppetto." (Dawn Simon 1:46am)
My tongue flickers. The air tastes like terror. I unhinge my jaw. (Maybe genius 4:30pm)
No contest is complete without an homage to FinePrint of course!
And no contest should be complete without an homage to Suzie Townsend
My new favorite description of myself:
Tasmanian devil! (Myimaginaryblog 6:02pm)
These were horrifyingly hilarious
The Precinct House Squad 4:40pm
There were some terrific entries that did get stories in 100 words:
Fanfreakingtastic Flower 8:02pm
Melissa Guernsey 1:32am
Cat 3:20pm (shotgun or seam ripper!)
Tessa Quin 3:26pm
Mama Bear 4:03pm
Cruella Collett 8:27am
Nancy Coffelt 11:06am
And here are the finalists:
"I'll never forgive Barbie!" cried Raggedy Ann, spilling coffee as the rest of the toys looked on. "Turned on that razzmatazz and stole my Andy."
"Now what?" asked T-Rex.
Rags zeroed in on Ken, re-decorating the Dream House. "You!"
Ken put the chaise down, shaking his head, “Keep her bony butt in Jersey, this is all mine now."
“It can be yours forever."
Ken straightened his ascot. "What did you have in mind?"
Rags grinned, "Pose as a double agent and convince her to come home.” She brandished a knife, "so I can get rid of that cheatin’ bitch for good."
Terri Coop 12:25pm
“The password is razzmatazz.”
“No it’s not. That’s yesterday’s password.”
“Crud. Can I borrow your codebook?”
Standing, I’d had enough.
“Sit down! Both of you, now,” I said.
“Okay class, what’s wrong with that?” I asked the group.
“Um, he didn’t know today’s code is RaggedyAnn?”
“The other guy didn’t shoot him for not knowing the code?”
I sighed. Recruiting double agents had gotten tougher since the end of the Cold War.
Sipping my coffee, I thought about how far I had fallen. Once the toast of the KGB, I now taught at the “Jersey School for Spies.”
Derek Whisman 3:49pm
The smell greeted me first in the kitchen. Something about the bra in the sink told me that it wasn't just coffee that was brewing.
"Ann!" Mat screamed. He struggled to pull up his pants.
"You're home early," he tried to apologize as if that somehow excused it. Like my early day was to blame for him being a marital double agent with busty Jersey Miller from two houses down.
“You may want to get your bra, Jersey,” I pulled a rolling pin from a nearby drawer. “If you'll excuse us, I have to razz Mat azz.”
You can see from these three that it wasn't an easy decision.
By a whisker, the winner of the contest is Catcaller. Send me your mailing address and a copy of CONFESSIONS OF A FORMER CHILD will be winging its way to you soon!
Thanks to everyone who entered! This was fun!