Friday, June 25, 2010

And we have a winner!

A terrific turn out for the writing contest and a lot of amazing entries!


Two entries had GREAT use of "lair"
Mesmerix (9:52am)
Downith (4:04pm)

One entry was the very model of brevity
Katt (8:15pm)

Two entries combined the contests!
Buffy Andrews (10:05am)
Paul C. Maurer (10:17pm)




One entry is narrative NON fiction!
Joanne Levy (11:32am)

Best use of Slevin the Oregeno
Rick Anderson

Holy moly, talk about a guy I want to hear more from..I think!:
Simon Hay Soul Healer (3:00am)



Finally someone sees the true nature of Barbara Poelle
Shtrum (7:58pm)

A phrase we need to hear MUCH more of:
"I think I'll go learn me some accordion" Nancy Coffelt (8:12pm)


The best examples of stories in under 100 words
Justwritecat (8:34pm)
MarissavV (9:35pm)
WryWryter (9:11am)

Joanne (11:02am)
Alyson Greene (1:27pm)
Neospooky (1:52pm)

Marsha Sigman (4:06pm)
K (7:39pm)


And the winner of the contest is a jaw dropping gorgeous entry that used the required words with freshness and originality. This might be the best quick writing contest entry I've ever seen.

Herewith:

Naomi slapped the cash register, which wheezed. "Turn on the 'Closed' sign. We've suffered Till Death."

"Us?"

"Do part with that phone, Kendra? I know it's your buddy, but I need to call Laird."

"That register's new!"

"Even shiny things shuffle off this mortal coil. C'mon."

Kendra passed the phone.

"Closed sign?"

Kendra's sneakers tramped a tattoo of annoyance.

The phone clicked. "Hello! Lair--"

"It's dead."

"Asthma again? Did you try the epi-kit?"

"Epic--what?"

He sighed. "Adrenaline. The heart might reboot."

Naomi stared at the till. "Lord, I miss cogs and wheels."

The phone snickered and smooched her.


Congratualtions to Jjdebenedictis (5:41pm), our winner. Send me your mailing address and I'll be glad to send you the 10CD unabridged audio editon of EVEN. Your entry rocked!

26 comments:

Rick Anderson said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Joanne Levy said...

Congratulations to Jjdebenedictis!

p.s. In the interest of full disclosure, since we're calling my entry narrative non-fiction, my shark-themed tattoo isn't actually a tramp-stamp. I'm not about to tell where it is, though.

Thanks for the fun contest!

April said...

I agree, the winning story used the required words in probably the most original (and entertaining) fashion. It's a brilliant piece. However...

I am somewhat surprised that this story won, for the simple fact that it's logically hard to follow. I can't tell which character says, "It's dead", or whether the "it" refers to the phone, the cash register, or the closed sign. Then there's the whole issue of the asthma and adrenaline. I can understand the asthma reference in connection to the "wheezing" register, but why would someone then suggest using adrenaline to reboot it? (Why would the register be wheezing if it's new, anyway?) And I swear there's a third character speaking somewhere in the story that I can't pin down. I can't tell if it's Laird (on the phone) or a nameless third party. Aside from all that, I can't sense a plot like I can in the last contest-winning entry.

I guess I'm a little surprised by your choice considering that you're such a stickler for clarity in query letters and manuscripts. No offense to you or the author; I'm just curious.

laughingwolf said...

grats, jj!

Mesmerix said...

Thanks for doing this, I can't imagine how long it took you to read all those entries. I'm flattered to even get a mention. It was great fun!

McDermott said...

I'm a day late and a dollar short. I was traveling and lost a day. I didn't realize the contest was closed until I'd already written an entry. Decided to post it anyway, just for grins. Maybe there's a booby prize. Here it is!

My head pounded as I drifted to consciousness, confused. I cracked open an eye, saw nothing but dirty blue velour, then groaned with the effort of turning my head.

I was on the cruddy sofa in Tramp’s lair. He sat across from me, smiling through rotten teeth as he shuffled cards.

I remembered now. A drinking bout of epic proportions. I’d fallen off the wagon again. And worse.

“Last night puts us even, right?” I croaked, without much hope.

Tramp laughed. An ugly sound.

“Dream on baby,” he said. “You’re my little bitch til death do us part.”

jdh said...

Thanks for being willing to take on this extra work so that we all can have fun!

Chumplet - Sandra Cormier said...

Yay for JJ!!!!

Lisa B said...

I enjoyed reading all of the entries but I have to admit I LOVED Marsha Segman's murder during a dinner party. I also got a kick out of Vincent Kale's EPIC stalker!

Buffy Andrews said...

Just so you know, Janet, I'm holding you personally responsible for eating into my writing time. What a shark. *Smiles*... seriously, thanks, it's been fun!

maybe genius said...

Awesome entry, JJ! She's talented, she is :)

jjdebenedictis said...

*Flaily-flaily-flaily*

I am quite stupidly excited about this. Thank you, Ms. Reid!

April: I agree with you my story is confusing. The fact is, I wrote something much more coherent, and then had to figure out how to shave 80 words off that sucker...

sylvia said...

Congrats JJ! And well done everyone!

Ronda Laveen said...

Congrats, JJN on a truly unique piece.

Thanks, Janet, for the good times and your extra effort.

wry wryter said...

For the 'mention' as one of the best stories in yesterdays contest I'd like to thank my mom and dad who I know are watching from the great beyond. There is a lightning and thunderstorm somewhere in celebration of my success.

I'd also like to thank my freshman english teacher, who was also our football coach. He taught me to keep my head down and forge forward and to always remember that the next ten yards is only thirty feet. I know, it's math and has nothing to do with writing but thank's coach.

I'd like to thank my designer, who created the lovely housecoat I am wearing which I purchased at Sears. My flip flops are by Wal-Mart and my jewelry is by the Dollar Store.

And of coarse I'd like to thank the academy.
Especially...oh wait I hear music playing...my 30 seconds are up.

And I want to thank the little people...music gets louder...whoever you are.

I am being pulled from my laptop and dragged across the stage, I mean my kitchen, by a beautiful young girl who hasn't eaten a cheeseburger in three years.

She's my daughter, she's hungry.
Thanks!!!

Simon Hay Soul Healer said...

Congrats J. Clever. I loved it. Thanks Janet, I'll send a query soon . . . I think! Talk soon, Simon.

Katt said...

Congrats to Jj!

Ha ha, I got the "brevity" tag....

Janet's fault, Surrey 2008, master's class on query letters... chop chop chop!

cheers!
Kathy.

Nancy Coffelt said...

Thanks for doing this! These contests and the NPR 3 minute fiction challenges have been the most fun ways ever to avoid finishing my latest WIP.

April said...

Jj, I can totally relate on the editing process. I had to cut about 50 words out of my entry, and it was a pain!

Congrats on winning. I'd really love to see a passage like your entry in a novel!

justwritecat said...

Thank you so much for the contests. I had a blast and greatly appreciate the mentions. I feel like I made some kind of short list. As I'm 5'3", you'd think this wasn't the first time...but it was.

Cannot wait until the next one (greedy, aren't we???)!

Dave said...

I share April's puzzlement re the winning entry. I thought I was missing something, so I showed it to a few friends. Purely on the basis of simple comprehension, they all reacted with close variants of Huh?

The cleverness jumps off the screen, but given Janet's admirable intolerance of all things fuzzy, I'm surprised that this 'might be the best quick writing contest entry' she's ever seen.

These competitions are great fun. How about trying one with a time limit of one hour? Just announce the start time a couple of days ahead.

By the way, Janet, your wit, intelligence, literary values, and tough kindness make this the best agent blog in the nettiverse.

jjdebenedictis said...

Thank you, everyone, for your extremely kind comments. :-)

Laurie Lamb said...

Congratulations jjdebenedictis! You're so clever. Your entry is amazing. I didn't find it confusing. I wouldn't have bothered entering had I read your entry beforehand. It can't be beat!

Ricky Bush said...

Dagnabitt! I never win nothin'! Congratulations, though, JJ. If I'd known what I was up against, I would have put my drink down before typing my entry.

jjdebenedictis said...

PS, four months later.

Thanks again for running this contest, Ms. Reid. I rewrote the story and it just sold to Escape Pod. Yay!

rick said...

well done jjjj.