Wednesday, March 03, 2010

Molly O'Neill must be stopped

Unanswered queries: 209
Unread full mss: 14
Uneaten cupcake on desk: 1





There is a reason for this shameful lack of diligence. This slacking off. This lounging about.
Oh yes there is. And her name is Molly O'Neill.

Now at first glance (or even second through seventy-seventh) you might think Miss O'Neill a fine upstanding citizen. A stalwart example of good character. Not an evil temptress. You would be wrong. Oh yes you would.



Make no mistake about it: Miss Molly O'Neill is a schedule wrecker. A slacker-inducer. (I think she might actually be in league with my most slithery competitor Barbara Poelle. They deny ever meeting, but I have my doubts.)


Miss O'Neill employs a simple but deadly strategy. From her lair on East 53rd street, she invites you to lunch. She plies you with sushi. Then, when you are happy and sated she springs the trap. She gives you a book. Not just any book. Not the one that was nearest her evil claw as she slithered into her sweater before leaving the office. Oh no. She picks the ONE book that will glue you to your chair, force you to turn off the telephone, unplug the internet and read until you are done.


Evil claw caught by newly-installed spy cam



Lest you think I am casting unwarranted aspersions I offer into evidence BEFORE I FALL by Lauren Oliver.
She gave.
I started.
I couldn't stop.
Unread queries....pfft.
Unread fulls....pfffft.
Cupcake arrival in office...didn't even go IN to the office.



Miss O'Neill has informed us via her blog that she's off surfing the Platte River or something for a few days. I suggest this will be a good time to dream up ways to thwart her next salvo of good reading material. All suggestions accepted.


In order to see the depth of her evility on full display I suggest you read BEFORE I FALL. Particularly if you're waiting for me to answer a query or read a full.

40 comments:

houndrat said...

That Molly definitely is a sly one! :) Can't wait to check out the book!

Laurel said...

Bwaahaahaa! I am so glad I am not the only one who does this. Kids need feeding? They'll still be hungry later. Must ship super-urgent missive out overnight delivery? Hmm. Maybe Fed-Ex has a "yesterday delivery" service by now. House is on fire? At least I'll be toasty while I finish this chapter.

suzie townsend said...

Are you still mad at me - or do I get to read that copy of BEFORE I FALL next? :)

Eliza Osborn said...

Yeah, it's a really, really good book.

Really.

Janet Reid said...

two words Miss Townsend, two words: goblin girl.

#1Nana said...

The evil claw in the spy cam was splash of brilliance!

TrishaleighKC said...

I do not believe you for one single second. Ms. Molly O'Neill would NEVER take part in such an underhanded scheme. It's not her fault if she just happens to mention an excellent read, or carries a copy of it in her purse, right? In fact, just to prove you wrong I am going to put down these edits and head over to pre-order that book. It won't take long to just read the synopsis and... Wait. What was I doing? Something...

Christina Farley said...

Oh! Now I have to read this book. Passing by a cupcake is practically illegal.

Jeff said...

I am hearing great things about this debut. I really hope I get a chance to review it!

Marilyn Almodovar said...

Oh wow, this book sounds intriguing! *dashes off to amazon*

Susan at Stony River said...

Superb timing; I just received an Amazon gift certificate.

Are you, um, gonna eat that cupcake? Because I don't mind helping out with things left undone, you know...

Jennifer said...

This is fantastic. The evil claw cracked me up. :)

Stephanie Barr said...

If you didn't love reading a good book, you probably wouldn't have become an agent.

Christi Goddard said...

Ah, ha! That's what I'll do today while I wait in the slush pile.

Actually, I assumed it'd be a week or two, so I wasn't stressing. Yet. That'll be when I get the form rejection. :-) Kidding! I am hoping I don't get one, actually. Chin up and all that, right?

magolla said...

Yep. Definitely Evil Incarnate.

Kat Harris said...

LOL!

Surfing the Platte? Probably not. :-)

Shelley Watters said...

Sushi and a good book. My kind of power lunch!

BJ said...

Best revenge: when she drops one of these bombs on you, tell her *she* has to read your queries until you're finished.

She'd do a good job for you. She obviously has good taste and knows what you like. :)

Casey McCormick said...

I would not complain if someone slipped this book into my day. Anyone, anyone? No?

Well, I know a trusty buy button that never fails me. : )

Rebecca Knight said...

Ooh if it means passing on work AND cupcakes, I must investigate. My advice next time you see Miss O'Neil? Blindfold! You can't read if you can't see :D.

But you can still eat sushi.

Jean Reidy said...

Was that Molly I spied incognito at my last Slackers Anonymous Meeting? BEFORE I FALL now rises to the top of my to-read list.

Janet Reid said...

Miss O'Neill is not a slacker herself. (SHE is a member in good standing of Evil Temptress' Anonymous.) She induces slackness within her realm of power. I fear her good taste.

rissawrites said...

Those stats are unexcusable! How can you live with yourself?

You know there are starving agents in Africa who don't have cupcakes to eat.

You do have 2 hands don't you? Turn the page then start eating. Finish before you have to turn the next page.

*shakes head* this kind of cupcake abuse just burns me up.

Chantal said...

Ouch. Sounds like someone is a little jealous of not being a member of the Evil Temptress' Anonymous...maybe you should have that checked-out. Just sayin'. :)

Kate said...

Can it top 'All Roads Lead Me Back to You'? Just finished that little book last night. THANK YOU for making sure that story found its way to the shelves. I actually cheered! More than once! While reading! I'll cherish it for years and I'm recommending it left and right.

Pepper Smith said...

Ah, just what all authors dream of becoming. The purveyors of irresistible reading material. I can only hope mine is as well received when it comes out in two weeks.

prince said...

My revised full resents her evil ways. I can make some damn good cupcakes, but I'm holding out on you . . .

;)

Trouble-making Prince of the Northwest

Marsha Sigman said...

I smell a conspiracy...wait maybe its the cupcake.

I can proudly say that I can cook, feed the dog, and take bathroom breaks, all while reading a book at the same time.

The dog might get eggs and you might get Alpo but hey it can be done.

Kyler said...

I know you like the cupcakes at Magnolia, but have you ever tried the ones at Chikalicious? My sister gave me a gift card for my birthday and I'm using it up tonight. I'll be there around 7. 2nd Ave and 10th Street. Have a cupcake on my gift card?

DeadlyAccurate said...

I suggest this will be a good time to dream up ways to thwart her next salvo of good reading material. All suggestions accepted.

Well, via Twitter she said she was looking for dystopian YA, so I suggest plying her with those.

David Edgerley Gates said...

Hey, give my regards to Molly. I knew her when she was cooking at Ciro & Sal's in Provincetown, before she hit the big time. And you better eat that cupcake before an intern scores it. (Oh, and I'll check out BEFORE I FALL.)

Alex said...

Janet, you have gone over to the dark side. Your rave about Before I Fall forced (forced, I say) me to go out and buy it.

*dives back into the second chapter*

Janet Reid said...

It's a different Molly O'Neill. This one publishes tempting treats; the other Molly bakes them.

Bobbie said...

I finished the ARC of this last week and couldn't put it down either. So I'll just second your suggestion to go pick it up... as long as whoever reads it isn't thinking of accomplishing anything else until it's done.

Sarah Laurenson said...

"Ouch! Somebody needs their nails clipped," said the bleeding owner of a kitten.

Cupcake? An uneaten cupcake? Yesterday was a full sleeve of thin mints day. :-)

Bpoelle said...

Ssssssssssssspectacular sssssssubterfuge. I must buy Miss O'Neill a sssundae....

Steve Stubbs said...

OK, OK, I have to ask: can I have that cupcake? I am not an agent but I am a reader and I have a stack of books here to read and that cupcake is calling me. I'm telling you, it is. I never heard anything so plaintive. Or, since you are into crime, is the right word plaintiff?

After I finish I will start losing weight, promise.

Alex said...

I finished Before I Fall. And I cried.

I am an easily manipulated sucker. But still.

Sigh.

Pamela Hammonds said...

Thanks for the link to the book. I trust your judgment and just bought it. The cover is fabulous, too.

Tara Hudson said...

I was lucky enough to get my hands on a copy of an ARC, and it destroyed my entire weekend. I can't remember if I ate, so I assume any cupcakes in my house also went neglected. Great recommendation!