Monday, January 04, 2010

of course I'll be requesting pages!

Dear Literary Agent:

What would happen if Frodo Baggins was inspired by the Eat This Not That series of books? You would have my debut novel, LORD OF THE RING DINGS, an ambitious fusion of the Fantasy-Adventure genre with a Healthy Diet book!

It all begins when the Evil Sourbun bakes up a host of evil delights to fatten his enemies to the point where they are incapable of defending themselves. Now, Middle Girth stands helpless before the lumbering armies of Morebun as they sing:

Three Cupcakes for the Fairy Pigs in their sty,
Seven Twinkies for the Couch-Potatoes lazy to the bone,
Nine Devil Dogs for Junkfood Junkies doomed to die,
One Ring Ding for the Beefy Lord on his beefy throne
In the Land of Lardor where tasty cakes lie.




Wouldn't you?

21 comments:

lora96 said...

Oh yeah.

Middlegirth. I like it.

Keith Schroeder said...

You crack me up, Ms. Reid. You kept me entertained over the holiday and you haven't let up with this post today. Thanks for the smile.

P. Bradley Robb said...

I might be worried about legal. But the tie-in chances for a website/marketing is dead simple.

Eileen said...

I just snorted a ho-ho up my nose. Love this

The Rejectionist said...

We eats it, precious, we eats it, sss sssss.

Rebecca Knight said...

Heck, I'd go ahead and request a "full" ;). See what I did there?

Furious D said...

Cut the Tolkien estate for a cut, and I think you might have not only a hit book, but a really fat movie franchise.

Chumplet - Sandra Cormier said...

I'd read it, but Merry and Pippin would consider it blasphemy.

Sean Patrick Reardon said...

Nice...you got me big time! It took me until the end of the first paragraph, before I realized it was a joke. After a brief WTF moment, I continued reading and got it. As was mentioned above, your posts added to a great holiday season.

Caroline Starr Rose said...

Aww, those hobbits and their love of noshin'.

Josin L. McQuein said...

Needs more zombies. Then it's golden.

Debbie (Nerd Goddess) said...

Very nice. But is it sequal-able? ;) Because as we all know fantasy novels only come in 3+ these days.

Deep River said...

Not to be nickity-pickity, and it's a nice query and all, but what about Rule #1 in the Query Letter checklist? I'm just a beginner so I don't really know.

_*Rachel*_ said...

I'd buy the book new. I might even buy the hardcover new and unread, and that's saying a LOT for me.

Merry Monteleone said...

Hey Chumplet,

I can't speak for Pippin, but I wouldn't consider it blasphemous in the least :-)

Gilbert J. Avila said...

Then I'm sure you'll be interested in my epic tale laden with Hebrew mythology and mastication--"Noshferatu--The Creatures Who Snack By Night."

Susan at Stony River said...

OMG. I'd buy it. If only diet books had more fun and adventure!

Ronda Laveen said...

"...the lumbering armies of Morebun...?"

When were you standing behind me?

Sarah Laurenson said...

LOL

I'd read this one and Noshferatu--The Creatures Who Snack By Night!

Thanks for the laugh!

rentawitch said...

Love both ideas.

Maybe for those people who probably couldn't carry the idea through for a novel, these ideas collected as the Fantasy cookbook or something.

Moonwaves182 said...

I would LOVE a LotR cookbook! And I love that song :)