Thursday, August 07, 2008

Just how bad is it?

The Bulwer-Lyton Fiction Contest results for 2008 are in!

Here's the winner:

Theirs was a New York love, a checkered taxi ride burning rubber, and like the city their passion was open 24/7, steam rising from their bodies like slick streets exhaling warm, moist, white breath through manhole covers stamped "Forged by DeLaney Bros., Piscataway, N.J."

Garrison Spik
Washington, D.C.

My other favorite:
Winner: Vile Puns

Vowing revenge on his English teacher for making him memorize Wordsworth's "Intimations of Immortality," Warren decided to pour sugar in her gas tank, but he inadvertently grabbed a sugar substitute so it was actually Splenda in the gas.
Becky Mushko
Penhook, VA


inherwritemind1 said...

splenda in the gas


Gina Black said...


Kristin Laughtin said...

I am not normally a fan of puns, but that is fantastic.

Dwight's Writing Manifesto said...

I tried not to laugh at that pun.

Really, I did.

I had moved on to the next RSS feed when it finally overwhelmed my giggle reflex.

Shame compells me to return and admit defeat.

Mags said...

Link broken or just me?

I must check this out. I've got heaving and spelunking and loins on fire (oh my!). This sounds like a writing contest over which I could sound my barbaric yawp.

Or at least enjoy the artful absurdity of those who do it better.

The winner used the word "moist." That's just awesome.

Nerd Goddess said...

Have you ever seen these?,5143,695222186,00.html

They're fantastic.

Patrick said...

I tried entering this sentence a few years ago, but never heard back from them:

McFinley hunkered over the chalk-outlined body and struggled to spot some vital clue to the killer's identity, but understanding danced just out of his mind's reach, circling and circling, the way the string of a helium balloon caught in a ceiling fan might evade a midget.

Janet Reid said...

Sorry Mags, not just you, t'was me.
Fixed now, thanks.

Mags said...


DeadlyAccurate said...

That made me laugh, Patrick.

JES said...

Great choices (both the B-L and the JR ones).

I'm so happy to see Piscataway's finally getting some recognition. That and the "N.J." caught my peripheral-reading vision even before I'd fought my way through the sentence's first metaphor. I kept jumping to the end of the sentence to read them again even while nominally reading what came before.

[brushes away single tear of Garden State homesickness]

Patrick said...


Thanks! Hopefully none of the Bulwer-Lyton judges were offended...

JES said...

P.S. (Sorry for the multiple comments) That Grand Panjandrum Award winner in the Vile Puns category was pretty brilliant, I thought.

Becky Mushko said...

I'm glad y'all enjoyed my Vile Pun winner.

Now a question: When I query agents about my newly completed middle-grade paranormal novel, should I mention that I'm an internationally ranked bad writer? (I've also won the B-L "Worst Western" in 1996 and received a 2000 miscellaneous dishonorable mention, so dreadful writing is sort of my literary claim to fame.) Or would that revelation kill any potential offers for representation?

Debi Kelly Van Cleave said...

Very funny.

Well, I can vouch for Becky that not all her writing is that bad.

Jes, the manhole covers made me long for Jersey too.

Sally Roseveare said...

I know Becky Mushko, so her fun pun Splenda in the gas didn't surprise me one bit. Actually, Becky is an excellent writer. My granddaughter and I sat on the dock a couple years ago and read Becky's "Where There's A Will." We plan to read Becky's next book on the dock, too.

Sally Roseveare