Pet Card flash fiction results

 

Sorry for the dreadful delay in posting this.

I was beset by a foul ailment that laid me low.

I'd say it was fur deprivation, but I did have a nice long week with Mx Pix the parkour puss.

 

There's no critique on these; they're all terrific and besides, they're your furred friends. They're perfect even when they're not.

 

That said, the entry by Fburgos was breathtaking. I read it once and thought, ok, got it.

Then I read it again.

 

Dimitrius Harmata

 

    Hi! I’m Fluffy.

    I chose to spend one of my nine lives standing guard over Dimitrius during the rough 90’s.

    My reward was a bat I caught all by myself!

 

Geeze Louise, I'd like to have seen video of that!

 

Craig F

 

    All who visit are advised to keep their hands to themselves. Yes, he’s a large cat, and he might be my pet, but his name is Bob for a reason

 

This cracked me up.

 

Kate Larkindale

 

    I'm Frankie the Fearful, fleeing the house at every knock at the door since 2017. But I'll cuddle with you in bed every night too.

 

He sounds like a sweetie.

 

Steve Forti

 

    Zoey: (noun) petite cuddly feline. Black void. Impatient eater, fluffy yarn ball destroyer, spring chaser. Scared of the dark. That comfy seat you wanted? It’s mine. Your bed? Also mine.

 

I love Zoey! Mine is my favorite word too.

 

Erin Scruggs

 

    I’m Molly the maltipoo: master of suspense. Hobbies include rolling dirty (in the grass), sprinting (at Olympic speed), and barking at animals on television (especially make-believe creatures in allergy commercials).

 

As any sensible dog does!

 

Luralee

 

    Pepper—now known as whiny dog

 

    Used to sit

    Used to stay

    Got spoiled by Grandma.

 

    Still a sweetheart.

 

Oh Grandma!

 

 

 

Erin Scruggs

 

    I’m Stetson the schnoodle: a loyal companion. Skills include licking people (unexpectedly), napping (snoring loudly while farting silently), and winning staring contests (especially effective when grandparents and bacon are involved).

 

Stetson's not intending to eat Grandma is he?

 

 

Beth Carpenter

 

    Wascally wabbits destroying your garden? You need Annie, the rabbit chaser who never slows down.* Call 1-800-462-6643, that's 1-800-GOANNIE.

 

    *Disclaimer: Annie has never actually caught a rabbit.

 

Reminds me of submitting client work to The New Yorker. Haven't made it yet but will die trying!

 

MaggieJ

 

    Marilla: I am Maggie’s moggy, defender of hearth and home against mice, rats, shrews, snakes, bats, and all things like that. Weasels are my specialty: quick clean kills ensured.

 

Weasels!!! Yikes!!!

 

Just Jan

 

    Captain Jack, a.k.a. the Boston Terr(o)r

    Peg-legged. Born under a bad sign.

    Lack of intelligence surpassed only by absurd loyalty to anyone with food.

 

Love Boston Terr(o)r!

 

Lennon Faris

 

    Poppy: Watchdog, snuggler.

 

    Ready for any* threat:

 

    - Humans wearing hats

    - Bubbles

    - Bunnies (includes free murder)

 

    I will protect you! Will work for cheese.

 

    *no bad guys please

 

You never know what Bubbles is up to!

 

Mother of Monster

 

    Monster, Maine Coon Extraordinaire. I shed so you don't have to.

 

Or: I shed so you can too!

 

Amy Johnson

 

    Chloe

    mama canis

    Gentle and joyful doter on children of various ages and species.

    Temporarily transforms into mama ursa to protect them from the vacuum cleaner.

    aka: Good Girl

 

oh the evil vacuum!!

 

Karen Baldwin

 

    He dominates me.

    “Ow! Don’t bite my hair! It’s 4 a.m.!”

    His eyes squint his desire.

    “Fine!”

    As he chomps the Whiskas salmon flakes, I coo, “Love you, Indie boy.”

 

We are all slaves to our feline overlords.

 

Michael Seese

 

    Allie, a.k(anine).a. "Doggo"

 

    Chasing balls since 2018

 

Catching balls since ?

 

E.M. Goldsmith

 

    Rest in peace, Frankie. The best pug ever.

    I will see you on the other side. Keep watch

    as you always have. I’ll be home soon.

 

Not too soon E.M.!!!!

 

Theblondepi

 

    HUBERT THE DOG

    Angel on Earth

    now angel in Heaven

    (treats still accepted)

 

I'm sorry for your loss. I still mourn my Newfie, gone for many years, but never forgotten.

A good girl always.

 

Tomas Zandir

 

    Holly: One of a legion of feline impersonators sent by rulers of planet Xanon to enslave human population of Earth. Mission wildly successful!

 

Bowser, household dog, is still a problem.

 

One feels for Bowser.

 

travelkat

 

    My name’s Patrick, King of Cats;

    Look on my Snores, ye Mighty, and despair!

    Nothing beside remains

    In the colossal wreck of my food-dish

    Now it’s time to play.

 

Nice homage to Percy Shelley, who did in fact have a cat (or more than one!)

“When my cats aren't happy, I'm not happy. Not because I care about their mood, but because I know they're just sitting there, thinking up ways to get even.”

― Percy Bysshe Shelley

 

 

 

J.R. Raglow

 

    From hello Molly, you choose me?

    As sweet as fine chocolate

    Lab of my life,

    Bar dog, car dog, barn dog, bird dog,

    Danger detector, domain protector,

    Partner, companion, friend.

 

This is just perfect.

 

KDJames

 

    Cauliflower, aka The White Ninja

 

    Intrepidly Accessing the Inaccessible, since 2008

 

    Specialities

    - napping

    - purring

    - shedding

    - acrobatic zoomies, extra

 

    Payment

    - fish, chicken, treats

    - effusive praise

    - petting, scritches

 

    Contact

    - invitation only

 

Invitation only indeed!

Lovely.

 

 

Colin Smith

 

    Seouler and Momo: Bug-catchers extraordinaire. Proving you need neither sight nor sanity to hunt pests.

 

They use The Force!

 

BJ Muntain

 

    Little Girl Dog creeps

    Softly in my dreams; Angel

    Racing lightning down.

 

    Koko, my heart dog,

    Always beside me; Angel

    He will always be.

 

Angel seems very aptly named.

 

SDK

 

    Kokhan: Cat for hire.

    Will shred all your enemy’s soft furnishings and knock over all fragile artefacts of value.

    In and out in 30 mins. Discreet. 100% satisfaction guaranteed.

 

Tip him with tuna?

 

Tain Leonard-Peck

 

    Prehistoric reptile, mix-and-match critter. Alligator tail, lizard legs, hydraulic cutter jaws. Living behind glass for your safety, not mine. Pet me at your peril, turtle with a snap.

 

Hydraulic cutter jaws!!!

Love this.

 

John Davis Frain

 

    Calvin

    Experienced walking companion

    No leash necessary

 

What a good boy!

 

EasternRose

 

    Thelma and Louise, bonded rescue rabbits.

 

    Plunging in cars not their thing.

 

    Will beg for Timothy hay.

 

    Will cuddle for willow.

 

So glad they are not intent on driving off a cliff.

(that scene still haunts me.)

 

 

Kregger

 

    Barn Mouse: Extraordinaire!

 

    Creepy, poopy, destructive.

 

    Cohabitant: Kregger

 

    He hates me.

Yes, but does he call you a "tailless toilet user"? (Duchess of Yowl)

 

 

 

Fburgos

 

    My name is Hudson

    I'm a cadaver dog

    And I just found my master.

 

oh god, the subtlety and ambiguity of this just blows me away.

 

 

Barbara Etlin

 

    Echo, Sheltie (always remembered)

 

    Intruder-chaser, Blue Jays very short stop, model, philosopher, poet

    Hobbies: napping, guarding the bathroom door

 

    I'm a Sheltie. Don't call me "mini Lassie."

 

Indeed not!!

 

 

 

*****

Thanks to all of you who took the time to write and post entries.

They were indeed a day week weeks brightener!