A friend and I were talking about her dogs and she casually mentioned she had business cards for them!
Well, that made me curious so I asked to see one.
Kind soul that she was, she didn't mention she'd have to go digging, but dig she did.
Here it is:
So this week's flash fiction contest is: write copy for your dog/cat/dragon pet of any sort and post it in the comments column of this blog post.
Word count limit: 30 words.
You must include your familiar's name. You don't need to tell a story.
And your familiar doesn't need to be anything but themselves (ie couch potatoes are not discouraged.)
Here's what I would write about my fuzzy friend Mx Pix:
Mx Pix: Parkour Champion of Astoria Queens.
I leap while you sleep.
31 comments:
Hi! I’m Fluffy.
I chose to spend one of my nine lives standing guard over Dimitrius during the rough 90’s.
My reward was a bat I caught all by myself!
All who visit are advised to keep their hands to themselves. Yes, he’s a large cat, and he might be my pet, but his name is Bob for a reason
I'm Frankie the Fearful, fleeing the house at every knock at the door since 2017. But I'll cuddle with you in bed every night too.
Zoey: (noun) petite cuddly feline. Black void. Impatient eater, fluffy yarn ball destroyer, spring chaser. Scared of the dark. That comfy seat you wanted? It’s mine. Your bed? Also mine.
I’m Molly the maltipoo: master of suspense. Hobbies include rolling dirty (in the grass), sprinting (at Olympic speed), and barking at animals on television (especially make-believe creatures in allergy commercials).
Pepper—now known as whiny dog
Used to sit
Used to stay
Got spoiled by Grandma.
Still a sweetheart.
I’m Stetson the schnoodle: a loyal companion. Skills include licking people (unexpectedly), napping (snoring loudly while farting silently), and winning staring contests (especially effective when grandparents and bacon are involved).
Wascally wabbits destroying your garden? You need Annie, the rabbit chaser who never slows down.* Call 1-800-462-6643, that's 1-800-GOANNIE.
*Disclaimer: Annie has never actually caught a rabbit.
Marilla: I am Maggie’s moggy, defender of hearth and home against mice, rats, shrews, snakes, bats, and all things like that. Weasels are my specialty: quick clean kills ensured.
Captain Jack, a.k.a. the Boston Terr(o)r
Peg-legged. Born under a bad sign.
Lack of intelligence surpassed only by absurd loyalty to anyone with food.
Poppy: Watchdog, snuggler.
Ready for any* threat:
- Humans wearing hats
- Bubbles
- Bunnies (includes free murder)
I will protect you! Will work for cheese.
*no bad guys please
Monster, Maine Coon Extraordinaire. I shed so you don't have to.
Chloe
mama canis
Gentle and joyful doter on children of various ages and species.
Temporarily transforms into mama ursa to protect them from the vacuum cleaner.
aka: Good Girl
He dominates me.
“Ow! Don’t bite my hair! It’s 4 a.m.!”
His eyes squint his desire.
“Fine!”
As he chomps the Whiskas salmon flakes, I coo, “Love you, Indie boy.”
Allie, a.k(anine).a. "Doggo"
Chasing balls since 2018
Rest in peace, Frankie. The best pug ever.
I will see you on the other side. Keep watch
as you always have. I’ll be home soon.
HUBERT THE DOG
Angel on Earth
now angel in Heaven
(treats still accepted)
Holly: One of a legion of feline impersonators sent by rulers of planet Xanon to enslave human population of Earth. Mission wildly successful! Bowser, household dog, is still a problem.
My name’s Patrick, King of Cats;
Look on my Snores, ye Mighty, and despair!
Nothing beside remains
In the colossal wreck of my food-dish
Now it’s time to play.
From hello Molly, you choose me?
As sweet as fine chocolate
Lab of my life,
Bar dog, car dog, barn dog, bird dog,
Danger detector, domain protector,
Partner, companion, friend.
Cauliflower, aka The White Ninja
Intrepidly Accessing the Inaccessible, since 2008
Specialities
- napping
- purring
- shedding
- acrobatic zoomies, extra
Payment
- fish, chicken, treats
- effusive praise
- petting, scritches
Contact
- invitation only
Seouler and Momo: Bug-catchers extraordinaire. Proving you need neither sight nor sanity to hunt pests.
Little Girl Dog creeps
Softly in my dreams; Angel
Racing lightning down.
Koko, my heart dog,
Always beside me; Angel
He will always be.
Kokhan: Cat for hire.
Will shred all your enemy’s soft furnishings and knock over all fragile artefacts of value.
In and out in 30 mins. Discreet. 100% satisfaction guaranteed.
Prehistoric reptile, mix-and-match critter. Alligator tail, lizard legs, hydraulic cutter jaws. Living behind glass for your safety, not mine. Pet me at your peril, turtle with a snap.
Calvin
Experienced walking companion
No leash necessary
Thelma and Louise, bonded rescue rabbits.
Plunging in cars not their thing.
Will beg for Timothy hay.
Will cuddle for willow.
Barn Mouse: Extraordinaire!
Creepy, poopy, destructive.
Cohabitant: Kregger
He hates me.
My name is Hudson
I'm a cadaver dog
And I just found my master.
Echo, Sheltie (always remembered)
Intruder-chaser, Blue Jays very short stop, model, philosopher, poet
Hobbies: napping, guarding the bathroom door
I'm a Sheltie. Don't call me "mini Lassie."
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