I may actually be ready to get back to work!
Your contest entries were terrific! Thanks to all who took the time to write and post.
Herewith the results:
Kudos for not quite a story but these made me laugh(always welcome!)
Alina Sergachov
flashfriday
John Davis Frain
Special recognition to Linda Shantz for getting
There’s hot money on Smokescreen. He’s a dead cert, really. In The Frame is odds against.
I might forfeit respect today, but I’ll take that risk. More than the purse, what I’ll make betting my 100-1 longshot will keep the banker at bay. No proof of talent needed to enter, just nerve. Rule number one of this game: anything can happen.
Mid-stretch, Frame gets his second wind and bolts straight through a break in the pack for a flying finish.
Enquiry flashes on the board, and now my comeback in this rat race is in the hands of the stewards.
and Leilani with 20 too!
Tell me straight, what’re the odds against it?
It’s a long shot. I’m afraid we’ll come to grief.
I won’t bolt. It’s money inna bank. Er. Pocket.
You’ve nerve enough. But if they come back with an enquiry? I’d forfeit everything. I don’t like playing for such high stakes. I need proof you’ve got the whip hand.
What about a trial run? For kicks. Lessen the risk, y’see? ‘Sides, wild horses couldn’t catch me. Not to brag, but I’m a dead cert. I got an edge!
All right. I’ll create a smokescreen. You go take that candy from that baby.
Did I miss any other entries with multiple titles?
Here are the entries that really stood out for me:
Steph Ellis
“This ban kerfuffle ain’t ‘alf playing with me nerves,” said Doris. “I mean, look at them all out there.”
“Yeah, but we’re an at risk group,” said Elsie, emptying her glass. “This rum must be 100% proof. My eyes are watering summat rotten.”
“That’ll be the drains backing up again,” said Doris. “All sorts coming out the sewers these days.”
“Yeah,” giggled Elsie. “Like Shar shuffling around with that crowd. They’re not 2m apart.”
“Means she’s forfeited her place on our WI Calendar. She was a dead cert for Miss July.”
“Now she’s just dead,” said Elsie. “Should’ve stayed inside.”
It's the WI calendar that got me.
For those of you who haven't read enough Agatha Christie, WI is Women's Institute.
And I like the dead cert/just dead pairing. This made me laugh.
Timothy Lowe
“Bank error in your favor!” Marcus beamed. “Collect two hundred dollars.”Lovely twist at the end of course is what made me laugh.
Joey forked over the money. “If only it were so easy.”
Frank harrumphed. “Christ, I’m bored. This game moves like molasses.”
“Risk would’ve been better.”
“No risk nowadays. No reward either.” Joey rolled the dice. “Get out of jail free? What the actual fuck?”
Marcus cackled. “Better hold onto that one.”
“Hey, you just stole from the bank!”
“Got proof?”
“The nerve --!”
“Forget it! I forfeit!”
“Hey, check this out! Governor says we’re Un-Pausing!”
“About time!”
They grabbed their Glocks. Donned masks.
“Thank God things are back to normal!”
MelSavransky
George never read the fine print. Not on his timeshare, divorce papers, heart medication, or the terms and conditions on his life-coach app, Sulfuric Solutions.It's hard to go wrong with pitchfork wielding hamster.
A pitchfork-wielding hamster bounced on-screen. “I’m Rudy, Incorporeal Asset Forfeiture specialist. HowcanIhelpyou?”
“I’d like a life,” said George.
“We don’t do swaps; too risky.”
“I mean, money.”
Rudy frowned. “We’re not bankers. We help folks move on.”
“I want proof-- a free sample.”
“Sure!”
The phone shook.
George gripped his chest. “You’re supposed to be a life coach!”
“We are-- we coach you out of it. Didn’t you read the contract? Humans gotta lotta nerve.”
And people who don't read the fine print drive me bats too.
alyson faye
It was such a risk these days going outside. You could forget dating. Howard really regretted not getting a girlfriend before lockdown.
He’d kept his nerve with the stunning Juliette though- asked her for proof of income and job prospects on their last pre-lockdown date.
Her parting shot, “Once a banker, always a w*****!” had been hurtful.
How he wished he’d lowered his standards. He’d have someone to play Forfeit with and even Strip Poker.
Howard sighed, scratched his belly, slurped another beer, and considered changing his vest and boxers.
Yeah, she was really missing out. Big time.
"how he wished he'd lowered his standards" --I'm STILL laughing 24 hours later.
S.D. King
Anything for the part. Lose 20. Gain 50. Any role, any price.I'm always happy to see sea creatures here on the blog!
Proof: this time, look twenty for “Little Mermaid 3.”
She hit up the banker for 12K, worked up nerve to risk surgery during a pandemic.
Back home, bandaged face, stitches in neck, then a tickle in throat.
Soon wracking, unstoppable coughing. Bloody bandages, loose stitches. No EMT.
She loosened gauze to see gaping slits from ear to collarbone that flapped with each cough.
Her career forfeited for vanity, she filled the tub and sunk under- inhaling deeply. The slits, now gills took over.
NYT Review: Best mermaid ever.
C. Dan Castro
Charles’ club. The retired rear admiral waves us over. “How's the left hand?”The last line is pure genius.
I splay the new fingers. Slowly. "Nerves're still dodgy."
“But no chance of rejection?”
“Always a risk. But there's a bigger issue. Remember the donor?”
“A...dead banker?”
“Learned he’s buried. With both hands.”
“But...there's proof. PAPERWORK!”
“Counter--”
“FOR--”
“--feit.”
“--GOD'S SAKE!”
"There's worse," Chico says.
“Worse?”
Chico offers a folder. "I ran Sid's new prints."
Charles reads. Blanches.
Reginald Stout. Missing six months. Jenny Roland’s husband.
Jenny’s my ex.
Charles' daughter.
“Wh-what now?”
“Sid Halley-Chico Barnes Investigations is back. To nail the responsible bastards.”
You need to have read Odds Against to get the story here but I still love this.
Just Jan
A soft wind blew over the crowd gathered in front of the cave.Honestly there are days I think we brought this on ourselves.
A grizzly lumbered forward. “It’s a viable option. Doesn’t matter if they’re bankers or lumberjacks--I want them out of my habitat.”
“Too r-risky,” said a young gorilla, unnerved by the bear.
“Dealing with terrorists is never a good solution,” bayed a pack of hounds. “Besides, it’s disloyal.”
“But they’ve given us proof,” pleaded a pangolin. “We must intervene before more species are forfeited.”
The bat re-emerged, upside down, from the shadows. “Creatures of the Earth, what say ye? Shall we release the corona virus on mankind?”
I usually snap out of it, but watching people protesting their lack of haircuts and inability to get free refills at McDonalds makes me think Darwin is laughing somewhere. Laughing hard.
I'm almost sure I know who gets the nod this week, BUT maybe I missed a noteworthy entry? Let me know; and let me know who you think should take home the prize!
Update: VERY illuminating comments, and you can tell from the late hour of the update that I dithered for a while.
But in the end, I went with the entry I loved first: C. Dan Castro.
It violates one of my biggest rules: you have to understand it without context, but I don't care this week!
It's utterly dependent on having read Odds Against, the first Sid Halley novel by Dick Francis. One of my all time favorite books of all time, ever ever ever.
So, congrats C. Dan Castro for finishing first in a field of first class entrants!
I wish there was a prize, but my post office is really up against it with the Corona virus stuff, so I'm doing my part by not mailing anything till we see the goal posts on this.
Thanks to all of you who wrote and posted entries!
So delighted to see so many Dick Francis fans here!! I knew you had good taste of course; this just cements it.
33 comments:
Good morning, Janet. Thank you very much for mentioning me! It means a lot.
I like Dan Castro's entry. It took me a while to realize why the names sound familiar (I read these books approximately fifteen years ago), but I loved it! Left hand. Wow. Sid Halley used to be one of my favourite characters (after Alexander Kinloch).
Oh, and Linda Shantz got 20 Dick Francis titles in the entry - you missed Longshot. :)
Thanks Alina!
Kudos to John Davis Frain for the line "Francis Richard rises. At four-foot-ten, it doesn't take long." Love these lines, and the subtle reference to Dick Francis himself.
For best entries, I would give shout-outs to Brigid, S.D. King, and Timothy Lowe.
Ooof. The standard's so high me pom-poms caught fire.
Dan Castro for me I think. But with enormous hat tips to SD King for seriously creepy horror, and Mel for introducing pitchfork-wielding hamsters to the reef.
Easily Timothy Lowe this week. Made me laugh.
Thank you, Janet for mentioning my story for the shortlist. And thanks for keeping us engaged during this shut down.
Of the finalists, I’d go with Just Jan.
Other shout-outs to Casual-T for the nice breakdown of forfeit and to John Davis Frain.
Ooh, tough choice! Tim Lowe was my fave the first time round, closely followed by Steph Ellis and Just Jan, but Alyson Faye made me smirk. Widely.
Tricky.
Tim Lowe and Just Jan get my vote this week.
Agree with C.Dan Castro about JFrain's cool line.
Congrats to all the finalists! I liked Tim Lowe’s and Just Jan’s the most. I also enjoyed Colin Smith’s and Michael Seese’s from the original list. Thanks Janet for the break from boredom.
Congrats everybody! MelSavransky's and S.D. King's both packed punch - and were really memorable. Not going to forget either of those in a hurry.
Of stories not on Janet's list, french sojourn socked me in the soul, and Craig F. I'm genuinely worried; could you please say if that was biographical and if not are you OK?
D'oh! I mean Craig, if YES are you OK.
S.D. King gets my vote-- what a tail!
Difficult choice. They are all terrific. I really don't know which one I would pick.
Thanks for posting mine, Janet. Look forward to the final results.
Timothy Lowe's story is tops in my book, in a photo finish with Just Jan's. But those two lines from John Davis Frain, "Francis Richard rises. At four-foot-ten, it doesn’t take long", have won a place in my Hall of Fame and in my heart forever. And at 5'1" in shoes, I'm delighted to tower over anyone.
Thanks, C. Dan Castro!
There were so many good ones this week. Mel Savransky had me laughing by line 2, and I loved the twist.
So many excellent entries in this group, but Tim Lowe's return to the Old Normal stood out most. One tidbit I loved was the little hint early on when a guy pulled the Get out of jail free card (Reaction: what the ACTUAL fuck?) and his partner cackles to hold on to that one. Perfect payoff a few lines later!
Tip o' the cap to Dan Castro's brilliant play on FORFEIT. Especially coming from a guy who struggled with both FORFEIT and BANKER. For the love of money, why couldn't Dick Francis have simply named the book Bank? It would've allowed so much more freedom.
And a virtual high five to Alison Faye. Cracked me up. And scared me at the same time, being so close to the truth. I know that guy. In fact, I know six times over I think.
So many good stories. Being cooped up seems to have fired up our imaginations. I can't just pick one.
My favorites from Janet's list were Steph Ellis, Tim Lowe, and SD King. Other favorites were Alina Sergachov, Steve Forti, Luralee, Brigid, and Marie McKay. I'm very glad I don't have to make a final decision here.
I'm not choosing anyone's. I'm not a good judge in this.
I have only 1 question (triggered by the first sentence, below the headline of this post!!): how THIN is a Dick Francis novel??
P.S. *AT this, maybe? (oh, English prepositions...)
Picking winners has never been my forte, but my vote would go to C Dan Castro because Sid Halley is my favourite Dick Francis character!
If forced to pick a winner, it would be Janet for reading 30 novels in a week!!
Well done finalists. :) And thank you for the shout-out Mallory. That brightened my day. :D
High fives to Linda. :)
I think Timothy Lowe's was my favorite.
Timothy Lowe is definitely my favorite. It made me laugh when I first read it (don’t know what that says about me but ah well. A good twist.
Congratulations, C. Dan Castro! So good it broke the rules. :)
I have updated the contest spreadsheet in the Treasure Chest.
If there's a method for us commoners to tell what time the update occurs, it's a method unknown to me.
That said, congratulations Dan. I confess to not understanding the genius at the end, but I trust it's there.
Thanks for hosting again, Janet. Maybe next time we can all read our entries over Zoom.
Sorry, sorry, I thought this was one a them brainstorms that had no bad ideas. I'll be moving along now...
Congratulations, C. Dan Castro!! I must admit, I have not read any Sid Halley novels, but if Janet says your last line is pure genius, then pure genius it is.
And thanks for the shout-out, Matt Krizan. Much appreciated.
Congratulations, C.Dan Castro. Well done, all. The finalists were all so good. Thanks Just Jan for the shout out. That's made my day.
Congrats C.Dan, well done, enjoy your victory!
Thanks JanR, my Dad truly loved Dick Francis, he was buried with that paperback. semi true story, but the books names were changed to work with the prompts.
Thanks QOTKU for your time and effort in these fun writing exercises.
Good job C Dan Castro . Congratulations.
Many, many thanks Janet! And to all for your shout-outs and congrats. As Janet and others said/suggested, my entry is a love letter to Sid Halley, ex-jockey turned detective. And if you don't know Sid Halley, at least read Odds Against, Whip Hand, and the impactful Come To Grief. More recently, son Felix Francis wrote Refusal, in which Sid has a chance for a hand transplant.
And I thought, what if the donor was not whom it was supposed to be?
And then I thought, what if some vicious, sick, revenge-driven bastard made that "error" happen?
Now filled with the joy of victory and head a bit swelled, I merely need to corner Felix Francis and convince him we should jointly write a Sid Halley novel, giving the nearly indestructible hero a chance to, well, ride again! (What? It could happen!)
BIG congrats to C. Dan Castro - well done!
Congrats, C. Dan Castro. Great field of entries again! Thank you, Janet.
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