Since I have a warped sense of humor sometimes, and the sense of humor of 12-year-old boy at other times, it's hard to predict what I will find funny. (And to my chagrin, a joke I cracked last week at the office sent my colleagues skittering off in all directions, looks of horror across their cherubic faces--oops)
Herewith the final list:
Geoff Holme 7:58am
The groom sat gazing anxiously down the aisle, as Reverend Felix Mauser slumped over the lectern, a faraway look in his eyes.Chala 9:07am
Another bridal no-show...
“Seriously. Look away.”
“Can’t. She’s like a rat in a trap.”
“You’ll recover. I wasted four of my nine lives watching.”
“What is it?”
Laura 9:10am
Dissertation topic: Epistemology and ambiguous perspective: An analysis of the feline gaze in Internet memes
Dena Pawling 12:24pm
Which is slower? Grass growing? Paint drying? Water boiling? This author working?
Patience, Mittens. If she doesn't feed us soon, I'll sit on her keyboard.
Beth 12:51pm
Do you know what time it is, young lady?
Janice Grinyer 1:01pm
...........SALESALESALE...........
No control controlling Social Media?
Tired of never finishing THE Novel?
!!!!!!Buy JUDGEMENT CATS** now!!!!!!
**accessories & body protective gear not included
Angie Brooksby-Arcangioli 1:04pm
"Mini-mi, the invite said black tie!"
Adib Khorram 2:09pm
Mr. Spock and I have made contact with a primitive culture attempting to our curry favor with offers of food and physical contact, but the Prime Directive prohibits any such interference with a developing species.
Craig F 3:18pm
Dinner party? That is where our litter box has ALWAYS BEEN. We didn’t move it or agree that you could. Quit screaming already.
I have one entry in mind as the winner (and two others really close behind that one) but I'm always interested to see who you think should win, and of course, the entries I didn't list that you loved.
Final results later today.
----------------
We have a very loose definition of "day" here at Chez Yowl apparently.
Sorry about that.
I was busy with my petting duties.
The laptop cover was closed while Her Grace stared me in to compliance.
Anyway!
The winner is Janice Grinyer 1:01pm. That entry induced not just a laugh but a guffaw.
And god, knows, we need some laughs these days!
Janice, email me your mailing address and we'll get a prize in the mail to you.
Thanks to all of you who entered! It was a lot of fun to read your work, and as always I'm in awe of your abilities!
I like Craig's entry. (Though Dena Pawling gets props because of her name.)
ReplyDeleteJanice Grinyer!
ReplyDeleteLaura on the feline gaze and Janice on judgement cats!
ReplyDeleteGeoff Holme. How can you resist a cat wedding?
ReplyDeleteJanice and Adib. And Dena. Who am I kidding? I love them all.
ReplyDeleteJanice! But wait - Craig, too!
ReplyDeleteI vote for Laura
ReplyDeleteGeoff Holme gets number one from us. Followed by Adib.
ReplyDeleteGeoff, followed by Chala. I almost deleted my entry after reading these two.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely Craig's litterbox relocation and the resulting feline retribution...
ReplyDeleteI would actually buy a couple of judgement cats at this point so yeah, Janice. These were hilarious and fun to read. I was house hunting yesterday and wasn't back in time to enter, but what fun to read last night. Great for chuckles.
ReplyDeleteLaura, Janice, and Craig.
ReplyDeleteI spend too much time with academics not to love Laura's - I plan to share it as a party joke later this afternoon...
Thanks for all the laughs!
Chala's wins for me hands down. (Although I think there's a crucial word missing from it where it's posted above?)
ReplyDeleteI'm flipping a coin between Dena and Craig.
ReplyDeleteOkay, best two out of three...
So hard to choose! I got a kick out of Geoff's entry when reading them yesterday. Also, the entry from (not a finalist this time) Melanie Sue Bowles--clever with the song from the musical Cats.
ReplyDeleteI nearly wet myself when I read Kate Higgens, 'They're binge watching the blank wall...again.' Although her entry isn't among these, I'd choose hers.
ReplyDeleteMy vote is for Dena's. Good luck choosing.
I'm thrilled my entry is a finalist.
Thanks Angie...it's obvious you have wall-watching kitties. It gives me the creeps when i find them entranced with a wall or a corner at night :/ Congrats on being a finalist to you (and everyone)!!!
ReplyDeleteI liked them all, but Craig's made me laugh the most! Spoken just like a cat.
ReplyDeleteAnother not-a-finalist-this-time I liked was Kathryn's about cats watching cute human videos on MewTube--I've spent some time watching cute cat videos. So many funny entries.
ReplyDeleteMy vote's for Janice. Judgment Cats. Yeah, I could do with one of those. :)
ReplyDeleteThough naturally I'm partial to my entry, Dena's is the one that made me laugh out loud.
ReplyDeleteWell, Holy Schnitzel, I made the LIST. Hot damn. Congrats to everyone and thank you my Queen for the contest.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteI'm a finalist?! Yay!
Of the entries chosen, I like Craig's.
These are GREAT!
ReplyDeleteI love them all, but if you're twisting my arm, Janice and Craig. And Greg. And...
Seriously, all here are winners.
I didn't enter b/c Little Dog is sick. He's not been sick in the entire 4 years we've had him - except - he has - possibly the entire time, and we didn't know it. I had to make a mad scramble to a vet yesterday morning, (his wouldn't answer the d*mn phone) and discovered he has pancreatitis. She said it's likely been "smoldering" all this time. THIS is why my little guy won't eat some days. THIS is why he's acting depressed, or doesn't seem to want to play on occasion. Now that I KNOW he has it - it's clear as day. He is better today - but I'm having to shoot the nastiest, most vile medicine down his throat twice a day - and he is QUITE dramatic about it - but I can't blame him. I touched the tip if my finger to it and it is VILE.
Anyway. I am very strict with his food, so I was flabbergasted. She said it's likely been brought on b/c the foster home was constantly switching up his food. One of her other dogs developed IBS. She was emailing me in the beginning talking about "oh I have ABby eating this now," and "I have them eating this now." Something different about every month.
LONG I know, but my poor little guy has been sick for years! Argh.
I like all of these and can't pick just one. Honestly, I'm grateful for anything that makes me laugh these days, so a big thank you to everyone who did that. I tried to write something funny and . . . it just didn't work. I think my funny is broken.
ReplyDeleteOh, Donna, I'm so sorry to hear that. Now that you know what it is, hopefully you can manage it. Hugs to you and the little guy.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry, Donna, but good you know now. I know bad-tasting meds and dogs are a challange, so you and Little Dog are in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteDonna: It sounds like you're using syringe, which is pretty much the only way to get liquid medicine down a dog's throat. So that's good. You might try following up with something extra special to get the taste out of his mouth, and he might be more amenable to it. Vet-approved, of course. Pancreatitis is nothing to play around with. They don't like having anything shoved down their throats, but they can get used to it. Is he on a special diet now? If I remember right, pancreatitis can also be brought on or aggravated by fat, so there are special diets for pancreatic dogs. (Of course, my memory can be faulty, and it's been nearly 4 years since I had to nurse a sick dog.)
ReplyDeleteBe strong for Little Mister Dog, follow the vet's orders, and take care of yourself, too. Having a sick furbaby is stressful, and you do need to care for the caregiver, too. Eventually he'll feel much better, and so will you.
Donna: so sorry to hear about Little Dog's condition. Best wishes for a speedy recovery!
ReplyDeleteDonna, so sorry about little dog. I hope he is feeling much better soon.
ReplyDeleteHope your little pup feels better soon, Donnaeve!
ReplyDeleteGlad I could make you laugh, JR, and the Reiders too - Better than the alternative ;)
I think Craig might have had personal experience in mind when he wrote his entry. I chuckled laughed snorted throughout reading his, knowing "yes, cats really would do that!" - they are vindictive in too many ways. I say give the win to Craig just so he can swap out his personal experience with good thoughts instead :D
Thank you for having these contests, JR. I realized that I like visual prompts, and it inspired me now to use them whenever I get "stuck" while writing. It's great to have another tool in the toolbox. Either I will become a better writer, or I can make a poor living generating memes on Reddit.
(BTW Grammarians I did vacillate between using the American spelling of "judgment" versus "I have Canadian friends I correspond too often with" spelling of "judgement". My cats weren't in the room so... *shrug* ... we went rogue.)
Congrats to Janice!
ReplyDeleteCongrats, Janice!!
ReplyDeleteAm ordering a Judgement Cat, pronto!
Congrats to Janice on a well deserved win!
ReplyDeleteAll of the entries this week were truly wonderful, and have helped me smile, which was sorely needed these past few days.
I'm afraid my entry was not humorous at all as I was grieving. A close friend of my brother's was discovered dead on the road on Friday. His loss is even more maddening and tragic as another member of their tight-knit circle was killed in a bike vs. deer crash back in June.
Megan: I'm so sorry to hear your news. Sending warm thoughts your way :-(
ReplyDeleteFrom time to time, it strikes me that while we're all in the world together, each of us has our own life and what's going on in it. Some people are dancing--and should be, while others are grieving. And that's how it goes. Ah, Ecclesiastes.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations to Janice on a funny entry--hope your win brings cheer. And dancing. Donna, hope you're doing okay with your little dog. Sorry about your news, Megan.
Congrats, Janice!
ReplyDeleteCongrats Janice and Donna. I'm thinkin' bout' ya. Hang in.
ReplyDeleteCongrats Janice!
ReplyDeleteCongrats, Janice!
ReplyDeleteOOoooh! Im going to do my gold dance as demonstrated on "The Detectorists" !
ReplyDeleteThank you JR, glad I could make you GUFFAW. That's like the pinnacle of all LAUGHTERS. (Yes its a word. Okay not really but it stays.)
DANCING *fist pump in the air ouch* SHUFFLE DANCING
:D
The captions were so fun to read through.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the win Janice!!