This is unbearable! This is a grizzly situation. Pandamonium could break out at any minute! We'll try to bear with it all and you'll be back on your paws in no time.
Seriously, get well, Most Mighty Shark! The waters are just a bit duller without you. :)
Meanwhile, this would be one of those time where we could expend our commenting energy on the List of Blog Readers and their Blogs, AKA, Carkoon's Most Wanted. I've added a couple of new folks recently, so let's be sociable! :)
Can I bring you soup? Please rest lots. Get better. Lots of liquids, rest, warm blankets. Oh dear, oh dear. Get well soon. We will hold down the fort and Colin until you're all better.
Okay, finally got to read some of yesterday’s comments, (not all I’m afraid). Since today is a little different maybe we can streeeeetch the rules a bit.
To Laura May, I have advice regarding writing with a newborn.
Up until I had my babies, writing, to me, was a colossal waste of time. It made me feel selfish. How could I spend time doing something that was so self-centered? For what purpose, what end? Then, after becoming a mom, a life-changing day. House was relatively clean, chores done, I was not tired, (hard to believe but I wasn’t), baby slept, I was bored. I began to write and DID NOT feel guilty. I made nap-time, my-time to write. No longer was writing a waste of time. Within two months my first published piece. That was thirty years ago. For years I have been writing around the edges of family-life. It’s hard but doable. Enjoy your sweet baby and the time you find to live your dreams. One is about to come true. Ain’t life grand?
Something is going around. I hope it's more of a cold/sore throat thing than the flu thing. Or the stomach virus thing. I'd rather have a raging fever than to have a stomach virus!
While you're laid up, I hope you have a good book! Read any Ron Rash? If not, OMG, I'm reading ONE FOOT IN EDEN, and although I wasn't crazy about the POV for "The High Sheriff," once he got into "The Wife" and "The Husband," POV's...it's the first book in a long time I can't wait to get back to and see what's going to happen.
Lucia/Mona - I used Google Translate to decipher your Japanese, but I don't think it did a great job, but I still think I got the gist of your messages to each other! :)
Most under the weather just wouldn't post. Thanks for caring so much! Hope you get well soon!
Colin - I have a baby blog (a whopping 3 entries), and I'm not sure what the guidelines are for adding one's name to the list, but if I qualify I would love to! I have definitely enjoyed snooping around a few of the others :)
Hey, I can bring Japanese into this comment thread, too, and lend it legitimacy with a definitely-on-topic-but-yesterday's-totally-was-too-cough-cough-no-really phrase of well wishing:
お大事に！ Pronunciation: odaiji ni Translation: Get well/take care
See, I'm not greedy, though with a fellow Japanese speaker around, talking about y'all isn't out of the question. ^_^
Lennon (and others who need to know): If you want to be added to The List, drop me an email (see my Blogger profile) with the name by which you normally comment, and the links to the social media platforms you would like listed, whether a blog, Twitter, Pintrest, Instagram--whatever social media you would call "home." So don't list your MySpace account that you haven't posted to in five years. This is supposed to be like dropping in on each other's homes, a chance to get to know one another on each other's home turf, to see what interests us, maybe what we're writing, what we're reading, etc.
I probably won't get around to adding links until later today, so you might want to post links here as well as emailing me. The email will serve as a reminder to my aging brain. :)
I recently had a cold and couldn't even read. Only mind-numbing television helped. Give yourself ten days (I know, I know, you don't have ten days to spare), but it takes all of the ten before your nose stops dripping, and you can speak normally.
Of course, I'm assuming you have a cold. Could be scurvy.
Amanda, that's a surprisingly complicated question because Japanese doesn't have one single word for "you." So, going with a more casual, colloquial one that goes better with y'all, I'd say a decent translation might be お前ら: omaera, rhymes with Elvira.
Thanks Carolynn! I've had lots of lovely comments, and heard lots of encouraging stories. I think the main thing I will try and remember is to go with the flow rather than attempt any kind of schedule, which will be a very different way of working, but ultimately more productive and peaceful :-)
There once was a shark named JR Who ruled her kingdom from afar One day she fell sick Now's our chance, hurry quick, Entertain her today Make the blues go away And she'll unbanish all Carkoonish miscreants.
Sorry to hear you're not feeling well. I hope it's a minor one and that you are up and about in no time, preforming back-flips in the Atlantic.
(It must feel nice to check in and see all these wonderful people that genuinely care about you. It's a well deserved form of respect for all the blood, sweat, and tears; (Albeit Shark tears) that you put into this community.)
We should not create more work for our ailing queen. Colin, who will judge this impromptu contest? Or will it just be for practice? Or do you just really miss Carkoon?
Jacques's body cut through the ocean, oblivious to the oxygen tanks strapped to his back. He suddenly stopped.
"Hmm," he thought. "Everysing iz not ticketty-boo. Zere is somesing wrong."
He put out his hand. Not a particle of snark.
Suddenly the world shook. At first Jacques thought it was an earthquake. Then he noticed the constant to and fro motion. The water above broke. It was a face red as fire, with a malevolent grin and vitriolic eyes. The Devil himself.
"I should have known," sighed Jacques. "Ze Shark is sick, so ze ocean goes to hell in a handbasket."
Janet, I hope you feel better soon. It's the pits you're out of it.
I'll try to hit some of the blogs later. I'm still taking the writing class and trying to catch up on Books and Writers stuff. I'm behind on everything, but I have been sticking to my writing daily schedule.
I've also been working on my website. As per Janet's suggestions previously, I'm going to get the blog on schedule. I was supposed to post yesterday, but didn't get it up until toady. Oops. I've decided to do book reviews a couple of times a month The French Executioner by C.C. Humphreys will be the first.
I'll pass on the flash fiction contest. When I feel crappy, the last thing I want to do is stare at an electronic screen. QOTKU is probably made of sterner stuff than I and will enjoy it. I'm not a very good patient. My ex knew well when I was sick, "Bring me some 7-Up and medicine, turn off the lights and shut the door. Check on me occasionally to see if I'm dead, but other than that, leave me alone."
Lucia, that is just too much fun. I plan on using the Japanese word that rhymes with Elvira every freaking chance I get.
And Sherry, you used 'miscreant' in a ... poem? verse? haiku? Whatever, much admiration for your dexterity with words.
Can't join in the impromptu challenge, Colin, much as I'd like to. I'm thinking the comments themselves are quite entertaining. But I am so looking forward to what you come up with using those particular prompts.
Hope you can get lots of rest, and of course, cuddle time with Loaner cat. They can come through for you at the oddest moments; let's hope loaner cat has read the "Indoor guide to handling hoomans" handbook.
A malevolent wind crashed through the bar as he entered. Even the die-hard drinkers started, booze slopping down filthy shirt-fronts and across grubbier tables. “Lookin’ for the Snark,” the man said voice oozing vitriol. Heads shook. Muttering clouded the air. Gazes dropped to tabletops. “I said, I’m lookin’ for the Snark,” he repeated. An eye shifted this time, sliding toward a dim corner where a figure sat. “That him?” the man growled. The man oiled across the room, picking weevils from his beard. “This ain’t the Snark,” he exclaimed. The woman stood, lamplight glinting off needle-sharp teeth. “I’m the Shark.”
First of all, Ms. Reid, I'm sorry to hear of your indisposition. I've found that mixtures of Mucinex and single malts do wonders for the soul as well as other maladies.
And secondly, did Colin post a link to help enhance your naughty bits?
I'm confused...
*rechecking flights to carkoon*
Alright, two seats available. Come on, Colin, I'll buy the first round of kale chips.
Loaner Cat had trouble with the keyboard, her paws too large for each letter, but with the help of catnip and booze she overcame typos to get her point across.
One-hundred words was out of the question, especially with words like vitriol. (Who came up with these? Not my Loaner Owner!)
Most humans appreciate a cuddly kitty catching a mouse and laying it in honor in front of the sickbed. Not evil enough for a snarky agent. Loaner Cat worked up a malevolent surprise. Crush Loaner Owner with kindness. Mastering the keyboard, mostly backspace for corrections, she typed:
Okay, so I made up my own prompt-words. Not sure which ones they are, just pick five. Here goes, my less than a hundred (96) begins here:
Janet liked books, the authority of books and the power of the words in the books. So one day she decided that her passion was to help word-people share with the reader-people, that which itched their souls. Word-people from all over looked too Janet for the guidance she offered which soothed their writing irritations, their tickles and tingles and made them feel worthy. They wrote, readers read and everybody lived happily ever after. Janet found fame and fortune as the really smart agent-queen. Moral of the story: Read this blog and learn, once written twice sly.
“Good. I was thinking a simple sandwich buffet for everyone. Villagio will deliver dinner after. Tomorrow we’ll have leftovers, then take Nana for sushi with Aunt Jo and Colleen.”
She stood calmly, a floral apron over her pristine blacks.
“Mom, that doesn't work."
"What, darling?"
High WASP perfection, lunchmeat, raw fish, booze. “I can’t eat any of that.” She waited. “I’m pregnant.”
Dead husband, unwed daughter. She sighed. No grief, no vitriol, no malevolent glances. Not even snark. One doesn't.
“That’s fine, I’ll make a baked potato bar. I’m sure Jo won’t mind thai instead. What are you wearing?”
Also, E.M.: "We will hold down the fort and Colin until you're all better."
Are you suggesting we all tackle Colin so he stays put, or just that we amuse him with writing contests so he doesn't lose his mind in the absence of her Sharkness?
If I have a hard time missing out on Reider chat on the Friday nights before a contest, I can only imagine Colin must be gnawing his pencils to shreds on days like today.
Poor Janet. Got a bad bucket of chum, did ya? I disapprove. Hope you feel better soon and that you rest until you do.
No FF from me, too busy preparing for our incipient ice storm. I'm in the area expecting 1-3 inches of snow, but more likely 0.25-0.50 inches of ICE. Which will take down trees and power lines and internet access. So I might be out of touch for a few days. No worries, been there and done that many times.
In fact, I wrote a post about it two years ago, giving "advice" [ahem] for writers about how to survive winter weather. In case any of you all are also in the path of the storm. Or are bored (or sick) and just need a laugh. :)
Brigid, the latter but tackling Colin would be quite amusing. I wonder if he's ticklish? But I did mean to keep him from going off the deep end without the shark while she convalesces.
I have to wait until I get home to submit my impromptu flash fiction bit, but I will. Maybe I will make up my own prompt words like 2Ns? Brilliant, that.
Brigid: Are you insinuating that I have no life outside of this blog? I'll have you know... wait... sorry... what's that? Another flaggon of whiskey? Coming right up, Ms. Shark! Sorry, must run... ummm... things to do, you know... :)
Oh, no! Take good care of yourself, Janet. Watch your favorite movies, eat some hearty soup, and take lots of naps. Being sick is the body's way of reminding us how necessary it is to nurture ourselves--especially when you're the one usually taking care of others. Feel better!
Love the bear puns in the comments. Love the picture in the post--it makes me want to tuck a blanket around him like I do for my dogs.
Colin, I did miss it! Good thing you pointed me in the right direction. I loved the French accent and the '...ze ocean goes to hell in handbasket' quip, but my vote would have to go to 2N's for 'once written, twice sly'. I know. My vote means diddly, but there it is.
Because it's about women in New York, here is part of my On This Day post on my blog that I thought the Shark would like.
On This Day, the 21st of January 1908, The Sullivan Ordinance was passed in New York City. The Ordinance made it illegal for women to smoke in public.
A bit unfair and sexist if you ask me. And the Mayor of New York at the time agreed. He went on to veto the Ordinance, so now everyone, no matter what sex they are, can smoke in public in New York City.
What? They can't? Really? No one? Is smoking bad for you or something?
I've not only been running around preparing as kdjames said for the impending ICE and smidgen of snow, fighting off the hoardes for eggs/bread/milk - I mean really - why that during a weather event??? What are we all going to do - make French Toast???
Anywho, on top of ALL THAT, I've had a "disaster" over here (IMO) at the house. We've had a couple guys here replacing insulation under our house as well as spraying for bugs (see blog before this last one I posted today - Sweet Blissful Sleep) and what happened? CELLAR DUST HAS INVADED and COATED THE ENTIRE LOWER FLOOR OF THE HOUSE. I kept telling my husband last night - it stinks in here. It smells like wet dirt. Well. Gee I wonder why. When the sun hit the floor around lunchtime and I saw what I saw, I was bug-eyed.
I'm taking a break, then I'm back to mopping, dusting, vacuuming and using a Swiffer on everything that doesn't move. Good thing Little Dog moves or he'd be getting the Swiffer treatment too.
Wow, and I was feeling bad yesterday because my arm had ached for 26 hours, only to find that I broke my the elbow of my mouse hand, my fork hand and, most importantly, my coffee hand.
There's something going around, Janet, so stay safe. I'm just recovering and hubby is still under the weather. This has not been the best trip we've ever taken and yet in one way it is. Spending precious moments with my mum is really all that matters.
Sending healing thoughts your way and hope you get well soon.
Take 1: Hello friends. Are you tired of your day job? Do you dream about acting? Then Vita-Real is for you. Yes, Vita-Real has everything you need to improve your acting. Just take a sip *sip* and presto! You’ll be Maleficent, Tony Stark, and Indiana Jones in no time. That’s right—no more evil henchman #26 for you. Vita-Real makes dreams come true.
Take 33:
Hi *hiccup* Friends! Are you tired? Do you dream? Then Vitriol is for you! Yesh. Just slip *slurp* and pesto! You’ll be Malevolent and Tony Snark, and Indecent Booze. That’s right—no more weevils. Vitriol!
Stacy fidgeted with her shirt’s seam. “Sentence, please?”
The spellmaster watched Stacy’s discomfort with disdain. “The malevolent man spewed vitriol at every opportunity, as if to prove he was evil.” His snarky tone added nothing to the example.
“M - A - L - E--” Stacy wrote the word on her palm, “--V - I--no, wait--”
“Incorrect.” He smiled--smiled!--at her failure. “Perhaps seek tutelage in English phonemes.”
Stacy clutched her skirt. Nothing left to lose. “I’m eight, jerk! Perhaps seek therapy from booze instead of humiliating little kids!” She stomped on his dignity on her way past, to a contestant standing ovation.
With some italics thrown in for good measure, since our glorious queen loves them so.
OK, I think The List now includes everyone who asked to be included, at least up to now. Please let me know if I need to make changes, and if anyone else needs to be added.
Hey Colin I just got home from work. My five prompt words were ass, fu#*, sh#*, republican and Trump. Out of respect for the folks here, which I hold in high regard, I did not use any dirty words. But I did keep it under a hundred. BTW I'm not a democr#*! either, I'm a voter.
Janet get well soon so you can save us from ourselves.
It was a quiet evening at home. Loaner cat snuggled up and purred. It became straight booze after the toddy was done.
On the third shot loaner cat became snarky and its purr came out as sheer vitriol. She leaned back and shook her head but the feeling of malevolent evil persisted. It became so bad that she swooned. When she awoke loaner cat was standing on the coffee table and staring her in the face.
Razzle-dazzle walls seemed to throb. The cat turned its head and said “You’re sick, go to bed and lay off the booze.”
I now have the tune to Elvira running through my head, but the Oakridge Boys are singing "Omaera"...
Okay. I'll see if I can get an impromptu FF done tonight. Geez. I go away for a few hours, and everyone goes nuts. There's over 70 (probably 80 by now) comments so far...
Thick vitriol-scented fog swirled through the tall oak forest. One by one the woodland creatures, even the bandersnatch and the jubjub, oozed into the shadows and slid into their hidey-holes.
A doe-eyed woodland creature, too young to know the devil was real, perhaps bored by the stillness, scampered from the shadows.
A frenzy of movement, the odd high pitched mewl and then silence.
With a malevolent grin the snark resumed its hunting.
Because I missed the last FF, thought I'd give this a go:
snark, malevolent, evil, booze, vitriol
The morning sun intruded through my eyelids with his malevolent rays of snarky happiness. Even moving to the 'cloudiest' (smoggiest) city in the world had not freed me from Sol's touch.
Guess I'd better get up; so much for a Saturday sleep-in.
Armed with a PhD in Astrophysics and a case of booze, I hit up that rich-but slightly stupid evil supervillain cousin of mine.
"Yeah, I got a rocket you can use," he said, his eyes lighting up at the word "payload". We spent the rest of the afternoon calculating trajectory and stealing rocket fuel from the local JPL.
With a job well done, I went to bed, confident in my ability to disrupt hydrostatic equilibrium.
I imagine the rocket hit old Sol about midnight. My apologies to North America for the SN type IIn.
On a Sunday morning my eyes were stabbed by the vitriolic light of a White Dwarf star.
It was one of those meetings you don’t tell your mother about: rainy, dark, and foreboding.
“I'll trade you some chicken soup for the agent’s soul.” Distant laughter echoed malevolently through the cavern, sending a shiver down my spine. The stench of stale booze lay heavy in the night.
“What about foreign market rights?”
“I’ll take those, too.” Snark rose through his fedora, the low brim concealing feral eyes.
“Sounds fair,” The dame chirped, her voice betraying the vitriol she tried desperately to hide.
“It isn't ‘fair,’ it’s publishing.” I knew the devil held all the cards. I’m the agent.
102 comments:
So sorry to hear, Janet. Rest up and drink hot toddies (or chicken soup).
What, sick day?
Moms, dads, agents and snowplow drivers don't get sick days. Hang in babe. See ya on the other side of icky.
Oh dear, feel better soon!
Well, take care of yourself, get better soon.
(no bear puns here)
We'll entertain ourselves, I'm sure.
(probably with bear puns ;-)
I hope you are feeling better soon! Thanks for all you do here.
Hope you feel better soon!
Any other east coasters? The weather coming y'alls way sounds bad. Sending warm and safe thoughts to everybody.
This is unbearable! This is a grizzly situation. Pandamonium could break out at any minute! We'll try to bear with it all and you'll be back on your paws in no time.
Okay, I'll stop now...
Take care. :)
Definitely a time to paws and reflect... :)
Seriously, get well, Most Mighty Shark! The waters are just a bit duller without you. :)
Meanwhile, this would be one of those time where we could expend our commenting energy on the List of Blog Readers and their Blogs, AKA, Carkoon's Most Wanted. I've added a couple of new folks recently, so let's be sociable! :)
Hope you feel better soon!
I'll say a prayer for you.
Can I bring you soup? Please rest lots. Get better. Lots of liquids, rest, warm blankets. Oh dear, oh dear. Get well soon. We will hold down the fort and Colin until you're all better.
Okay, finally got to read some of yesterday’s comments, (not all I’m afraid). Since today is a little different maybe we can streeeeetch the rules a bit.
To Laura May, I have advice regarding writing with a newborn.
Up until I had my babies, writing, to me, was a colossal waste of time. It made me feel selfish. How could I spend time doing something that was so self-centered? For what purpose, what end?
Then, after becoming a mom, a life-changing day. House was relatively clean, chores done, I was not tired, (hard to believe but I wasn’t), baby slept, I was bored. I began to write and DID NOT feel guilty.
I made nap-time, my-time to write. No longer was writing a waste of time. Within two months my first published piece. That was thirty years ago. For years I have been writing around the edges of family-life. It’s hard but doable.
Enjoy your sweet baby and the time you find to live your dreams. One is about to come true. Ain’t life grand?
Get well soon!
Something is going around. I hope it's more of a cold/sore throat thing than the flu thing. Or the stomach virus thing. I'd rather have a raging fever than to have a stomach virus!
While you're laid up, I hope you have a good book! Read any Ron Rash? If not, OMG, I'm reading ONE FOOT IN EDEN, and although I wasn't crazy about the POV for "The High Sheriff," once he got into "The Wife" and "The Husband," POV's...it's the first book in a long time I can't wait to get back to and see what's going to happen.
Lucia/Mona - I used Google Translate to decipher your Japanese, but I don't think it did a great job, but I still think I got the gist of your messages to each other! :)
Feel better soon, Ms. Janet!
Most under the weather just wouldn't post. Thanks for caring so much! Hope you get well soon!
Colin - I have a baby blog (a whopping 3 entries), and I'm not sure what the guidelines are for adding one's name to the list, but if I qualify I would love to! I have definitely enjoyed snooping around a few of the others :)
Hey, I can bring Japanese into this comment thread, too, and lend it legitimacy with a definitely-on-topic-but-yesterday's-totally-was-too-cough-cough-no-really phrase of well wishing:
お大事に！
Pronunciation: odaiji ni
Translation: Get well/take care
See, I'm not greedy, though with a fellow Japanese speaker around, talking about y'all isn't out of the question. ^_^
Take care, Janet!
I hope the weekend storm isn't too bad. Stay warm!
Lennon (and others who need to know): If you want to be added to The List, drop me an email (see my Blogger profile) with the name by which you normally comment, and the links to the social media platforms you would like listed, whether a blog, Twitter, Pintrest, Instagram--whatever social media you would call "home." So don't list your MySpace account that you haven't posted to in five years. This is supposed to be like dropping in on each other's homes, a chance to get to know one another on each other's home turf, to see what interests us, maybe what we're writing, what we're reading, etc.
I probably won't get around to adding links until later today, so you might want to post links here as well as emailing me. The email will serve as a reminder to my aging brain. :)
Feel better soon. I'll loan you my cats if you think it will help. Personally, I think you're better off without them. They're not the cuddly kind.
Oh, and don't forget Janet's rule about posting links:
Don't post links that are solely for the purpose of enlarging someone's bank account or naughty bits.
:)
I hope your good health returns quickly, Janet. Maybe some toddies are in order.
I love looking through the commenters' blogs. Thanks, Colin, for maintaining the list.
Take care, Janet, and feel better soon!
Feel better soon.
Luciakaku, how do you say y'all in Japanese?
I recently had a cold and couldn't even read. Only mind-numbing television helped. Give yourself ten days (I know, I know, you don't have ten days to spare), but it takes all of the ten before your nose stops dripping, and you can speak normally.
Of course, I'm assuming you have a cold. Could be scurvy.
And to all the bear puns, kudos. Love'em.
Get some sleep and feel better. And cover your gills when you sneeze.
I hope you feel better soon, Janet.
(((hugs)))
Take care of yourself, and we'll try not to go tooo far off the edge of the world here.
Lucia: Did you ask me to add you to the list? If so, a thousand apologies--I don't see you on there. Please confirm and I'll make sure you're added.
Here's Lucia's blog: https://luciakaku.wordpress.com/
Amanda, that's a surprisingly complicated question because Japanese doesn't have one single word for "you." So, going with a more casual, colloquial one that goes better with y'all, I'd say a decent translation might be お前ら: omaera, rhymes with Elvira.
I have a baby author blog, too. That I'm depressingly bad at remembering to post to still.
Colin--No, I hadn't! I was going to email you in a sec. But please do add me. ^^
Yikes! Hope you feel better soon!
Oh no! I hope you get some much needed rest.
Feel better soon!
Get well soon.
Lucia - I like your blog. Really related to the Pitch Wars post :)
Colin, I guess I should be brave and jump in too: I also have a brand new blog: luciewitt.com/category/blog
Real quick, then I'll shut up 'cause I'm over my limit.
Lucie's link: luciewitt.com/category/blog
And thanks! That contest is actually how I found this blog, via the indirect route of Miss Snark -> Query Shark -> Janet Reid.
Thanks Carolynn!
I've had lots of lovely comments, and heard lots of encouraging stories. I think the main thing I will try and remember is to go with the flow rather than attempt any kind of schedule, which will be a very different way of working, but ultimately more productive and peaceful :-)
Get well soon, Janet! Hot chocolate and marshmallows are in order. お大事に！
Loving the bear puns!
Donnaeve, I just plugged in some Japanese to Google Translate. The resulting grammar is pretty terrible. I applaud you for slugging through that.
Amanda, looking for a heads-up if we start talking about y'all in Japanese? Hint: We won't use お前ら.
Feel better soon, Janet!
I'm working feverishly on a 100-word story for Chicken Soup for the Agents' Soul.
I have to fit in snark, malevolent, evil, booze, and vitriol. This is gonna be one of the shorter Chicken Soup books.
Okay, meanwhile, get well will ya. It's dangerous out here.
There once was a shark named JR
Who ruled her kingdom from afar
One day she fell sick
Now's our chance, hurry quick,
Entertain her today
Make the blues go away
And she'll unbanish all Carkoonish miscreants.
Sending healing vibes and if that doesn't work, chocolate heals everything (or champagne).
Sorry to hear you're not feeling well. I hope it's a minor one and that you are up and about in no time, preforming back-flips in the Atlantic.
(It must feel nice to check in and see all these wonderful people that genuinely care about you. It's a well deserved form of respect for all the blood, sweat, and tears; (Albeit Shark tears) that you put into this community.)
Fondly, Hank
First off I Hope you feel better soon Janet.
Second, I love the fact that all Janet posted was that she was out sick and yet there are 41 comments. I love this blog.
41 and counting, Dave! No telling where we might head today without the shark to terrify us back onto the beach. The ocean is OURS for the TAKING!
*insert evil laugh*
Ooops. Do I hear the slapping of fins AND the JAWS intro?
Get well soon, Janet!
I'm surprised no one has started a flash fiction contest in the comments section yet.
Donna: I think John just threw down the gauntlet for an impromptu, informal flash fiction "contest"... :)
What do you say, folks? For QOTKU?
Prompt words: snark, malevolent, evil, booze, vitriol
"Contest" closes: Midnight according to your timezone.
Usual Janet Contest rules.
:)
Adib: It was only a matter of time... ;)
We should not create more work for our ailing queen. Colin, who will judge this impromptu contest? Or will it just be for practice? Or do you just really miss Carkoon?
EM: This is purely for Janet's pleasure. She doesn't have to judge, just enjoy. As John said, "Chicken Soup for the Agents' Soul."
And for our practice, of course. :)
Excellent. John/Colin I am in. Excellent prompt words too. How should we distinguish our entries from our comments? Maybe use
Chicken Soup for Agent's Soul
As 1st line but it doesn't count against word count? Yes? No? Go back under my rock?
EM: Yes. Good idea! :)
Chicken Soup for the Agent's Soul
Jacques's body cut through the ocean, oblivious to the oxygen tanks strapped to his back. He suddenly stopped.
"Hmm," he thought. "Everysing iz not ticketty-boo. Zere is somesing wrong."
He put out his hand. Not a particle of snark.
Suddenly the world shook. At first Jacques thought it was an earthquake. Then he noticed the constant to and fro motion. The water above broke. It was a face red as fire, with a malevolent grin and vitriolic eyes. The Devil himself.
"I should have known," sighed Jacques. "Ze Shark is sick, so ze ocean goes to hell in a handbasket."
I need to get my well-wishes in to Janet before this contest takes over because 1) I'm in court now and can't do FF and 2) those words are evil.
Rest and get well soon.
Janet, I hope you feel better soon. It's the pits you're out of it.
I'll try to hit some of the blogs later. I'm still taking the writing class and trying to catch up on Books and Writers stuff. I'm behind on everything, but I have been sticking to my writing daily schedule.
I've also been working on my website. As per Janet's suggestions previously, I'm going to get the blog on schedule. I was supposed to post yesterday, but didn't get it up until toady. Oops. I've decided to do book reviews a couple of times a month The French Executioner by C.C. Humphreys will be the first.
I'll pass on the flash fiction contest. When I feel crappy, the last thing I want to do is stare at an electronic screen. QOTKU is probably made of sterner stuff than I and will enjoy it. I'm not a very good patient. My ex knew well when I was sick, "Bring me some 7-Up and medicine, turn off the lights and shut the door. Check on me occasionally to see if I'm dead, but other than that, leave me alone."
Feel better soon!
Lucia, that is just too much fun. I plan on using the Japanese word that rhymes with Elvira every freaking chance I get.
And Sherry, you used 'miscreant' in a ... poem? verse? haiku? Whatever, much admiration for your dexterity with words.
Can't join in the impromptu challenge, Colin, much as I'd like to. I'm thinking the comments themselves are quite entertaining. But I am so looking forward to what you come up with using those particular prompts.
:(
Hope you can get lots of rest, and of course, cuddle time with Loaner cat. They can come through for you at the oddest moments; let's hope loaner cat has read the "Indoor guide to handling hoomans" handbook.
Otherwise, get better soon!
Amanda: Thanks! Scroll up. You must have missed it. :)
A malevolent wind crashed through the bar as he entered. Even the die-hard drinkers started, booze slopping down filthy shirt-fronts and across grubbier tables.
“Lookin’ for the Snark,” the man said voice oozing vitriol.
Heads shook. Muttering clouded the air. Gazes dropped to tabletops.
“I said, I’m lookin’ for the Snark,” he repeated.
An eye shifted this time, sliding toward a dim corner where a figure sat.
“That him?” the man growled.
The man oiled across the room, picking weevils from his beard.
“This ain’t the Snark,” he exclaimed.
The woman stood, lamplight glinting off needle-sharp teeth. “I’m the Shark.”
First of all, Ms. Reid, I'm sorry to hear of your indisposition. I've found that mixtures of Mucinex and single malts do wonders for the soul as well as other maladies.
And secondly, did Colin post a link to help enhance your naughty bits?
I'm confused...
*rechecking flights to carkoon*
Alright, two seats available. Come on, Colin, I'll buy the first round of kale chips.
*head desk*
What was I thinking?
Colin Smith, what is this List you speak of?
Loaner Cat had trouble with the keyboard, her paws too large for each letter, but with the help of catnip and booze she overcame typos to get her point across.
One-hundred words was out of the question, especially with words like vitriol. (Who came up with these? Not my Loaner Owner!)
Most humans appreciate a cuddly kitty catching a mouse and laying it in honor in front of the sickbed. Not evil enough for a snarky agent. Loaner Cat worked up a malevolent surprise. Crush Loaner Owner with kindness. Mastering the keyboard, mostly backspace for corrections, she typed:
“Get well.”
Next time, remind me to write the story first and then pull five words out. Sheesh.
Okay, okay, there won't be a next time. I don't want to be the first Reider to have a mob banish them to Carkoon.
Almitra: The List of Blog Readers and their Blogs linked in the top right corner. If you're not on there, drop me an email with your info.
Thank you Colin! My blog: http://www.lennonfaris.com/blog.html
I'll write you an email too.
Okay, so I made up my own prompt-words. Not sure which ones they are, just pick five.
Here goes, my less than a hundred (96) begins here:
Janet liked books, the authority of books and the power of the words in the books. So one day she decided that her passion was to help word-people share with the reader-people, that which itched their souls.
Word-people from all over looked too Janet for the guidance she offered which soothed their writing irritations, their tickles and tingles and made them feel worthy.
They wrote, readers read and everybody lived happily ever after.
Janet found fame and fortune as the really smart agent-queen.
Moral of the story:
Read this blog and learn, once written twice sly.
"I came as soon as I heard."
“Good. I was thinking a simple sandwich buffet for everyone. Villagio will deliver dinner after. Tomorrow we’ll have leftovers, then take Nana for sushi with Aunt Jo and Colleen.”
She stood calmly, a floral apron over her pristine blacks.
“Mom, that doesn't work."
"What, darling?"
High WASP perfection, lunchmeat, raw fish, booze. “I can’t eat any of that.” She waited. “I’m pregnant.”
Dead husband, unwed daughter. She sighed. No grief, no vitriol, no malevolent glances. Not even snark. One doesn't.
“That’s fine, I’ll make a baked potato bar. I’m sure Jo won’t mind thai instead. What are you wearing?”
2Ns: OK... um... derp, sand, rafter, oral, and nonce. How'd I do? :D
Also, E.M.: "We will hold down the fort and Colin until you're all better."
Are you suggesting we all tackle Colin so he stays put, or just that we amuse him with writing contests so he doesn't lose his mind in the absence of her Sharkness?
If I have a hard time missing out on Reider chat on the Friday nights before a contest, I can only imagine Colin must be gnawing his pencils to shreds on days like today.
Poor Janet. Got a bad bucket of chum, did ya? I disapprove. Hope you feel better soon and that you rest until you do.
No FF from me, too busy preparing for our incipient ice storm. I'm in the area expecting 1-3 inches of snow, but more likely 0.25-0.50 inches of ICE. Which will take down trees and power lines and internet access. So I might be out of touch for a few days. No worries, been there and done that many times.
In fact, I wrote a post about it two years ago, giving "advice" [ahem] for writers about how to survive winter weather. In case any of you all are also in the path of the storm. Or are bored (or sick) and just need a laugh. :)
@nightsmusic, from last post: thank you!
Brigid, the latter but tackling Colin would be quite amusing. I wonder if he's ticklish? But I did mean to keep him from going off the deep end without the shark while she convalesces.
I have to wait until I get home to submit my impromptu flash fiction bit, but I will. Maybe I will make up my own prompt words like 2Ns? Brilliant, that.
Brigid: Are you insinuating that I have no life outside of this blog? I'll have you know... wait... sorry... what's that? Another flaggon of whiskey? Coming right up, Ms. Shark! Sorry, must run... ummm... things to do, you know... :)
Oh, no! Take good care of yourself, Janet. Watch your favorite movies, eat some hearty soup, and take lots of naps. Being sick is the body's way of reminding us how necessary it is to nurture ourselves--especially when you're the one usually taking care of others. Feel better!
Love the bear puns in the comments. Love the picture in the post--it makes me want to tuck a blanket around him like I do for my dogs.
Because my dogs are not spoiled at all.
Colin, I did miss it! Good thing you pointed me in the right direction. I loved the French accent and the '...ze ocean goes to hell in handbasket' quip, but my vote would have to go to 2N's for 'once written, twice sly'. I know. My vote means diddly, but there it is.
Mona, CURSES! Foiled.
Hope you feel better soon, Janet! Praying for healing and relaxation - always good for colds!
Hope you feel better soon.
Because it's about women in New York, here is part of my On This Day post on my blog that I thought the Shark would like.
On This Day, the 21st of January 1908, The Sullivan Ordinance was passed in New York City. The Ordinance made it illegal for women to smoke in public.
A bit unfair and sexist if you ask me. And the Mayor of New York at the time agreed. He went on to veto the Ordinance, so now everyone, no matter what sex they are, can smoke in public in New York City.
What? They can't? Really? No one? Is smoking bad for you or something?
Sending many blessings your way to feel better ASAP, Janet! Here is a blessing in Hebrew as well: החלמה מהירה
Oh tiddly poo, Colin!
I've not only been running around preparing as kdjames said for the impending ICE and smidgen of snow, fighting off the hoardes for eggs/bread/milk - I mean really - why that during a weather event??? What are we all going to do - make French Toast???
Anywho, on top of ALL THAT, I've had a "disaster" over here (IMO) at the house. We've had a couple guys here replacing insulation under our house as well as spraying for bugs (see blog before this last one I posted today - Sweet Blissful Sleep) and what happened? CELLAR DUST HAS INVADED and COATED THE ENTIRE LOWER FLOOR OF THE HOUSE. I kept telling my husband last night - it stinks in here. It smells like wet dirt. Well. Gee I wonder why. When the sun hit the floor around lunchtime and I saw what I saw, I was bug-eyed.
I'm taking a break, then I'm back to mopping, dusting, vacuuming and using a Swiffer on everything that doesn't move. Good thing Little Dog moves or he'd be getting the Swiffer treatment too.
Ya'll have fun!
Oh no! Get well soon, Janet!
Stay safe, keep warm, and rest lots - well, if Loaner Cat lets you - but then again, maybe his antics are medicinal in their own way :)
Sending best wishes and prayers your way for a speedy recovery.
Bummer! Feel better soon and watch panda videos. I swear they help.
Feel better and survive the snow!
Wow, and I was feeling bad yesterday because my arm had ached for 26 hours, only to find that I broke my the elbow of my mouse hand, my fork hand and, most importantly, my coffee hand.
Get well soon.
Sorry to hear you're unwell Janet! Hope you're at the good stage of ill where you're well enough to sit up and read at least. :)
But, will the Loaner Cat forgive you?
There's something going around, Janet, so stay safe. I'm just recovering and hubby is still under the weather. This has not been the best trip we've ever taken and yet in one way it is. Spending precious moments with my mum is really all that matters.
Sending healing thoughts your way and hope you get well soon.
Fun Colin!
Chicken Soup for The Agent's Soul
Take 1:
Hello friends. Are you tired of your day job? Do you dream about acting? Then Vita-Real is for you. Yes, Vita-Real has everything you need to improve your acting. Just take a sip *sip* and presto! You’ll be Maleficent, Tony Stark, and Indiana Jones in no time. That’s right—no more evil henchman #26 for you. Vita-Real makes dreams come true.
Take 33:
Hi *hiccup* Friends! Are you tired? Do you dream? Then Vitriol is for you! Yesh. Just slip *slurp* and pesto! You’ll be Malevolent and Tony Snark, and Indecent Booze. That’s right—no more weevils. Vitriol!
Finally got it below 100!
Chicken Soup for the Agent's Soul
“Malevolent.”
Stacy fidgeted with her shirt’s seam. “Sentence, please?”
The spellmaster watched Stacy’s discomfort with disdain. “The malevolent man spewed vitriol at every opportunity, as if to prove he was evil.” His snarky tone added nothing to the example.
“M - A - L - E--” Stacy wrote the word on her palm, “--V - I--no, wait--”
“Incorrect.” He smiled--smiled!--at her failure. “Perhaps seek tutelage in English phonemes.”
Stacy clutched her skirt. Nothing left to lose. “I’m eight, jerk! Perhaps seek therapy from booze instead of humiliating little kids!” She stomped on his dignity on her way past, to a contestant standing ovation.
With some italics thrown in for good measure, since our glorious queen loves them so.
We hope you are returned to greater than full health so quickly that you go, "Wow! I feel great! I'm alive!"
OK, I think The List now includes everyone who asked to be included, at least up to now. Please let me know if I need to make changes, and if anyone else needs to be added.
Awesome stories, guys!
I second what Lance said, Janet. Hugs from all of us here where the Woodland meets the Sea.
Hey Colin I just got home from work. My five prompt words were ass, fu#*, sh#*, republican and Trump. Out of respect for the folks here, which I hold in high regard, I did not use any dirty words. But I did keep it under a hundred.
BTW I'm not a democr#*! either, I'm a voter.
Janet get well soon so you can save us from ourselves.
It was a quiet evening at home. Loaner cat snuggled up and purred. It became straight booze after the toddy was done.
On the third shot loaner cat became snarky and its purr came out as sheer vitriol. She leaned back and shook her head but the feeling of malevolent evil persisted. It became so bad that she swooned. When she awoke loaner cat was standing on the coffee table and staring her in the face.
Razzle-dazzle walls seemed to throb. The cat turned its head and said “You’re sick, go to bed and lay off the booze.”
Chicken Soup for an Agent’s Soul
“Snark is not a word, and you’re a piss poor devil,” the aspiring writer said.
“I truly can get you an agent. But you must use the prompt words.”
“My story is simple. A bad man with an ill-temper beat a boozer to death with a shovel. Everyone knows he did it. But no one cares.”
“Why not a malevolent figure filled with vitriol?”
“I’m not selling my soul if I have to use prompt words.”
“Querying won’t work for you. The shark is out of commission. You need me.”
“She’ll be back.”
“Damn, that’s another soul lost to this shark.”
I now have the tune to Elvira running through my head, but the Oakridge Boys are singing "Omaera"...
Okay. I'll see if I can get an impromptu FF done tonight. Geez. I go away for a few hours, and everyone goes nuts. There's over 70 (probably 80 by now) comments so far...
Chicken Soup for Agent's Soul
He flipped open his badge. "Phil Regis, Nark."
"Don't you mean 'narcotics'? 'Nark' is a stool pigeon."
"No it's not. We don't have stool pigeons. They make messes on the seats."
"Oh for love of–"
"None of your vitriolic libel, young lady."
"That's not libel. Libel has to be seen. Slander is spoken, but it has to be in front of other people."
"You a lawyer?"
"Law student."
"I'm taking you in for malevolent trespassing."
"I'm in my own house."
"You're evil, too."
"Just give me the keys."
Grudgingly, he did. "No booze."
"Dad, I'm going to church."
Chicken Soup for the Agent's Soul
Thick vitriol-scented fog swirled through the tall oak forest. One by one the woodland creatures, even the bandersnatch and the jubjub, oozed into the shadows and slid into their hidey-holes.
A doe-eyed woodland creature, too young to know the devil was real, perhaps bored by the stillness, scampered from the shadows.
A frenzy of movement, the odd high pitched mewl and then silence.
With a malevolent grin the snark resumed its hunting.
-----
Janet, I hope your fins are perky again soon.
Because I missed the last FF, thought I'd give this a go:
snark, malevolent, evil, booze, vitriol
The morning sun intruded through my eyelids with his malevolent rays of snarky happiness. Even moving to the 'cloudiest' (smoggiest) city in the world had not freed me from Sol's touch.
Guess I'd better get up; so much for a Saturday sleep-in.
Armed with a PhD in Astrophysics and a case of booze, I hit up that rich-but slightly stupid evil supervillain cousin of mine.
"Yeah, I got a rocket you can use," he said, his eyes lighting up at the word "payload". We spent the rest of the afternoon calculating trajectory and stealing rocket fuel from the local JPL.
With a job well done, I went to bed, confident in my ability to disrupt hydrostatic equilibrium.
I imagine the rocket hit old Sol about midnight. My apologies to North America for the SN type IIn.
On a Sunday morning my eyes were stabbed by the vitriolic light of a White Dwarf star.
Bugger. Forgot about that.
What a community!
Next time someone asks me where I live, I'm gonna reply: "The Known Universe. Have you met our Queen?"
Hope you feel better!
Sorry to hear you're under the weather. :(
It was one of those meetings you don’t tell your mother about: rainy, dark, and foreboding.
“I'll trade you some chicken soup for the agent’s soul.” Distant laughter echoed malevolently through the cavern, sending a shiver down my spine. The stench of stale booze lay heavy in the night.
“What about foreign market rights?”
“I’ll take those, too.” Snark rose through his fedora, the low brim concealing feral eyes.
“Sounds fair,” The dame chirped, her voice betraying the vitriol she tried desperately to hide.
“It isn't ‘fair,’ it’s publishing.” I knew the devil held all the cards. I’m the agent.
-- 100 --
Get well, Janet.
LC-2 leapt at snarky lark on the window sill.
One down – Eight left;
LC-2 od’d on booze tainted milk.
Two down – Seven left;
Prancing 200 feet above on high-voltage powerlines, sneezed.
Three down – Six left;
Attacking the evil live extension cord.
Four down – Five left;
LC-2 caught a plague carrying malevolent mole.
Five down – four left;
LC-2 took vitriolic advice and smoked sulfuric-acid laced catnip.
Six down – three left;
LC-2 played tag with neighbors Doberman.
Seven down – Two left;
LC-2 got a shark sick.
Eight down – one left;
Shark sick, day 2.
Nine down…countdown reset by QOTKU.
LC-2 now immortal.
Hope you're feeling better soon.
French sojourn: nice! Took me life 4 to figure it out. Nice twist at the end.
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