Gleaned from the incoming mail today, this brilliant new sales strategy. Why I didn't think of this before I do not know!
To whom it might concern: my name is REDACTED and i wrote a REDACTED. I would like to use your publishing house, but first i would like to receive a copy of your contractual agreement, for my review and consideration. If you are so kind to send me one via email, i will be deeply grateful.
I'll have to tweak it a little of course:
To whom it might concern:
Dear Keith Kahla,
my name is Janet Reid and
i wrote I represent a 216,000 word novel in verse about sword-wielding poodles who vacation in Paris I would like to use your publishing house, but first i would like to receive a copy of your contractual agreement, for my review and consideration.
If you are so kind to send me one via email, i will be
deeply sort of grateful.
truly
yours, something
You mean my 216,000 word novel in verse about sword-weilding poodles who vacation in Paris has already been done?
ReplyDeleteRats! Back to the the drawing board!
You'd better watch out. The original writer of said letter is going to demand 15% of your 15%. :-)
ReplyDeleteAlthough come to think of it, with the degree of success that strategy will surely have, that won't be an issue. You'll be glad to fork it over.
Janet, I nearly choked on my coffee while reading this. It might've been when I pictured the Dark Poodle of the Apocalypse wielding a sword. hehe
ReplyDeleteAlso, that is a very long novel. Eesh.
I would definitely read a novel about sword-wielding poodles, but don't you think Paris is a bit cliche? Put the novel in Sri Lanka and cut about 100,000 words and I'm all over it.
ReplyDeleteKinda makes me feel better about my query-writing skills. I might suck, but at least I'm in the right state, if not in the ballpark of a respectable attempt. At least I'm not a whackjob! :)
ReplyDeleteIf this wasn't inspired by Bill Cameron's Dark Poodle of the Apocalypse (or even SENT from Bill himself), I will eat my hat.
ReplyDeleteShoot! If it had been about sword-wielding Pomeranian's...I would have added it to my TBR pile.
ReplyDeleteDoesn't anyone know a good civil lawyer? I think Janet Reid stole my screenplay about sword-wielding poodles. The only difference is mine LIVED in Paris and vacationed in New Jersey.
ReplyDeleteJANET REID IS A THIEF!
So my 216,000-word novel about sword-WELDING poodles who work in an armory in Paris is still good to go? If there's too much of a conflict, I could change the main character to a pomeranian. No problem!
ReplyDelete>I would like to use your publishing house, but first i would like to receive a copy of your contractual agreement, for my review and consideration.<
ReplyDeleteLooks like the writer just got you and the vanity press, "wepublishanykindofcrapatall.com", mixed up.
It happens!:)