okedokey!
Yar, me hardy,
I read your screed.
I’d like to make you bleed.
Your book is bilge water;
Go learn how to write a book like you otter.
I’ll make you walk the plank,
Or I’ll keelhaul you, you skank!
Never be sendin’ me pence when I want dubloons.
I’ll own you for one of them writer goons!
I’m slippin’ you this here black spot …
Go learn that after each sentence come a dot.
Ruthlessly lifted from the awesome and talented
Yar, that got a chuckle outta me ol' gullet!
ReplyDeleteAaaaah! Awesome! :-))))
ReplyDeleteBill E. Goat is so jealous!
ReplyDeleteFreakin' fantastic! ;)
ReplyDeleteSarah Joy, an associate agent-in-training
At least then I'd be laughing while I cried ;)
ReplyDeleteAnd I appreciate every letter of it. I'm going to just read this instead of any actual rejection letters I get in the future.
ReplyDeleteI'd prefer it in gangsta rap
ReplyDeleteDear John ... of course you would:
ReplyDeleteI’d do you in a minute
Read the first sentence in it.
I’ll bounce your face off a wall,
Your font is way too small.
Your query left we weary,
Of reping you I’m leery.
What are you some kinda fairy?
Learn to write like Steinbeck or King
And lose the nose ring.
No glitter in the query
No spam from a guy named Larry
Your book sux lemons in the street
But I bet your momma was sweet.
Aarr! Ya scabrous dog! Yer novel misfires like a flintlock with damp powder. If ye attempt to board again, we're standin' by to repel ye and it's to Davy Jones' locker we'll be sent, damn yer deadlights!
ReplyDeleteA perfect query response for sending out on Sept. 19, Talk Like a Pirate Day!