Does David Letterman get letters like this?

A letter in the incoming mail:

Ms. Reid:

Thank you for your recent rejection of my novel (Title). It is always a treat to get a personal rejection, rather than the more efficient pre-printed slip. I get no pleasure in realizing that you will probably remember that rejection as one of the great blunders of your career, because I know a mega publishing deal is surely in the mail to me as you read this. (It is most likely being delayed by those lazy postal employees.)

I am sorry you had to struggle (your description) through my sample chapters and have tried to figure out what you did wrong. Perhaps reading on the L train is not very comfortable. Thank God you didn't tell me my manuscript belongs on the S train. I should have included instructions noting that the best conditions for reading my novel are a cozy chaise lounge and a couple of stiff martinis. Also you should have the remote nearby for when you need to take a breather from my magnificent prose (see next sentence).

In hoping to assuage your regret over not taking on (TITLE) I have decided to be a gentleman and offer to rescind my offer for you to offer me representation. Now you see just how clever I am.

PS If you change your mind, I will too



Well, this certainly beats the heck out of "you're a literary troglodyte for rejecting me".
It's quite Proustian in fact.