The Duchess of Yowl is perched atop her handmaiden, whiskers twitching as she dreams of tuna. The handmaiden is horizontal on the couch.
The television suddenly blares in the way commercials do; volume seventeen times louder than the program being watched.
The Duchess of Yowl springs straight up and swings on the chandelier by her claws.
DoY: WHAT the ever-loving DOG was that!
Me: I'm sorry Your Grace, I forgot to mute the commercial.
DoY: What is a commercial, and I am banning them from my royal residence.
Me: Commercials are like mini-tv shows that tell you about things you might need.
DoY: I need tuna.
Me: There are commercials for cat food.
DoY: Show me one.
Me: I can't summon them up at will, but I'll point out the next one, ok?
DoY: You are relentlessly useless most of the time, I'm sorry to say.
Me: I'm not useless when you want your ears scricched.
DoY: That's true. Scrich now.
Me: Of course your grace.
Serenity returns Chez Yowl.
Me: Here's a cat food commercial Your Grace. See, it's for Fancy Feast. You like that.
DoY: Who is that repulsive beast eating MY tuna?
Me: That cat's not repulsive, just...um...quite fuzzy.
DoY: Fuzzy? That is a walking hairball.
Me: What do you know about hairballs? You're so sleek you've slid off the couch more than once.
DoY: Don't change the subject. Why is Herr FuzzBall eating My Tuna?
Me: He's an actor. He does what the director, and producer, and stage manager tell him.
DoY: Are you sure that's not a dog in disguise?
Me: (looking closely) umm...no.
DoY: I still want tuna.
Me: I'd have to get off the couch, and leave you here without a warm lounging spot.
DoY: Cold or hungry. This is a paradox. What to do, what to do?
Me: Have you heard of Schrödinger’s Cat?
DoY: We are amused and not amused.
Relentlessly useless and walking hairball. Made. My. Day!
ReplyDeleteThe clear answer is that your human, DoY, needs to hire a servant to acquire the tuna and present it on a silver platter. Then you can be ALL the way amused, and debunk a famous human scientist with Your Cleverness at the same time.
ReplyDeleteAnyone on the Reef doing NaNoWriMo? I am considering it seriously for the first time ever. Not sure how it's going to work, but I've been informed that overall, setting unattainable goals produces greater results than setting lesser goals you know you can meet.
So, what the heck.
In Dr Schrödinger’s defense I don’t think he ever actually killed a cat, although I’d say he was clearly a dog person.
ReplyDeleteIt is so hard to be a cat's servant. They are rarely satisfied.
ReplyDeleteI will probably do Nano if for no other reason than to write around Disney World (a fun exercise if you're in Orlando). The only time I ever actually finished a project was my first Nano (which reminds me I need to do something with that).
ReplyDeleteAt first I was hoping you were scriching while DoY was still on the chandelier, because that makes such a great image, but since you later mention having to get up off the couch, I assume DoY returned to The Spot. Glad that didn't include engaged Grabbing Gear upon the Shark at landing time.
ReplyDelete