The renovations on my apartment building seem to require drilling holes in sheetmetal. The work crew is eager to get started.
The noise levitates me from my shark hammock: I search for coffee, locate my glasses (which I find in the freezer cause I was checking for an expiration date on the vodka last night) and am very glad to remember it's Sunday and not Monday.
But, this is the last day I have to talk to one of my clients before she swans off to some paradise in Central America for a week of sunning, reading, and not working (which I had to pretty much insist on.)
Since we can't talk, we text:
Client: Will reviews come out before the book is published?
(we'd been discussing how to use reviews for publicity purposes)
Me: Yes, prepubescent reviews in the trades are common.
Silence
Silence
Silence
Client: I hate to sound stupid but what is a prepubescent review?
Me: (tapping furiously) Pre PUBLICATION. Fucking Otto Kerrect!
Client: gotcha.
Me: Prepub like Kikis and LJ
Silence
Silence
Silence
Client: who are Kiki and LJ?
Me: (contemplating Otto-cide) Kirkus. Library Journal.
Client: aha! Got it. And how will we know if they review the book?
Me: Reviews will turn up on Amazing.
Client: oh, I know this one: AMAZON!
Me: I'm going back to bed! Don't fall off the zipper in Costa Richard.
Me: Zip line
Me: RICA
Client: I'm laughing too hard to type.
Client: you should blog about this.
Me: Great minds work aloe.
 |
| Yet another place I am not! |
> Me: Yes, prepubescent reviews in the trades are common.
ReplyDeleteI was SO disappointed you meant pre publication
Hey, a seven-year-old could write a better review than some I've seen
Because I have clumsy thumbs, I like to dictate texts to my phone. But sometimes it's an idiot. Or a prankster. This actually happened last month ...
ReplyDeleteME: I'm on my way with Austin and Henry, and Ethan and Emma.
TRANSCRIPTION: I'm on my way with Austin and Henry I need an enema.
I hate to sound stupid but what is RICA?
ReplyDeleteI hear Brooklyn is lovely this time of year. There’s a lake and everything. Or so my daughter tells me.
ReplyDeleteWho needs South America? Right?
Ok, going back to bed.
May I take this opportunity to share the good fortune that my debut mystery was published recently by The Wild Rose Press??
ReplyDeleteIt's titled Same River Twice, and it's set in bucolic Bucks County, PA, where I live. It features a reclusive newspaper reporter, toxic fungi, and Quakers Gone Wrong.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1509221174?pf_rd_p=d1f45e03-8b73-4c9a-9beb-4819111bef9a&pf_rd_r=Q1CSZR0GF2BXK88JM8FP
Sunday morning.
ReplyDeleteAfter contemplating the Lord's purpose for me, under the covers at the church of Saint Mattress, I am spending the whole day with a two year old.
Our toddler speaks like Janet types.
Kitty Costa Rica, not Costa Richard. :)
ReplyDeleteInkStainedWench WOOHOO!!! Congrats!
As to Otto, been there, done that, have glanced at the stupid text prior to hitting the send button and don't manage to catch it in time. So much for AI, huh?
Hilarious... Does vodka expire? I think not.
ReplyDeleteAuto correct changes my name to "meanies" and I always feel compelled to yell at the phone, "I am NOT mean! Usually."
InkStaninedJanet Congratulations! What's not to love about toxic fungi. All the best to you.
But why not six-year-olds reviewing books?
ReplyDeleteToxic fungi and Quakers Gone Wrong...I'm IN!
ReplyDeleteSo glad to hear this wonderful news.
InkStainedWench,
ReplyDeleteCongratulations! That's so cool.
Reclusive reporter, toxic fungi and Quakers gone wrong. That's an excellent, short and sweet pitch right there.
I muted Otto. His mistakes are generally worse than mine. Except the time I told our HR person she had great boobs when I meant books. Otto was not involved, just my fat fingers. Thankfully she had a good sense of humor and knew from the context what I meant (she had referenced some excellent sci-fi).
ReplyDeleteUmmm...a few references to today being Sunday. Am I the only one who thinks today is Saturday?
ReplyDeleteVodka has an expiration date?
ReplyDeleteWoo hoo Inky! So proud of you!
ReplyDeleteI am commencing serious hammock time today (4 day weekend -thanks be to God). A friend gifted me with all of her Michael Crichton hardcovers (some I've read, some I haven't). Which led me to research how he wrote (index cards and a shoebox starting in medical school). I work for a hospital. Close enough. This morning I reclaimed 3 shoe boxes (shoes live on the ground, no need to baby them) and started flinging index cards in them. 2 trilogies and a screenplay - that box is empty since I've been working in my purple binder and haven't gotten stuck yet. Research is on colored cards (pink for historical romance, neon gold for all hell breaking loose). Finally found a method that seems to work for me. Wahoo!
Yes, today is Saturday.
ReplyDeleteI guess this post will still be current tomorrow.
Who could resist Quakers Gone Wrong?
Well, if you consider publication to be when the book reaches maturity, you *could* argue that pre-publication and pre-pubescent are pretty close.
ReplyDeleteAnd Adele, you are not alone. I wondered if I was late for church until I remembered that I was most definitely at work yesterday.
Congrats, InkStained Wench!
Congrats, Ink Stained
ReplyDeleteYou don't want to know about the misadventures of remodeling, so I'll tell you.
Wanted badly to have the contractor be gone. I rehung the bathroom door to find out it no longer closed. Rather than re-cut a piece of concrete board, their guy pushed the door frame out of his way.
I turned around from that to see that the shower head is one and three-eights of an off of center with the control handle.
Went to put something in the vanity and saw that the guy who put the handles on drilled a hole into the face frame. Went to wash my hands of it to find that they had somehow screwed up the pop up on a four hundred dollar faucet.
This is all after they tore holes in the wall board removing a backsplash that was 3/4 of an inch too short.
And yes, the tile has already been installed in the shower.
Have a nice weekend, y'all
I like to read auto correct horrifics on the internet. Thanks for the chuckle, Janet.
ReplyDeleteInkStainedWench - awesome!! Congratulations. I also love that pitch.
Laughing too hard to comment.
ReplyDeleteThanks, everyone! You guys are the best.
ReplyDeleteWoohoo for InkStainedWench!!!!!!!🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
ReplyDeleteDamn that Otto Kerrect! He fouls me up all the time!
Congratulations InkStainedWench!
ReplyDeleteI curse Otto, too, especially for turning Saturday into Sunday.
Congratulations, ISW!! :D
ReplyDeleteOtto is one reason I hate typing on my phone. It's bad enough that my fingers were designed in the pre-texting era, but my phone does like to suggest weird things. Take FirstBorn, for example. Her name is Sarah. And yet every time I text her name, my phone wants to call her Satan.
Mind you... have you tried her cakes? ;)
I actually did snort on this one! Thinking that I'd have the upper hand if I turned off the feature that controls this on my iPad, I've recently learned it's worse. Having to capitalize and insert punctuation is much less entertaining.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations InkStainedWench, that is awesome!
ReplyDeleteInkStainedWench - Nothing remains still; once you were an aspiring writer, now you're a published author. Congratulations and enjoy the journey!
ReplyDeleteVery late as I was at conference and am trying now to catch up on my blog reading...InkStainedWench, super dooper congratulations!
ReplyDelete