There's a Unicorn in the Barn!
what do you do now!?
Tell us in 25 words or fewer what you would do if you heard that sentence.
Post your answer in the comment column of this post
(Steve Forti must include the words angioplasty and pseudophedrezone in his answer.)
“There’s a unicorn in the barn!”
ReplyDeleteNurse: “What the… Who’s that?”
Doctor: “Steve Forti. He had angioplasty. That’s the pseudophedrezone talking. You should have heard what he said during the procedure!”
Stretch fingers. Crack knuckles. They mocked me for reading fantasy. Grab my sword, leave the literature-lovers cowering behind a chair. Now who's childish, Susan?
ReplyDeleteGrab a bucket and a shovel. They poop sparkles. Start shoveling, saving and storing for posterity.
ReplyDelete"Thank goodness! I was afraid she'd never come back."
ReplyDeleteI quickly called world renown theoretical biological physicist, Angio Plasty, and informed him my barn phase shifted from the phedrezone to the pseudo phedrezone.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDelete"Well what did you expect when you parked a Ford Bronco next to a Dodge Ram.
Dear Grandma, Thank you so much! She’s exactly what I wanted. Is that mermaid coming soon? Your Best Boy, Fontleroy
ReplyDelete"Meat's back on the menu, boys!"
ReplyDeleteWith a rainbow horn and sparkle poop, there'll be a pot o' gold but watch out for that leprechaun.
ReplyDeleteFindop having memory lapse.
ReplyDelete“U Dop. He Dre. Zone 6 needs mucking.”
“Who u?”
Dang. “I Op. Last year, unicorn kick your head...”
She isn’t the first to show up like this, dull-horned, pregnant flanks lathered. Somehow they know they’ll be safe with me. It’s my calling.
ReplyDelete“There’s a unicorn in the barn!”
ReplyDelete“What’s it doing?”
“Sneezing, I think.”
“Do they really sneeze rainbows?”
“Looked like snot to me.”
“I’ll look during halftime, get me a beer.”
Eat my hay? Scare my horses? Screw the Wyvern Hydra Unicorn Magical Protection Act (WHUMPA). Get my staff. I’m gonna whumpa some fresh unicorn patties!
ReplyDeleteHello, can you get me the number of the glue factory please?
ReplyDeleteNot again. Third time this spring. Have to call Unicorn Rehabilitation to come get it. Again.
ReplyDeleteThere's a unicorn in the barn!
ReplyDeleteGol dang it, Pa! This farm-fresh ice cream idea of yorn was already plum crazy. But who ever heard of organic rainbow sprinkles?
Hire it out for kids' parties.
ReplyDeleteThere's a unicorn in the barn!
ReplyDeleteI rubbed the barn lamp. Blue smoke wafted. Then a genie—no, a mermaid—no, the farmer’s daughter appeared. “Three wishes, handsome.”
What unicorn?
I had rope. I had the saw. The Virgin was proving trickier to find.
ReplyDeleteSurely this isn't your first one?
ReplyDeleteQOTKU: There's a Unicorn in the Barn!
ReplyDeleteMe: The. Shark. Is. On. My. Famn-damily’s. Farm!
WHEEZE Can’t breathe, need pseudophedrezone.
checks heart and an angioplasty.
Love it and feed it and call it George.
ReplyDeleteI pound on my sister's door. "Lindy, Mom says to get the squirt bottle and go rescue your filly again!"
ReplyDeleteOf course there is.
ReplyDelete“There's a unicorn in the barn!”
ReplyDelete"Is that so?"
"Promise."
"Let's have a --"
Those were my father's final words.
The doctors still don't believe me. Perhaps “Mr. Spike” can convince them.
I really wanted to write something trippy, in the vein of Lewis Carroll. But this stuff just comes out.
ReplyDeleteI’d put on my prettiest dress, pack my tin whistles, get Ramona, and ask the unicorn to lead me back where it came from.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteHigh School principal: Barn? What barn? OMG! Where'd that come from?! &*%# senior prank.
Biology teacher: Um, sir? Look inside...............
"There's a unicorn in the barn!"
ReplyDeleteCranky-pants face for my son. “What did you use this time? Nanny hates having things strapped to her forehead.”
My wife whispers. “My vibrator’s missing.”
Which kind?
ReplyDeleteYou know, sparkly or …carnivorous?
Totally sure. Equine internship, pre-dawn mucking stalls –found the horse leg. Dragged me in next.
Hey, where’s Betty?
Put empty beer barrels on the unicorn carriage. Super-Bowl commercial or not,
ReplyDeletethree ordinary horses pulling are not as strong as a brace of Clydesdales.
“Have it paid rent?”
ReplyDelete“Do they ever?”
"Who forget to put up scareunicorns?”
“Cows are booing. Unicorn season must have started. Beef tonight for celebration.”
Sweetheart, your Reality Adjuster is awesome, but remember the policeman last time? You have to send him back. And get the horse back, too.
ReplyDeleteHumbled by its beauty I approached the beast with hope. The bullet made a mess of an elegant creature that the world would never accept.
ReplyDeleteYes, that's how I've been storing my jewelry. It's not supposed to fraternize with the horses. I need carrots and a metal detector, stat.
ReplyDelete"Keep it away from the dragon. I don't want its coat singed."
ReplyDelete“I’ll notify Merlin at once.”
ReplyDeleteI sigh and call the General.
“Gerry spy captured.”
War is hell, but these secret codes are getting ridiculous.
The ground unicorn horn in the paint makes the barn a portal. It's going to need a fresh coat soon. Are you coming?
ReplyDelete"Really? Only one?"
ReplyDelete"He could've brought it into the house!"
ReplyDeleteMe: "Huh?"
"The cake. Colin!"
"Nooo, a REAL one!!!"
*Boyfriend faints*
I'm scared of spiders, he of unicorns.
Turn off the alarm and go back to dreaming.
ReplyDeleteThis is the best news I've heard in a long, long time...
Edit. Uncapitalise 'unicorn' and 'barn'; comma to replace exclamation mark; add speech marks and dialogue tag.
ReplyDeletePonder. Have I been marking too many student assignments?
“There’s a unicorn in the barn!” she said, not long after I’d slipped inside her. My erection wilted.
ReplyDeleteSix weeks later: bun in the oven.
I lowered my head, looked over my glasses. "You never noticed? And you swear you never drink. How long have you worked on this ranch?"
ReplyDelete(Given recent discussions with a friend who's moving toward polyamory, it took me a few seconds to come back to this version of reality.)
"Hold tight, Unicorn. I Noah guy."
ReplyDelete"Noah, wait! I found another..."
"No, there's only one..."
"I see..."
"Sorry Unicorn. It's kind of a couples thing."
Quick, catch the rainbow vomit! I want to throw it in the face of that Skittles ad executive!
ReplyDeleteI've got apples in the fridge and I'm not afraid to use them.
ReplyDeleteThough I am curious how a barn got on my apartment balcony.
There's a unicorn in the barn!
ReplyDeleteAnd an agent who requested pages 6 months ago just asked for a full. (Really!)
It's a magical day.
"Great. And the Phoenix?"
ReplyDelete"In the coop."
Livestock protected from Big Foot, Pa and I cozied up to our woodstove with our ambrosia.
A unicorn in the barn?
ReplyDeleteYeah right.
Search the house...
Under beds.
Tops of cupboards.
In the attic.
No booze.
Check barn. There’s a unicorn…
Oh my!
ReplyDeleteWhat to do?
Theatre?
Circus?
Ice Cream Factory? (nah, the poop can’t beat 31 flavors)
Wait, what do you mean, “Just a shadow?”