Janet Reid, Literary Agent

Assembly required

2012-01-26T17:55:00.000-05:00

Regular blog readers will remember that I am not handy with tools or instructions.

A friend took note of that today by sending me this:

Besties winner tells all!

2012-01-26T15:00:00.000-05:00

The winner of the "Besties" writing contest has a blog post about flash fiction that I think is pretty useful.
Here's the link.

">>>>" is code for sloppy.

2012-01-24T09:00:00.004-05:00

Working through the queries today brought yet another example of a query writer copying the contents of an email into a new email and hitting "send."

How can I tell?

>>> These little arrows
>>>appear in front of every
>>>new line. And yes
>>>it makes your query
>>> hard to read.

I've said it before, I guess I need to say it again: The harder it is to read your query the more likely I am to stop reading and say no.

There are ways to copy email contents without getting those arrows in the body of the email. Figure out how your mail management program does it.

If you need help on this, you should be over at AbsoluteWrite talking to other writers. AbsoluteWrite is a wonderful resource for questions large and small.

One of my clients has a psychotic break with reality

2012-01-23T15:34:00.000-05:00

Why you get form or "no response means no" rejections in 3 easy steps

2012-01-23T09:07:00.000-05:00

1. Query is an unholy mess from the subject line ("Query. I think") to the closing:

>>
>> Any suggests or advice would be appreciated. Thanks for your time.

2. My reply:

> www.queryshark.blogspot.com
>
> It's a blog about how to revise your query so it's effective.
>

3. His reply

I didn't ask for ideas about queries. I asked about how to go about getting an agent. I thought you would be kind and just look over what I had sent. It's called being decent to a fellow human being. It would not have taken any skin off of your nose just to look.

Okedokey! Back to form rejections.

And the next person who asks why I don't personalize things or offer help will get a link to this post.

"Besties" writing contest results**

2012-01-22T21:47:00.000-05:00

** how surprised are you to see how quick I was with the results? (yea, me too!)

You were a bloodthirsty bunch this weekend! I had to find a copy of Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm to cleanse my eyeballs after reading your entries! Yowza!

Herewith the results:

Special recognition for dire threats about the judging!
"On a side note, if Matthew Masucci does not win with his entry, then I will assume all contests rigged and include a bribe with my next entry."
Cole Howard 4:45pm

Oblique in a tantalizing way!
Shtrum 9:24am

Special recognition for entries that were just utterly delightful.

Papillon Crew 9:25am
Sheila JG 9:34am

Special recognition for an entry that evokes New York perfectly!
Heroin Jones 10:06am

Yow! Special recognition for making me hide under my desk.
Matthew Masucci 1:03pm

Special recognition for making me say "awwwww"
Just Jan 12:46am

Special recognition for a neat turn of phrase:
"A lamb is bent and red beside the wolf, who lies—sought, caught, shot"
Annie 1:40pm

"A whole chaos of fuzzy red squirrels."
NotWarriorPrincess 6:01pm

Special recognition for my favorite literary goat: Bill E.
Sha'el, Princess of Pixies 11:14am

These entries just cracked me up!

Charley 10:42am

Schalfin 11:10am (the shortcut to Betelgeuse leading to the L-train!)

Tara Tyler 12:43pm

M.R. Jordan 12:26am

Kristopher 4:45pm

This isn't quite a story but holy moly it's good writing:
Rea 2:59pm

The manager of the Paradise
Motel drives a new car and compulsively
sweeps the parking lot each night. Bill roams the hallways;
a skinny man, walking fast, herky-jerky. Scrounging
for cigarette butts. Vince stands
in his doorway, a chasm, and
says, “These drugs are killing me.”
I patrol the Paradise Motel with blinders on;
a bent harness pinches my ribcage.
A pale-faced young woman’s
asleep, sitting upright, in a Naugahyde
chair in the chaos of the parking lot.

They’re completely conspicuous,
as unobtrusive as the blood-red
neon sign that shouts vacancyvacancyvacancy;
these questions of sanity that trouble
an indifferent world.

Here are the six finalists:

Terri Coop 12:18pm

The ambulance left the police station. No sirens. Twenty years on the job and murder is still nothing but heartache and paperwork.

Unfolding a blank report, I bent over my old typewriter.

The punks were at the west desk. The old biddy at the east. Both were filing complaints.

She crowed about foiling a car theft.

Across the chasm, the hoods had red-ass about someone pulling a gun and chasing them away from their car.

Hesitation.

Recognition.

Silence.

Chaos.

I hit the “return” key. One section to go.

Conclusions: The old lady was a faster draw and a better shot.
-----------------------------

SiSi 12:22pm

I stare at the folding chair with the bent legs and traces of duct tape, pretending to worry. Detective Grady watches me with narrowed eyes. God knows what Kyle’s doing.

“You know what happened here,” Grady says. Not a question, so I don’t answer.

“Where’s Red?”

That is a question, so I respond. I shrug.

Technically my shrug’s the truth. I don’t know where Red is, just that he’s gone. Gone like the chaos and destruction that followed him here and engulfed us both, pushing me into a chasm of bitter darkness.

I hope Kyle hides the body well.

-------------------
Alaskan Ninja 1:23pm

Chaos. Everyone was screaming except me. I stood silent, white knuckles still fixed on Peter's camera.

“Take my picture,” he'd said, and headed toward the bent little cedar which clung defiantly to the outcrop. He ducked the safety rail, didn't think twice. Through the pinhole aperture I watched him stumble, saw his leg fold beneath him. The flat sole of his shoe lost purchase on the crumbling red shale.

I didn't even cry out as he slipped backward into the chasm. He tumbled end over end and I just stood there, rooted and silent as the cedar.

-----------------

Colin Smith 1:29pm

I pushed open the familiar red door of the betting shop.

"The last time," I told myself as I stood in line. I re-read my tip. Ten-to-one odds. I pulled out my bill fold—the last remains of the empty chasm that is my bank account.

"You're bent on self-destruction," my wife had told me when she walked out. Ten-to-one odds on fixing the chaos of my life.

"The last time," I muttered, approaching the counter.

"Which horse, Steve?" said the bookie.

"The two-thirty," I said pushing the last of my savings toward him. "All that on The Last Time."

--------------

Unknown 4:26pm

As Juliana slipped under the blanket’s red fold, her phone buzzed. Eric. With a sigh, she picked up.

“Sorry about dinner,” he said. “I’m working late.”

“Again?” In the heavy silence that followed, she could feel his disapproval. She was too clingy. Insecure. She should get a life.

“I can’t leave. Work’s crazy right now. Total chaos.”

Uh huh. The lies cut a deep chasm between them. Like the Grand Canyon, she thought. Uncrossable. Unforgiveable.

Juliana hung up. She bent over the toilet, stomach heaving. Nine weeks along—and it wasn’t his.

She had to tell him. But when?

------------

Elaine AM Smith 5:16pm

CC crying behind the gym, during Winter Formal, was a shock. A door slammed. I stashed my bottle, stowed it behind a bin and looked for an exit.
Drama! CC found her Brad deep in anyone’s Ginny. It was all chaos and replaced clothes. In her character assassination, CC blasted them with two-barrel insults. After that, I didn’t expect her sobs.
My intentions were good-enough when I put my hand on her red, satin-covered shoulder.
CC screamed.
There was a chasm between my act and her interpretation. “Sorry, CC. It’s Reid.”
Precision-perfect, CC kicked me. I folded bent and double.

And the winner is Terri Coop 12:18pm.

Congratulations Terri! Send me your mailing address and we'll get a copy of PURGATORY CHASM and THE WHOLE LIE off to you.

Thanks to everyone who entered!

Besties Writing Contest!

2012-01-19T23:32:00.004-05:00

Let's celebrate ALL the Edgar nominees for Best First Novel! Yes, that's my client Steve Ulfelder on the list. Yes, that sound you hear is me screeching with delight!

And what better way to celebrate than with a writing contest!!

Contest opens on Saturday (1/21) at 9:00am. Closes Sunday (1/22) at 6:00pm. All times are Eastern Shark Time.

Usual rules:

Write a story in 100 words or fewer. Post the story in the comments column of this blog post. One entry per person. If you need a mulligan, delete your entry and post again.

Use the following words in your story:

Red
Fold
Chaos
Bent
Chasm

The prize is a GREAT one: a copy of PURGATORY CHASM (of course!) AND a copy of THE WHOLE LIE the next Conway Sax book. You want to win this, yes you do!

If you have questions, tweet to me @janet_reid

Ready?
Set?
~~WAIT! (Contest not open yet!)~~

~~WRITE!~~

Contest now closed!

We're going to the Edgars!

2012-01-19T09:18:00.001-05:00

Congratulations to Steve Ulfelder for his nomination for Best First Novel! Dear readers, I wept with joy.

Here's the complete list of nominees!

PS I'm a mammal!

2012-01-18T21:37:00.000-05:00

Why query letter writers waste precious space, particularly the first few lines, with information I already know or don't need perplexes me.

Here are some examples from recent queries:

1. Query writer's address.
When you query electronically, you put your contact information UNDER YOUR NAME. At the bottom, not the top. This is not how they taught you to write a business letter at Katherine Gibbs, I know. It's a new century. Get with it.

2. MY address.
I know where I work. Honest. I may not know what year it is day to day, but I know my address.

3. The querier's name: "Hi my name is Felix Buttonweazer and I wrote a novel."
You sign the letter at the bottom with your name. That's the ONLY place your name goes.

4. "I found you at Publishers Marketplace" and the link to my page there.
I know I have a page there. I know what it says. I wrote it. And updated it. Saturday. If you found me there, ok, but for goodness sakes leave out the hyperlink!

5. "I found your page at the FPLM site" and the link to my page there.
Again, I know I have a page there. I know what it says. I wrote it.

In other words do not waste precious space and time with obvious stuff. Start with what I don't know: what your book is about. Or "Dear Snookums" if you insist on a salutation.

Anything else is just useless drivel. And if you write useless drivel in your query, the chances you write it in your novel are higher than what I like to take chances reading.

PS You also don't need to mention you're a writer, human, a mammal or you breathe air.   I assume you are not an alien life form contacting Earth for the first time. I know how that will happen.

Going dark in protest

2012-01-18T07:15:00.001-05:00

The SOPA/PIPA legislation is like wearing your cat for a hat. You may need a warm head but your cat is the wrong kind of fur. Here's more on this from the LA Times and from Money Magazine

There's a really good bit about SOPA here at Unshelved too.

Yea, so I didn't much like 11/22/63

2012-01-16T16:32:00.000-05:00

And I'm sure Stephen King is crushed to hear it.
(insert sound of snortling laughter all the way from Maine.)

I'm a devoted fan of Stephen King's book ON WRITING which I think every writer should own, read and re-read.

I'd never read anything else of his cause I'm a wuss when it comes to horror and supernatural stuff. I saw that movie about the car that comes alive and it terrified me.

So, when Stephen King turned his hand to the JFK assassination, I figured it was time to dive in. 850 pages of depth, but I was ready. I read it last weekend. In about 36 hours. There was some sleeping and some eating, but not much else.

I was right there with him for the first 150 pages. Stephen King can REALLY write, but you don't need me to tell you that. Many of you not only already know, you've got favorites among his many MANY novels.

Then as the novel moved forward it lost momentum. The plot just fell in on itself and flailed.

And worse, he didn't do anything new or interesting with time travel. Think about it: Stephen King has imagined stuff that has haunted our dreams for years. New and interesting ways to do all sorts of blood curdling stuff. But this time travel was essentially ho-hum. I'd seen it all before cause I've seen all three Back to the Future movies. (yea, more than once, I admit it.)

I expected more. Not fairly perhaps, given "more" implies he being held to higher standard than other writers. But honestly, he's Stephen King. I expect him to knock my sox off, and when he didn't it feels like a disappointment.

But, I'd have been disappointed if someone other than Stephen King had turned this in. Of course, with anyone else, it would have been chopped down to 400 pages first thing. And I'm not sure it would have gotten published. It's not terrible (despite what the Pittsburgh critic said) but it's not a book I put down and wanted to start talking to people about. Well, ok that's not true. I did. But what I wanted to say was "You LIKED this?"

And just in case Stephen King is reading this (cue those snortles again) here's a link to a post about how to deal with soul-crushing bad reviews.

"fuck you, you miscreant!"

2012-01-13T07:15:00.000-05:00

I think this post from Wendy Thomas is the most sensible thing I've ever seen about how to deal with bullies.

I intend to employ it myself.

THE WHOLE LIE!! ARCs are here! yay!

2012-01-12T14:39:00.001-05:00

My incredibly valuable ~~slave~~ new intern just brought in a box of ARCs for Steve Ulfelder's next book THE WHOLE LIE coming May 8 from Minotaur.

We are Excited Alot!

Target practice for shooting yourself in the foot

2012-01-12T08:49:00.000-05:00

I was merrily reading queries this morning, and came upon one that Zinged! my interest. I slowed down, read more carefully. Wow, this is interesting! It's about an event I've never heard of, that sounds like it could be a really interesting book of narrative non-fiction. I've got my eye peeled for good narrative non-fiction these days.

Then suddenly...splat. The query isn't for non-fiction. It's for a novel. I'm so disappointed I want to write back to the querier and say "write about that event!!" But I don't.

The foot shot is this: when you open a query with information that IS NOT IN YOUR BOOK you run the very real risk of splat! You don't want me too disappointed about what your book is NOT to read your query.

I can't say this often enough: your query is about YOUR book. Tell me who the characters are and what choices they face. If there's a real world event that has an impact on your book, tell me about it in the context of your book--in other words LATER not sooner in the query.

Quote of the Day

2012-01-11T14:20:00.001-05:00

"I could quote Moby Dick all day, but when I go to write, when I clear my imaginative space of all the clutter and to-do lists of normal life, when I'm just about able to inhabit the blankness of creation but before I actually invent something, the Dickinson poem "After great pain, a formal feeling comes" tends to creep in."

--Adam Johnson

Adam Johnson teaches creative writing at Stanford University. His fiction has appeared in Esquire, the Paris Review, Harper's, Tin House, Granta and Playboy, as well as The Best American Short Stories. His other books include the story collection Emporium and the novel Parasites Like Us.

His new book is The Orphan Master's Son (Random House, January 10, 2012), which follows a young man's journey through the icy waters, dark tunnels and eerie spy chambers of the world's most mysterious dictatorship, North Korea. Johnson lives in San Francisco.

The contents of this post were lifted whole, and shamelessly, from the good people at ShelfAwareness whose daily email is a MUST read for everyone in publishing. You don't subscribe? Fix that now.

What books do at night!

2012-01-10T17:48:00.001-05:00

Three bruised thumbs later-a flash of insight

2012-01-08T15:44:00.002-05:00

I bought a new bookcase recently. Unlike my previous purchases, this one came unassembled. I figured how hard can it be to put together a simple bookcase; it's all straight lines; I know what it's going to look like, and I'm a smart girl.

The bookcase arrived. Coiffed in what looked like saran wrap. Pieces of lumber. No bags of nails or screws, no directions.

I started thinking about how I'd get this thing assembled at once:

I thought hard for about four weeks. Finally it was either assemble the damn thing or set it on fire. (Stacks of lumber in a small apartment ... well, let's just say a new and fluent vocabulary of strong language is associated with knee-high stacks of wood and dark rooms.)

I wielded my trusty scissors on the saran wrap. Three pieces of wood promptly hit me on the head. Followed closely by two bags of nails, screws, shelf holders and something that looks like Velcro but remains unidentified pending DNA testing. The saran wrap had allowed the shelving to be stacked vertically, like the outer pieces. Once unwrapped, they yielded to gravity.

As I lay on floor, birds circling I remember a lesson learned at my sainted mum's knee: "Beware the Acme shipping label."

I got up, dusted myself off, found the directions between layers of Styrofoam, and thought "Ok, I'm ready!"

Well, of course you know how this ends. The bookcase now assembled, looks something like this:

I, somewhat less assembled, look something like this:

But, I had a flash of insight.

EVEN with directions in hand, which were not only written in English but had pictograms; even when I knew how the thing was supposed to look at the end; I still made a hash of it.

Some of this could be that I'm a dodo. I'll cop to that. But a lot of it is I hadn't done this before. It was all new. I made mistakes I wouldn't have if someone who'd done this before was here, OR I could have asked questions.

Insight dawns: this is a bit like writing queries. No matter how clear the directions, it's easy to screw up. It would be good to have a place to ask questions.

So...from now on, IF you have a SHORT question about how to query, send me an email with QUERY QUESTION in the subject line. I'll do my best to answer. If I can't, I'll reply to say it's beyond the scope of the project.

This isn't intended for "what do you want" but more of "what font do I use." Procedural, technical questions. How to assemble the bookcase, not do I want to buy a bookcase. Figure 25 words or fewer for the question.

Clarification: this is not the place for "what do most agents want." This is a place to ask ME about MY query preferences and protocols. If I ruled the world I would make my opinion binding on everyone, but sadly, I have been thwarted in my several attempts to gain the crown.

Let's see how this works.

Contest results---yeeesh..finally!

2012-01-08T10:13:00.000-05:00

I've been VERY remiss in not posting the results. My only excuse is that honestly, I couldn't pick finalists let alone a winner. Every single entry was amazing, and I had to read them all multiple times.
ANY of these entries could have won; the list of finalists changed several times over. In the end the entries that stuck in my head are the ones singled out here.

Without further ado:

Special recognition for homage to one of my favorite poems goes to:

M.R. Jorand 3:04pm

A very neat hat trick
Li 9:51am

Finalists

David 3:40pm
↓
Hobo Tom bums
a ride,
a smoke,
a buck,
some gum.

Hobo Tom runs
the streets,
the mall,
game on
Candy.

Hobo Tom sells
bottles,
booze,
rolls, and
rock.

Me and
Hobo Tom.

↑
Hobo Tom,
me, and
Rock.

Rolls and
booze?
Bottles?

Hobo Tom sells
Candy.
Game on.

The mall,
the streets,
Hobo Tom runs.

Some gum?
A buck.
A smoke?
A ride.
Hobo Tom?
Bums.

Steve Forti 5:14pm

↓
The lid creaks
on rusted hinges.
I lay
in the dark.
With squinted eyes,
I bid aloha
to the sun.
Six feet down,
the air is cold.
Above,
you stand.
Your voice
not
a stranger to my ears. The sound
from
your lips like candy
to my soul. Drawn to
not
feel
fear. For you, I
tremble in
love.

↑
Love -
tremble in
fear. For you, I
feel
not.
To my soul, drawn to
your lips like candy
from
a stranger. To my ears, the sound -
not
your voice.
You stand
above,
The air is cold
six feet down.
To the sun,
I bid aloha
with squinted eyes.
In the dark,
I lay
on rusted hinges.
The lid creaks.

Adrienne 6:33pm
↓
"Gentleness?
Love?" he said.
"Kindness?
What are these things?"
He'd placed wilted petals
in my palm.
"Flowers,"
he'd said.
"Beauty.
You will find
trust."
Dare I
believe him?
Should I?
Candy-sweet
words--emptiness.
Vacant,
smoldering smiles.
It started and ended with
lies.

↑
Lies?
It started and ended with
smoldering smiles.
Vacant
words. Emptiness,
candy-sweet.
Should I
believe him,
dare I
trust,
"You will find
beauty,"
he'd said.
"Flowers."
In my palm,
he'd placed wilted petals.
What are these things?
"Kindness.
Love," he said.
Gentleness.

Dylan 11:16pm
Occupy This
↓
Victory is sweet
and
you will win
in the end,
but
it won’t be quick, or easy.

Pacifism works
but
sometimes it hurts.

Did
Gandhi
like
the beatings?
Take
some pride?
Feel
justified?

Is your revolution
really necessary?
“What else is?”
You may ask.

My father used to say,
“Liquor is quicker
though
candy is dandy.”

↑
“Candy is dandy
though
liquor is quicker.”
My father used to say.

You may ask,
“What else is
really necessary?”

Is your revolution
justified?

Feel
some pride.
Take
the beatings
like
Gandhi
did.

Sometimes it hurts
but
pacifism works.

It won’t be quick, or easy
but
in the end
you will win.
And
victory is sweet

Colin Smith 6:11pm
↓
"hard candy
sucks,"
the child
said;
his father
disapproving.

↑
disapproving,
his father
said,
"the child
sucks
hard candy!"

The winner is Colin Smith. Not only did he reverse the poem, he reversed the sensibility, AND he did it in very elegant form. It's HARD to write succinctly--all of us beating our heads against the wall to pitch books in 250 words know that! This poem is nine words. I find that awesome! Colin, drop me an email with your mailing address and what kinds of books you like to read and we'll get your prize off to you!

Thanks to all who entered! This was an AMAZING effort!

Need to be gnawed?

2012-01-05T10:13:00.000-05:00

Remember our plaintive wail from the comments column about following directions but still not getting bites?

Well, here's your chance to put actual pages in front of actual beady agent eyes. The Backspace Conference is open for registration, and yes, I will be there to gnaw you till you beg for mercy. Medicinal whisky will be provided of course.

It's going to cost you some dough, and staying in NYC isn't cheap but this conference has a history of getting people published.

And yes, if you're terrified to do this, well, be brave.

Really? Really??

2012-01-04T10:51:00.000-05:00

Incoming query this morning listed three projects. With the statement the author would like a reply for each one individually.

Really?

No.

In case you need it spelled out:

1. You query
2. I read
3. I click either form reply NO or form reply YES.
4. I click "send"

If you query for n+1 projects you get either NO or what we like to call the Mayan reply. (And no it doesn't have anything to do with the end of the world.) You do not get N+1 form reply NOs.

I got an ALOT!!!!

2012-01-03T14:22:00.000-05:00

How much do I love my Alot? A LOT!!!!

What is an Alot you ask?? (how could you not know this!!!)

Here's where the Alot was born!

If you're writing non-fiction, here are four questions you need to answer

2012-01-01T22:33:00.001-05:00

Eric Nelson, executive editor at Wiley is a really smart guy. Of course I follow him on Twitter. Tonight, apropos of nothing, he dropped these helpful hints into the scrum (my guess is he's reading proposals and feeling frustrated.)

If you're writing a nonfiction book, here's a few questions to answer. Like, actually write them down.

#1. What is your best story, and how does it explain the larger argument of your book?

#2. What's a key distinction you draw in the book, and why has no one else drawn it?

#3. What's the key moment in the recent past that made the world the way it is today? (At least the part of the world you're describing.)

#4. Why now? What we do we know now, but didn't 6 months or 6 years ago?

Happy New Year

2012-01-01T00:03:00.002-05:00

of course I found this on Sean Ferrell's blog.
He's the go to guy for amazing.

"I'm not shooting myself in the foot, but I'm still missing the bullseye!"

2011-12-30T12:27:00.001-05:00

A plaintive wail from the comment column of my recent post on shooting yourself in the foot:

I can't tell you how often I do not make any of the mistakes listed here, or on other agent's websites. I think I'm taking exquisite care and considering every nuance and detail. And I still can't get a full request.

Here's where you might want to invest some of your hard earned cash in a writing conference or writing class. It's time to get some help on what's not working. There are a lot of good conferences every year. I'll be at Grub Street's Muse in Marketplace in Boston on May 5 but they offer classes and workshops throughout the year. Many agents list their upcoming conferences on their websites. PennWriters has an outstanding annual conference, as does Rocky Mountain Writers

Look for a conference that gives you a chance to get your work looked at by agents and editors NOT just writers. Writers can help you with writing, structure, and pacing but agents and editors are the ones to ask about why your work isn't getting past the slush pile.

Thank you BookCourt!

2011-12-29T13:49:00.000-05:00

BookCourt in Brooklyn NY is one of our local indies! I've spent a lot of happy hours there; you can see the staff has GREAT taste!

I'm on their mailing list for events; if you're in NYC you should be too!

picture courtesy of our sharkspy Brooks Sherman!

(also a crackerjack agent at FPLM!)

A brilliant new way to shoot yourself in the query

2011-12-26T10:21:00.000-05:00

I can't help myself. When queries come in, even over the holidays, I sneak a peek. I'm always hoping something so good will pop up that I Must.Read.Now. Sadly what I find more often are new perplexing ways you've found to do yourself some damage.

Just this morning there were these two:

1. "Please respond" in the subject line, and the ONLY thing in the subject line. Maybe you don't get as much spam as I do, but surely you've noticed that phrase is one spammers use a lot. Even if your query isn't spam, if you make it LOOK like spam, it's a bad sign. There are two ways to figure out what goes in the subject line of a query:

a. What the guidelines of a specific agency tell you to put

OR (not AND)

b. Query for (title of your work here) /(fiction/non-fiction/memoir)

Put the title of your work in first, then whether it's fiction, non-fiction or memoir.

That's ALL.

And honest to garamond "Please respond" is just an invitation not to.

2. "Please reply to my home email address (email listed)" and it's NOT the address from which the query was sent.

When I reply to your query, I hit the "reply to" tab on my mail management program and it replies to the email address you used to send the email. Under no circumstances am I going to type in a new address. Not ever.

Query from the address you want to receive the replies. It never occurred to me that this had to be stated, but I guess it does.

And if anyone has any insight into why someone would do this, I'd be interested to hear it.

Now, off to breakfast:

So, you thought you knew this one?

2011-12-25T09:59:00.004-05:00

Hallelujah indeed!

May your holiday be filled with peace, gratitude and love. And a LOT of fun.

Going dark

2011-12-21T08:23:00.000-05:00

I'm going to take a couple days now for the holiday week.
No work, just the occasional tweet or blog post, no replying to queries or email. I'll be reading when I'm not ...um...resting my eyes!

We're immensely proud of you, Gypsy!

2011-12-19T15:55:00.003-05:00

On Saturday, December 17 Gypsy Wesson graduated from college.

She'd never been inside a classroom until she was 19--seven years ago. And that wasn't the biggest challenge she faced.

Read the short form of her story here in the Fresno Bee.

Read the whole story here in DEADLY DEVOTION by Alysia Sofios.

What's the structure of your book?

2011-12-19T09:00:00.002-05:00

Here's an incredibly valuable interview with Rebecca Skloot about how she decided to structure her book THE INCREDIBLE LIFE OF HENRIETTA LACKS.

Her book is narrative non-fiction but what she says will resonate with novelists as well.

I learned a lot from this; I think you will too.

You've been meaning to read THE BREACH, right?

2011-12-18T13:32:00.000-05:00

well, it's .99 on Kindle right now!

Don't start it if you have to get up early tomorrow, you will NOT be able to put it down.

You've forgotten what THE BREACH is about?

Here's the starred review (and their pick of the week when it was released in 2009!) from PW to remind you why you really want to read this:

★ Lee's debut thriller pits ex-con ex-cop Travis Chase against increasingly dire odds as the action ratchets up like levels in a complex video game.

Fresh out of prison, Travis sets out on a solo Alaskan trek, wanting nothing more than quiet time for introspection. Then he encounters a downed plane containing the dead bodies of the United States's first lady and several others, plus hints about a mysterious missing item. Armed with superior firepower and the instincts and savvy of a good cop, Travis tracks down the murderers, who are torturing hostage Paige Campbell to get her father, Peter, to reveal another clue.

Travis manages to rescue Paige just as Peter confesses the information and is killed. His last words send Paige and Travis into a dangerous world of secrets and conspiracies, where they slowly learn about the eponymous Breach and meet progressively more menacing foes.

It's all here: brilliantly devious enemies; nifty, innovative gadgets and weaponry; hang-on-to-your-hat action; and razor-sharp plot twists aplenty.

while you're waiting for the results of the last contest

2011-12-18T13:13:00.000-05:00

Here's a terrific piece from Word Bookstore in Brooklyn about the compatibility of ebooks and bricks and mortar stores. If you scroll down you'll notice one of their favorite books is also one of mine!

Gotcha knickers twisted, yo?

2011-12-15T10:45:00.008-05:00

The most devilish contest idea EVAH comes from blog reader Shaunna (visit her blog here to see what other kind of mischief she's conjuring up.)

Here's the concept: write a poem, or a story in a poem, that's reversible. That means the lines form a poem reading down AND up.

Here's an example from the instigator of this madness herself:

Reading down:
For love,
how you look
is
what matters most.
Let's be honest.
You can smile
or
grimace,
flirt or
frown.
It makes no difference.
You might believe
love
welcomes
an open heart.
But the end
of the story
can be told
much
sooner.
Look
at the face:
beauty
has a chance at
everything.

Reading up:
Everything
has a chance at
beauty.
At the face,
look
sooner.
Much
can be told
of the story
but the end.
An open heart
welcomes
love.
You might believe
it makes no difference:
frown,
flirt, or
grimace.
Or
you can smile.
Let's be honest.
What matters most
is
how you look
for love.

Another example is the title of this post:

Gotcha knickers twisted, yo?
Yo! Twisted knickers gotcha?

(notice that punctuation will help you a lot!)

And just to make things LOTS of fun, it's fewer maximum words this time: 60.

(That evil cackle you hear is me)

Contest opens Friday 12/16 at Noon and runs through Sunday 12/18 at noon. (I figure you might need some extra time for this one!)

60 words max (fewer is fine) arranged in lines that form a poem reading both up and down.

Only one word prompt this time: candy (aren't you glad it wasn't knickers? or twisted?!)

Post your entry in the comment column on this post.
Your entry should have two parts:, once for how it reads down and once for how it reads up.

If you need a mulligan, delete your entry and post again.

Questions? Best way to get answers is to send me a tweet @janet_reid

Ready?
Set?
~~Write!~~

Too late! Contest closed at noon on Sunday! Now, to the most fun of all--reading the entries!

You know who's awesome?

2011-12-15T10:28:00.000-05:00

Ted Fox's YOU KNOW WHO'S AWESOME?, a look at the "un-awesome" among us -- Snooki, John Mayer, the guy who keeps his Christmas lights up all year -- pitched as Larry David meets THANK YOU NOTES, to Brendan O'Neill at Adams Media, for publication in 2012, by Marissa Walsh at FinePrint Literary Management (World).

Ted's tweets crack me up.
Check him out at @KnowWhosAwesome

And if you've got an Awesome Book for real, make sure you check out Marissa Walsh. She IS awesome.

Slothville!

2011-12-14T18:23:00.002-05:00

So, how's your day going?

2011-12-14T08:58:00.000-05:00

yea?
well, this should help.

(safe for work, does not involve kittens)

Input needed

2011-12-13T22:32:00.001-05:00

As we close in on Christmas, and the new year, it's easy for me to get caught up in clearing out all my queries and fulls. Hose out the place, ring in the new year with no backlog.*****

But, it dawned on me that y'all would be GETTING rejections at the holiday if I did that. (I figure if it's good news you won't mind if I call on Christmas Day, right?)

Give me some guidance here.

Would you rather get the dreaded form rejection sooner even if it's the holiday season, or later?

Here's a survey to tab the results:

Quizzes by Quibblo.com | SnapApp Quiz Apps

**** oh chummy ones, how can you think that this might mean just blanket rejection? No no. Every query gets read. This is just about spending a bit MORE time to read everything and reply before the end of the year. I've been known to let things stack up for a week or two if I'm busy torturing my clients with revisions and such.

25 Truths about Rejection

2011-12-13T09:44:00.000-05:00

Chuck Wendig's blog should be required reading for every writer.
Hell, required reading for ALL of us.

Here's his recent post on 25 things every writer should know about rejection.

The first one give you a sense of the whole list:

1. As Ineluctable As The Tides

If you’re a writer, a writer who writes, a writer who puts her work out there, you’re going to face rejection. It’s like saying, “Eventually you’re going to have to fistfight a bear,” except here it’s not one bear but a countless parade of bears, from Kodiaks to Koalas, all ready to go toe-to-toe with you. Rejection, like shit, happens. Rejection, like shit, washes off. Get used to it.

Read the rest of his list here.

Now, back to reading queries!

Quote of the Day

2011-12-12T14:28:00.000-05:00

"Ah, youth. Ah, statute of limitations."

I actually counted the words cause I couldn't quite believe it

2011-12-12T09:50:00.000-05:00

This morning's incoming queries coughed up a query that was 690 words. I know because I pasted it into Word and clicked "word count."

None of 690 words told me what the book was about. None.

The letter was full of how this book would be promoted; how "controversial" was an understatement; how it will "provoke" readers. Well, it provoked me, but not in the way the writer intended, I'll bet.

I couldn't even tell if it was fiction or non-fiction. I certainly couldn't tell where it belonged in a book store; the premise of the book; what problem it proposed to illuminate or solve (essential for non-fiction) or anything other than the writer had no clue how to communicate effectively.

This, as you might suspect, is a recipe for instant rejection.

It's easy to get so caught up and familiar with your project you forget your audience hasn't heard ANY of it. You have to start with the basics. Tell me the category, and the problem if it's non-fiction. Tell me the start of the plot if it's a novel.

If you're wondering if this could apply to your query, ask someone who has never read your book to read your query. Then ask them "what is this book about?" If the answer is anything but "I don't know" you're probably ok.

nom nom!

2011-12-12T09:00:00.003-05:00

Need the rest of the article? Yea, me too. Here ya go.

Tip of the chapeau to Lauren Roberts of BiblioBuffet,

the source of many amazing things.

If you are a writer, you'll need this

2011-12-10T06:41:00.001-05:00

You might need it today.
Maybe tomorrow.
Certainly sometime in the coming year.

Print it out.
Put it in a place you can find it.

Here's the link.

Will "writing a book" be on your list of New Year resolutions?

2011-12-09T09:48:00.000-05:00

Here's a blog post with some helpful ideas to get you started.

Written?Kitten!

2011-12-09T00:44:00.000-05:00

Trust me, you are going to LOVE this!

Here's what I wrote (yes, there's a typo)

of course I found this at Molly O'Neill's blog. Where else?

Telefonita questions

2011-12-08T12:12:00.001-05:00

Dear Ms. Reid:
I have contacted a (very) small press about my novel and we have gotten to the point where they have requested a full. In the event they accept this manuscript, would it then be all right for me to telephone an agent (maybe even you, perhaps) to negotiate the contract?

Nooo.
no no no.

no phone.

In this circumstance you will EMAIL an agent to inquire if they are interested in helping you negotiate the contract. (a good example can be found in this BookEndsLLC blog post)

And probably you're not going to find one who will because 15% of a small advance is usually not enough money to make it worth while. Most agents or agencies have standard contracts with publishers with whom they do business on a regular basis. We don't have to renegotiate most of the terms and conditions on each deal.

With a new publisher and a small press, much of that has to be negotiated and it's time consuming as hell.

If you get to this point and you can't find an agent to help you, email me again and I'll give you the name of a contract review specialist who charges by the hour and can give you advice on which clauses you can/should negotiate with the publisher.

Again, la telefonita is NOT your friend

2011-12-05T16:46:00.000-05:00

Two phone calls today, neither from people who were clueless, but they absolutely did not get the help they thought they should get.

First was a very nice woman I met at a conference. As at all conferences, I handed out my card and welcomed queries. She queried and received a reply; sadly it was a form rejection.

This morning she called and said her name. She needed "just some advice on why her novel was rejected." I had no idea who she was. Her shocked tone when she replied "but you just rejected this on Sunday" led me to believe she had no idea that she was one of a 100 people who heard from me yesterday.

And of course, even if I was going to give any kind of feedback it would NEVER be on the phone. And certainly not in the middle of the day when I was doing other things.

I know she thought I was rude. I know she hung up feeling bad.
Honestly though, I'm astounded people think this is Undergraduate Lit 101 and I'm some sort of prof with office hours for writers to drop in and get help.

This is a for-profit business and I spend my time doing what I think is going to make me boatloads of money. Shiploads would be better. Helping you figure out why your book doesn't work is not going to make me any money. It makes you feel better. Those are NOT the same things.

The second caller gave me his name and said he'd like to speak to an agent about his book. I told him that all initial contact with agents and the agency is in writing.

Well, who should he contact?
Look at the website. All the info is there.

And I'm not going to give you anyone's name to contact because I don't know what my colleagues are looking for. In a smaller agency everyone might know that stuff. I don't. I know what *I* am looking for and that's it.

You'd think people would figure out they are not calling the main number for FPLM when I pick up the phone and say my name. But they don't.

The second caller was clearly used to dealing with more retail kinds of business; he was befuddled that I wasn't eager to help him. He was a writer, I made money from writers...why was I being such a Cruella Devil?

Because if you can't follow really simple directions, OR it doesn't occur to you to LOOK for directions, you're not ready to query. It's really as simple as that.

Yet, it's not a great feeling to know that both those people went away unhappy, and blame me for that.

I guess I'll dump some extra money in the bell ringers kettle today to adjust my karmic balance. And write a blog post to remind everyone that "do not call an agency at the initial query stage" is pretty much a hard and fast rule. And if you think you're the exception, you're EXACTLY the person who needs to read this again and say "She's talking about ME" out loud. Ten times.

Q-ontest results! Electrifying! Unsuitable! HILARIOUS!

2011-12-03T13:49:00.000-05:00

You've outdone yourselves on this one. Honestly, I save doing the results of these contests till the weekend cause it takes forever to read through them cause I'm laughing so hard.

Herewith the results:

Outstanding achievement in pandering:
Jesse 1:07am
M.R. Jordan 9:41 (with bonus points for poetry!)

First appearance by James Joyce with my ragtag band of merry clients:
Michael G-G 5:26pm

Excellent use of the multiple meaning of "birds"
Marina J. Lostetter 10:38am

Outstanding achievement in Hand-selling!
GregKShipman 12:59pm

Most terrifying idea since Barbara Poelle's airhorn: Suzie Townsend gunslinger!
Cynthia Ivers 11:38pm

Things I hope are never on the lunch menu at FPLM:
tunapalooza from Dan’s-Day-Old-Sushi
Terri Coop 3:11pm

Things I'd PAY to see:

While Sean distracted Evan with his spontaneous version of “Babaloo
P.J. Casselman 2:34pm

Then Jeff sang a Frank Sinatra tune
otin 3:10pm

After the reading, Dan approached the other authors. “Who wants to tickle fight?”
Harley May 4:16pm

Cracked me up for a good five minutes

“Then, inject liquid cheese.” (Photo 5) Jeff demonstrated. (Proprietary image blurred) “Microwave and voila!”
Kregger: 9am

Great line:
Sean sniffed a pit, and grabbed his right arm to stop it from falling off.
Mark 9:02am

She Molly Bloomed him: yes I said yes I will Yes.
Michael G-G 5:26pm

And here are the finalists, the entries that were actual stories:
John 9am

Five athletes put their whole selves into the quest for gold; none thought simple “right hand in” would destroy him.

Pressure shatters Brooks: wrong hand. (0)

Evan buries his left in his pocket to escape the same fate, but the delay times him out. (3)

Three survivors face off. (1)

Jeff, disqualified for left-right labelled pompoms, claims ambiguity in ICHP regs, (5) but the judges scoff. (6)

Sean and Dan reach “right foot,” but Sean is stuck on right hand. He cringes, trying to pull back. (4) Dan wins.

The runners-up laugh amid tears. (2)

The tiniest slips - in professional hokey-pokey, that’s what it’s all about.

Sheila JG 11:22am
“It’s red-eye, from the flash.” That was BS (P0). He always said that, but DK was suspicious. He’d seen flashes of red in his eyes, usually right before the disappearances. The police were calling it the Brunette Vanishings.

DK warned the others, but they laughed at him (P1). Dk laughed, too. Then he vanished.

“That, DK. What an imagination,” JS whispered (P2). SF laughed. He didn’t have anything to worry about. Or did he?

EM stood to speak (P3), noticing the audience (P6). No brunettes. What if it was true? His hand began to fade.

It started with the hands (P4). A slight blurring (P5). Then nothing.

Shaunna 6:28pm
Considering the years since the suspects' last meeting, their postural similarities were uncanny. (photo 1) The jury's task, already difficult, seemed well nigh impossible. (photo 6) Still, they had to try.

They questioned Evan first, and he seemed an upright fellow -- until his hand began to shake, and then they thought, 'His tell! Surely he's the one.' (photo 3)

But their glee turned to dismay when Sean (photo 4) and Jeff (photo 5) appeared, each a portrait of the other, identical to the very last tic.

The jury despaired. "This trial brooks madness," they cried, when suddenly, Jeff scratched his nose. (photo 2). "A boon," the foreman said. "The jig is up."

Just Jan 1:06am

"My name is Evan, and I'm a vampire." (PHOTO 3)

"Good grief," Jeff muttered (PHOTO 2). "Not another one."

Sean approached the microphone. "This isn't Vampires Anonymous, folks. Anyone else in the wrong room?" (PHOTO 4)

Two wraiths slunk out with Evan. A woman in the front row fidgeted with her scarf. Unnoticed, an ember-eyed fiend (PHOTO BROOKS) mesmerized the remaining audience (PHOTO 6) from the wings.

Jeff stepped up and began to read (PHOTO 5). Without missing a word, he swatted a large bat that swooped in beside him. The bat shrieked, morphed into the fiend, and fell dead.

Dan congratulated him during intermission (PHOTO 1). "Nice backhand. Buffy would be proud."

And the winner is John 9am! Who could resist the hokey pokey!

John, send me your mailing address and I'll send you a copy of each of the books. If you own any of them already, we can find something else to fill out the prize box.

Congratulations to each of you who entered! It was a lot of fun to read your work.

What's happening across the roof?

2011-12-03T12:58:00.000-05:00

The view from my new office window

2011-12-02T20:34:00.000-05:00

On a clear day, here in NYC, you might be able to see forever, but on a SUNNY day, here at the reef, this is what we see out our window!

"This really is a novel for both head and heart"

2011-12-01T11:37:00.000-05:00

A beautifully written review of Q by Fleur Fisher.

This blog post is a sterling example of what writers should do on their blogs. (NOT write about querying or rejections!) In fact, her whole blog makes me wish she was a writer. I ♥ it a lot. Also, alot

From the mouths of babes

2011-12-01T09:40:00.000-05:00

tip of the hat to Jezebel.com

Looking for a canine companion?

2011-11-30T10:52:00.001-05:00

There's a terrific dog who needs a person: details here

If you're thinking about adding a dog to your pack, please consider rescuing Jane.

Notes from the incoming query holding pen

2011-11-29T10:38:00.000-05:00

This morning I checked my voracious spam filter (Priscilla Queen of the Just Desserts) and found an incoming query. (Priscilla is fierce but ~~slightly~~ stupid, bless her heart.)

I had to look at the email to make sure it wasn't spam and from the first glowing sentence, I knew I was in the presence of someone who could really REALLY write.

Her query did the ONE thing it needed to: it enticed me to read the book. It enticed me to read something that might not be finished, on a topic I normally hide under my desk to avoid.

And earlier this week I got a query that was a total disaster in paragraph one, and got better in paragraph two but not until the final sentence did it hook my interest. And it did. One sentence. At the end. And it did what a query letter needed to do: enticed me to read the project.

I mention this because many of you are getting the idea that your query letter has to be "perfect" to elicit a YES, SEND from an agent. There are a number of sites (my QueryShark included) that show you how to polish and hone queries. Workshops and conferences abound with presentations on How To Write The Perfect Query. You can buy six books on the subject without leaving your desk chair if you click on any writing reference section of an online bookstore.

But the unvarnished truth is this: good writing and enticing concepts trump form. Almost every time.

It doesn't hurt to polish your query. It's better that you do. But it's not a checklist. You can make mistakes; you can break rules and still get YES, SEND from me.

I'm always looking for that one project that makes me forget it's raining and I have to go to work on a crowded subway in five minutes. I'm always looking for the one project that makes me want to stay home and read it NOW.

I can and do overlook all sorts of "mistakes" when the writing is brilliant or the concept is hot.

Every agent I know feels the same way.

Have a Stephen King fan on your gift list?

2011-11-29T09:39:00.000-05:00

I found this at Fear.net in a post by Brian James Freeman:

The Stephen King Library Desk Calendar 2012 is now shipping from the Book-of-the-Month Club and they've really hit a home run again this year. The theme is The Dark Tower and the cover is a cool 3-D hologram, but the flat scan in this post doesn't really do the effect any justice.

Here's the rest of the post Notice that our own Jeff Somers is one of the contributors!

Mama said there'd be daze like this

2011-11-28T17:14:00.000-05:00

Lit Agent Victoria Marini tweeted the link to a Gawker post about a clearly insane person claiming to be a lit agent (here) which made me reach for the bourbon, just as an incoming email from Amazing Editor persuaded me to make it a double. Here's what AE sent:

So, the same person who sent me (and four other editors here simultaneously) the query on the [redacted] novel, sent me a query today for…something. But what got my attention was the book’s “genre” as: Fiction, Fantasy, Literary, Historical, Romance, Suspense

It's SuperBook! It appeals to everyone! Except of course, anyone who actually knows what they're doing.

Happy Thanksgiving

2011-11-24T09:22:00.000-05:00

The most Electrifying* unSuitable* Qontest* EVER! opens 11/19

2011-11-17T22:51:00.007-05:00

Last Sunday I attended a reading by Jeff Somers, Evan Mandery, and Sean Ferrell. It was organized by the devilishly handsome Brooks Sherman

These guys are so awesome and talented and funny that all I do is howl with laughter (and pick up the bar tab) when I'm with them.

It dawned on me that the series of photos from this event would be deliciously diabolical prompts for a writing contest!

Usual rules: write a story using 100 words or less. Reference the photos in any order you choose. You MUST reference ALL the photos. Bonus points if you manage to include a reference to Brooks. Reference means that each photo must illustrate a particular moment in the story. (the words Photo x do NOT count for the word count)

Here's an example:

Dan said "You guys should pretend to be each other."
Sean thought that was a good idea until he realized he would have to be Jeff. (photo 1)

Post the story in the comments column of this blog post. Contest opens Saturday 11/19 at 9am. Closes Sunday 11/20 at 9pm. 36 hours of terrifying torment.

Oh, and the prize? Books from all three of the authors. If you already own any of them, and you win, we can come up with a substitute.

Ready?
Set?
~~DRAFT!~~
~~(comments closed until 11/19 at 9am)~~
~~GO!~~
Contest now closed! Winner announced as soon as I quit howling with laughter.

Got questions? Tweet to me @janet_reid and I'll answer

Photo 1: Left to right Dan Krokos, Sean Ferrell, Jeff Somers

Jeff Somers, Sean Ferrell

Photo 3: Evan Mandery

Photo 4: Sean Ferrell

Photo 5: Jeff Somers

Photo 6: the captive audience

*The Electric Church by Jeff Somers

*The Man in the Empty Suit by Sean Ferrell

*Q by Evan Mandery

Can you find all ten mistakes?

2011-11-17T18:46:00.002-05:00

This letter was sent to an editor in NYC who works at a publisher that does not accept unagented projects. (Read this, and you'll understand why!)

Can you spot all ten errors?

Hi (editor's name redacted)

I would like to speak with you and your team about an instant book project entitled (redacted)

We anticipate this book will be a blockbuster for this Christmas, as it profoundly captures the (redacted) and [is] a prophetic revelation concerning the outcome of the 2012 presidential election, who will win and why the Lord has chosen him.

You can learn more about us at (redacted)

Please give me a call at the number below so we can discuss this further. The book is complete and ready for market. I will send you all a PDF of the entire manuscript upon request.

1. Don't EVER plan to speak with an editor to pitch a project. You've got to entice them fully at the written query stage.

2. Most editors, even if they work in a large publishing company, do not have teams. This is not a Japanese car assembly plant or the NY Yankees.

3. Instant book project. These are "crashed" books, and they're normally for breaking news or current events with red hot interest. They are not initiated by query letters from unknown writers.

4. Blockbuster is a term from the movies.

5. Christmas release is not a term you'll find in publishing. Christmas books are released in October and November. In other words, you're too late.

6. The outcome of the 2012 Presidential election will be old news the day after the election. Which is just about when this book would be published.

7. Don't expect an agent or editor to go to your website for information that should be in a query.

8. Don't expect an agent or editor to call you. Most initial contact is by email.

9. "Ready for market" implies that all the publisher has to do is slap a cover on it and ship it to bookstores. This demonstrates a complete and utter lack of understanding about the value a publisher adds to a book, and the publishing process. More than that, it tells me the writer will be someone who does not appreciate those things and thus will be VERY difficult to deal with.

10. Editors and agents generally prefer text documents for manuscripts. They're easier to reformat and transmit.

and the obvious one of course is that this query went to an editor who doesn't take unagented submissions and whose area of expertise isn't even close to what this book is about.

When "the world's toughest book critics" pick you...

2011-11-17T18:36:00.000-05:00

it's a pretty good day!

yowza!

2011-11-15T10:57:00.001-05:00

We're in pretty good company here! RT announces the nominees for Best First Mystery of 2011, and there's Steve Ulfelder on the list. Yow!!!

Let the casting fun begin!

2011-11-15T08:31:00.000-05:00

I am, sir, your devoted admirer

2011-11-13T10:17:00.000-05:00

It's not too often (i.e. never in living memory) a press release might actually be a great piece of flash fiction.

And yet, here it is.

My hat's off to: John Shiffert, Director of University Relations at Clayton State University (Home of the 2011 NCAA Division II Women's Basketball Champions)

DePoy Kills Off Fever Devilin… King and Eco Claim Unfair Advantage in Literary Struggle

Morrow, Ga., Nov. 8, 2011 – On the same day that Stephen King and Umberto Eco both have new novels hitting the book shelves, Clayton State University’s Phillip DePoy dropped a bombshell in the sixth installment of his Fever Devilin mystery novel series, also released today. As DePoy explained to a rapt audience at a reading this noon in the Clayton State Loch Shop, he killed off Fever Devilin, the first-person narrator of the series, in the very first page of “A Corpse’s Nightmare.”

As can probably be guessed, Devilin is the corpse in question, leaving DePoy with something of a challenge after, in effect, writing the protagonist out of the script at the start of the book. Possibly more shocking is the thought that DePoy had in some sense committed a virtual literary hari-kari, since the Fever Devilin character, a Georgia folklorist by trade, sometimes bears a striking resemblance to author/folklorist DePoy. (And an alliterative connection as well… Phillip DePoy… Fever Devilin.)

However, not to worry, as DePoy made clear later in the reading. “A Corpse’s Nightmare” isn’t a one-page book, and the Clayton State Theatre will not need a new director for Thursday’s opening of “Moonshine and Magnolias.” As DePoy pointed out to his audience, while he liked the literary device of disposing of the first-person narrator at the start of the book, the challenge to the book came after page one – what to do for the rest of the story. It was a challenge that DePoy relished. In fact, he noted that most people will, consciously or unconsciously, look for challenges in their lives, a truism that should also attract readers to “A Corpse’s Nightmare.”

Without spoiling the suspense in the rest of the novel (Minotaur Books; $25.99; hardcover) suffice it to say that DePoy brings Devilin back to life, borrowing from a real-life medical miracle he witnessed decades ago as an X-ray technician at Piedmont Hospital. In fact, Devilin is so lively that DePoy fans will be pleased to know that the seventh Fever Devilin mystery is due at the publisher by year’s end.

"A Corpse's Nightmare" will be The Loch Shop Book of the Week from Nov. 8 through Nov. 11, selling at a 30 percent discount, so the $25.99 cover price will be reduced to just $18.19. The Loch Shop is located on the first floor of the Clayton State Student Center.

“Moonshine and Magnolias,” the fall production of the Clayton State Theatre, is a script written by Clayton State graduate Kalani Fraser (Fayetteville), under commission from Stately Oaks Plantation. A portrayal of the City of Jonesboro that will initially performed by the students of the Clayton State Theater, under the direction of DePoy, the show dates are Nov. 10, Nov. 11, Nov. 12, Nov. 17, and Nov. 18 at 7:30 p.m. All performances will be held in the Clayton State Theatre, room 132 of the University’s Arts & Sciences Building. General admission is $5, although LakerCard holders are admitted free.

Maybe Fever Devilin will be there, too.

A unit of the University System of Georgia, Clayton State University is an outstanding comprehensive metropolitan university located 15 miles southeast of downtown Atlanta.

You'll recall that I am a devoted admirer of the writer as well.

hubba hubba!

2011-11-13T07:00:00.000-05:00

Warren Richey blurbed this book so of course I was interested in taking a look. Then I saw the cover.

Yowza!

I'd buy this for the cover alone, but if you really want to know what the book is about:

Fearless is the story of a remarkable individual who accepts no personal limits—including fear. Freya Hoffmeister, a forty-six-year-old former sky diver, gymnast, marksman, and Miss Germany contestant, left her twelve-year-old son behind to paddle alone and unsupported around Australia—a year-long adventure that virtually every expert guaranteed would get her killed. She planned not only to survive the 9,420-mile trip through huge, shark-infested seas, but to do it faster than the only other paddler
who did it.

Pub date is January 12, 2012. You can bet I have a copy pre-ordered.

A Day in the Life of an Amazing Editor

2011-11-12T07:51:00.004-05:00

“Do de doh…wonder what the mail will bring today?”

“Why hello, Mail Dude. Here is the submission that agent was so excited about!”

“Wow, this is really terrible! She thought she’d get six figures for this?”

“Agents who overpitch drive me nuts. Wait’ll I tell the gang about this one.”

"We donned snorkel gear because we hear this is a real stinker.”

“Hee! Ha! Hoo-boy!”

“What a day. Let’s go to the bar.”

and to think, I knew him way back when!

2011-11-11T21:21:00.000-05:00

Dan Krokos' debut novel gets scooped up by Hollywood.
I think I might be so excited I'm swimming in circles.

If you are a writer

2011-11-11T09:00:00.002-05:00

Read this post by Sara Zarr
Now.

yes

2011-11-10T07:00:00.002-05:00

Exactly what I think.

Major Pettigrew!

2011-11-09T23:39:00.000-05:00

It was a lovely evening here in NYC so a merry band of FPLM agents trekked down to the WIX.com office on 18th Street to hear "The Making of a Bestseller" sponsored by the good folks of the Women's National Book Association-NYC chapter.

We were glad we got there early; the place filled up fast!

The author Helen Simonson (left); her delightful agent Julie Barer (middle); and amazing editor Susan Kamil (right) were the first speakers.

These are just a few of the notes I made:

Q to Helen: How did come to write Major Pettigrew's Last Stand?

HS: I finally wrote something just for me. I had no idea if it was any good. I took it to my critique group and when they read it, they just started talking about the Major. That had never happened before--they didn't critique it, they just talked about it.

Q to Julie: How did you connect with Helen?

I agreed to judge the first chapters submitted in a contest run by a Bronx writing group. How much reading could it be, just first chapters? (howls of laughter from all the agents in the audience--and most of the editors too!)

As soon as I read Helen's chapter, I got in touch with her. "I'd love to read the rest," I said, only to learn the first chapter was all there was.

So I stayed in touch and finally it was done, and Helen emailed "you may not remember me" (here Julie gives the universal sign for 'she's GOT to be kidding, of course I remember her!') and I read it right away. And I loved it. I just loved it. I felt so happy at the end of the book. I couldn't wait to tell everyone about it.

Q to Susan Kamil: And what caught your eye?

SK: When Julie called and said she had something she knew I would like, I paid attention. (Then Susan reads the first paragraph from the book) And once I read that paragraph, I closed my door and read for the next four hours. And I loved it.

And my job is to bring the very best books to Random House, and I knew if I loved this, other people would too.

I put together my offer, and because I knew I needed to move fast, I put on my coat, walked across the street to where Gina Centrello was having lunch (thank goodness she wasn't in Istanbul like she is today!) and said "we have to buy this book right now" and Gina said yes, and we did.

Once the book was acquired, marketing, publicity and the paperback team get involved. For this book it was (l) Avideh Bashirrad,VP, Director of Marketing; (middle) Karen Fink Associate Director of Publicity; and (r) Jane von Mehren, Senior VP, Publisher, Director of trade paperbacks.

Question to Avideh Bashirrad: How did you market this?

AB: We ran a traditional grass roots campaign. We got out a lot (2000!) Advanced Reader Editions. Sent to both the trade accounts (stores) and consumers (bookclubs) And they LOVED it. They loved the Major. We even ended up sending "I love the Major" stickers in kits to bookstores and bookclubs. People wrote to us telling us how much they loved the book.

Question to Karen Fink: What was the goal for publicity for the book?

We wanted an interview on NPR. We thought the book was a good fit for the NPR audience so I was hounding the producer of the Diane Rhem show (general laughter here from everyone in the audience who was a publicist or had been a publicist!)

We found out the New York Times was going to run a review in the daily paper. That of course induced major panic: what would it say? Well, it turned out Janet Maslin LOVED the book. She wrote a major love letter to Major Pettigrew. We were thrilled. And my phone rang, and it was producer of the Diane Rhem show who said "I know you've been after me to read this book, and Diane read Janet's review and we want to do it."

And all of this happened right around the publication of the book, so we decided to send Helen out on an 8 city tour. In two weeks! (The aforementioned publicity contingent in the audience all faint dead away.)

And everyone who had Helen at the store wrote to us and wanted her back again. She was enormously popular.

Q to Jane von Mehren: The paperback came out relatively quickly (not the usual year) after the hardcover. What motivated that?

JvM: We wanted to capitalize on the success of the hardcover and get the paperback in the stores for Christmas. And it worked. As of today there are 382,000 copies of Major Pettigrew out there.

This was an amazing event with people who are passionate about books, and clearly love their jobs. Let no one tell you publishing is dead. It's alive and well here tonight!

Sic transit gloria art

2011-11-09T09:28:00.000-05:00

FPLM field trip to McNally Jackson last night!

I was waylaid by an unexpected vision; the windows of Desigual are illuminated by changing colored lights. The effect is a wonderful piece of art there on 35th Street and Sixth Avenue. Sadly, my camera does not do it justice.

There are going to be a LOT of people gathering at that public plaza to see the Macy's windows come this holiday season. I wonder how many of them will turn around to see this amazing art right behind them?

Our field trip to McNally Jackson was for [sic] by Joshua Cody. Yes that's the title of the book. The Guardian UK describes it thus: Joshua Cody was 34 when he was diagnosed with a malignant tumour. In [Sic], he tells how he confronted the cancer with chemotherapy and cocaine, martinis and one-night stands

We were early thank goodness because there was a crowd and by 7:15 it was standing room only.

Joshua Cody is an amazing writer, but even more to the point for a reading, he's an amazing reader.

[sic] is mordantly hilarious, but probably not the right thing if you've just lost a person to a terrible disease (my companion in crime mentioned that to me afterwards).

If you're a writer, this book is interesting from a technical standpoint because the sentences are much longer than what I'd think of as usual. Yet, they work. Part of that may be due to Joshua Cody's background in music. I wish I'd thought to ask him last night. Perhaps one of you can track him down at a reading and ask for me!

Now that I've snuggled with Jack Reacher, what's next?

2011-11-09T09:00:00.002-05:00

As everyone ~~living~~ reading this blog knows I'm a devoted fan of Lee Child and the Jack Reacher novels. Despite his devotion to pleasing his fans, Lee Child can write but one, maybe two, books per year. Sadly, I read faster than that.

Enter the book bag of enticements at Bouchercon 2011. The new John Sandford SHOCK WAVE was enclosed. I'd heard of John Sandford, seen him on panels, thought he was a nice guy. I might have read one or two of the very first books way back when.

But I wasn't a fan. Certainly not in the way I'm a Jack Reacher fan: drooling, demanding, deranged all come to mind.

But, I had a four hour trip to Boston on the train. Starting at 8:30 am. I knew there was no way I was going to go for anything serious at that hour of the morning. And SHOCK WAVE had the added beauty of being an ARC: paperback, and when I was done, I could leave it behind.

So I took it for the train ride.

And oh boy am I glad I did.

Amtrak was having a fit of the vapors on Wednesday and I did NOT care! I was glad of the extra time in fact.

SHOCK WAVE is a terrific book. The main guy, Virgil Flowers, isn't taking Jack Reacher's place in my heart any time soon, but I'd let him buy me a drink and wax enthusiastic about his odd musical tastes.

John Sandford is a New York Times bestselling author. He doesn't need my help to promote his books but he's gonna get it anyway. If you need a good thriller for a Christmas gift, SHOCK WAVE should be on your list.

And it's the fifth in the Virgil Flowers series...so there's enough back list to satisfy those of us who don't like to wait around to read the next one.

Marathon Day!

2011-11-08T10:20:00.000-05:00


The streets start out pretty empty. The police are the first sign of the coming runners

These guys had the best seats in the house!

Pace car for the elite women! This is mile 11-she's here in under an hour.

Here she comes!

and she's all alone. I've never seen a leader this far in front before.

the next elite women are almost 2 full minutes back at Mile 11

The third wave of elite women-notice the guy filming for TV

And there they go. They move past me in two seconds--literally.

Time car for the elite men-notice it's less than the womens, even though later.

Here they come!

The orange shoes!

Soon the streets get full-these are the early runners.

These kids were having such a good time cheering!

the streets are full now, and will be for an hour

I was actually afraid to lean into the street to retrieve Steph's hat!

And these are the marathoners who define grit and determination.

Where's your BREAKING POINT?

2011-11-08T09:00:00.003-05:00

Dana Haynes second thriller featuring the NTSB team from CRASHERS hits stores today. It will swoop you up and carry you off to an adventure you MIGHT survive!

BookPage has a nice interview with Dana here

On sale now!

And if you want to start with CRASHERS, the paperback edition is available now too!

Did you go to Backspace? Got 'em!!

2011-11-07T15:03:00.001-05:00

Found him! 30 minutes start to finish! Thanks for everyone who helped out!

~~Did you go to Backspace last weekend?~~
Did you talk to Brooks Sherman about: a hitman who happens to be an incubus. The problem is, his manner of killing always leaves the victim appearing to have expired from natural causes, so he's not getting paid for his jobs.

~~Brooks is looking for you. He wants you to email the manuscript.~~

~~Given my history with tracking down errant queriers, I suggest you do so.~~

~~And if any of you blog readers know this guy, give him a shout!~~

Hit me with your best pitch if you want to get to first base

2011-11-07T09:00:00.004-05:00

A blog post about platform here elicited some questions. Here's one from Loretta Ross (remember her name; you're going to know her as an amazing writer one of these days.)

How about this one, Janet? I have a friend who, as a teenager in the mid fifties and early sixties, worked as a batboy (and scoreboard operator and all-around-gopher) for the New York Yankees. He still has tons of memorabilia and all kinds of great stories about things that happened on and off field. Assuming that I can get him to stop *talking* about writing a book about it and get him to actually sit down and *write* the damn thing, how much of a platform would he need before pitching something like that?

(Seriously, sometimes I just want to duct tape him to a chair and say, "look, just tell ME your stories and I'LL write it for you!")

He doesn't need much platform--the Yankees have platform enough for everyone.

But, what he needs is a book. "Great stories" are what grandpa tells at the dinner table. When everyone tells him he should write a book, sometimes he does, queries me, and can't understand why I don't fall all over myself to sign him right up.

My guess is hanging out with Yankees was amazing, and meeting Marilyn Monroe when she was married to Joe DiMaggio was amazing, and yoda yoda yoda all amazing that was. It's not new. It's fun to hear about Gramps being there, but if he's not MY Gramps, I'm less inclined to care.

What does make me care is if:

1. It reveals something previously unknown and hopefully horrifying: like the pitching lineup sacrificed goats in the locker room, or traded wives during the playoffs or something that will get people hot under the collar and reaching for their rolodex to call their lawyers.

2. The stories are attached to a motivational how-to book of some sort: Everything I know about agenting, I learned as a bat boy for the Yankees, etc.

This applies to most memoirs these days. I get a lot of queries from folks who have had some very interesting things happen to them, and understandably want to tell their story to an audience. That's all well and good but the question I have to ask is "who wants to listen to this and why." The answer they give is largely why they want to tell the story, not why anyone would want to hear it. That's the trick with memoir.

I want to read something that will tell me something I didn't know, or teach me something I want to learn. Tell me that and you've got a book. Tell me they're great stories and I like to read great stories and you're missing the pitch.

Results for the Something Amazing You'll Want to See Contest!

2011-11-06T19:25:00.000-05:00

Clearly you all wanted me to see you are hilarious and talented. I am once again in awe of the talent displayed here!

Special recognition for writing a poem for her entry
Tara Tyler 11:26am

Special recognition for an individual line or lines that just wow'd me

BookishQua 5:07pm
"Her father’s truck grumbled in the driveway, shaking a gnarled fist at the bitter chill of the Maine morning."

Margaret Teisch-Williams 7:30pm
"these are the lies we hang in dark places when we don’t expect to see morning."

The entry that will make Gary Corby weep:
Carol Dance 5:09pm

Imaginative use of "rens"
Kitty 10:35am--"children's"

AngiNicole 2:08pm -- drag queens

Lines that just cracked me up:
Charley 10:02am
“It’s history! The Golden Fleece. The Silken Shawl with Silver Fringe. The Really Nice Cotton Jeans of Levi the Reckless.”

Mark 10:06am
“Hey now Liam, ‘argo,’ ‘ergo,’ I go where you go, you know that.”

cj 2:52pm
Genevieve Rens had the exhilarator peddle pressed to the floor
(now my guess is this is NOT what the writer intended, but in the spirit of DamnYou AutoCorrect, I just had to recognize its merit!)

Android Astronomer 3:50pm
“’Lather, rens, repeat.’”

andthatswhyImsingle.com 9:22am
It's unfortunate that the phrase ‘urine soaked’ is never associated with anything positive...I had that Jason/Argo/Golden fleece 'wet dream' once again-of course, not the good kind…

Two entries that just cracked me up;
Just Jan 8:50am

"Stupid book," I said, slamming my dictionary closed. "How am I supposed to know what 'rens' means?"

"Janet Reid having another contest?" my husband asked.

"The countdown began yesterday. Only a couple of hours left." My eyes flicked over the word list. "Argo's a noble gas, isn't it?"

"You're thinking of argon."

"Right." I pulled out Tom Sawyer. "Maybe I can use 'truck' like Aunt Polly did in Chapter One."

"Twain's definitely on the fringe there. I wouldn't recommend mimicking him."

"But he's a genius!"

"Ninety-nine percent perspiration, remember? Keep trying, dear. Something amazing is bound to happen."

Judith Gonda 7:05pm

The ransom note led us to an office on the fringe of downtown, on Rens Street.
I sat in the truck for a couple of minutes figuring out our next move.
Ted broke the silence.
“Maybe we should show the note to the cops, let them deal.”
“Too late,” I said. “The countdown has started, I’m going in.”
We walked into the office, no one was around, but the computer was on.
I reread the note.
“It says to press the ESC key and then enter Argo.”
“ESC Argo? I thought that was an appetizer, not an entrée.”
"Stop wasting time, Snail Male, just do it."

Predictions about the something amazing:

Charley 10:02am
a full-size reproduction of the original Argo? Or tickets to the Harlem Globetrotters (since the Rens aren’t around anymore)? Or, ok, getting serious, perhaps your critique of our stunningly good (or maybe quite the opposite) query letter?

Kregger 10:14am
Gary Corby’s imminent release of Ionia Sanction and please do not call me Shirley.

Cynthia Ivers 1:46pm
Marine scientists have discovered a new breed of shark off of New York's coastline and have named it Reid shark

Rosalind Smith-Nazilli 2:18pm
the new 'Argo' movie directed by Ben Affleck and written by George Clooney?

Cj 2:52pm
Is the something the amazing Q or Suzie?

Michelle 3:17pm
Argo tickets or a signed copy of the Pericles Commission.

wordencounters 3:28pm
an excerpt from "The Ionia Sanction".

adelaida 7:03pm
Aussie author and his agent will celebrate on November 8.

Marie Rearden 9:39pm
Did you make an amazing sale? Is that the Something Amazing? Possibly a new client? :)

Kristen Smith 10:49pm
* Something I would find amazing and would love to see is a photo of you cuddling The Rental Cat like a baby and handfeeding him kibble.

The Rental Cat. Cuddle at your own risk!

Kate Higgins 12:31am
I guess that 'something amazing' is a trip to see Greece with Gary Corby. Hey, I can dream...
Or it might be an arc ot the sctual book:"The Iona Sanction".

Here are the finalists:

Swift Scribble 10:01am

She marks the calendar. The countdown to the end, though no one knows it but her. She finally learned her lesson.

She was lobotomized for predicting the Great Depression, burned for suggesting the plague. When she warned the crew of the Argo that Apollo…she lets that thought die. Just his name makes her shudder. It’s his fault she’s lived dozen lifetimes, all of them wasted on the fringes as a mad woman.

But not this time. This time, as Rens unloads her truck of apocalyptic supplies, Cassandra keeps her mouth shut.

Well, almost. She offers to pay him double.

Tomorrow.
~~~~^~~~~ ~~~~^~~~~ ~~~~^~~~~ ~~~~^~~~~ ~~~~^~~~~

Charley 10:02am
“But it’s the Argo!”
“Sorry, Jason. Too many shark bites.”
“It’s history! The Golden Fleece. The Silken Shawl with Silver Fringe. The Really Nice Cotton Jeans of Levi the Reckless.”
“Can’t trade it for a yacht. Ain’t worth it.”
“A car, then. A Bentley—”
“No.”
“Mercedes?”
“I’ll give you a truck.”
“A Mack?”
“A pickup. There.”
“What?! That’s older than the New York Rens!”
“Take it or leave it.”
“No way. Give me—”
“Three.”
“Look, it’s Argo! It’s amazing!”
“Two.”
“You’re kidding. A countdown?”
“One.”
“OK!”
“Gas is extra. Still got that Fleece?”
“I been fleeced enough. I’m outa here.”

~~~~^~~~~ ~~~~^~~~~ ~~~~^~~~~ ~~~~^~~~~ ~~~~^~~~~

Sarah W 10:59am

Gramps says the game’s gone to hell since the 1939 New York Rens slammed the Celtics in the countdown. Since five black men in a Harlem ballroom with gold fringe on the drapes first showed the world how to put a ball through a hoop.

I tell him Franklin Argo could be the best since Tarzan Cooper -- maybe even Fats Jenkins.

But Gramps don’t truck with the players today. “They tall,” he says. “Some of ‘em fast. They want respect for being loud ‘n proud, but can they earn it for playing the damn game?”

I’m sure gonna try.

~~~~^~~~~ ~~~~^~~~~ ~~~~^~~~~ ~~~~^~~~~ ~~~~^~~~~

Marie Rearden 9:39pm
Three minutes.

I traced the stars from bow to mast to crow’s nest. Sammy twined our fingers to stop mine from shaking.

“It’s Argo, Nat. Sailing the fringe of the galaxy.”

Two minutes.

I choked on my tears as they dissolved into the hospital’s rooftop, amazed my nine-year-old sister remembered that story.

Sammy grinned and nudged me with her sunken shoulder. “Should’ve rented a truck instead.”

One minute.

She was comforting me. Me?! Sammy had rens in high supply. I dared my sobs to ruin our last moment.

“More like a plane. Right?”

No answer.

“Right?”

The countdown was done.

~~~~^~~~~ ~~~~^~~~~ ~~~~^~~~~ ~~~~^~~~~ ~~~~^~~~~

Curtis Edmonds 11:10pm

My wife and I were cleaning out her dead Uncle Lyndon’s house. He’d spent years building a quarter-scale replica of the sailing ship HMS ARGO. It took us three hours to load it on the truck.
“He must have been a little weird,” I said.
“On the fringe, maybe. He did spend all that time running that Resident Evil Network Server.”
“The RENS? That was him?”
“Yeah.” She poked at a pile of trash. “Hey, look, it’s a cassingle.” It was a Europe song, The Final Countdown.
“Weird.”
“Just keep looking,” she said. “That falcon is here somewhere. I’m sure.”

~~~~^~~~~ ~~~~^~~~~ ~~~~^~~~~ ~~~~^~~~~ ~~~~^~~~~

Terri Lynn Coop 11:48pm
I waited at the Flatiron Argo Tea as instructed. I wondered which tea swilling yuppie was my contact. Turns out she was sexy with fanatical eyes under a fringe of bangs.

“I like Ten Ren’s Jasmine,” she said, and we did the delicate verbal dance of verification.

Satisfied, she gave me an envelope. After a peek at the smiling Benjamins, I surrendered the portfolio.

Her smile vanished. “You’re under arrest.” Outside I saw NYPD exiting a bakery truck.

“Officer, my assignment was to find the infiltrator. Good meeting you,” I said, clicking the cellphone button that started the ten-second countdown.

~~~~^~~~~ ~~~~^~~~~ ~~~~^~~~~ ~~~~^~~~~ ~~~~^~~~~

Kate Outhwaite 5:02am
“Argo! (The Musical)” was destined to be the hit of the 1985 Edinburgh Fringe Festival. Christopher (Jason, An Argonaut), James (other males), Rens (auteur) and I (women) knew it as we rattled north in James’s VW Beetle, our countdown to fortune clicking past with every mile.

Sandwiched in the back between rucksacks and Christopher, I yearned to touch Rens. Rens was mature (23!), exotic (Dutch parents!) and, as I found out as we waited for the breakdown truck, madly in love (with Christopher).

The show flopped but James and I have been married 23 years now. (He had a car.)

~~~~^~~~~ ~~~~^~~~~ ~~~~^~~~~ ~~~~^~~~~ ~~~~^~~~~

Kelly 9:58pm
Untrained eyes would see lawn chair cushions in front of a couch. I know better.

“Permission to board?”

Her head pops through the pile. She shovels the fringe of bangs out of her eyes. I really need to trim those.

“The countdown’s starting and the Argo waits for no one. You’re just in time!”

“Thank goodness! Where are we going today?”

“Rens.”

“Where?”

She sighs heavily. “Denmark.” Where does she learn these things? “And we’re gonna have to truck if we’re gonna stop the evil Lord Latimer from stealing all the Danishes.”

“Pastries or people?”

There’s a short pause. “Both.”

~~~~^~~~~ ~~~~^~~~~ ~~~~^~~~~ ~~~~^~~~~ ~~~~^~~~~

The decision was very difficult. You're making me gnaw my fins here! But, after reading the entries several times, the winner is:

Kate Outhwaite 5:02am

And for the news about Something Amazing, well, that's part of the prize.

Something Amazing You'll Want to See is the reveal of the cover for

UNRAVELING by Elizabeth Norris

She didn’t see it coming--

A truck that came out of nowhere.
A boy with the power to restore life.
A countdown to the end of the world.

--until it was too late.

Yes, you want this book.

And the prize for this contest, lucky Kate!, is a hot off the press, Advanced Reader copy, signed by Liz Norris herself, of UNRAVELING.

The word prompts were all related to UNRAVELING:

countdown: "Stop the countdown, save the world" is on the cover

truck: "A truck that came out of nowhere."

fringe: UNRAVELING was pitched as "Before I Fall meets Fringe"

argo: Liz Norris is addicted to Argo Tea

rens: I really confuzzled y'all on this one to my utter delight. Kristin Rens is the editor for UNRAVELING and she is just the cat's pjs.

Thanks to all who entered, congratulations to all the honorees, and special kudos to Kate Outhwaite (and Kate, if you'll email me your mailing address we'll get your prize out to you!)

The Amazing Something You'll Want to See Contest!

2011-11-04T09:33:00.002-04:00

No better way to show you Something Amazing than having a contest to celebrate the announcement!

Bonus points if you guess what the Something Amazing is!

Usual rules: Write a story using 100 words or fewer. Post in the comment column of this blog. One entry per person. If you need a mulligan, delete and reenter.

Use these words in the story:
countdown
truck
fringe
argo
rens

Contest opens at 10am Saturday 11/5 and closes 10am Sunday 11/6. All times are Eastern Shark time.

Ready?
Set?

~~Wait till the contest opens!~~

WRITE!

Today's Query Pitfall

2011-11-03T08:49:00.001-04:00

I recently received a query from an writer who included five projects in his email pitch. His opening line was "First, let me apologize for not following the guidelines."

Everyone who reads this blog will not be surprised to know that was probably not the most effective way to get me to read more. But I did. It was a slow day.

The problem with trying to pitch too much is space. You know how hard it is to make a novel sound enticing when you have 250 words. It's five times harder if you're trying to do it in 50.

And the querier wanted me to look at each project and decide which one should be first priority.

Well, no.

There are two possible responses to a query: no and send more.

I don't undertake career guidance (which is what prioritizing projects is) for anyone BUT already signed clients. Most agents don't either. It's not an effective use of our time.

At this stage, you pick the project you think is strongest, and you pitch it. I'll say yes or no. You can pitch all five projects, you just have to do them one at a time. This may seem inefficient from your side of the matter, but it does not from mine.

And just a hint: if you're not going to follow the guidelines, at the very least, don't announce it up front.

Ok, Boston, we can be friends again

2011-11-02T23:01:00.000-04:00

I have forsworn visiting Boston since 2008. Details of those two trips are here and here

When I swooped in for CrimeBake in 2009 and 2010, I got off the train at Rte128 and never ventured out of the hotel. I was certain Boston had it in for me.

Today however I am back!

The reason I'm here, and the reason I may declare an end to my war with Boston is the Massachusetts Historical Society. If you're in the Boston area and you're not regularly attending their events, you're really missing out.

Tonight was a talk by Vincent Carretta on his new book PHILLIS WHEATLEY. Now, I'm sure you know Phillis Wheatley was an American poet working at the time of the American Revolution. You may remember she was the first person of African descent to be published in the Americas. You probably read some of her work in various anthologies in your American lit classes.

But did you know she was seven years old when she was taken from her home in Africa and sold in Boston? Did you know her name Phillis is that of the ship she arrived on, and her surname Wheatley is that of the family who owned her. I didn't.

That she was taught to read and write, that she was able to secure her freedom, those were all incredible feats in the 18th century. That she is a poet of amazing depth...well that's an incredible feat in every century.

And tonight, at no charge, the Massachusetts Historical Society sponsored a talk by the author of the first full biography of Phillis Wheatley, a book they also supported with grants. Of course I made the trip to attend.

The MHS is sponsoring several other talks about the craft of biography that I will also be attending. Check out their website for the details about the New England Biography Seminar

And while you're at it: check out PHILLIS WHEATLEY.

More on platform

2011-11-02T09:00:00.003-04:00

A commenter on my recent post about a querier who assumed I was stupid cause I didn't understand his explanation asked "what does how to reach the market (platform) mean?"

First, this applies ONLY to non-fiction. You do NOT need platform for a novel. It doesn't hurt if you can reach thousands of people, but when I consider novels for representation, platform isn't much of a factor and certainly not the first.

For some categories of non-fiction, platform is the FIRST factor. More than writing, almost more than a good concept, platform is what I look for. Platform is the reason Snooki has a novel and Madonna has a picture book (which is contrary to what I said in the paragraph above, but we're talking about you, not celebrities)--people know who they are already.

Platform is how people know you, and why they will pay attention to you. If I were to write a book about query letters my platform is a blog with X! readers/followers, and Y! Twitter followers. In other words, people already know I am an agent, and I can speak with authority on that topic.

Platform (as we see with Snooki and Madonna) is transferable. I can write a novel and use my platform to reach potential readers. There's less correlation though: readers of this blog aren't here for my deathless prose, they're here for insight on how the agent part of publishing actually works. (And the pictures of sharks of course.)

What platform is NOT: "lots of people need this book" "every person who has children will want to read this book" "I will go on Oprah."

All of those may be true, but they are NOT how people know you NOW.

There are some excellent resources on how to build platform.

GET KNOWN BEFORE THE BOOK DEAL by Christina Katz is first on my must-have list for authors.

You can start to build platform before you have a book. In fact, you should. You cannot tell me "I'll build a platform" if you're querying for non-fiction. You must have it in place. I will verify it's there before I reply to your query. A blog with 100 followers, and a Twitter feed with 500 isn't platform.

There are some exceptions to this: history comes to mind. If you're writing about a shipwreck in 1736, you won't need much platform. If you're writing true crime, you won't need much of a platform: the notoriety of the crime does that job.

You need platform when you're presenting yourself or your book as an authority on a topic. If you're going to write about politics, you must have platform. Everyone's got an opinion on political topics, who will pay attention to yours? (Answer: people who read your tweets and follow your blog and read your articles in The Atlantic.)

Does this help?
Platform is a sneaky thing.
Ask questions in the comment column. I'll try to answer.

The best communication tool I ever learned was in math class

2011-11-01T09:00:00.006-04:00

And of course, it wasn't about math at all.

Now, I love math. I love its elegance. I love its clean form. I love that there is one right answer, and I love that there's not much room for opinion. It's either right or wrong. (That tells you a lot about me of course, but nothing I didn't already know to my rueful dismay--but I digress)

The best teacher I ever had was a math teacher in college. He was a graduate student. Most likely he hated us undergraduates who were there to get our science requirements satisfied. He was teaching the second term, geometry, of a three term, year long sequence.

Here's why he was great: he'd write a problem on the board. Then he'd show us how to solve it. He'd explain the guiding principle of the solution.

Then he'd ask us if we understood.

All you had to do, IF you understood, was nod your head.

The trick was, if you DIDN'T understand you could just sit there, looking befuddled.
Or confused.

And he'd explain it again. In a different way. Sometimes with a different problem, or a different graph or drawing.

Then he'd ask us again if we understood, and again, all we had to do was nod.

Most of the easy stuff we got right away. More complicated stuff took two, or even three explanations. And even if I thought I understood on the first pass, those second times usually helped cement the concept.

I learned a lot of geometry that term. But I learned something more important: If what I was saying didn't make sense to people listening it wasn't their fault. It wasn't my fault either, exactly, but as the teacher, my job was to explain it, not make people feel stupid for not getting it.

I was reminded of this recently when, in a fit of madness, I replied to a query letter about a non-fiction book. I explained I needed a couple of things to evaluate a proposal (things not included in his initial query.) One key thing was how to reach the market (platform.)

The query writer wrote back telling me about the size of the market.
I wrote back explaining it wasn't the size of the market, but how to reach the market that I was concerned with.

At this point the querier dropped the ball. He wrote back telling me my assistant should read the query so as to explain it to me. The implication was that clearly I was too stupid to see what he had explained so clearly.

Well, OK, my assistant IS very bright, and I do depend on her to explain a lot of bewildering things to me (most recent explanations: famous tattoo artists, and drummers) but generally I do know what I'm talking about when the subject is query letters and platform.

This query writer made the same mistake a lot of people do: if I didn't understand what he was writing, I was stupid.

I failed in my effort to communicate what I needed to this querier, but in dismissing me as stupid he ended my willingness to explain a third time using a different example. Don't close down communication by dismissing the person who doesn't get what you're saying until you've tried at least three times.

That applies to your beta readers, your query critiquers and anyone else giving you feedback. "You're wrong" shuts down the process. "Let me try again" gives you another shot.

Be smart. Don't assume I'm stupid.

Can you drive a stick?

2011-10-31T00:57:00.003-04:00

Happy Halloween!

thanks to Kari Dell,

the source of many things that make me laugh.

Read her blog here.

Why I am Ron Charles fan for life

2011-10-30T10:52:00.001-04:00

Well, no, I'm not paying $9.99

2011-10-27T00:05:00.001-04:00

I'm a devoted fan of Mysterious Press and have been for years. When the news came today that their website was up and running and books were available for download, I scurried over post haste.

It's a lovely site. Easy to navigate, lots of ways to buy an ebook.

And right there at the top were books by Ross Thomas. I adore Ross Thomas. I've read them all. I was ready to buy. Because I have a Kindle, I clicked the link to Amazon.

And I didn't buy.

Why?

Because the price is $9.99

And frankly, I'm not willing to pay $9.99 for an electronic edition of a book I've already read. Even if I love it (and I do.)

Otto Penzler is a SMART retailer. I've got the sales receipts to prove it. I've spent hundreds if not thousands at his store over the years, and always been pretty glad to do it. His staff is knowledgeable and friendly.

But, they've missed the key consumer mindset that I think a lot of publishers have too. Ebooks are replacing mass market editions. And mass market editions are $5.99 or $6.99. Or at least they were when I bought ALL of the Ross Thomas books in mass market.

The problem is of course now people expect that the electronic edition is going to come out at the same time as the hardcover. It used to be that hardcover came first, then a year later the mass market at the lower price. If you were willing to wait, you paid less. If you were willing to read fast and give it back when you were done, you paid even less and got it at the library.

I don't know how to solve that problem. All I know is I don't want to pay this much for this book.

I guess I'll just have to go back to reading the $25 hardcovers I bought at The Mysterious Bookshop on my last visit instead of re-reading Ross Thomas.

And if you've got any thoughts on ebook pricing, please leave a comment.**

**I should warn you I'm extremely intolerant of " print publishing is dead" tirades

and anyone who uses the phrase "legacy publishing" doesn't get posted.

If you don't like that, no problem, write your own blog.

Contest results!

2011-10-26T09:57:00.002-04:00

Your entries were terrifyingly good. I knew it was going to be tough when I saw the number of entries, and that was confirmed by the shrieks of dismay heard from Barbara Poelle when she realized she couldn't choose them all!

Barbara Poelle on Monday morning

Fortunately DeathKitten, her companion in crime, was able to swoop in, electronically speaking, to offer aid and comfort.

DeathKitten swooping in

Without further ado, here are the entries selected from the contest:

Points for Humor:
Anita

Lightning flashes. Lights go off. Bottle knocks glass and there’s an evil laugh…from a witch, ghost or deadly bartender.

Lights come on. And the table’s different…a body’s on it (with no decay), surrounded by bottles, glasses, candy wrappers.

H.R. points at B.P.

B.P. points at H.R.

Both point at J.R. on the unforsaken tablecloth (“unforsaken,” because B.P. retrieved the liquor-stained cloth from H.R.’s Goodwill donations bag).

H.R.: “But we cut her off.”

B.P., glassy-eyed: “We knew another shot would slay her.”

Terror transforms their (otherwise beautiful) faces. They scream, “Who (vodka) shot J.R.?!”

Lightning flashes. Lights flicker. An insalubrious shark laughs.

Honorable Mention for Humor:
John

The tall ghost ripped off his sheets. Whipped out a deadly knife. The insalubrious witch to his right shrieked. A zombie in full decay dropped his beer and ran for the door.

"Janet and Barbara are my babes, Clooney," the huge man said in a low voice.

George looked up from his copy of UNFORSAKEN and patted the knees of the hot literary agents on either side of him: Janet dressed as a slutty angel and Barbara as a succubus.

He smiled. "Reacher, let's make a deal. We don't slay each other and maybe we can do a double date."

Recognition for being unique:
Feaky Snucker

Ghost seeks love to slay his loneliness. You want to feel unforsaken, and are open to being watched while you sleep. He enjoys the scent of flowers in decay, and walks on insalubrious beaches. Deadly witch need not apply.

BIG PROPS for insinuating that Root and I are drunk and pantsless in a HoJo somewhere at any given moment, not to mention an amazing play on words with wan hoarse open slay:

dylan**

(** one of the four lucky random winners of the book prizes!)

BLACKMAIL

Three witches drank a loathsome brew-
One muttered ultimatums, too:

“Tis nearly now All Hallow’s Eve
and Reid’s got something up her sleeve-
Photos from a dank hotel
of Holly Root and Babs Poelle,
casting spells and drinking shots,
while dishabille, and sans culottes.”

“A contest’s what I’d fancy most
to honor Late October’s ghost,
A deadly process, undertaken,
that my blog be unforsaken.
And YOU, my entrapped sentries
will be challenging all entries...”

“Eye of newt and murray decay
in a wan, hoarse, open slay...”

CODA:

“Oh don’t look so lugubrious, gals-
It’s really insalubrious, pals!”

Recognition for being politically topical
Cynicman

“Come on, sound it out. You can do it,” the young teacher said.
“In-sa-lube-re-us,” the nervous student said.
“Very, very good, Quenita” the teacher said.
And so it went each school day. The teacher attempted to slay deadly ignorance one child at a time.
A ghost of a smile appeared on her lips as she wished once again she could be a powerful witch that could end societal decay with a simple spell. The smile faded. There was no magic to be found. The truth was that she felt unforsaken. Her Governor, Chris Christie, thought she was a union thug.

Points for using another client title in the story (Murder Most Persuasive):

The Precinct House Squad

"Which babe?"

"The near witch."

"No witches here, idiot. This is ghost country. They'd slay a witch who showed her insalubrious mug here."

"Insalubrious? You're never going to get laid if you use those godforsaken words."

"Proper English must remain unforsaken. Chicks find erudite fellows deadly cool."

"Yeah, good luck with that. I'm going after the leggy blonde with tooth decay and nasal wart. Long as we don't kiss, bedding her would be murder most persuasive."

Later:
"So? Did you score with the witch?"

"Nah, she wasn't a witch. Babe was an underage Irish zombie dolled up for Halloween."

2 YAs I (Barbara) would Totally read:
(1) Jared X

She slides into the crawlspace beneath the school lunchroom. The building’s underbelly is grimy, insalubrious. From here she’ll see its approach. Her blade is ready, her left arm painstakingly trained to deliver deadly force. Her lifelong mission, unfulfilled but unforsaken, is to slay it. Something moves in the woods.

Cartoon ghosts and witches adorn the windows above. October cheerfulness masks the terror of That Thing’s palate for human young.
Now it slithers out from the decay of fallen leaves, more imposing than last time. She springs. Years of futility dissolve with a single thrust and dying squeal. Later, she exhales.

(2) kathleenliz
Diane’s mom watched her slay an apple with a Popsicle stick before handing her the phone. “It’s Jackie.”

“Ugh. I don’t want to talk to that b-witch.”

“Well the bwitch wants to remind you to bring something sweet to her ‘Unforsaken Halloween Bash’. I’ll be upstairs.”

Diane opened an unlabeled bottle. It smelled like decay and almonds.

“Jackie?” She said, “Of course I’m coming to your party.”

Tipping the bottle of cyanide into melted caramel, Diane stirred it twice, dunked the skewered fruit into the deadly mixture, and plopped it onto a platter shaped like a ghost.

“I’m bringing desert.”

These are the semi-finalists:

Laurie Dennison

Neil lights the cigarette for her. “Another insalubrious habit.”

Muriel stretches forward, a ghost of the girl she was, and inhales. “An unforsaken habit, anyway. Trying to slay zombies proved more deadly.”

“Have you lost any more?” he eyes her arm beneath the sheet, weighing which transgression would get him fired faster, her age or her condition.

“Two. The decay’s accelerating.” The bites on her wrist burn; she loses her pinkie. “Make that three.”

“Alma Potter in Comparative Religion, they say she’s a witch. Maybe,”

“You need your hearing checked, Professor. They say Dr. Potter’s a bitch.”

Phil Hall

She lies decayed in the ground, that old crone, that horrid enchantress, and the world is better for it. Decades had passed since I came to slay her, and now it is her ghost that called to me demanding my presence, summoning me to where she insalubriously festers. I, alone, buried her and knew where her bones rotted and how her blood pooled; and here, in this unforsaken hollow, it was also only I who would learn her most deadly secret: I had killed the wrong witch.

The snitching spirit demanded recompense--her sister's soul in place of her own.

Kerry

Her insalubrious confectionery concoctions so dazzled the palate, many thought her a culinary witch. The truth was stranger; her sweets were savvy subterfuge for godhood maintained through gulping ghosts. To avoid slaying her dwindling devotees, she used unforsaken invocations to hasten decay in those who devoured her shop's deadly delicacies. Crispy cookies carried off a month, tasty truffles took two, and a single slice of red velvet stole a year. Interviewed after the murderous masquerade was exposed, one long-time customer said they would still purchase the poisonous pastries. He opined that they were "good enough to die for".

Patty Blount

Mother clutched my hand and climbed the steps. She couldn't see the lady on the porch.

I could.

Gray skin. Cloudy eyes. She smelled like dirt and decay. Mother smiled once. "It's okay." She tugged me along.

"She lies, child." The ghost whispered through rotting teeth in bloody gums. "She means to slay you."

I shrieked.

The door opened. Mother shoved me inside. "She is unforsaken!" She ran, screaming, gripping her skirts. The ghost lady followed in deadly pursuit.

"Hush." A new voice whispered. "The living are insalubrious for witches but the dead are not. Welcome."

I smiled.

wordencounters**
(**one of the four lucky random winners of the book prizes!)

The insalubrious smell of decay hits my nose before I reach the circle of stones. Some deadly witch’s ritual had definitely occurred here. I close my eyes and can almost hear echoes of chanting as someone had prepared to slay their sacrifices in the once unforsaken forest. Kneeling next to a decomposing corpse, I scan its ghost pale face. Footsteps crunch on the dead leaves behind me, but before I can turn, icy fingers wrap around my throat. A knife slices my abdomen. Blood oozes onto the forest floor, and I realize these bodies weren’t the Halloween sacrifice. I am.

jan the one @3:38pm (there are two jans!)

Until the neighbors found old man Krembly wandering disheveled and bloodied through their backyard that night, no one believed that his house was haunted. People thought he was insane.

“But the floorboards creak and the windows rattle all night,” he insisted.

He claimed that some sort of witch or ghost—something grim and ghastly—had terrorized him more than once. Finally his unforsaken crusade to be free of it drove him to use deadly force, to slay it and leave it to decay.

A pot of dead rats simmering on the stove posed a most insalubrious discovery the next morning.

Greta is Erikasbuddy

A ghost of the midnight bells fills the air. The witching hour is upon us like a severed hand that is hard to escape. The decaying moon hangs heavy in the sky. Her sickly unforsaken light touches my skin.Burning me. Branding me.

It's happening. That deadly curse I've been blessed with. Slaying my INSALUBRIOUS thoughts with it's bite. I scream at them, “Run.” But they never believe me. Always insisting I’m crying wolf.

I can feel it coming. My hands, my eyes, the back of my mouth. And once again, I cry, “Wolf”. Why don’t they believe me?

Michael Seese

"So, a witch, a werewolf, and a ghost walk into a bar. And the werewolf says, am I hairy, or is it hot in here?"

Uproarious laughter.

I had sworn off doing stand-up for the zombie crowd. But a few Benjamins waved under my nose, and they were unforsaken. The pay was good, though the audiences could be dead. And in varying states of decay. If they don't kill you, the deadly, insalubrious air of the club will.

"You guys slay me. Take my life, please..." As they began their trudge to the stage, I thought, Bad choice of words.

Michelle Levy

My hand grazed the ghost of white lace that fell over the window, parting it just far enough to peek out. The unforsaken yard appeared to be free of its usual deadly inhabitants: the large black raven and that witch if a squirrel.

I regretted leaving my shoes behind, but there was no turning back now. The cold, damp, insalubrious, decaying leaves stuck to my bare feet as I scurried across the yard.

When I reached the metal coffin, I pulled it open and peeked inside.

It was there, waiting like an assassin to slay my hope… Another form rejection.

justwritecat

Paul knelt by the gelatinous mess. “Male, unusual state of decay owing to—"

“You can tell it’s male?” Martinez looked back at the remains.

The M.E. pointed to a clump. “Guy’s family stones. Some places, that kind of thing’s considered good eats. Guess not in Austin, Texas.”

The cop looked a ghostly shade of pale. “What is with this unforsaken town? Every freakin’ year someone pulls a Hannibal.”

Paul nodded. “Who knew trick-or-treating was so deadly for the college set?” Or that this campus could continue to churn out such tasty witches, goblins and demon-slayers. Still, he’d never acquire a taste for albondigas.

*Disclaimer - I've lived in Austin and, from what I recall, man-eating is kept to a bare minimum. I can’t speak for other parts of Texas - they do tend to go wild up around Dallas.

Pam

The witch is a snitch.

This phrase had been playing through the unforsaken's mind for the past three days. It pushed him toward his goal. To kill the witch, slay the snitch. Witches were deadly, but unforsaken didn't mind. Their brains and bodies were an insalubrious place, their only thought to please their masters.

This particular unforsaken was in the early stages of his decay, which is why he had been chosen to slay the witch. A few more days and he would be a ghost like the rest, but for now, he trudged forward.

The witch is a snitch.

The old schoolhouse stood alone yet unforsaken, the scent of decay a mere whisper in these cold, deadly woods. Only on Halloween did children ever venture there, searching for the ghost that guarded the threshold, her long, slender fingers poised to slay any intruder who disturbed her classroom.

On this particular Halloween, a small child knocked on the charred red door, and when it opened, a witch with a warped, spindly wand appeared. Enraged, she thrust it forward.

“Insalubrious!” she cried.

The little girl looked down. “My candy,” she whimpered.

She was the last to venture there on Halloween night.

Ali Trotta

“Insalubrious,” Mick muttered, as he tried opening the crypt door.

“Do you mean inconceivable?”

“Get back, witch!” he shouted.

“Stop quoting from The Princess Bride. You’re a ghost. You can’t open doors, so give up,” I reminded, rolling my eyes.

“Well, you’re decaying,” he retorted childishly. “And it’s your fault we’re in this unforsaken place!”

“Don’t you mean godforsaken?” I quipped, giving him a deadly stare. “For the last time, it wasn’t my fault. We were slayed by the slayer.”

“That Buffy chick? She’s a myth.”

“Said the ghost!”

If our couples counselor were here, she’d have a field day.

Colin Smith

Gemma gave her mother a deadly look.

"I'm not wearing that--the others'll slay me!"

"You're already dead," her mother grinned.

"I'm a vampire, mom, not a ghost. I can feel pain."

"Who's the young man?"

"Lloyd Finklebaum," Gemma smiled.

"Isn't his mother a witch? She's the chef at Insalubrious."

"Which witch?" Gemma said. Her mother frowned. That joke reeked of decay.

The doorbell rang. Gemma pulled the discarded garment over her head and ran for the door.

"Don't be late," her mother called after her. "You're not too old to be unforsaken, you know!"

Papillon crew

I accepted the foamy beer with a wave as I sneezed into my witch’s robes. Sick on Hallowe’en – my luck slays me. I pushed back into the party, my watering eyes travelling over the deadly and the unforsaken, the chaste and the lace-clad.

A cool hand slipped into mine. “Enjoying your insalubrious brew?”

I turned to a smiling, blood-splattered ghost. I leaned in, but froze as I caught a whiff of decay. Not makeup, then.

I swung my distinctly un-witchy axe and her zombie head rolled away. I blew my nose. Stuck working on Hallowe’en.

I needed another insalubrious brew.

Ulysses

She was a witch. I was a ghost. You'd think that combination would be deadly for a marriage, but our vows remained unforsaken. Our obsession with children was a bit insalubrious, but our baby was born immortal. We named her for optimism, a bastion against her parent's decay. Alone among the undead, we know for certain that nothing can slay Hope.

Becke Davis

I ask you, how hard can it be to slay a ghost?

It’s basic Witch 101, should have been a no-brainer. Take an unforsaken tomb, a deadly spell with your standard cobwebs, newt’s eye and warty toad, and faster than you can say “insalubrious zombie” Bad Ghostie vanishes into the ether.

How was I to know a little wart decay would bung up the whole process? Now I’ve got slimy, leech-like thingies crawling out of the primordial slime and clogging my drains, and the ghost is laughing his ethereal ass off.

Where are the freaking Ghostbusters when you need them?

AngiNicole

Some old Southern families have history. Mine had ghosts, deadly curses, and a legend of a witch looking for long overdue revenge.

In New Orleans, Halloween is a tawdry celebration and I frolicked as Creole music poured from bars. I encouraged imaginary knights to slay purple dragons; green fairies weren’t just in your drinks and storybook heroines showed their most insalubrious sides.

That’s when I saw her.

I ran like mad.

She found me there, cowering in an alley. Death and decay surrounded her as she cackled loudly.

One block away was safety. Laughter. Life.

But here I was unforsaken.

gregkshipman**

(** one of the four lucky random winners of the book prizes!)

Goes Bump in the Night

A witch in decay as darkness would fall

and I, a scared child, gave a pitiful call.

‘Neath covers I’d stay as a ghost slithered near

and nightmarish screams I’d constantly hear.

Through cold deadly mists I’d shudder to see—

insalubrious vampires eager to slay only me.

Unforsaken have blessings; not me in my plight

of gathering things going bump in the night.

Exited childhood— though younger than most

selling drugs my career path; also my boast.

Fear only me, not those creatures of fright

I’m now the thing that goes bump in the night.

Cynthia Ivers

“Get me out of this unforsaken place!” The actress let out a timid cry.

“Cut. That’s God-forsaken and your screaming wasn’t deadly enough. Ok, quiet on the set. Roll-em.”

“Please don’t hurt me. Keep your ghostly hands off my decaying dress.”

“Cut. That’s DKNY dress. Go on.”

“I’m not the slayer you seek. I’m just a model from Green Witch Village.”

“Cut. That’s Greenwich Village. The movie’s called Halloween in Manhattan - never mind. Now, this next line’s tough.”

“You’re going to eat me? You can’t, I’m insalubrious.”

“Cut. Perfect. How did you….?”

“All models know that word.” She smiled.

RickBox
(** one of the four lucky random winners of the book prizes!)

The witch would take my soul by touching my nose with her black fingernail. It approached…. But an unseen barrier blocked her crooked, warty finger.

“You must be an author,” she shrieked. “I hate Writer’s Block!”

“Give up, Insalubrious. You can’t take Unforsaken.”

“You must stay until you answer three riddles. Take DEADLY, drop two letters, insert one, form a spooky word.”

3,900 possibilities…. “DECAY.”

“Hell! Again: Drop three, add two.”

4,680 possibilities…. “SLAY.”

“Hell! Spooky word with alphabetical letters?”

“GHOST!”

My nightmare ended.

The moral of the story: a sleep-deprived writer shouldn’t drink and overdose on Halloween candy!

AAGreene

Pumpkin stared at the ghastly witch and ghost, their cloaks tattered and torn, as they lifted Pumpkin up toward the midnight sky. He desperately tried to slay their deadly plot but was thwarted by a lack of limbs. Pumpkin glimpsed the pavement rushing towards him as he soared through the biting October air.

In one crushing moment, Pumpkin lay smashed against the insalubrious path populated by diminutive villains. As his pointed teeth began to wither and curl in decay, Pumpkin realized their small stature masked an unforsaken evil that boils to the surface only one night a year.

And here are the four finalists!

Eileen

They camp in the park, amidst the decay of junk food wrappers and the great unwashed. Insalubrious conditions, even for a ghost.

“The latest poll numbers are deadly. The witches get 99% of the press. Salem is like the Disneyland of the unforsaken. They’ve got the Crucible on Broadway, their plight under the lights of the Great White Way. Even Shakespeare with his double, double, toil and trouble. Meanwhile, our poster boy is Caspar; it’s downright embarrassing. They’re going to slay us on CNN.”

She waves a poster high: WE ARE THE 1%.

“What does that even mean?” he sighs.

Kelly

Clouds slay any moonlight, but frolic continues. Bright faces of the unforsaken – made more vibrant by their pursuit of insalubrious treasures – continue by the decay of the stone bridge.

We meet under it.

“My name is Elizabeth and I’m a ghost.”

“Hello, Elizabeth.” The chorus of voices sounds.

“I’ve been a ghost for 322 years. This is my first meeting.”

There’s some cheering. It’s a lively – well, deadly – crowd.

“How did you die?” The calm wisdom in Phil’s gaze belies his childish face.

“Drowned as a witch.”

An old lady apparition snorts. “Like we really need another one of those.”

sheribomb

Mrs. Nieman was a witch, I was sure of it. Still, I followed the scent of fresh gingerbread into the black forest. The underlying, insalubrious stench of decay did not dissuade me, nor did the legends of ghosts of lost children I heard from the townsfolk. The old lady was deadly as a poisoned apple, they said, and she baked with them too. I said I would find her unforsaken cottage, with its frosting trim and candied glass, and I would slay her. I lied. The gingerbread melted on my tongue like spun sugar, and death was almost as sweet.

Swift Scribbler

I squeeze her throat. She squeals and scrambles, clawing at my hand. I tighten until she stops struggling, then loosen.

She gasps. “Do you know who I am?”

“I care not.” I run my nails over her sagging cheek. The rasp shivers down both our spines. “I slay the forsaken, the unforsaken, the queens and the paupers.”

“I’m a witch!”

“I turn witches to ghosts,” I breathe and she trembles.

“Who are you?”

“The deadly tick-tock of the clock, the countdown to decay.” I lean in and whisper, “The unstoppable insalubriousness of age.”

I steal a kiss.

And a life.

And the winner of the 30-page critique by Barbara "Take No Prisoners" Poelle is Sheribomb!

All the winners need to email me to claim their prizes: janet @ fineprintlit dot com

Congratulations to everyone who entered!

"You've got whales too!"

2011-10-24T10:07:00.002-04:00

This video made me think of Warren Richey's WITHOUT A PADDLE, the story of his water race around Florida in The Ultimate Florida Challenge. I thought gators and snakes were scary but holy H2O those blue whales are BIG!

When you're querying non-fiction

2011-10-24T08:27:00.000-04:00

Before you finalize your query letter for any work of non-fiction, you should google your subject's name and see what comes up. Generally it's the Wikipedia page. Read it.

If you're querying me about a biography, that's exactly what I'm going to do after I read your query. The reason I do that is because one of the things I look for in a proposed project is whether there is something fresh and new to say about a subject: new information; new analysis, new sources.

If you've queried me for a project and you fail to mention some of the basic things I can find in a quick google search, particularly the negative ones, it does not bode well for the quality of your research.

And if Wikipedia and the generally available sources are wrong? Hurray! This is exactly the kind of information you WANT to include: "everything we think we know about Subject X is wrong, and my book will fix that."

I may add this to my submission guidelines!

2011-10-23T10:05:00.001-04:00

Best new addition to the submissions guidelines I've seen in a while:

By submitting a query to Snubnose Press, you acknowledge that if you act unprofessional, you may end up on our shitlist** and understand that we regularly talk and interact with other editors, zines and presses.

** Yes, we have one.

Most Terrifying Contest Ever!/CONTEST NOW CLOSED TO ENTRIES

2011-10-20T09:00:00.007-04:00

Jump in to the shark pool to win a critique from Barbara "Take No Prisoners" Poelle.
Here's how to enter: Write a Halloween themed story using 100 words or fewer.

Use these words in the story:

UNFORSAKEN
DEADLY
WITCH
GHOST
DECAY
SLAY

Bonus points if you also use the word: Insalubrious

Post the story in the comments section of this post! Contest opens on 10/21 at noon and closes 10/22 at noon. All times are Eastern Standard Shark time. ~~Comment section is closed until 10/21 at noon!~~

One entry per person.
If you need a mulligan, delete your entry and repost.

All decisions are entirely subjective.

ONE winner will receive a critique of the first thirty pages of your manuscript from Barbara Poelle

ONE random winner will receive copies of UNFORSAKEN by Sophie Littlefield

ONE random winner will receive a copy of DEADLY COOL by Gemma Halliday

ONE random winner will receive a copy of THE NEAR WITCH by Victoria Schwab

ONE random winner will receive a copy of GHOST COUNTRY by Patrick Lee

Barbara Poelle and Holly Root will review the entries

Janet Reid will be the tie-breaking vote!

Ready?
Set?
~~GO!~~ ~~(comments section is closed till the contest starts!)~~ CONTEST NOW CLOSED

The waiting game

2011-10-19T00:50:00.003-04:00

I didn't take on two novels this week for very different reasons.

The first was for a novel that is simply out of my league. I'll read it when it gets published. I'll be in the author's fan club for life (I hope!) But I won't be his agent. He needs an agent who has better editorial acumen than I. A lot of agents spring from the primordial ooze of editorial; not I.

My pass to him closed with this: I have to recognize my own limitations and step aside. You'll thank me for this. Maybe not right this second, but soon, and for the rest of your life.

The second was for a writer who's going to be very very good. He writes very clean crisp prose. He just doesn't have the right book yet. The novel he queried me for is one I've read a dozen times. It's possible to get those published these days but only if you're in the midst of a multiple book contract. He's not. He's writing his debut. He needs something fresh and new. I have no doubt he'll find it.

What I'm wondering now is how this will all turn out. It will be interesting to come back in a year and see what's transpired. Was I right to say no to the Amazing Novel? Was I wrong to let Talented Unknown get away?

The only way to know will be to see the results. Unlike poker there are no published odds. There's only experience and instinct. I've been wrong a lot. But I've been right enough.

What choices have you made that needed a year to know whether you were right?

How to find yourself blocked from my twitter feed

2011-10-18T04:01:00.036-04:00

It should come as no surprise to anyone reading this blog that I am surly, curmudgeonly, and quick to bite any fingers trying to pet me through my cage door.

Twitter is an amazing tool for social networking and used properly you can find yourself with a cordial relationship even with the surliest in the twitterverse.

Used properly as *I* define it of course. These are not hard and fast rules for what not to do on Twitter ~~(yes they are)~~ but they are the things that get you blocked by me:

1. Block your own twitter feed. I go through my list of followers every so often, usually late at night when I'm most surly, and I block everyone who has a padlock next to their name. I won't ask permission to follow you; you don't need mine to follow me. If you block your twitter feed I see no reason you should get to come to my party in the invisibility cloak.

2. Ask me housekeeping questions about queries or submissions. Twitter is a public forum. I'm not going to tell you to take a fucking hike in public. I'm just going to remove you from my line of sight.

3. Ask me to read your book, your query or go to your website. It's an even easier decision when your ENTIRE twitter feed is asking people to read your work. Again: Twitter is a public forum. I'm not going to tell you to take a fucking hike in public. I'm just going to remove you from my line of sight.

4. Your twitter feed appears to be you retweeting everything I say. And ONLY that. Write your own damn tweets.

5. Including @janet_reid in tweets that have nothing to do with me. I see all those. If you're using that strategy to include me in a conversation, it doesn't work.

If you want my attention on twitter, you're MUCH more likely to get it organically. Follow my clients, and engage them in conversation such that I see who they are talking to.

There are at least two writers I first fixed my beady eye on solely because @byseanferrell and @jeffreysomers talked to them and liked them.

Twitter is the long game. Play wisely.

SHOW not just tell your support for SHINE

2011-10-17T12:37:00.003-04:00

Hard on the heels of last week's entertaining news that the National Book Foundation had erred in announcing the title of one of the nominees and thus six (not five) books would be finalists in the YA category, comes the very NOT entertaining news Lauren Myracle as been asked to withdraw her erroneously announced SHINE--and she's agreed.

If this happened to one of my clients, I'd be a puddle of sizzling shark shards on the carpet. Frankly, I can't think of anything more awful in the non-lethal or non-disease category than this.

I feel bad for Harold Augenbraum executive director of the National Book Foundation. He's a very nice guy and I'm sure he didn't wake up last week and say "let's see how we can eviscerate a YA author." I don't agree with the choice the NBF made, but they didn't ask me and I'm not a member.

I feel bad for the editor, publisher and agent for SHINE. To be one of the nominees is a singular moment and my guess is more than few champagne corks popped in their respective offices.
(Libba Bray's post about being 'back stage at the clusterfuck" is brilliant)

But my heart breaks for the author. There's nothing I can say that will comfort her, but there's one thing I can DO to show my support for her gracious behavior in the face of this horrible turn of events.

I can buy her book.

You can too.

Who the hell are you?

2011-10-17T12:20:00.004-04:00

It's bad enough when query letter writers refer to themselves in the third person. Here's an example of what I mean:

Dear Barbara Poelle,

Janet Reid has written an enticing fiction novel about the value of vodka in conducting high stakes literary auctions. Would you like to read it?

Your fan,
Janet Reid

If you are writing the query letter, use first person "I have written."

That's a rule. No exceptions.

Knowing that, when I get a query from someone who says "Janet Reid has written" and the email address and the signature are a different name, I think one of two things:

1. You have multiple personalities

2. You aren't the writer

1 is preferable to 2.

You can't query for someone else. Not now, not ever. I won't respond to those queries. I've said so before, and so this is just a reminder.

I don't believe you

2011-10-16T11:26:00.002-04:00

When you tell me "This manuscript has been professionally edited and is now ready to be published" I don't actually laugh, but I also don't believe you.

For starters, unless I know the editor and have seen projects they've edited, I'm always (ALWAYS) a skeptic. It's very easy to set up shop as a freelance editor these days. Some editors are great, some are good, and I've seen work from some that made me wonder if they read books let alone edited them.

In other words, anonymous editors are like anonymous references: useless.

And honestly if you think a publisher will just put your manuscript into production as is, well, you've got a horrible surprise ahead.

What you're trying to say here is "my manuscript is ready to face the world" but you don't need to actually say it. I assume when you are querying me, your manuscript is in the best possible shape you can get it. You don't need to tell me how it got that way. In fact, it's better if you don't.

Just tell me about the book. Honestly, it's really the only thing I care about right now (unless your query is so condescending and rude that I wouldn't want to work with you no matter how good the book, but that won't ever be one of this blog's readers, I'm SURE!)

Where to be on Friday 10/21 in NYC

2011-10-15T13:16:00.002-04:00

Hutchins Consort to Perform at Historic Upper East Side Church

Ensemble Celebrates 100^th Birthday of Famed Violin Maker

with a performance at Park Avenue Christian Church

The famed violinmaker Carleen Maley Hutchins (May 24, 1911-August 7, 2009) was called the “female Stradivari” by her mentor Harvard physicist Frederick A. Saunders. Her contribution stems from her efforts to harvest technology to improve on the centuries old string instruments and her invention of a new “family” of musical instruments to give new expression to music both ancient and modern.

The new palette of sounds originates with the Hutchins Consort of San Diego, CA—the only ensemble named for an American luthier and the only ensemble in the world that performs on a Hutchins Violin Octet. The Hutchins Consort will embark on its Debut East Coast Tour in October, 2011, in honor of the 100th Anniversary of Hutchins’ birth and will be honoring Dr. Hutchins’ memory throughout their 2011-2012 season. The full schedule is here and the first NYC event is:

Friday, October 21

8 p.m.

Park Avenue Christian Church,

1010 Park Avenue (at 85th Street)

New York, NY 10028.

$20 Adults, $15 Students/Seniors

tickets at the door.

Former Boston Globe arts journalist and Carleen Hutchins biographer, D. Quincy Whitney, will tour with the Hutchins Consort. Whitney will give a short pre-concert talk about how she met Hutchins and came to write her biography.

Hutchins was a most unlikely pioneer—a biologist and trumpet player who taught herself acoustical physics by making violins. Hutchins and Saunders performed more than 100 acoustical experiments on violas and violins made by Hutchins. Hutchins eventually created a louder, more resonant violin via plate tuning and modal analysis. In addition, Hutchins created a forum for an international community devoted to violin acoustics through the Catgut Acoustical Society and its scientific journal that she published for more than thirty years.

Despite the fact that she was a lone female in two male-dominated fields of acoustical physics and violinmaking, Hutchins was the only woman to be awarded the Honorary Fellowship of the Acoustical Society of America – whose very short list of recipients includes Thomas Edison. Hutchins was also the recipient of four honorary doctorates, a Guggenheim Fellowship and was considered the foremost authority on violin acoustics. From 2002 to 2003, Mrs. Hutchins’s octet was the subject of an exhibition at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York. Titled “The New Violin Family: Augmenting the String Section.”

But the most exciting Hutchins legacy is the Violin Octet and the Hutchins Consort—a chamber music ensemble like no other—with a dynamic range and palette of sounds never heard before from a string ensemble. The Hutchins Consort performs a wide repertoire ranging from Medieval, Baroque and Renaissance to jazz, blues and modern, including new works written specifically for these instruments. The Consort is used to performing for audiences of all ages and tastes, and also shines in their concerts for young audiences, as they are very familiar with performing in educational settings.

ABOUT THE HUTCHINS CONSORT

The Hutchins Consort, founded by Artistic Director Joe McNalley, plays on the eight scaled violins designed and built by famed luthier Dr. Carleen Hutchins. The instruments are the first successful attempt to create an acoustically balanced set of instruments that can truly sound like violins across the entire range of written music. A Violin Octet is a true consort of violins composed of eight violins across the range of a piano—treble, soprano, mezzo, alto, tenor, baritone, bass, and contrabass violins—a tuned set of violins from an 11” treble to a seven-foot contrabass. The Hutchins Consort, based in Southern California, is the only professional ensemble in the world performing on this octet of the New Violin Family instruments.

The Consort brings together a group of extraordinary musicians to play music from the Middle Ages and Renaissance to the music of the modern masters and new works written specifically for these instruments. They display a breadth and depth that few traditional groups match, and a sound that is truly unique.

Get a book, make a donation

2011-10-14T09:04:00.002-04:00

Concord Free Press does something that used to be very unusual.
They give away their books. Free.
Before the "free download" marketing strategy, giving away books was pretty rare.
Concord Free Press has been doing it for a while longer.

Here's "the catch" (and I put that in quotes for a reason; it's not one)

You make a donation. To a charity of YOUR choice.
Then tell Concord Free Press about it.**
AFTER you get the book.
They trust you to do the right thing.

I like that a lot.
(I like that alot too)

Here's the bigger "catch": this is the ONLY way to get these books, and there are only 3000 copies printed.
And they're really good books.

Here's the one that will be available starting tomorrow, ~~9/15~~ errrr...10/15 (thanks to an eagle eyed commenter for that!)

A HANDBOOK OF AMERICAN PRAYER (a novel) by Lucius Shepard.

More info available at the Concord Free Press website.

**(the list of donations is pretty interesting reading in and of itself)

What prompted this email?

2011-10-13T17:52:00.002-04:00

Knowing a picture is worth a thousand words, I sometimes only send images in my email.

To editors who have ~~completely lost all their senses~~ rejected a project:

To people I am reminding (again!) about something past due:

My auto-responder when I'm "working from home"

Today, it was this particular image. Can you guess what I heard about that prompted this reply?

Answer: it was finding out I was too late to get tickets for THIS.

new ways of seeing

2011-10-12T15:16:00.002-04:00

"Who has seen the wind?

Neither you nor I:

But when the trees bow down their heads

The wind is passing by"

Christina Rosetti

(anthologized in A Child's Garden of Verses

~~the very first book of poems I know by heart to this day)~~
well, no it was from another book,
so I don't remember as much as I thought I did!
corrected from info in a comment!

What made me think of this was a post here showing drawings of algorithms of the wind. It looks like some vast sea-creature to me. What does it look like to you?

Cowabunga indeed

2011-10-12T11:21:00.001-04:00

Kari Dell writes about life in Montana.
She never fails to crack me up.

I only hope everyone out there on the ranch is laughing as hard as I am

Today's query pitfall

2011-10-10T10:04:00.001-04:00

Describing a character only in terms of race and sexuality: sexy Latina; hot black; frigid bitch (this one was a Labrador retriever I'm guessing)

If you think that's an enticing way to describe a character, any character, you're querying the wrong agent. You might consider the editor for Penthouse Letters.

It's easy to get caught up in cliches. Tell me something interesting about the characters in your novel: like what choices they face, and what dreadful plot points await them.

But if you set a blonde adrift in a canoe with a boa constrictor, well, then you know how to turn a cliche upside down and hell yes, I'd read that.

Help getting books your boys will love

2011-10-09T14:04:00.001-04:00

Need help finding books your boys want to read?

Here's a short video with some terrific suggestions. The best one is at minute marker 2:00 of course.

I found this video cause Vordak T. Incomp~~rehensible~~ linked to it on twitter. He had the temerity to suggest minute 3:17 was the best. Obviously his heinous headgear is cutting off blood flow to his brain.