tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post7037134333061562032..comments2024-03-18T09:09:59.625-04:00Comments on Janet Reid, Literary Agent: flash contest!Janet Reidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00615380335938685231noreply@blogger.comBlogger45125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-81950540162061405572017-08-06T01:14:37.775-04:002017-08-06T01:14:37.775-04:00Aha! I see the My Critter Catcher couldn't cat...Aha! I see the My Critter Catcher couldn't catch the office spider. Clearly, Her Royal Sharkness, the office spider, and the Noble Agents of New Leaf are preparing to snare some unsuspecting woodland critter instead. All hands on deck as it were.Megan Vhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00752842865397799428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-80576614936765510142017-08-05T23:55:19.748-04:002017-08-05T23:55:19.748-04:00Spiderpuss trampled over Janet and the Alot to get...Spiderpuss trampled over Janet and the Alot to get a look inside. “It’s dark.”<br /><br />“Can’t you see in the dark?” the Alot sighed.<br /> <br />“If I was an actual spider, probably,” Spiderpuss says. “Fluff doesn’t really allow for much.”<br /><br />“You’re right about that,” the Alot groaned. “It’s bad enough that people are still comparing me to Michael Phelps.” <br /><br />Janet sighed. “No one is doing that. You’re lucky I’m still willing to type your name at all, Alot. Word keeps correcting it.”<br /><br />“Speaking of words,” Spiderpuss said, “I think there’s one in the box.” With his soft, spidey legs, he pulled out the first letter. “A.”<br /><br />“Is that the first letter?” the Alot asked.<br /> <br />“Not all names start with A like yours,” Spiderpuss groaned. He grabbed a second letter. “I.”<br /><br />“AI?” The Alot asked. “Who would send artificial intelligence in a box?”<br /><br />“There’s more.” Eventually Spiderpuss pulled out 2Ns, an E, another N, a T, and an R.<br /><br />“It’s an anagram!” The Alot clapped. “I love those. What’s it say?” <br /><br />Janet scrambled the letters, and eventually landed on the following phrase: “<b>An intern.</b> I ask for an intern, and this is what they send me.”<br /> <br />“Someone thinks they’re punny,” Spiderpuss said.<br /><br />The Alot snickered.Karen McCoyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02640324898284007337noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-7616597327731899082017-08-05T23:18:54.036-04:002017-08-05T23:18:54.036-04:00After a battle with @byobrooks and @bpoelle over a...After a battle with @byobrooks and @bpoelle over a Reider's manuscript, the Shark needed a new fin. Also, her spoctpus is nosy.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03581361783795436259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-39969132986671895582017-08-05T23:02:19.406-04:002017-08-05T23:02:19.406-04:00I'm kinda cheating because I ordered the same ...I'm kinda cheating because I ordered the same box. <br /><br />One of the ninety-six emails I got from Writer's Digest last Monday (I know, slow day) offered the "really good, very nice, excitingly fresh, alarmingly brief box o’ adverbs." They marketed it as <i>all the adverbs you'll need for your WIP.</i> I'm a sucker for good marketing.<br /><br />Mine arrived yesterday. Despite the long and misleading product name, the box comes as your picture indicates—empty. <br /><br />So, what's in the box? All the adverbs you'll need for a compelling story. <br /><br />Because story is what it's all about. Well, that and the hokey-pokey.<br /><br />(Ed. note: I was breaking out in a rash because my earlier entry was over 100 words. I know it wasn't a rule, but I'm conditioned like one of Pavlov's dogs. Feel much better now, thank you.)<br /><br />John Davis Frainhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18020019400599228492noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-69210275191700675652017-08-05T22:01:03.716-04:002017-08-05T22:01:03.716-04:00Armed with the exacto, Spidopuss slinked into the ...Armed with the exacto, Spidopuss slinked into the box when Janet wasn't looking.<br /><br />Stealth.<br /><br />What the-!<br /><br />Knotty tendrils of fabric curled around each leg, pulling her deeper inside. "Nooooooo!" she yelled, slashing her exacto like a scythe in a wheat field. "I got eight legs. I'll crawl out of here with seven if I have to!"<br /><br />Slicing her last leg free, she scurried out of the box with Janet's back turned and hid behind the slush pile. <br /><br />When Janet turned and saw the package, she twiddled her fingers in glee. "Happy Halloween to me!" she sing-songed as she pulled her Trump costume from the box. <br /><br />"Holy fuckamoli!" Janet gasped, holding the Trump costume by the shredded hair. "And it came with a pre-slashed face. Cool!"<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Scott Ghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00293362485142152780noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-1337686279281268352017-08-05T20:40:14.072-04:002017-08-05T20:40:14.072-04:00Spidey put down his Glock and opened the box. &quo...Spidey put down his Glock and opened the box. "You know what this means, don't you? It's curtains for you, Alot."<br /><br />Alot fainted.<br /><br />"And a curtain rod," Spidey added, "in an absolutely darling brass finish."<br /><br />He looked at Alot and sighed. Starting a hitman/interior decorator business wasn't the worst idea he'd ever had, but it was definitely in the top ten.MelSavranskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03917897217765196343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-42213735166066049912017-08-05T19:48:23.618-04:002017-08-05T19:48:23.618-04:00In the box came a shark themed lamp given to you a...In the box came a shark themed lamp given to you as a gift from aquaman to thank you for your awareness of the mistreatment and unfair judgement of sharks. There was a note taped on the shade of the lamp describing how the sharks come alive every full moon and to feed them during that time, or they will get hungry….Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06159392905466221534noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-32612083107450662852017-08-05T19:08:39.515-04:002017-08-05T19:08:39.515-04:00An extendable arm for a thirsty shark to retrieve ...An extendable arm for a thirsty shark to retrieve Bloody Marys from the seaside bar.Kate Bhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16264845401051971403noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-91436734413602647572017-08-05T18:46:39.397-04:002017-08-05T18:46:39.397-04:00Emptiness.Emptiness.Timothy Lowehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07514224628760035696noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-25110601604224837882017-08-05T18:40:05.907-04:002017-08-05T18:40:05.907-04:00What's in the box? This was a curse not a gift...What's in the box? This was a curse not a gift. It should never have been opened. <br /><br />Emptiness and darkness escape the box. Wails of despair wrought of lonliness and isolation no longer in the box. Every soul feels that anguish as it swirls in the ether. <br /><br />A body found dead, an innocent man accused, well-framed and then well-executed, a dance too often repeated no longer in the box. <br /><br />These things torment us all now. <br /><br />A disease of ignorance and hate, pain and tornent flee the box. Please, close it now. <br /><br />Oh, Pandora, what have you left us? Is hope still there at the bottom of the box? I fear to look. Better to have faith than to know for sure what is left in the box. E.M. Goldsmithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18387494005655553037noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-12721960769551203322017-08-05T18:28:39.112-04:002017-08-05T18:28:39.112-04:00What’s in the box?
Let the Spidopuss see.
It might...What’s in the box?<br />Let the Spidopuss see.<br />It might be for you,<br />it might be for me.<br />Does it have frosting<br />or ribbons and string?<br />Is it sort of organic <br />or crusted with bling?<br />Is it squishy and soft-<br />Will it break if it falls?<br />Is it made for a kitchen<br />or hung on the walls?<br />Let me see, let me see!<br />I must take a look.<br />Oh fuck it all, Janet,<br />just send me a book.Panda in Chiefhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14160375490647791433noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-19590552007209220842017-08-05T17:21:02.769-04:002017-08-05T17:21:02.769-04:00The Area Rug
“The floor was cold; its hardwood ma...The Area Rug<br /><br />“The floor was cold; its hardwood made me shiver.<br />Arachnologists say, that’s bad for a spider’s liver.<br />She listened and cared and bought it just for me.<br />At last, it’s here. It arrived F.O.B.<br /><br />If, perchance, a wandering household bug,<br />would stray upon this brand new area rug.<br />I’d joke and play, for I am not a killer,<br />I’m more like the late Miss Phyllis Diller.<br /><br />Shag or broadloom, cotton or wool,<br />Beige or umber or any thing else that’s cool.<br />Who cares what color, as long as it lays flat.<br />But please, keep her off, that spider-chasing cat.”Marty Weisshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15819676220381840774noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-8889795975739049222017-08-05T17:16:11.888-04:002017-08-05T17:16:11.888-04:00What is in tbe box?
A very long kaleidoscope and ...What is in tbe box?<br /><br />A very long kaleidoscope and a very tiny tab of acid.<br /><br />And a note. A query, really. It begins...<br /><br />Picture yourself in a boat on a river...<br /><br />Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-66040233233845576792017-08-05T17:15:14.571-04:002017-08-05T17:15:14.571-04:00A shark gun. Because sometimes, even sharks need t...A shark gun. Because sometimes, even sharks need to shoot nerf balls at both unsuspecting interns and the terminally clueless queriers.The Sleepy Onehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17406738871201908077noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-88084580054950052162017-08-05T17:14:54.400-04:002017-08-05T17:14:54.400-04:00One of the more unusual offerings on Etsy on a han...One of the more unusual offerings on Etsy on a hand-crafted Entire-Universe-Except-For-One-Red-Umbrella.<br /><br />It arrives in a tall, thin, Inside-Out box. A normal box has its insides on the inside and and its outsides on the outside. But an Entire-Universe-Except-For-One-Red-Umbrella obviously won't fit in a normal box, so they put it in an Inside-Out box.<br /><br />When the box "arrives" it doesn't actually go anywhere, but the contents inside get rearranged so that you're now near the opening.<br /><br />Do not reach outside the box and pull in the red umbrella. It wasn't included in the purchase price, and you'll be charged extra.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-55944201680208686502017-08-05T17:02:41.080-04:002017-08-05T17:02:41.080-04:00Diri man ini an baton. Ini an para magpalurong kan...Diri man ini an baton. Ini an para magpalurong kan Janet kon diri hiya makahibaro kon ano nga yinaknan man ini. Pilipino ba? Oo naman, per ano man? Usa ka libro ha akon kon diri ka maaram. <br />Kathrynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01058726934552777540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-39910389706365971092017-08-05T16:27:24.164-04:002017-08-05T16:27:24.164-04:00A very long sponge to use with your new shark stam...A very long sponge to use with your new shark stamps.Barbara Etlinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07190731838738606727noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-49273686001393235622017-08-05T15:49:42.144-04:002017-08-05T15:49:42.144-04:00The trip to Carkoon is a short one,
yet arduous an...The trip to Carkoon is a short one,<br />yet arduous and risky.<br /><br />You should never make it alone,<br />but always take scotch whisky.<br /><br />As you head up Screwed Creek,<br />there are sharks - don't be incautious.<br /><br />And that paddle you thought you'd get?<br />It's sitting in a New York City office. Melanie Sue Bowleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11820711791019410116noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-42987040066994769822017-08-05T15:40:49.902-04:002017-08-05T15:40:49.902-04:00The superambitious writer, having discovered an ad...The superambitious writer, having discovered an adventitious and expeditious route to enticing an agent, enclosed a beverage not fermentitious in nature, rather one that required a repetitious triple distillation. Said bottle came in ostentatious elongated sizing requiring a surreptitious delivery on the thirty-first of July, which for the superstitious is thirteen backwards. The writer in question, not wanting to seem pretentious, did not wrap the box of this nonnutritious beverage, enticing Spidopuss to investigate, unbeknownst to the absentitious agent. RosannaMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06399732751877180737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-47375499992674529062017-08-05T14:46:09.053-04:002017-08-05T14:46:09.053-04:00Spidopuss reads the note:
Dear Janet,
A clue. J...Spidopuss reads the note: <br /><br /><i>Dear Janet, <br />A clue. Just for you. <br />your beloved (but not quite classical) Athenian mystery author, <br />Gary Corby</i> <br /><br />"What is it?" Janet asks.<br /><br />Spidopuss hauls it out, "A rainstick?" <br /><br />Tipping it, they listen. Janet googles for information. <br />Spidopuss plays the gentle sounds.<br /><br />At length, Janet said, "Right. That's enough playing, Spido. We'll keep it. But Mr. Corby will be getting a stern email. This," she picks up the rainstick, "is a red herring."Lisa Bodenheimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17809067722921953857noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-28317490814078616232017-08-05T14:04:55.731-04:002017-08-05T14:04:55.731-04:00RETURN TO SENDER
Dear Sir or Madam,
I herewith r...RETURN TO SENDER<br /><br />Dear Sir or Madam,<br /><br />I herewith return the enclosed wooden leg to your care. Thank you for thinking of me; however, the name of my blog is QueryShark. If you do locate your intended recipient, please inform QueryPirate that my lawyers will be in touch.<br /><br />Sincerely yours, etc., etc.<br />La Sharque<br />Claire Bobrowhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15666082441972111293noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-55197644578816773302017-08-05T13:51:06.121-04:002017-08-05T13:51:06.121-04:00E-mail gave the double ping of something important...E-mail gave the double ping of something important so I turned away from the box. Spidey had two legs against the table, two against the bookshelf and four holding the box. The big hippy-shake was about to begin.<br /><br />I heard a muffled foop sound an looked up. Spidey was nowhere around. It's attention span timer must have run out. I turned back to the e-mail.<br /><br />DYSON CONSUMER PROTECTION"<br /><br /> THE DYSON D-227 SHARK VACUUM YOU ORDERED HAS BEEN SHIPPED. IF YOU RECEIVED IT SHIP BACK IMMEDIATELY. THE TRIGGER MECHANISM MAY BE DEFECTIVE. WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT SHAKE THE BOX AS THAT MAY CAUSE THE WORLD'S STRONGEST VACUUM TO ACTIVATE...Craig Fhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07157301156577795781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-13211381962475657442017-08-05T13:47:17.472-04:002017-08-05T13:47:17.472-04:00Long John Silver*
*Saber shipped separately Long John Silver*<br /><br />*Saber shipped separately Micki Browninghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10242144246410661267noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-19208763030875583172017-08-05T13:46:38.399-04:002017-08-05T13:46:38.399-04:00A long look into the future--hopefully with a high...A long look into the future--hopefully with a high degree of satisfaction at the end.<br />Kaphrihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02918743538253768394noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-40269359229644367972017-08-05T13:28:35.950-04:002017-08-05T13:28:35.950-04:00This one's easy.
It was a a long day's j...This one's easy. <br /><br />It was a a long day's journey into night.Joseph S.https://www.blogger.com/profile/07437663031050410028noreply@blogger.com