tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post3368835704370333392..comments2024-03-18T09:09:59.625-04:00Comments on Janet Reid, Literary Agent: Great Gassy Goblins it's another writing contest!Janet Reidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00615380335938685231noreply@blogger.comBlogger107125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-5341430937249355432010-08-24T07:24:32.505-04:002010-08-24T07:24:32.505-04:00It was difficult to take the sinister Vordak's...It was difficult to take the sinister Vordak's minions seriously.<br /><br />The heinous headgear they wore often prompted laughter. The look, however, was intentional. Many skilled warriors had fallen while underestimating the little troll-like killers.<br /><br />For centuries Vordak had proved to be a worthy and clever nemesis. Before the minions, there was an army of clown assassins. Preceeding them, the ruthless pig-faced Atari, who could shape-shift into mind controlling politicians.ALeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03627821287370367772noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-86703259434971363742010-08-24T07:18:06.924-04:002010-08-24T07:18:06.924-04:00Clancy once slept in orthodontic headgear. Now he...Clancy once slept in orthodontic headgear. Now he wore a communication headset.<br /><br />His earpiece buzzed. Liza said "Clancy, left two blocks, turn right on Murphy. Vordak's minions are closing in!" <br /><br />"Where’s the extraction?" Vordak, Clancy's nemesis, orbited the earth making sinister plans for world domination. His heinous plot was making the population dumber, easier to control, by poisoning school lunches. Clancy stole the formula.<br /><br />"Liza - help!"<br /><br />"The green doorway down the block!" Clancy sprinted, hearing footsteps. He ducked into the doorway feeling the tingle of the extractor. He closed his eyes, nauseous. Liza smiled and popped her gum. "What's shaking?"Dee Martinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05077141911351737390noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-48018798196809069122010-08-24T06:43:26.259-04:002010-08-24T06:43:26.259-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.thenicangohomehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04676179264638635994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-18216104892060908542010-08-24T04:15:02.680-04:002010-08-24T04:15:02.680-04:00Godiva stepped into her nemesis's lair, avoidi...Godiva stepped into her nemesis's lair, avoiding eye contact with the manufacturer's milling minions. It irked her to watch them drool over the cheap confections. <br /> <br />She sniffed the buttery air - was it real or glutinous substitute? <br /> <br />"No!" she wailed, pushed to the brink in such sinister environs. <br /> <br />A heinous roll of blubber with a nametag that read, "Gertie," adjusted her Hershey's corporate headgear, "Would you like a sample, dear?"<br /> <br />Godiva's eyes bulged as she withdrew the firearm, delivering a succession of ammunition. Chocolate exploded. Gertie ducked. <br /> <br />Out of bullets, the diva whispered, "Cry no more, sweet tooths, mama’s here.”Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-2987313331542124602010-08-24T02:52:03.784-04:002010-08-24T02:52:03.784-04:00“Sparky, help me sass up my story. My headgear is ...“Sparky, help me sass up my story. My headgear is all numb from the twists and turns of this crazy case.”<br /><br />His head turned, fedora covering one skeptical eye. “Only for a smoke, sweetie.”<br /><br />Cleo tossed him a Lucky and winked.<br /><br />“Just read it.”<br /><br />“The crime scene was atrocious. The man who discovered it called the perpetrators evil. Police say the victim must have had enemies since two people likely committed the murder-”<br /><br />“Stop.” He took a deep drag. “The blood-spattered walls were heinous. Sinister perps, probably gangster minions, snuffed the life out of a nemesis…”<br /><br />“Oh, Sparky. You’re good.”Jennyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07058040133311565274noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-4050015275135766452010-08-24T02:47:45.351-04:002010-08-24T02:47:45.351-04:00She entered, hips swaying like mandolins on a gyps...She entered, hips swaying like mandolins on a gypsy wagon wall with the rhythm of ‘The Sinister Minister’. She took off the Harley Nemesis Helmet, shook her long blonde hair. <br /><br />The blue minions’ heinous eyes followed her every move, as she put her headgear on the desk, squeezed officer’s thigh, looked him in the eyes, lips pouting, and whispered: “I am here for The Big hog.”<br /><br />He could feel the sweat standing out over his forehead.<br /><br />“The what?” he swallowed.<br /><br />“My Harley you impounded.”<br /><br />She rode off, burning rubber, leaving coppers’ mouth hanging open. They were spent for the week.Semperahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15623500517259396200noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-32939538073487022982010-08-24T02:17:27.814-04:002010-08-24T02:17:27.814-04:00The porch light flickered. Again, she’d ask him to...The porch light flickered. Again, she’d ask him to change the bulb. He’d snap back: I’m not your minion; don’t make the pug wear that stupid headgear.<br /><br />She cooked him tortilla soup, he switched off the golf—there were still signs of tenderness.<br /><br />She wanted to tell him about the letter. The sinister intimidation of the ParkRose Corp. was worse than the heinous migraine the half busted bulb triggered. All week she tried. She told herself: he wasn’t her nemesis, Charles Marmot, Customer Care Expert, ParkRose was.<br /><br />Her hand trembled, letter feeling like the flesh of the dead. He smiled, turned the golf off. She smiled back, hid the letter and guarded him again tonight from its assault: honestly Henry, that bulb needs to be fixed already.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18269717553050376118noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-77252460838157247552010-08-24T01:50:36.931-04:002010-08-24T01:50:36.931-04:00I still leave a light on every night. I was four y...I still leave a light on every night. I was four years old and would get spanked regularly for rocking. How could a boy four years old convince his parents that there was something heinous and sinister living in my room? I would hear sounds of movement that suggested evil intent preceded by a peculiar sound. Then I knew the thing, my nemesis was there. I would wear a headgear to shut everything out but it failed. To my surprise rocking kept the creature at bay! I would rather be spanked than face the devil's minion in my room.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05570286122163367165noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-4908313699673328762010-08-24T01:26:22.109-04:002010-08-24T01:26:22.109-04:00The Herpet-American minion slithered into the offi...The Herpet-American minion slithered into the office. "Ms. Reid, a writer calling himself Vordak is waiting in the lobby."<br /><br />"What!" Janet removed her protective headgear. "What a heinous manuever. Writers should know better." And the judge did say she didn't have to the stupid contraption around writers.<br /><br />The minion's tongue flickered. "I believe Ms. Poelle recommended he attempt this course of action."<br /><br />Of course her nemesis would try to sabotage her probation. A sinister smile lit her face. Which was why dearest Barbara would find a new ingredient in tomorrow's cupcakes.Suzan Hardenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04600258874634909988noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-54646230815485173902010-08-24T01:05:25.185-04:002010-08-24T01:05:25.185-04:00Headgear of heinousness, nemesis foul,
Sinister mi...Headgear of heinousness, nemesis foul,<br />Sinister minions, and strange, spikèd cowl:<br />Vordak, he’s evil! Comprehend him? You can’t!<br />You think he’ll show mercy? No, sir. No, he shan’t.<br />On world domination this genius is bent—<br />He hopes not to tread where those ‘fore him went.<br />(Most world domination plans don’t work too well;<br />In fact most [I’m just sayin’] get all shot to hell.)<br />He’ll rule when he grows up: he’ll give it his all.<br />(Such a pity the fellow’s so deucèdly small.)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-65308077585714868202010-08-24T00:35:08.863-04:002010-08-24T00:35:08.863-04:00The crime was heinous: the crime scene--a deserted...The crime was heinous: the crime scene--a deserted beach on Treasure Island--sinister. Inspector Clouseau saw there had been a struggle, for Long John Silver's feathered headgear lay several yards from his corpse, as did his wooden leg. The pirate's head had been bludgeoned to a pulp. Captain Hook, his nemesis, had finally caught up with him. "But what," asked Kato, Clouseau's manic minion, "was used as a weapon?"<br />Clouseau laughed. "This is an old joke, my friend, but I use it now. As the man with the wooden leg said, 'It is a matter of a pinion!'"Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08920205855632439885noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-52109870167463968602010-08-24T00:20:24.622-04:002010-08-24T00:20:24.622-04:00Vordak thinks he will rule the world?
Give me a br...Vordak thinks he will rule the world?<br />Give me a break; I think I just hurled. <br />Have you seen that ridiculous headgear?<br />It evokes laughter rather than fear.<br />Heinous, brazen, a menace to society.<br />No sense of shame or propriety.<br /><br /><br />Good Godiva, what's next?<br />The minions ask, "Why are you vexed?"<br />Vordak crept into the lair and ate my macaroons!<br />I'll force him to parade around NY in pantaloons.<br /><br />Nemesis, oh Greek Goddess of Retribution,<br />I demand Vordak's immediate execution.<br />I am Queen of the Universe, the Priestess of Evil on High. <br />I decree Vordak the Sinister must die.Catherinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13087575282693487309noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-69330357539123820992010-08-24T00:16:57.152-04:002010-08-24T00:16:57.152-04:00“Nemesis.”
“Headgear.”
“Okay...sinister.”
“Spar...“Nemesis.”<br /><br />“Headgear.”<br /><br />“<i>Okay</i>...sinister.”<br /><br />“Sparkly.”<br /><br />“Umm...heinous.”<br /><br />“Cupcakes.”<br /><br />“Let’s try....minion.”<br /><br />“Cupcakes with sprinkles.”<br /><br />Dr. Reid studied the woman—a fortyish-year-old, currently curled up in a fetal position. “I’m not sure you understand the point of this exercise.”<br /><br />The woman removed her thumb from her mouth. “One more.”<br /><br />Dr. Reid checked her watch. This should have been easy. One hour, no follow-up. A clear case of mid-life confusion. Now she thought the woman might actually be...off. Off always required paperwork.<br /><br />“Please?”<br /><br />“Fate.”<br /><br />The woman whimpered, looked around, popped out her thumb, and whispered, “Shark.”<br /><br />Dr. Reid sat up straighter. Ah, now we’re to it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-49380775950683200362010-08-24T00:15:32.448-04:002010-08-24T00:15:32.448-04:00It's no use. She looked, like, totally heinous...It's no use. She looked, like, totally heinous. How could she be a sinister minion to the <i>hottest</i> nemesis in high school with this awful headgear? It's just not fair. FML, she'd dieted for a WHOLE YEAR for this and...foiled again. By her <i>parents</i>. She had half a mind to start arching her orthodontist for this—that's lame enough. She sighed and switched the chi iron from her hair to getting it to shock on her braces; maybe she could get lightning power and be the Electric Freak. <i>Please, Nemesis Guild,</i> she whispered half-reverently, <i>let me at least grow boobs soon.</i>Quellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00849506199483927744noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-24164526355720244062010-08-24T00:03:50.619-04:002010-08-24T00:03:50.619-04:00Jan Babe,
Hope you don’t mind me calling you Babe ...Jan Babe,<br />Hope you don’t mind me calling you Babe - I feel like I already know you. <br />Vordac, my mealy mouthed minion cell mate, gave me your name. He said you dig the sinister type; bad boys. I qualify. <br />I did the heinous to a chic in headgear at McD‘s before hash browns and coffee; I got 25 to life. The judge said I was a nemesis to the social order of a civilized society. WTF. If that don’t get me a pen pal and a dozen cupcakes on visiting day nothing will.<br />Write me now,<br />ChompCarolynnwith2Nshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18394998702410764388noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-41084198105865186992010-08-24T00:01:52.748-04:002010-08-24T00:01:52.748-04:00"Stunning, isn't it?" Cora asked, an..."Stunning, isn't it?" Cora asked, angling her new headgear.<br /><br />"Heinous," he agreed. "To be a minion for Nemesis, you have to give up any sense of fashion."<br /><br />She pouted. "I thought it made me look sinister." She turned her head to see how the light reflected off the sharp jagged teeth. "Dangerous."<br /><br />"You look like you're being barfed up by a shark."<br /><br />Cora shook her head and scraped her chin on the lower jaw. "At least I don't work for Babroon."<br /><br />Poor Sue. She stared gloomily out from beneath a headdress the shape and color of a baboon's butt. With tail.Stephanie Barrhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17772217449161603561noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-36572598617596731222010-08-23T23:56:45.731-04:002010-08-23T23:56:45.731-04:00Joey slammed her shot glass down and stared at me ...Joey slammed her shot glass down and stared at me with her one bleary, sinister eye. “Jagermeister: evil nemesis or best friend forever?”<br /><br /> “How’d you lose your eye?” I asked again.<br /><br />“Headgear accident.”<br /><br />“Heinous.” I licked the salt on my hand and slammed my tequila like a good little minion. I sucked my lime wedge, then threw it at her. Less than two feet away, and I still missed. “Are you ever gonna tell the truth?”<br /><br />“There isn’t enough liquor on Earth,” she replied. <br /><br />“Tell me when you’re sober then.”<br /><br />“Oh, so you mean never? You’ve got yourself a deal.”Penelope Wrighthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04791357824874684556noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-64272697905814226202010-08-23T23:44:37.386-04:002010-08-23T23:44:37.386-04:00Yesterday my super Vordak asked me
What I thought ...Yesterday my super Vordak asked me<br />What I thought of his new headgear. Was it—<br />Ostentatious? Pretentious? “You’d agree,”<br />He said, “it looks like it oughta emit<br /><br />“Awesomely heinous rays that melt your face.”<br />I hated the hat. Really, it looked like<br />Something his nemesis, The Paper Chase,<br />Would wear. The truth would entail a hat-spike<br /><br />In the eyeball, though, so I played it safe.<br />“Chief, you look sinister no matter what<br />“You wear.” He squinted. “Seventeen, I chafe<br />“At insincerity. Keep your mouth shut.”<br /><br />“Sorry boss,” I said, “but my opinion<br />“Shouldn’t matter much – I’m just a minion.”Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08243296048206219353noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-51242214447019368792010-08-23T23:40:35.222-04:002010-08-23T23:40:35.222-04:00My nemisis, the heinous minion with the sinister h...My nemisis, the heinous minion with the sinister headgear blinked three times. My heart skipped an equal number of beats.<br /> Signal intercepted.<br /> With a deluge of dastardly underlings about to cascade from the clouds, I scrambled for cover. Bit back a scream.<br /> And awoke shuddering.<br /> Lifting my head from the desk, I rubbed at the ditch carved into my cheek by the useless manuscript. Wiped drool from page sixteen hundred.<br /> I blanched with embarassment when Janet Reid stuck her head around the corner asking, "Well?"<br /> "I'm on a horse," I answered, and slapped a hand over my mouth.Katthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08501145978550034341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-31500994666970011662010-08-23T23:30:42.489-04:002010-08-23T23:30:42.489-04:00“What if I told you this creepy little minion brou...“What if I told you this creepy little minion brought me this?” Stan questioned, bringing out a funky-looking piece of headgear from behind his back.<br /><br />“I’d say you just took a trip to Hogwarts, mate. That thing looks like Rowena Ravenclaw’s,” Jeff barked a laugh, spewing lemonade all over Stan’s heinous “discovery”.<br /> <br />“Well it’s true! The thing wanted me to hide it from it’s ‘nemesis’.” His fingers curled inward to form quotation marks after he swiped at the droplets of lemonade.<br /><br />“Oh yeah? And who might that be?” Jeff gave Stan a sinister smirk.<br /><br />“Well, he said it was you.”Megan Butlerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01061552153628691657noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-18531366818903536132010-08-23T22:58:55.462-04:002010-08-23T22:58:55.462-04:00My name is Heinous Harry. It’s my first day back a...My name is Heinous Harry. It’s my first day back at school and thanks to Vordak I’m going to kill my sinister arch nemesis Edward Cullen.<br /><br />He’s stepping off the bus. Sparkling in the sun like a cheap Christmas tree.<br /><br />“You’ve got something on your head.”<br /><br />He’s laughing at me but I don‘t care.<br /><br />“That’s my crap-o-meter,” I say. “It says you’re full of shit.”<br /><br />He shimmers toward me. Thank God my minion Ruthless Rick has my back.<br /><br />Face to face we draw our weapons. Mine a chainsaw. His a sarcastic smile. He thinks I won’t use it. He’s wrong.Claire Svendsenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04349380073687353756noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-68788481133017690372010-08-23T22:57:06.898-04:002010-08-23T22:57:06.898-04:00"You only henched two months for The Sinister..."You only henched two months for The Sinister Barrister?"<br /><br />"Well, when he blew up Big Ben, he used me as a human shield."<br /><br />That explained the headgear. But I needed a <i>loyal</i> minion. "One gear to the skull and you run away?"<br /><br />"No. He hired a bigger shield."<br /><br />"Oh." Still, I wasn't impressed. "Name one truly heinous thing you've done."<br /><br />"Name it? I'll show you."<br /><br />Before I could react, he'd thrust a blade deep into my stomach. Only then did I notice the telltale scar.<br /><br /><i>Nemesis Man!</i><br /><br />His sly smile glinted in the moonlight as my world turned to black.Nate Wilsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09690171790664252309noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-19264764235277167652010-08-23T22:51:08.970-04:002010-08-23T22:51:08.970-04:00I’m a victim of circumstance.
I could have been...I’m a victim of circumstance. <br /><br />I could have been different, a protector of the innocent. What I wouldn’t give to be in a classroom somewhere, or a hospital. Instead I’m stuck as a minion of violence, witness to heinous beatings heaped upon one nemesis after another, night after night. Nothing feels so sinister as the view from above, the jagged movements and the puddles of blood splattered across the mat.<br /><br />Be content with your lot, the others say. Be grateful. You are the headgear of a champion fighter. <br /><br />I can’t help that I’m soft.Laurie Dennisonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01089552813955890768noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-61150528877343895002010-08-23T22:32:46.762-04:002010-08-23T22:32:46.762-04:00I saw an angel the morning I deleted my nemesis, p...I saw an angel the morning I deleted my nemesis, pounding sentence fragments into his pea-brain with a horizontal scroll bar, while his toadies cowered in the margin. The angel was flying over with difficulty, a few sinister blackbirds noisily attacking it like they do hawks.<br /><br />“Protective headgear mighta changed his odds.” I quipped, tossing the weapon into the footer. “I warned this heinous-anus there wasn’t room in these damned writing contests for both of us.” <br /><br />Above, the Angel attempted an evasive barrel-roll.<br /><br />“There’s so much blood!” A minion gasped.<br /><br />“Yeah.” I sighed. “But probably not enough to satisfy Reid.”dylanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09258261414344799869noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17040756.post-17576478777594171252010-08-23T22:21:53.060-04:002010-08-23T22:21:53.060-04:00“I come to you for advice, and you tell me I need ...“I come to you for advice, and you tell me I need to forgive my nemesis?”<br /><br />Dana hid a grin at the ghost’s antiquated vocabulary. “It’s not my fault you died trying to avenge yourself. You should’ve just let her have the hat.”<br /><br />“A proper lady would never be seen without the appropriate headgear.” She straightened imperiously. “Young lady, I would never lower myself to that sinister woman’s level! Her heinous behavior was an embarrassment to her gender. It’s her own fault for teasing those boys into following her like so many minions.” She smirked, taking pleasure in the scandal.LeeAnn Flowershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03314378121630608230noreply@blogger.com