Monday, February 24, 2020

Flash Fiction contest results-FINAL


The caliber of these entries has gotten so high that it's daunting to have to choose only a few. Let alone one.

Thanks to all of you who took the time to write and post entries.
It was a real pleasure to read these.

Herewith the results

UPDATE 9:32pm.
It's time to throw in the towel and just acknowledge that Steve Forti rules.
This week's entry was subtle, deft, and funny.
And a story.

There was stiff competition from the field, lemme tell ya.
(Well, you can see for yourself)

Mr Forti, unless you've been relocated in the Witness Protection Program, I have your address. Watch your mailbox. It's not a puppy. This time.

Shout out to some great line/s:
Carolynnwith2Ns
"I wouldn’t have an affair with you if you were the last man on earth.”
“Out of luck sweetie because I am the last man on earth.”
Aphra Pell
his heart belonged to Darlene Moggs, former celery queen of Kalamazoo.

These are the entries that stood out from the others

Steve Forti
2005: Every day, I’m on time for lessons, but still at the bottom of the scale. This is hard.

2007: I took down re, but then challenged mi to spar. Kicked my butt. Better keep practicing.

2010: Adagio, allegro. Y’all may doubt me, but I’m getting good at both.

2012: You know who called me tone deaf? Fa. I really want to stick it to that jerk.

2015: Who do I find fantastic? La. I realistically can contend with so, but never la.

2020: I’m speechless. I passed ti and won the Kalamazoo Kazoo! All that training, finally on top.
Not just deft use of prompt words.
Deft storytelling too.

NLiu
Mum's perfect. Always there. Patient. Fair. Gingerbread hugs, royal stories. Smiles. Cake.

Dad's a mess. Works late. Smells. Yells. Forgets birthdays.

He never thanks her: "It's what she's for."

Dad arrives with a strange, fleshy woman. Mum's disappeared.

Big sis protests. "You can't have an affair! Mum--"

Dad snorts. "That robot didn't have feelings, Claire!"

We find Mum in a cupboard.

She's in pieces.

We get her together, recharged, woke. Tell her everything.

One spark can stop a human heart. Who knew? Certainly not Dad's doctor.

Now we live in Vermont.

Like I said, Mum's perfect.

Dad was only human.

Of course this is gorgeous subtle writing and storytelling.
We've come to expect no less from NLiu.


frenchsojourn
He slipped on the Montblanc watch, and adjusted the worn leather strap. His old tarnished St. Claire College class ring was a tight fit, but the faded Royal Flight School tie was much more compliant. He stepped back to take it all in. The hair was off, the part looked forced, so he dabbed a little hair crème and worked it in gently.
He needed something extra, just a spark of color, he briefly remembered that whole paisley cumberbund affair, and decided to skip it.
Finally satisfied with the overall look, he closed the coffin until the viewing scheduled later.
I love that twist at the end.


MeganV
People came in droves to attend Grand Rapids' ArtPrize.
He drifted in from Kalamazoo, his VW dying just short of a legal parking spot—a feat worthy of Monty Python’s Flying Circus. Not that he worried about the parking job. He had a boxful of éclairs at the ready.
Then she arrived, her volunteer’s uniform as pristine as a royal guardsman’s. “Afraid you’ll have to move.”
He held out the box. “Afraid my batteries dead.”
“Sounds like you need a jump.”
The jump itself was a noisy affair—barely concealed by his popped hood—but with double the spark.

Took me more than a minute to get it.
Did you?


Michael Seese
What a day.

One minute, I'm on the plane, fingernails etching trenches into the armrests of 22B. The next, I'm sweating in a Turkish prison.

A little éclaircissement...

Despite my fear of flying, I booked a midsummer dream vacation to Rome. All was copacetic, until some fancy-pants parked his royal attitude in 22C and pulled out a quill pen the size of a javelin. I freaked, and slapped his shiny pate with a partially eaten Twixt Bard.

And to think, the whole affair could have been avoided had I remembered Shakespeare's words.

22B, or not 22B: that is the question.
Yes the punch line is hilarious, but you had me at quill pen size of a javelin. 
And Twixt Bard? Took a second read to realize that was NOT a typo.

Timothy Lowe
INSTRUCTIONS FOR BUILDING YOUR OWN COFFIN:

1) Use something sturdy. Royal oak or similar.
2) Two words: roofing-nails. (Coffin nails are tough to pry loose)
3) Measure carefully. This cask won’t be holding Amontillado.
4) Be careful to keep up appearances. Get the wife something sparkly to avert suspicion.
5) Get your affairs in order. Insurance, train tickets. (Even Kalamazoo will do this time of year)
6) Be precise with your timing. Mistress has to be ready with the spade.

Post-script: Incl. air holes (in case Mistress is running late).
I love lists.
This one is so much more than a list of course.
I love when you guyz play with form and use it so deftly.


Luralee
He lit a feeble spark. “You’ve gotta help me! It’s what you do!”

“It’s none of my affair.”

Crazed fanatics had arrived from all over the state. Kalamazoo, Royal Oak, now Fremont—
If He left so would they.

“Get in the truck.”

They’re surrounded before you can say “clairvoyant.”

“What’s in the back?” Zealots swarm the truck bed. “Just a cooler full of Vernors.”
“Guess we were misinformed. You’re free to go, Reverend.”

The disappointed mob starts to disburse...

“Are we there yet?” A wail from under the seat.

Devil’s own fault they never got that Dodge out of Hell.
I'm still laughing with this one.
I had to look up Vernors of course.

Alyssa R
Prince Asher and I dance together once before she arrives. The beauty from "Kalamazoo" who's finally sparked Asher's interest.

When she dashes out of the royal palace, I am relieved. Asher is...not.

I find him on the stairs, holding a delicate shoe and weeping.

The shoe looks… familiar.

(Leave it, Claire. This affair can end before it begins.)

Asher is like Monty, my starling. If he's caged, he'll die. He needs to be free.

I am his cage.

Heart shattering, I smile. "It's fairy work. Put it on her foot, and you'll know."

I love him too much.
I really love alternate takes or viewpoints on stories we all know.
This is wonderful


John Davis Frain
The pen wasn’t a pen.

“Need your signature, Claire, or they won’t believe it’s suicide.” Parker handed over my Mont Blanc. Pricey for a pen, doubly for the customization.

I thumbed the cap. “Are you cross over the affair, dear?” Flashbacks to three husbands, rest in pieces.

“Fine point. But it’s your memoir’s royalties that sparked this.”

My hub, the sharpie. “It hasn’t even earned out, hon.”

“It will now.” He brandished a sword and rushed me.

I opened my pen and fired. Twice in his heart. My signature.

“Always said which was mightier, dear.” But he’d already stopped listening.

All those pen references!
As we all know, I love pens. Love love love!
This incorporates pens so deftly it took me a second read to really see all of them.

Rest in pieces is delicious too.

Just Jan
There’s a spark. A sluggish rhythm.

“Are you alive?” whispers the wind.

“I feel my heart beating. It’s a glorious affair.”

It whips my royal blue scarf. “What will happen when I turn warm?”

“I’ll be here,” I insist. “I have a heart.”

Day by day, I fail. A jackdaw pecks my eyes. Curious squirrels nibble my nose. Near the end of the month, my arms drop off.

“The rain comes. How will you survive?”

“My heart is--” I begin, but the red candy Claire placed so gently inside me slides to the ground.

“Broken,” wails the wind.

I melt.
oh yes!



S.D.King
Tokens. Slots. Spinning fruit.

Royal Caribbean - 10 glorious gambling days. Wasn’t Monte Carlo, but promised an orgy affair for her exploding addiction.

Instead 14 days cabin quarantine. A septic lair. Cabin fever. Cabin insanity.

Now back from Japan, a jet-lagged bus of 60 snored at 4 am heading to Army base quarantine. She was wide-eyed.

They pulled into a commercial fuel station next to a charter bus. The bus marquee said “Caesar’s Palace.”

Slipping out, she joined those seniors returning from the restroom.

Not a spark of guilt as she settled into an empty seat.

Tokens! Slots! Spinning Fruit!

It took me three reads to fully appreciate the subtle story here.
Do you see it?




I'm torn between several of these, even after multiple reads.

Let me know which one you think should get the prize.

And who got overlooked that shouldn't have?

Post in comments column here.



44 comments:

Aphra Pell said...

I can't choose! I haven't read the full set of entries yet, but every time I thought I'd hit my favourite on the shortlist, someone else equalled it.

So, my favourites in no particular order:
Alyssa R
JustJan
SD King

With an honourable mention to Michael Seese for some perfect lines.
And honourable mentions to everyone else as well for general brilliance.

Yeah, no idea how you're going to choose a winner.

[and thanks for the shout-out - I'm honoured to have even a line mentioned in this company]

E.M. Goldsmith said...

Well, Holy Hell. Not sure how you'll pick. These are gobstopppers, every last one of them.

I really loved NLui's robot, perfect mom and John Davis Frain's fantasy about a book earning out. Talk about your great romances.

That said, any of these are worthy a great prize. Good luck.

NLiu said...

I loved JustJan's snowman and Alyssa R's fairytale. John Davis Frain's was excellent writing. Also, not-a-finalist Aphra Pell made me laugh hugely.

I am no help. I apologise.

Blushing outrageously from the Sharkly compliments and doing a happy dance to be among the finalists!!

Steve Forti said...

Yay! Lots of good ones this time, but props to Just Jan for my favorite of the week.

Kitty said...

Steve Forti.

S.D.King said...

Allow me to speak for my fellow Kalamazooans (?) and say thanks for including our fair city in the contest. Our t-shirts say "Yes, There really is a Kalamazoo."
And Megan V - thanks for mentioning ArtPrize. Truly a trip worth taking to our sister city Grand Rapids for an indoor/outdoor/immersive experience- the nations best art show for everyday people. And it's free.
And thanks, Janet, for the finalist inclusion.

Katja said...

I already said to someone on Saturday night that I'd put money on NLiu's entry if I could.

nightsmusic said...

Too hard to choose in this group, but a shout out to Luralee! If she doesn't live in Michigan, she knows it well :) Vernors is our initial go to in this state for almost every illness you can imagine. If Vernors can't fix it, you need to go to the ER ;) Between the city mentions and the pop, it was fun to read that one.

Lennon Faris said...

Well these are all excellent (and the others not mentioned). If I had to choose I might pick JustJan's. A doomed friendship between a snowman and the wind is unexpectedly poignant. John's made me laugh - every time I read it I see a new pen pun.

Well done, everyone!

Jenn Griffin said...

C. Dan Castro has been overlooked! Loved his entry.

Luralee said...

I made a shark laugh :)
I’m putting that on my resume!
There are so many great entries I don’t think I could choose just one. I liked Nliu, and JustJan, and Alyssa R.
Thanks for the shout out, nightsmusic. * waving* it looks like there are a few Michiganders in the group. In case anyone didn’t get it, Hell is a place in Michigan.

Alyssa R said...

I'm expecting people to start asking why I can't stop grinning like an idiot any minute now. Answer: MY ENTRY IS A FINALIST!!!

I vote for NLiu, JustJan, and John Davis Frain. Sentient snowman! Awesome pen (can I have it?)! Robot mom!

Beth Carpenter said...

So hard to choose. I'd vote for NLiu or JustJan if I had to make the decision. Several lovely entries not listed, too.

John Davis Frain said...

In an industry that demands perseverance from us, I have to throw my delegates to Mr. Forti. His quality never wavers, and this week was no exception. This entry turns out to be prophetic, and puts Steve "finally on top."

Matt Krizan said...

Really enjoyed Steve Forti's, NLiu's, and MeganV's. (I don't think double entendre is adequate enough to describe the latter. Triple? Quadruple?) If forced to choose, I would probably go with NLiu's.

Megan V said...

NLiu and Luralee are neck n neck for me.

S.D. King - ArtPrize is one of the things I miss about Michigan, along with some good ole fashioned Euchre. And paczki day. Felt great to pay homage to something that’s pretty amazing.

nightsmusic said...

Luralee Been to Hell. Beautiful country out Pinckney way. I do love my state :)

Megan V Speaking of Paczki, I just got done eating a custard one from New Palace Bakery in Hamtramck. Lovely things those. Calorie laden and headache inducing, they're awesome and I'm so very glad they're only around once a year! lol

SD King I almost moved to K'zoo for a very lucrative job many years ago, but I'd just met my husband and decided to pursue him instead of it. It was the right choice :) I do love that side of the state though.

Yes, off topic, but exciting to learn there are so many of us Michiganders here!

Will MacPhail said...

My vote is for NLui

Melanie Sue Bowles said...

I loved quite a few... but Just Jan's and JDFrain's are my favorites. And all the talk about Kalamazoo, Vernors, Euchre, Hell made this Michigander smile.

Congratulations to all the honorable mentions.

Cecilia Ortiz Luna said...

Loved Meg's and NLiu's.

Good job everyone!

Kate Larkindale said...

Gah. How do you choose? They're all so damn good! So many clever, delightful little tales. You guys are all so talented.

Adele said...

I thought it was a scarecrow this whole time.

I halved my caffeine intake two days ago.

Connected? I think so.

Linda Shantz said...

My vote goes to NLui - then to John Davis Frail! All of them are so good though!

french sojourn said...


Really enjoyed them all as well. I tip my hat to JD Frain. cheers all.

Thanks for doing these, they are always fun.

Just Jan said...

I can't choose just one--they are all fabulous. Honored to be counted among the finalists in this round.

Being a forever (but displaced) Michigander, I'm always happy to see stories about my home state. Nightsmusic, as a kid, I was dosed liberally with Vernor's whenever I was sick. To this day, the smell of ginger makes me nauseous.

nightsmusic said...

Oh my cat! Just Jan my cranberry juice went all over my screen, you made me laugh so hard! My mother did the same thing to me until my grandmother would come to save the day with a hot toddy instead. I still love the occasional Vernors and I'm not adverse to ginger in any way, but geez, that brought back memories.

Colin Smith said...

I say pin them to the wall and throw a dart, Janet. Any one of them is a worthy winner. Congrats everyone! :)

JanR said...

Wow. You guys! Beautiful, funny, moving… Michael Seese, I am so amused at the Bard flying the world in seat 22C terrorizing hapless fellow passengers. frenchsojourn, I may have teared up.

Have no idea how you will choose, Janet. You’re going to have to start offering 20 prizes :) I would vote for either Alyssa R (you fractured that fairytale all the way to heartbreaking. Marvellous) or S.D. King (the layers to that story! Even the structure adds something. Masterful).

Megan V said...

Thanks Matt! I snorted at your comment there. I mean, triple quadruple...that would have been quite the ride. And require lots of drive!

Thanks Cecilia. You know how much I value your opinion, so it really means a lot!

And nightsmusic-- the fact that you have Paczki's and I don't has summoned a jealousy that knows no bounds.

nightsmusic said...

Oh, Megan V, I ordered half a dozen. If you're going to eat something that amazingly fattening, you might as well go all in!* I'd be happy to send you one. Might be hard as a rock when it got to you, but there's always a chance ;)

*hubs is really taking four of them to work tomorrow

Craig F said...

I am not even going to try to pick just one. I have also read through them several times and each time a different one catches my eye.

I will give a hearty congratulations to one and all.

Michael Seese said...

Great job, Steve. As well as everyone else.

OK, so I have to ask, did anyone pick up on my Easter Egg?

Airplane.
Turkish prison.

Anyone?

Just Jan said...

Congratulations, Steve! Your entries are always a treat, but you outdid yourself this time.

Colin Smith said...

Well done, Mr. Forti!

I have updated the contest spreadsheet in the Treasure Chest.

NLiu said...

Well done Steve! We all bow to your fortitude and thoroughly fortified writing skills!

Timothy Lowe said...

Congrats, Mr. Forti! Well deserved. For a future contest, a quote from our host?

"Watch your mailbox. It's not a puppy. This time."

C. Dan Castro said...

Congrats Mr. Forti (and thanks Jenn)!

John Davis Frain said...

This is like Agatha Christie winning ... an Agatha! (She didn't, but she did win the Edgar and the Anthony.)

Or Edgar Allan Poe winning an Edgar. (I don't think Edgar ever won anything, except admiration after he passed away. None of the awards were around back in Edgar's day.)

Or like Oscar winning an Os -- wait, that's actually happened. Oscar Hammerstein.

I actually had a point when I started this, but now I've completely forgotten where I was going. Somewhere about now this was going to morph into congratulations, Steve. No, really. But I'm past 100 words now, so I can't say any

Marie McKay said...

Congrats, Mr Forti. Immense!

Steve Forti said...

Wow, yay! Thank you everybody for the kind words. Always humbling.

And I agree with Timothy. That'd be a great setup to a story!

Although if Janet really wanted to mess with me, she'd actually send a puppy. Did I just admit to dog allergies? Never let her know your weaknesses!

CynthiaMc said...

Congratulations Steve and all the finalists.

Beth Carpenter said...

Congratulations, Mr. Forti, and all of you finalists.

Alyssa R said...

Congratulations on your official win, Mr. Forti!

(I say "official" because I did better than last time, which I count as an unofficial win. I hope everyone here considers themselves unofficial winners!)

Karen McCoy said...

My vote is for Just Jan! A beautiful, heartfelt story.