Sunday, May 26, 2019

The Duchess of Yowl would like to speak to the F&B manager

Scene: early afternoon, lovely summerish day, Chez Yowl

A high pitched yowl of cinematic length unfolds such that foundations tremble, windowpanes shudder, and Thumbs, handmaiden to the Duchess, bolts upright from the couch so quickly she falls over.

DoY: I'm hungreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Me: [scrambling to regain footing] There's food in your dish.

DoY: That dish is filthy.

Me: It's your elevenses!

DoY: I require a clean dish.

Me: Ok! Ok! I'll put this in a clean dish

DoY: No. I do not want used food.

Me: Used food?

DoY: That is not fresh from the can.

Me: It's YOUR food. You're the one who ate it.

DoY: How do I know that?

Me: This is food for cats. You're the only cat here

DoY: I beg your pardon.

Me: Oh! Right. Sorry, I mean this is food for a Duchess. You're the only royalty here

DoY: Exactly my point. I know you want my food. How do I know you didn't put your flat-eared, sadly lacking in fur, whisker-less face into my dish?

Me: [at a complete and utter loss for words]

DoY: You know I'm right.

Me: [opens fresh can]

DoY: No, the other can.

Me: That's MY used food.

DoY: It smells like tuna.

Me: It is tuna. I made a tuna sandwich for lunch.

DoY: I want tuna.

Me: Used tuna?

DoY: Repurposed tuna. And some of that ice cream you're hiding in my freezer too.


Jennifer R. Donohue said...

The cat I got in middle school, Ripple, was not particularly choosy. BUT, he did like his canned food microwaved just a teensy little bit, I guess to refresh it? Who can say.

He also demanded tribute of licking the yogurt lid, and would more than happily help you finish your ice cream.

Beth Carpenter said...

Still thinking about repurposed food...

Lennon Faris said...

Hey, who hasn't eaten cat food at some point in their life?

...No? No one? OK, I'll just mosey on outta here...

MaggieJ said...

I'm late to the party today even though I was hoping for a Sunday visit from the Duchess of Yowl. Glad to see DoY is in her usual fine form. She knows how to get what she wants!

My moggie Jenny has the greatest disdain for people food, but she insists on inspecting a plate of food going past her chair. (Oops, I meant throne, of course.) Two sniffs at a bit of a distance, and then she turns her head away and gives the impression of a kid screwing up her face and sticking out her tongue. "You actually eat this stuff?"

She won't even touch tuna, though she's been known to lap a bit of the water off it. A taste of yogourt on my fingertip occasionally, just to humour me. Just kibble, Temptations treats, a pot of wheat grass, and a nice fresh drink of water suits her fine. She's low maintenance.

Craig F said...

Ah, Gawd, at least I don't have Lennon's good old days. Those days were before I got shanghai'd by cats . I was a dog person in those days.

In fact, the Cisco Kid was a friend of mine then. No greater rogue of a dog has ever been born. He adopted me when I spent a night in Clearwater's drunk tank. Damn, those days were fun.

By the way, Alpo needs a little salt and a lot of pepper.

Kae Ridwyn said...

Repurposed tuna and hidden ice cream. Love it!

Claire Bobrow said...

I ate a bite of a Milk Bone once, thanks to an older brother and his sense of humor. It tasted like...chicken.

Not really :-) But it wasn’t awful, either.

Juno and Zuzu understand the Duchess’s POV and support her 100%. Humans are for whim-catering and fawning. Full stop.