Saturday, April 13, 2019

I need a title for a seminar!

Jeff Somers and I will be "in conversation" at Writers Digest Conferene this coming August here in NYC.

Of course you want to be there!

Here's the (working) description of our gig:


Author Jeff Somers discusses the role of agents in an author’s life: offering sage career advice, buying him drinks, telling him how smart he is, bailing him out of jail, telling him his writing is brilliant, helping him choose projects, mailing him checks, all while tormenting him on a near-daily basis. He’ll answer questions like ‛How terrifying is it when your agent invites you for cocktails out of the blue, for no reason?’ and ‛Do you ever do the math on just how little money your agent earns from your work?’ and ‛Are you trying to blink a plea for assistance using Morse Code right now but you never actually learned Morse Code so you have no idea what you’re saying?’

Meanwhile, Jeff’s agent, Janet Reid will laugh merrily as he blinks out those pleas for help. She will reveal for the first time ever what feats of strength and magic rituals Jeff had to perform to secure representation. What she does when Jeff digs in his heels about plot twists, contract language, or wearing pants to this writing conference. You'll get insight into her perverse pleasure in tormenting Jeff about publicity, promotion, and living in New Jersey. And why the highest form of praise is being a character who gets killed not once but twice.



but, we need a title!

Here are some choices:

(1) What Could Possibly Go Wrong:  Behind the Scenes of the Agent/Author Relationship

(2) Behind the Scenes of the Author/Agent Relationship: Jeff Somers Tells All, Janet Reid Corrects Him

(3) Luck and Liquor: Behind the Scenes of the Agent/Author Relationship

(4)Ways to Torment your Agent/Author by Writer/Agent; Jeff Somers and Janet Reid in conversation


if you have some suggestions for other options, PLEASE suggest them in the comments column.

If you have an opinion on which of the four is best, let me know.

The  only proviso is that the title can not contain any mention of cocktails or booze. (I know, #3 mentions liquor.)

48 comments:

Bonnie Shaljean said...

The Secrets of the Agent/Author Relationship: Jeff Somers and Janet Reid Tell All

( or, to sort of combine your first two options)

What Could Possibly Go Wrong? Jeff Somers, Janet Reid, and the Agent/Author Relationship

Bonnie Shaljean said...

LOL... reminds me of a book Helene Hanff wrote about trying to crash Broadway as a playwright:

If She Buys You Lunch, She Can't Sell Your Play

Jennifer R. Donohue said...

I really do like option #1!

My suggestion is "So you think you want an agent"

Lisa Bodenheim said...

LOL. This poor Midwesterner's mind has crashed due to the snow/rain/sleet/hail that canceled tornado drills among the flooding we still have.

My cabin-fevered thoughts lean towards:
Author/Agent Relationships: What Could Possibly Go Wrong? Jeff Somers Tells All. Janet Reid Corrects Him.

nightsmusic said...

Author vs Agent: How to torment each other to a best seller, Reid and Sommers tell all

Roger Mohajir said...

Submission and Domination: Playing Your Role in the Author/Agent Relationship

gidgetkelly said...

Life after the hamster wheel: Jeff and Janet finally reveal the well kept secrets behind the most successful agent/author conglomerates.

(I like this one better but it mentions the requested unmentionable)

Liquid Courage: it's not just for breakfast anymore! Jeff and Janet finally reveal the well kept secret behind the most successful agent/author conglomerates.

Jeannette said...

I really like #2.

But I'd re-order it:

(2) Jeff Somers Tells All, Janet Reid Corrects Him: Behind the Scenes of the Author/Agent Relationship

Trudy said...

Pantsless in New Jersey: Behind the Scenes of the Agent/Author Relationship with Jeff Somers and Janet Reid.

Pam Barnsley said...

The Life-Changing Magic of Agenting Up: agent Janet Reid messes with author Jeff Somers, who then folds.
(Actually I vote for your option #1 as the title has suspense).

Craig F said...

The Ying and Yang of writing: Author versus Agent in an over the top ring rope battle royale.

Lennon Faris said...

Everything about the author/agent relationship except how to name a seminar on it.

j/k, j/k

My fav is Jeanette's tweaking of #2. It's funny and informative.

This sounds really fun! Is the Reef invited?

K. White said...

#1 got my attention. I'd line up to learn how to avoid potential problems.

Carolynnwith2Ns said...

J and J in conversation. An Author/Agent relationship tell-all by Reid and Somers at The Writer’s Digest conference in August. You get to figure out who’s who.

Claire Bobrow said...

I like Jeanette's take on #2, and #1 is also very funny.

Here are a couple more for the pot:

Beneath the Dust Jacket: Jeff Sommers and Janet Reid unwrap the Author/Agent relationship

It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World: Jeff Sommers and Janet Reid share secrets about staying sane in an Author/Agent relationship.

Megan V said...

I like Lisa's tweaked version best.

Other suggestions? Um.

A. Agent/Author Relationship Pitfalls: Jeff Somers Tells All, Janet Reid Corrects Him.

B. Sweat, Blood, and Liquor: Behind the Scenes of the Agent/Author Relationship.

C. Into The Woods of the Agent/Author Relationship: What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

D. Preventing Spilled Blood: Jeff Sommers and Janet Reid discuss diplomacy and the agent/author relationship.

julie.weathers said...

I love #2 and boy howdy do I wish I could be there.

french sojourn said...


Writers and Literary Agents; or how not to wake up hung-over, in a bathtub filled with ice, missing a kidney.

E.M. Goldsmith said...

Well, I guess I am going to the Writer's Digest Conference after all. Ah well, who knew? I don't have nearly clever enough of a title but I will be there. With bells on. Literally. Bells. Drives both cats and sharks crazy. Boy, this will be fun. Who else is coming?

Beth Carpenter said...

#1 Have fun!

Adele said...

I like Jeanette's version of #2. Start with the interesting, snappy bit and let the boring explanation come afterward when people are ready to plough through it.

Barbara Etlin said...

Another vote for Jeanette's reordered #2.

Karen McCoy said...

I like 1 and 2 (especially Jeannette's rewording of #2).

Alternatively:

The Best Laid Plans: The Un-Expectations of the Agent/Author Relationship

Brenda said...

Janet and Jeff: a match made in Manhattan
Scuttlebutt and Jeff
Just Jeff and Janet

I like your number two best. Dearly wish I could attend.

Karl Henwood said...

Mutual Stockholm Syndrome: Expectation mismanagement, Antisocial drinking, and the guts of the author/agent relationship with Jeff Somers and Janet Reid.

On a related note I will immediately pass on any cries for help to Dweezil. She will then launch an epic nation-spanning rescue mission like the Disney classic Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey. Due to the Newf rate of movement and necessary pauses (snacks/naps/smells /pats from strangers/because it's hot) you should expect rescue around November of 2024.

Laura Martin said...

I love #2!

Laura Martin said...

I love #2!

CavalierdeNuit said...

I vote for #2.

Or you could go with:

What We Do in the Shadows: An Unedited Exposure of an Agent/Author Relationship

C. Dan Castro said...

Jeff Somers and Janet Reid: the gasoline-spark writer-agent relation behind incendiary writing


Or you could replace "relation" with...kaboom? Ka-fwoosh?

The Inner Swine said...

I do like Liquid Courage, which happens to be my superhero name.

The Inner Swine said...

That one makes promises I'm legally prohibited from keeping.

Jennifer Delozier said...

Two to Tango: The Agent/Author Pas De Deux, featuring Janet Reid and Jeff Somers

Or I like #4.

CED said...

Another vote for Jeannette's version of #2.

Joseph S. said...

I like # 2 best.


I also like

"The happily ever after author-agent union: Why a prenuptial agreement is a good idea."

Panda in Chief said...

Geez, they're all good, but I must confess a particular fondness for the phrase "What could possibly go wrong?" So #1 is my top choice, but what do I know?

Now that I have said my piece, I need to go back and read the other suggestions. The panel description makes me wish I could be there.

NLiu said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Beth Carpenter said...

#4 might be better with a specific number, such as 17.63 Ways to Torment your Agent/Author

Aissys Sparkstealer said...

I really like #2.

My suggestion: The Proper Care and Feeding of Your Author/Agent

theblondepi said...

I like number 2. Or try this:

“Yes, you have to wear pants to that meeting,” and other things Janet Reid has had to tell Jeff Somers—learn what goes on behind the scenes of an agent/author relationship.

Danae McB said...

I like option #1 best. It's intriguing. #2 is my second fav, but the beginning is clunky. In #3, the beginning clause is too vague to intrigue me. And #4 is just confusing to me with the two backslashes.

AJ Blythe said...

Jeanette's #2 has my vote.

Theresa said...

Jeannette's version of #2!

Kregger said...

Why only (4)Ways to Torment your Agent/Author by Writer/Agent; Jeff Somers and Janet Reid in conversation?

or

The glee of the seven deadly sins in agent/writer relationships; a conversation between Janet Reid and some writer.

John Davis Frain said...

I like #2 in the order you have it. Give people what they expect up front, and then surprise them with the twist ending. Gotcha!

This conversation will knock some socks off. And pants, of course, if people wear 'em to begin with.

Kate Higgins said...

“The Somer of our Dissed Content”
Or
“How to jump through hoops in the same direction”

Rachel Neumeier said...

I don't believe you can possibly do better than:

What Can Possibly Go Wrong: Behind the Scenes...

Yossi Mandel said...

IS it too late to suggest Shark and Chum?

Susan at West of Mars said...

Dropping in obscenely late to say I hope Jeff wears a Utili-kilt to the workshop.