Tuesday, February 19, 2019

agent 1:1



The most important thing to remember is agents are just as nervous about meeting you as you are them.

Don't interpret not-smiling, hesitation, staring at the desk as anything other than our shyness too. It's not about you. It's the after effect from the last guy who sat down and told me I should go to AA (true story.)

The next most important thing, and this one is hard, is to not invest all your hopes and dreams into this one meeting.

You've seen a little kids face fall when they realize the chocolate chip cookie isn't for them? That's the face writers get when you tell them at 378,000 words is too many; that zombies are a hard sell; that a novel in verse about dino porn is an even harder sell.

I hate that face more than I hate fiction novels.

Thinking this agent will be *the* agent who recognizes your genius, falls on your work, offers on the spot...well, don't tell me you haven't thought about that even when you knew it wasn't likely at all.

Even if it WAS likely (it's not) you'd still want to talk with other agents, assess any offers. The initial offer might not be the best offer. The first agent to recognize your genius might not be the best agent for you.

You're not moving to the next level after this meeting and that is NOT NOT NOT failure of any kind.

So, what to do?
Bring your query. Bring it printed out on paper. Bring more than one copy for each meeting.

Rather than pitch your book, ask the agent if s/he'll give you some guidance on your query.

Agents LOVE to give advice and be asked for their opinion. That's cause agents  (well not me but they) are people, and people generally love to be asked their opinion.

You'll get a sense of how effective your query is from this.

If the agent wants to see more, generally s/he'll ask for it.

If s/he doesn't, it's ok to ask if you can query.  Expect to hear yes even if the agent isn't interested. Saying no to someone's face is hard. And awful. Trust me, we avoid it.

Don't have anything to pitch or query?
That's ok.
Ask the agent what s/he's reading that s/he loves.
Or about her client's upcoming books.
Take notes.
Follow through (ie read the books!)



If you can get past your anxiety and fear and shyness and insecurity to be your own lovely self, you'll do fine. Agents at conferences are actively looking for good books and they're eager to help you improve.


Now if by some fell swoop of misfortune you have a one on one with an agent who is rude, dismissive, condescending, or hits on you: get up and leave. You aren't burning bridges. You're removing toxicity from your life.  An agent who treats you like this isn't an agent you want. Under any circumstances.

And mention it to the conference organizer as well. No conference should have agents who are less than respectful of authors. ALL authors, even the clueless ones.

For example: when FriendofBill Writer sat down across from me and said "You should go to AA" I said "one of us is getting up and leaving. You may choose which one."

What I wanted to do was throw a drink in his face, but even under provocation, agents can't do that to writers. Not literally. Not metaphorically.

Good luck at the conference!

22 comments:

Unknown said...

I read "assess" wrong.

[clears throat.]

As is the norm here, good advice. And to the poster of this question [for some reason, I don't like to use "OPIE"] best of luck to you. Enjoy the moment.

Carolynnwith2Ns said...

Um...could the FriendofBill Writer actually have dropped an A and thought you needed roadside assistance? Oh, I forgot, you live in the city and ride the rails.

DeadSpiderEye said...

I let my membership of the Automobile Association lapse last year.

Aphra Pell said...

I'm sorry for doing this, but my brain saw Janet's mention of dino porn in verse and it just happened.

A Procrastinatory Poem (on the mating of stegasuarid dinosaurs)

There was a young stegosaur called rex.
Whose interest was only in sex.
He’d be the king, he did swear,
As he reared in the air.
To better show off his scaled pecs.

But poor bold, frustrated old rex.
He tried but he couldn’t get any sex.
The problem you see,
Was anatomy.
It left the males punctured old wrecks.

The roof lizard thinks it is fine.
To have bony plates up her spine.
And a thagomizer to knock enemies about.

But those plates are large, sharp, and so hard.
And the thagomizer so evilly barbed.
It fetches the sore male a cruel clout.

So, rex was left to invent.
Some other release for his bent.
But woe for all we,
Students of palaeontology.
We don’t now know how it all went.

(I really am very sorry.)

Luralee said...

And when the jaded writer lady sitting next to you looks you up and down and asks if being young and pretty gets you more full requests, remember she’s nervous too and has momentarily forgotten she’s a feminist. Just smile sweetly and say, “Oh, golly, I hope so!”

Anonymous said...

Aphra, you made my day! I am dying laughing! Who says this wouldn't sell?

Obviously, the spikes fell off during mating season. Obviously ... Never mind.

Also, why is the stegosaurus named Rex? Is it aspirational? Is the t-rex going to be named something completely different and preppy, like Skipper?

Sorry. I love dinosaurs. And I love this community.

Amy Johnson said...

I so like the advice to take the printed query and ask for guidance, as opposed to repeatedly rehearsing a pitch and stressing about forgetting our lines when meeting an agent. We already worked so hard on getting the query right. Let the query do the work. And even if it doesn't work for that agent, we'll get her help on making the query better. Brilliant!

Aphra Pell said...

Jennifer - glad you enjoyed it. The t-rex is called fluffy. We don't know if they had feathers (current theory is their ancestors probably did, but old tiny arms had mostly lost them again). But it's a matter of principle.

Lennon Faris said...

Wouldn't paying for a 1-on-1, and then having nothing to pitch or at least practice pitching/ querying be considered awfully strange?

"Hi, I have no direct business with you but I just like you so much from your social media that I paid to chat."

Even if you chat about books, and the conversation is great, the situation still seems awkward. Maybe I am missing something here.

Brenda said...

Alpha
Poor Rex. Given the length of his arms, his options are limited.
Janet
Yikes. The brass on some folks...

Brenda said...

http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/misunderstood-shark-meme.jpg

Janet Reid said...

Lennon that happens ALL the time.

Aphra Coffee out the schnozz this am, and I blame you.
Thank you!

Karen McCoy said...

Good luck, Opie!

I recently volunteered at a conference and helped out with two kinds of agent 1:1's. The first kind was a 15 minute consultation, and the second was for three minute "speed dating."

I'm not sure how long your 1:1 is, but if it's for 15 minutes, definitely do all of the things that Janet said.

However, if you have signed up for something that could be as short as three minutes, sometimes a pitch is all you have time for. If so:

First, check to see if the conference also offers pitch practice sessions. The key is to get your pitch down to a log line of no more than 25-30 words, lasting no more than 30-45 seconds. It sounds daunting, but just keep it to the major twists (protagonist, what they want, what is getting in their way, what they have to do to solve the problem). We gathered in circles, and the people who were in my circle ended up meeting with one another separately during the conference to practice their pitch. It was a great experience.

The other thing to remember is what Janet already said: Everything doesn't pivot on this one meeting. I recently came across the following Taoist principle, and found it infinitely helpful:

…an old Chinese farmer lost his best stallion one day and his neighbor came around to express his regrets, but the farmer just said, “Who knows what is good and what is bad.” The next day the stallion returned bringing with him 3 wild mares. The neighbor rushed back to celebrate with the farmer, but the old farmer simply said, “Who knows what is good and what is bad.” The following day, the farmer’s son fell from one of the wild mares while trying to break her in and broke his arm and injured his leg. The neighbor came by to check on the son and give his condolences, but the old farmer just said, “Who knows what is good and what is bad.” The next day the army came to the farm to conscript the farmer’s son for the war, but found him invalid and left him with his father. The neighbor thought to himself, “Who knows what is good and what is bad.”

The point is, what can seem like a blessing can often be a curse. And vice versa. The key is to remember that there is always another day.

The following post from Writer's Block also speaks to this in regard to writing contests.

I hope this helps! And I hope you have a wonderful time at the conference!

Karen McCoy said...

Lennon I can also attest that paying for consultations without being prepared happens *all the time*. It did at the conference I volunteered for. One very rude gentleman (he complained about everyone) paid for six different consultations and was royally pissed when things didn't go his way.

I wish more people would consult this blog. It would save them from learning the hard way...

Cecilia Ortiz Luna said...


Lennon,

I did this exact thing on my first and so far only writer's conference I attended in Calgary in 2016.

At the time, I didn't have a completed book to pitch but I did have the first few chapters and a query. The pitch guy was the senior editor in one of the top publishing companies in Canada. I had him read my chapters and query and I asked him for honest, no bullshit comments.

The result of his comments? I gained the courage to join the flash fiction contests here at the Reef. Then my positive experience in the flash fiction contests spurred me to finish my novel. Then...you know what came next :)

That was $60 well spent, if I may say so myself.

So, OP, good luck on your pitch but have a Plan B as the Shark advises. A personalized query critique is also a valuable "get" in your writer journey.

Karen McCoy said...

Cecilia I love this. Money well spent indeed.

Craig F said...

This post and the comments have changed my POV on writing conferences. I now see them as a place with the dear in the headlights looks all around.

I will still swear off writing conferences, but I am now leaning a bit closer. I no longer have to fear that I would be the only one with that dear in the headlights look.

Thanks Aphra

Karl Henwood said...

Of course you can't throw your drink in his face! It'd be a terrible waste of a perfectly good drink. Maybe in future pack a Tupperware of rotten fruit for these situations?

Steve Stubbs said...

You wrote: "Saying no to someone's face is hard. And awful. Trust me, we avoid it."

Very interesting. A Genting must be different from the business world. In the business world, saying "no" to someone's face and a good deal worse (especially in meetings and job interviews) is considered a perk of management. Highly desired and even more highly sought after. People come to blows competing for it. Ooh ah.

As a vet of the business world, I expect and expectorate "rude, dismissive, condescending." But I was intrigued to read that agents "hit on you." Where and when is the next conference? I am politically incorrect, so the agent would have to belong to the female race ro fer a favorable response.

You wrote: "Writer sat down across from me and said "You should go to AA"

I can't believe anyone could be that disrespectful, Here are some recommended responses:

You should go to hell.

You didn't have to say that to get blacklisted. Your serious lack of talent would've done that.

AA is for retired people. I'm not retired.

I live in Brooklyn and don't need car insurance because I don't own a car. So you're safe crossing the street.

This conference is for people who can write. What are *you* doing here?

Your manuscript won't drive me to drink because I won't read it. At twenty pounds I know it is too long even if it does suck. I like the title, though. MY DOG HAS FLEAS, RECOLLECTIONS OF A LOSER has the right ring.

I am so tired of you drunks sending people in here to shill for them.

You walked in the wrong door. The unemployment line is down the hall.

Take the bone out of your nose and come back later (stolen from Rush Limbaugh.)

If someone tells you it's not you they're laughing at, don't believe them. It's you they're laughing at.

I won't go to AA because I've seen enough of you already.

Lennon Faris said...

OK, good to know - thanks Janet, Karen, and Cecilia.

Dena Pawling said...


>>It's the after effect from the last guy who sat down and told me I should go to AA (true story.)

American Airlines? He was offering to buy you a plane ticket? Sweet. I wonder where to.

Good thing you didn't throw your drink in his face. After that encounter, you deserved to savor every drop yourself.

I did an agent 1-on-1 at an RWA chapter meeting several years ago. I don't write romance but I asked her if I could pitch my story anyway. She said yes and I did. She gave me pointers on my pitch. Very nice and professional. Definitely worth my time and effort.

So long as you don't slip your query under the bathroom stall door, you'll be fine. Go forth and conquer!


Hannah Jackson said...

Helpful blog for Professional Writers. Thanks for sharing.