Saturday, August 18, 2018

Otto strikes again!

It's somewhere around 10 am on Sunday.
The renovations on my apartment building seem to require drilling holes in sheetmetal. The work crew is eager to get started.

The noise levitates me from my shark hammock: I search for coffee, locate my glasses (which I find  in the freezer cause I was checking for an expiration date on the vodka last night) and am very glad to remember it's Sunday and not Monday.

But, this is the last day I have to talk to one of my clients before she swans off to some paradise in Central America for a week of sunning, reading, and not working (which I had to pretty much insist on.)

Since we can't talk, we text:

Client: Will reviews come out before the book is published?
(we'd been discussing how to use reviews for publicity purposes)

Me: Yes, prepubescent reviews in the trades are common.

Silence
Silence
Silence

Client: I hate to sound stupid but what is a prepubescent review?

Me: (tapping furiously) Pre PUBLICATION. Fucking Otto Kerrect!

Client: gotcha.

Me:  Prepub like Kikis and LJ

Silence
Silence
Silence

Client: who are Kiki and LJ?

Me: (contemplating Otto-cide)  Kirkus. Library Journal.

Client: aha! Got it.  And how will we know if they review the book?

Me: Reviews will turn up on Amazing.

Client: oh, I know this one: AMAZON!

Me: I'm going back to bed! Don't fall off the zipper in Costa Richard.

Me: Zip line
Me: RICA

Client: I'm laughing too hard to type.

Client: you should blog about this.

Me: Great minds work aloe.



Yet another place I am not!

28 comments:

Dellcartoons said...

> Me: Yes, prepubescent reviews in the trades are common.

I was SO disappointed you meant pre publication

Hey, a seven-year-old could write a better review than some I've seen

Ellen said...

Because I have clumsy thumbs, I like to dictate texts to my phone. But sometimes it's an idiot. Or a prankster. This actually happened last month ...

ME: I'm on my way with Austin and Henry, and Ethan and Emma.

TRANSCRIPTION: I'm on my way with Austin and Henry I need an enema.

Kitty said...

I hate to sound stupid but what is RICA?

E.M. Goldsmith said...

I hear Brooklyn is lovely this time of year. There’s a lake and everything. Or so my daughter tells me.

Who needs South America? Right?

Ok, going back to bed.

InkStainedWench said...

May I take this opportunity to share the good fortune that my debut mystery was published recently by The Wild Rose Press??

It's titled Same River Twice, and it's set in bucolic Bucks County, PA, where I live. It features a reclusive newspaper reporter, toxic fungi, and Quakers Gone Wrong.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1509221174?pf_rd_p=d1f45e03-8b73-4c9a-9beb-4819111bef9a&pf_rd_r=Q1CSZR0GF2BXK88JM8FP

Carolynnwith2Ns said...

Sunday morning.
After contemplating the Lord's purpose for me, under the covers at the church of Saint Mattress, I am spending the whole day with a two year old.

Our toddler speaks like Janet types.

nightsmusic said...

Kitty Costa Rica, not Costa Richard. :)

InkStainedWench WOOHOO!!! Congrats!

As to Otto, been there, done that, have glanced at the stupid text prior to hitting the send button and don't manage to catch it in time. So much for AI, huh?

Melanie Sue Bowles said...

Hilarious... Does vodka expire? I think not.

Auto correct changes my name to "meanies" and I always feel compelled to yell at the phone, "I am NOT mean! Usually."

InkStaninedJanet Congratulations! What's not to love about toxic fungi. All the best to you.

Mister Furkles said...

But why not six-year-olds reviewing books?

Janet Reid said...

Toxic fungi and Quakers Gone Wrong...I'm IN!
So glad to hear this wonderful news.

Cecilia Ortiz Luna said...

InkStainedWench,

Congratulations! That's so cool.

Reclusive reporter, toxic fungi and Quakers gone wrong. That's an excellent, short and sweet pitch right there.

roadkills-r-us said...

I muted Otto. His mistakes are generally worse than mine. Except the time I told our HR person she had great boobs when I meant books. Otto was not involved, just my fat fingers. Thankfully she had a good sense of humor and knew from the context what I meant (she had referenced some excellent sci-fi).

Adele said...

Ummm...a few references to today being Sunday. Am I the only one who thinks today is Saturday?

CynthiaMc said...

Vodka has an expiration date?

CynthiaMc said...

Woo hoo Inky! So proud of you!

I am commencing serious hammock time today (4 day weekend -thanks be to God). A friend gifted me with all of her Michael Crichton hardcovers (some I've read, some I haven't). Which led me to research how he wrote (index cards and a shoebox starting in medical school). I work for a hospital. Close enough. This morning I reclaimed 3 shoe boxes (shoes live on the ground, no need to baby them) and started flinging index cards in them. 2 trilogies and a screenplay - that box is empty since I've been working in my purple binder and haven't gotten stuck yet. Research is on colored cards (pink for historical romance, neon gold for all hell breaking loose). Finally found a method that seems to work for me. Wahoo!

Anonymous said...

Yes, today is Saturday.

I guess this post will still be current tomorrow.

Who could resist Quakers Gone Wrong?

Writer of Wrongs said...

Well, if you consider publication to be when the book reaches maturity, you *could* argue that pre-publication and pre-pubescent are pretty close.

And Adele, you are not alone. I wondered if I was late for church until I remembered that I was most definitely at work yesterday.

Congrats, InkStained Wench!

Craig F said...

Congrats, Ink Stained

You don't want to know about the misadventures of remodeling, so I'll tell you.

Wanted badly to have the contractor be gone. I rehung the bathroom door to find out it no longer closed. Rather than re-cut a piece of concrete board, their guy pushed the door frame out of his way.

I turned around from that to see that the shower head is one and three-eights of an off of center with the control handle.

Went to put something in the vanity and saw that the guy who put the handles on drilled a hole into the face frame. Went to wash my hands of it to find that they had somehow screwed up the pop up on a four hundred dollar faucet.

This is all after they tore holes in the wall board removing a backsplash that was 3/4 of an inch too short.

And yes, the tile has already been installed in the shower.

Have a nice weekend, y'all

Lennon Faris said...

I like to read auto correct horrifics on the internet. Thanks for the chuckle, Janet.

InkStainedWench - awesome!! Congratulations. I also love that pitch.

Beth Carpenter said...

Laughing too hard to comment.

InkStainedWench said...

Thanks, everyone! You guys are the best.

Panda in Chief said...

Woohoo for InkStainedWench!!!!!!!🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

Damn that Otto Kerrect! He fouls me up all the time!

Theresa said...

Congratulations InkStainedWench!

I curse Otto, too, especially for turning Saturday into Sunday.

Colin Smith said...

Congratulations, ISW!! :D

Otto is one reason I hate typing on my phone. It's bad enough that my fingers were designed in the pre-texting era, but my phone does like to suggest weird things. Take FirstBorn, for example. Her name is Sarah. And yet every time I text her name, my phone wants to call her Satan.

Mind you... have you tried her cakes? ;)

kellypea said...

I actually did snort on this one! Thinking that I'd have the upper hand if I turned off the feature that controls this on my iPad, I've recently learned it's worse. Having to capitalize and insert punctuation is much less entertaining.

Gingermollymarilyn said...

Congratulations InkStainedWench, that is awesome!

MA Hudson said...

InkStainedWench - Nothing remains still; once you were an aspiring writer, now you're a published author. Congratulations and enjoy the journey!

AJ Blythe said...

Very late as I was at conference and am trying now to catch up on my blog reading...InkStainedWench, super dooper congratulations!