Thursday, May 17, 2018

Lipp-Mad results!


This was so much fun we're just going to have to do it again!

For any of you who don't know the author Laura Lippman who inspired this contest, I advise that you remedy that instantly. Her latest novel SUNBURN is, in my opinion, a perfect novel. It's a standalone, so you can read it without reading the backlist. However, reading the backlist, particularly her standalones is just plain smart reading.

Herewith the results:

In the category of oh boy, been there done that!
Kandace Chapple
I knew that I would find the missing TV remote somewhere in my house, but I had no money on “where it belonged.”

Gypmar
I knew that I would find my missing newly-purchased-thanks-to-pregnancy-foot-spread shoes somewhere in my house, but I had no money on "on my feet."

I liked these entries because they referenced other stories!

unavoidablytiger
I knew I would find my porridge-scented home invader somewhere in my house, but I had no money on 'asleep in my bed'.

Catherine Graham
I knew that I would find those frozen peas somewhere in my house, but I had no money on "between the box spring and the mattress."


I loved this because of course: panda socks!


SDC
I knew I would find panda chair socks somewhere in my house, but I had no money on the octopus-by-day and spider-by-night pawning them off.





I loved these cause they were true stories!

Sophistikitty
I knew I would find my idiot anxious cat somewhere in the house, but I had no money on “behind the backboard of the kitchen cupboard, from where he would have to be sawn out”.

(true story)
Sharyn Ekbergh
I knew that I would find my mother’s life savings somewhere in my house but I had no money on rubies, sapphires, emeralds, opals and pearls in dusty fifty-year-old paper envelopes stuffed in cardboard boxes under her bed.

also a true story. I have a cat story too!

Melanie Sue Bowles
I knew that I'd find our three AWOL donkeys somewhere on our property, but I had no money on them sashaying along our easement - on the wrong side of the fence, next to the highway - with a police escort.

"Are these your donkeys, ma'am?"
"Yes, sir. The ringleader's name is Biscuit. I have a halter and apples."

I may be able to cure my bad cursing habit now that I have "fluffing" to use instead!

Lisa Bodenheim
I knew that I would find my fluffing coffee cup somewhere in my house, but I had no money on the hole in the basement wall that leads to the crawl space under the bathroom.

Mine is Big Fat Gay Wedding Rocky Road, but same diff!

MeganV
I knew I would find my dear damnable dignity somewhere in my house, but I had no money on the lid of my latest Ben and Jerry's.

I know I'm a terrible terrible person, but this made me laugh. (ruefully of course!)

BrendaLynn
I knew that I would find my sense of humour somewhere in my house, but I had no money on the empty ‘Offers of Representation’ folder.

Speaking of publishing hopes and dreams:

french sojourn
I knew I would find my hopes and dreams somewhere in my house, but I had no money on the kitchen sink's, noisy garbage disposal unit.

Jennifer Rueff
I knew that I would find my hopes and dreams somewhere in my house, but I had no money on "the seat of my pants at the keyboard."

speaking of manuscripts, this just cracked me up.

Colin Smith
I knew that I would find my pilfered Frain manuscript somewhere in my house, but I had no money on "my outgoing submissions mailbox." Okay, maybe I did... ;)



Honest to Godiva, you guyz are storytellers to your finger tips. Even with something this short, and this limited, many of you wrote stories. I'm in awe

Claire Bobrow
I knew that I would find my missing engagement ring somewhere in my house, but I had no money on “third finger, left hand - of my sister. ”

Colin Smith
I knew that I would find my emergency cyanide pills somewhere in my house, but I had no money on "my wine glass."

Miles O'Neal
I knew that I would find my mistress's missing lingerie somewhere in my house, but I had no money on "underneath my wife's current outfit."
Ashes
I knew that I would find my red pumps somewhere in my house but I had no money on finding them beneath a tasteful size 14 frock in the back of my son's closet.
ShanePatrick
I knew that I would find my wife’s mistress hidden somewhere in my house, but I had no money on in the chest freezer with her throat slit.
John Davis Frain
I knew I would find my Smith & Wesson .38 somewhere in my house, but I had no money on "the last place I looked" ... ever--

Colin Smith
I knew that I would find my best friend's knife somewhere in my house, but I had no money on "my back."
Adele
I knew that I would find my three emergency passports somewhere in my house, but I had no money on in his sock drawer, under his gun.

Michael Seese
I knew that I would find the evil voices somewhere in the house, but I had no money on the television, which hasn't worked for years. Or the kitchen, with its wainscoted walls laughing at me. Again. Or the knife drawer, empty, save for one.
Or the imposter, sleeping next to me.

And this one just cracked me up on general principles.
Lennon Faris
I knew that I would find my winning entry inspiration somewhere in my house, but I had no money on my ability to think up something before the timer went off. Three hours after closing! Maybe if I used a little magic? But then everyone on the Reef would know I'm a wizard! Oh heck.

Shazam!

We'll see if this thing goes throu

And I think the next contest should be writing the next three sentences after Adele's entry!
I knew that I would find my three emergency passports somewhere in my house, but I had no money on in his sock drawer, under his gun.


The winner for this contest was an easy choice for me:

Claire Bobrow
I knew that I would find my missing engagement ring somewhere in my house, but I had no money on “third finger, left hand - of my sister. ”

Does it help to know my sister tried on MY engagement ring (many years ago) and couldn't get it off? We were sitting in a movie theatre at the time, with my fiance, her boyfriend (soon to be fiance, now her wonderful husband) and another friend staying with us for the summer.  I've never laughed so hard at a movie in my life, but it was because of the commentary from my movie pals, not the actual movie.

Good times!

Claire, I hope you haven't moved since I last sent you something! If you have, let me know!


This was just wonderful! Thank you all so very much for a good hour of reading fun! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. 

34 comments:

Kitty said...

Congratulations, Claire! This was a fun contest.

InkStainedWench said...

These are all awesome, but I heartily concur with the Claire Bobrow decision.

Kandace Chapple said...

The ring one was my favorite too!

CynthiaMc said...

Congratulations Claire and all the mentions!

I love these short things.

We had press night for our Orlando Fringe show on Sunday and we opened the festival last night. All of our reviews have been good and we couldn't be happier.

These short things let me stick my toe in when I'm way over scheduled and still feel like a writer even when I'm being an actor.

Lisa Bodenheim said...

This was an awesome contest. What great entries from so many!

Congrats Claire!

E.M. Goldsmith said...

Great job Claire

Colin Smith said...

This was fun! Well done, Claire. :) I hope you enjoy WRITING WITHOUT RULES as much as I did.

Thanks for the mentions, Mighty QOTKU!

LynnRodz said...

Great job, Claire! I missed the deadline, or thought I did. Oh, well.

BrendaLynn said...

Congrats Claire.

french sojourn said...


Claire, yours stood out the first time I read through, loved the last kick of your "story".

John, I enjoyed your first one about the running shoes, but your "re-frain" of the .38 was priceless...ever!

That was fun, thanks for these quick verbal acrobatics Janet. Be well, cheers Hank.

Ashes said...

Congrats, Claire Bobrow!

I cannot tell you how much I love the phrase "storytellers to your finger tips" or how pleased I was to fall into that category.

PS-> I am totally up for riffing off of Adele's entry.

unavoidablytiger said...

After reading the five or six previous entries where things were found in litter boxes, Elissa M's cracked me up - "I knew I would find my cat's litter box somewhere in the house, but I had no money on it being buried in a pile of other people's missing things."

RosannaM said...

Congrats, Claire!

This was a quick and fun contest, thanks Janet.

BJ Muntain said...

Congrats,Claire!

I had one written out, but didn't get it in on time. I somehow thought I'd have time after I landed in NYC, but the storm that night made traffic so slow, it took over an hour to get to my friend's. By then, I was thinking of nothing but supper.

There were a lot of really great entries!

Claire Bobrow said...

Wow - I love waking up to nice surprises! Thank you, Janet, and to everyone else for your kind words!!
All the entries were fantastic, and the true ones were especially funny. Janet's ring story could have been pulled straight from a script :-)

I look forward to putting my pants in a chair and reading Jeff's book, especially after Colin's enthusiastic review. My address is the same, Janet, but after reading Michael Seese's entry I'm thinking of changing it...

This contest was so much fun. I vote yes on a Round Two using Adele's entry!

Theresa Rice said...

Super fun. I didn’t read the entries until I submitted my own....and was surprised how many others included kitty litter! Really speaks to how there can be similar submissions in a query inbox!

Theresa said...

LOVED reading these! Congratulations, Claire.

Steve Forti said...

Congrats Claire!

Melanie Sue Bowles said...

Terrific fun. Thanks, Janet, for doing this. And thanks for the mention.

Claire, YAY you! Well deserved win. I also loved so many of the other entries, but especially Lennon's. HA! Clever wizard.

Casey Karp said...

Darn it, I knew I should have put the "Based on a true story" tag on mine.

Oh, well. Next time.

For now, congrats to Claire and thanks to all who participated. Fun reading!

Miles O'Neal said...

Huzzah! I was thinking I had a slight chance, but then I saw Claire's right after she posted it and thought, "Winning!".

That was a lot of fun- reading even more than writing. Being busy with writing, I don't get top read as much as I like. These are spring breezes, regardless of the temp and humidity outside.

John Davis Frain said...

Gem of an idea, Janet. And kudos on the winner, Claire. Perfect pick.

Quick story on Laura Lippman because she's awesome. I was fortunate to hear her speak one week ago. I could write 900 words on it, but we're limited to 100, so--

(I didn't record her. Going on memory. I'll get a few of the words wrong, but the inspirational part is spot on.)

Ms. Lippman told this short tale in answer to a question about the first time she heard the news she'd sold her first manuscript. Vindication, I guess you'd call it.

She backed up in time about a year. She was working as a reporter for the Baltimore Sun. Her boss called her into his office and, long story short, told her he didn't think she was a good writer.

Talk about a stunning blow. This is your job you've dedicated yourself to. This is your boss. So, this is your reality. She proved him wrong by writing her first book. (She didn't name it, but I assume it's Baltimore Blues.)

I'm keeping this short, she told the story much better, but it's remarkable in its simplicity. A NYTimes bestseller for the past 20 years, was told by a so-called expert 22 years ago that she wasn't a good writer. When's the last time someone didn't like your writing? What did you do about it?

Let's keep proving the naysayers wrong.

Cecilia Ortiz Luna said...

It was fun reading all the entries.

Congrats Claire!

I'm guessing you did the lib during a break in your revisions and of course, you won the damn thing. Just like the thirty eight contests before.


This muse of yours, can I get her number?

Claire Bobrow said...

Cecilia: today my muse’s name is Advil. She can be reached at any available pharmacy, or under your bathroom sink :-)
Yesterday’s routine dental cleaning feels like it was performed on the base of my skull. Ugh.

Lennon Faris said...

Congrats, Claire!! Well done, loved it.

These were all so very entertaining -- especially because I could just feel when they were from the author's experience. That just made it more hilarious (or horrifying).

Colin Smith said...

Lennon: One of mine was indeed drawn from experience. The question is... which one...?? >:-]

Kate Larkindale said...

This was so much fun! Congrats Claire, and all the others mentioned.

BrendaLynn said...

John, thanks for sharing Laura’s story. So encouraging and I’m so glad she stuck it out. Her writing is like a mini-vacation.

Ginger Mollymarilyn said...

Congratulations, Claire, your's was my fave too.

JOHN DAVIS fRAIN: Thanks for sharing your inspirational experience with Laura Lippman. It's always wonderful to hear these stories, fuel for the writing engine.

Anonymous said...

I can't even be mad I didn't get a mention--the entries were all so wonderful! And Claire's definitely had me laughing in startled surprise at that twist ending.

Really fun contest. ^_^

AJ Blythe said...

Missed this one, but I had a lot of fun reading the entries and agree with picking Claire's as the winner.

Julie Weathers said...

I had so much fun reading all of these. I agree, Claire really deserved the win.

Thank you to Janet for doing this and all of y'all for entering.

John Davis

Great story. Zane Grey was told to stop writing also as he had no talent. He went on to become one of America's first multi-millionaire authors and is still in print lo these many years later.

Jack London had over 600 rejections.

Persistence is the key.

Panda in Chief said...

Congratulations, Claire! Huzzah! So many...okay all of them...were just brilliant. Of course I am always partial to anything with panda socks. What a fun Friday morning read.

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