Sunday, January 29, 2017

Contest preliminary FINAL results (updated)

You guyz were back in rare form yesterday! I think you all do better when tasked with writing a story.

Herewith the preliminary results for yesterday's contest



Special recognition for using both images:
Her Grace, Heidi, the Duchess of Kneale 9:05am



Special recognition for a great line:
Her Grace, Heidi, the Duchess of Kneale 9:05am
Books, like TARDISes, are bigger on the inside.

MeganV 9:08am
Call it a leap of faith, a leap of love, or a leap into the leaves of glory, but he leaped into the books like a pirouetting Labrador.

This line cracked me up so hard I'm still laughing

Just Jane 5:28pm
Last seen with a rucksack full of sardines, he is thought to be held as a food taster for the Duchess of Yowl.


Not quite a story but a great soundtrack!
BJ Muntain 11:18am



As soon as he translates this, Colin is going to need a cold compress
french sojourn 12:06pm


Here are the finalists:
Amy Schaefer 9:11am

Eight steps forward. Armful of books. Eight steps back. Put them on the shelf.
“Alphabetically.”
Eight steps forward. Armful of books. Eight steps back. Order them on the shelf.
“Faster.”
Colin glanced sideways. Both cat and shark were demolishing cocktails; he supressed a shudder.
His manacle clinked.
Eight steps forward.


Cecilia Ortiz Luna 10:19am
Thus, outfitted in forensic goggles, gloves and asbestos underpants, Colin proceeded to stock the bookshelves using the famous Carkoonian Decimal System*, i.e. the method of filing books according to the creative ways characters were decimated in the story.

*not to be confused with Carkoonian Decibel System.


Sherry Howard 10:56am
Aha!

The shark circled prey—fresh writer flesh—the best of the best.

What new torture to tear a little flesh?

Oh, Colin, said she, that query’s all wrong, and adverbs, now surely you know better than that.

Colin hung his head, looked meekly around, sprinkled bourbon and backed away.

Beth 1:34pm
“Choose wisely.”

Treasure. Smith breathed in, awaiting the magic. When he opened his eyes, he noticed a tiny volume in the back, gold cover shimmering under the office lights. He waded in, pulled out the book, and read the title.

EXCALIBUR.

The minion gasped. “My queen, we have our intern.”



John Davis Frain
Colin swallowed his final bite, chased it with water to force it down.

“And the lima beans,” commanded the voice.

At last, green without envy, he entered. Bookshelves filled to capacity! The door slammed. He realized every book was identical.

I always thought this place was just a fictitious island.

E.M. Goldsmith 4:16pm
"Felix?"

"He's escaped. Through a book. I have photographic evidence"

"Felix. He's not escaped. The queen set a trap."

"I don't understand."

"The Duchess wanted him. For her experiments with thumbs. The queen had no choice."

"Carkoon won't be same without Colin."

"Buck up, Felix. We got a lovely trade. Donna or Dixie something..."



I'm always interested in what you think about the finalists, and if you think I left some deserving entries off the list. I should mention there were a couple this time that I didn't quite get so if you wonder why you're not listed, that might be it.

Maybe I should list the ones I didn't quite understand (nothing like volunteering to look stupid in front of 3000 people!)?

Results later tonight for this contest AND last week's (yes, I'm so behind it's stopped being funny)


 UPDATE!
Ok,  first things first!
Last week's contest had four finalists, but I forgot to post the winner.

After a week, my first choice is still my first choice: Donnaeve!
Donna, I've got your address and I'm sending you Colin something to read in the mail. 

Now, to this week:

There's just no way to top an entry that involves asbestos underpants.
Yes, I have the sense of humor of a twelve year old boy (Captain Underpants cracks me up every SINGLE time I read it---and yes that's more than once).

Thus our winner this week is

Cecilia Ortiz Luna 10:19am 

Cecilia, if you'll email me your preferred delivery address, and the kinds of books you like to read, I'll send you your prize.

Ya'll have been quite patient about these odd little contests and my insane delay in getting things posted.  I hope to be back to normal very soon (but don't bet money on it yet--so far intention has far exceeded performance!)

39 comments:

Theresa said...

Beth and E.M.!

Kate Higgins said...

I vote for Beth and her EXCALIBUR!

(Congrats to Colin for surviving all this)

Dena Pawling said...


I sang with BJ's too =)

My favorite is one that didn't make the list. I love this first line. Steve Forti "After confirming The Frain Manuscript was not in the pile before him, Colin threatened a tantrum if there wasn't a new contest."

Of the ones listed, I like Amy and Cecilia.

Kitty said...

In memory of my mother, who was a high school librarian, I vote for Cecilia Ortiz Luna.

Craig F said...

And the race is on, here comes Elise down the backstretch with Mr. Manuscript riding on the inside. In a photo finish I'd say Elise.

E.M. Goldsmith said...

It depends, does Colin still have thumbs? I loved John of the infamous Manuscript Frain's entry. Force feeding of Lima beans- the stuff of nightmares. Still shivering.

These were a lot of fun. And Colin is a good sport for being our muse this weekend.

Claire Bobrow said...

Lots of great stuff this time around, but I particularly loved Cecila Ortiz Luna's entry. Good luck to all the finalists!

Mark Ellis said...

Missed the contest, but wanted to say that when I stumbled on the site years ago it was immediately apparent that Colin was something of comment master of ceremonies, doctor of housekeeping, thread facilitator, welcomer in chief and a lot more besides. I think it's really cool that he got to visit Ms. Reid's offices.

BJ Muntain said...

Thanks for the mentions! I had that song in my head, and it had to come out. I don't know what about Colin visiting New York brought that song out, but it did. (I also have a cool picture of the moon between tall buildings that I took from the South Street Seaport on my first visit there.)

Of the finalists: I like Elise's. But there were lots of good ones.

Just Jan said...

I loved Cecilia's Carkoonian Decimal System and MS Frain's identical books. Thanks to Colin for provoking such a jocular contest!

John Davis Frain said...

I most enjoyed Beth's on the day of the contest, and I'll stick with it on the day of the finalists. So visual, the entire scene played out in my head much larger than on the page. A sure sign of evocative writing.

Amy Schaefer said...

I used to think that the 100 word 48 hour contests were a challenge. But this new 50 word 12 hour format just about fries my circuits. But if you are trying to scare us away, Mme Shark, it won't work. We'll still be here for the -12 word 3 second contests. Dead, but here.

french sojourn said...


Loved the Decibel System.

AJ Blythe said...

Dena and Steve Forti. But from the list above my vote goes to EM.

Missed this one, but had fun reading the entries =)

Melanie Sue Bowles said...

S.D.King's didn't make the final cut but I thought it was terrific. Very funny: "They never read it." HA!

Of the finalists, I keep reading and rereading them. I can't decide. So good. And this was so fun. I'm torn between Cecilia, Beth, and John.

Aw, hell. I just reread them again. Loved EM's with the Donna/Dixie reference. I can't pick... Good luck!

Angie Brooksby-Arcangioli said...

Cecilia!

kdjames.com said...

I missed the deadline by mere minutes this time! Can I post my entry just for fun? Because the fun is in the playing, not the winning (for me, anyway). Here it is:

Having recently completed the 20-year indenture for his passage to America, Colin was dismayed by the Sisyphean terms for entry into The New World of Publishing. Well, he'd survived Carkoon, how hard could it be. He shelved the last book, only to realize… they were all back on the floor.


I like all the finalists, but I think my fav is Cecilia's decimal/decibel entry. Good job, everyone! Appreciated the laughs. Colin, you're a good sport for being our target this time. :)

Beth said...

Aw, thanks for the kind words.

Kdjames, great story. I've had days like that.

I love them all, but the concept I keep laughing about is the filing system based on the creative ways characters were decimated. The footnote is hilarious, as well.
Was it here that someone mentioned that decimate literally means to kill every 10th person? I found that fascinating.

Colin, hope you had a wonderful trip, and thanks for being a good sport.

Colin Smith said...

Well, however you cut it, I think I'm the big winner here. Granted an audience with La Sharque, AND the subject of these wonderful stories/scenes! :D :D Thank you all!!

Heidi gets big points from me for the TARDIS reference. I'm impressed Janet got the reference. I didn't think she paid Doctor Who much attention. Clearly, I underestimated our beloved QOTKU--a very dangerous thing to do.

All the entries had merit, and the ones Janet picked could all be winners. Amy Shaefer and Cecilia's probably have a slight edge for me. Amy's for the writing. The repetition adds to the scene, while cat and shark demolish cocktails. Excellent stuff! And Cecilia has a chilling understanding of the way things roll on Carkoon. Eeek!

Your call, Janet. :)

Amy Johnson said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cecilia Ortiz Luna said...

I loved Michael Seese's entry.

Among the finalists, Beth!

Lennon Faris said...

These were all fun, a bit sad I missed out on it!

Sherry's caught my eye the most. I kept re-reading, expecting to see a rhyming scheme. It had such a sing-song feel.

Janet, I think "Just Jane" should be "Just Jan" - your fin probably slipped bc you were laughing so hard.

Colin - hope you had a great trip!!

JD Horn said...

Amy Schaefer 9:11am made me chortle. I don't often chortle.

Kathryn said...

Loved this batch of entries! I especially enjoyed Cecilia Ortiz Luna's and Amy Schaefer's.

Beth said...

Yay, Cecilia. Congratulations.

Beth said...

Oh, and congrats to Donna, too. I loved that dialogue.

Kitty said...

Wow, I can't believe it. I picked BOTH winners! Congrats to Donnaeve and Cecilia!!

Colin Smith said...

Yay! Well done, Cecilia!

I hope to be back to normal very soon

And normal is...? ;)

Oh, and well done Donna for last week!! And for your sake, I'm glad she changed her mind about the prize. :)

Craig F said...

First off: I have to ask if my Queen is alright. I know the political situation is screwed beyond belief. I don't really think that books are on their radar though. I haven't heard a single quote stolen from any book.

So, relax my Queen and point New Leaf where ti best strikes you. I would recommend sci-fi but that is me.

Secondly: I want to say YAY to Donna because it was such a long wait and because I like to say YAY at Donna. She proves that published writers don't turn have to turn into the ass-hats I have met.

Thirdly: Cecilia, sorry to leave you for last but YAY. Somewhere deep in my brain I am a mathematician. Your entry threw me for a loop. Other than the Dewey Decimal System I see decimal as a number system in base ten. Sorry that I didn't see it as you wrote it.

Claire Bobrow said...

Congratulations, Cecilia - job well done!!

And Donna, congrats to you also - hooray!

Cheers all around :-)

John Davis Frain said...

Oh, Donna, it was worth the wait. Everyone could relate so easily to your tale of imagined annoyance last week. Well struck.

And congratulations, Cecilia on the short wait. Still worth every moment. I wear asbestos underpants. Consequently, I don't find them as humorous as the average shark. Or, the above average shark for that matter.

Excuse me while I scratch some more. So embarrassing. I should be a baseball player stepping into the batter's box.

RosannaM said...

Way too late to comment probably.
But…
Congrats to Donna for last week--yep, loved it.

Congrats to Cecilia--I enjoyed the play on words.

And maybe it is me, but I loved the one disqualified entry from John--I laughed at every REDACTED.

And I should probably apologize to Colin for hiring him on to what must be a very painful existence for a writer--penning all of Janet's rejection letters to other writers. Pure Hell. But still…

And to Janet--the contests are a hoot, regardless of the incredibly short timeline, or the puny word allowances. Bring 'em on, I say.

Sorry for the incredibly late post, but road tripping all day--and on west coast time. So I guess I'm basically talking to myself.

french sojourn said...


Congrats Cecilia and Donna;

Still thinking of some way to incorporate Decibel System into my shtick.

Congrats again.

Amy Schaefer said...

Way to go, Donnaeve and Cecilia!

Could someone explain to me why I scheduled a dental appointment for 7am? Oi.

Angie Brooksby-Arcangioli said...

Congrats to Donna from last week and Cecilia. Cecilia's was a delight to read. I laughed everytime I read it.

E.M. Goldsmith said...

Congrats to Donna. I hope you are pardoned from Carkoon. Well-done Cecilia. Loved the play on words. Funny stuff everyone.

BJ Muntain said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Karen McCoy said...

Lovely entries! Was very sorry to miss this one. I have to find a way to make myself less busy (and I don't even have a deluge of queries to deal with, just the one that I'm trying to make sparkle).

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