Yes, this is filled with whisky

Yes, this is filled with whisky

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

This blog is going to the dogs, Day 23

Frankie
  
 
I wish you a fruitful August of enchanted adventures between pages. We at the Reef will try to behave. Ok, that is overstating it a bit. We will, however, make every effort to keep the blog from spinning off into Carkoon to be overtaken by kale and mushy peas. Probably. It'll be fine.

Attached is a picture of my pug, Frankie, at my favorite pub trying to steal my beer which she does sometimes. There really is little better than a pug at a pub.

36 comments:

Lisa Bodenheim said...

Haha! Love this. A beer drinking pug. There's a potential story or a new fairytale here! (and whoops, love me some exclamation points so bright and early in the morn)

Donnaeve said...

I'll venture to guess this is E.M.(Elise) Goldsmith's dog.

Such a cute Pugly Wuggly.

Catherine Vignolini said...

Guy walks into a bar with a pug.
Bartender says, "We don't allow dogs here."
Guy says, "But this is a seeing-eye dog."
Bartender says, "I've never seen a pug as seeing-eye dog."
Guy says, "They gave me a pug?"

One more...

Janet walks into a bar, sits down next to a gigolo.
Gigolo leans and whispers to her, "I'll do anything you ask for $200, as long as you can ask me in no more than three words."
Janet whispers back, "paint my apartment."


(PS: these jokes are not original. I would give credit if I recalled the names of the many drunkards over the years who have told them to me.)

E.M. Goldsmith said...

Yes, that's my pug! She is the best - part clown, all cuddles, and a lover of fine beer and bacon. She is especially digging on Orpheus Blues - a blueberry saison, a sour ale.

In the picture she's trying to get hold of my Lyric Ale. I foiled her. But she was contented with a complimentary bowl of water and dog biscuit.



Colin Smith said...

Ha! I was about to second Donna(stbnytba), and I would have been right to do so!! :)

EM: I'm sorry, this just confirms my cat-person status. I mean, what animal in their right mind would trade a beer for water and dog biscuit? Seriously! ;)

Theresa said...

Frankie's expression is priceless.

DLM said...

Oh, hello Frankie!

That patio looks like a very nice place to spend time with a pal, and what a pal.

Cheers to ALL!

Melanie Sue Bowles said...

Ooooh...! I wanna hang out with Frankie. She's darling. And who doesn't love a dog who loves beer. Years ago, we discovered that one of our Corgis, Billy, had a passion for dark beer. My husband was relaxing on the porch with a stout and a cigar after a long hard day tending the horses. He set the empty bottle down beside his chair. Billy knocked it over, then grabbed the neck in both paws and began licking the bejesus out of it, trying to get every last drop. From then on, Jim would always grab two stouts from the fridge and say, "C'mon, Billy! Let's go have a beer." (He'd pour Billy's into a little plate).

Colin Smith said...

This reminds me of an old Carkoonian fable. Let me see if I can do a cultural translation...

A pug walks into a bar and says to the barman, "I'd like a beer, please." The barman says, "But you're a dog. Dogs don't drink beer." To which the pug replied, "Not at the moment, but if you serve me, I will."

The barman considered this request, then said, "How will you pay me?" The pug looked about his person, and, in a flash of Edenic lucidity, realized that he was naked. Worse, he had no money. The poor pug looked so crushed, the barman took pity on him. "Look," he said, "if you do one thing for me, I will serve you free beer." "Name it," said the pug.

"There's this cat who comes around here every evening scaring off my punters. These are good, paying guests who won't step foot in the bar because of this mangey moggy. Get rid of the cat, and you can have all the beer you want."

Being a somewhat pugilistic pup, the dog took to the idea instantly. "You've got a deal," he said, extending his paw. The barman shook it and the pug went on his way.

That evening, the pug returned, and, sure enough, outside the bar was the wildest wild cat he had ever seen. Its fur bristled across its arched back, its tail was tall and rigid, and it had the most ferocious look in its eyes. Whenever anyone would come near the door, the cat would hiss and growl, swiping a clawed paw at prospective patrons. Naturally, people turned away.

After observing the cantankerous cat for a few minutes, the pug approached. "Hello," said the pug. "F*** off," said the cat. "I see you're in a bit of a temper," the pug said, trying his best to be diplomatic. "May I ask what troubles you?" "The barman refuses to serve me," explained the cat, its words peppered with spit. "Well, you do come across a trifle insane," said the pug. "Perhaps if you weren't so, well, irritable, you might get served."

... cont...

Colin Smith said...

... cont...


"You don't understand," spat the cat. "I used to be a reasonably sane animal, wouldn't harm a rooster. Then one day I got a hankering for a Bacardi and Coke. I came to this bar and asked for a B&C from the barman. Even showed him good, legal tender. He said, 'No. We don't serve cats.' I insisted, but he was stubborn. Well, I thought, if he won't serve me, I'll see to it he doesn't serve anyone!"

"He seemed quite willing to offer me beer in exchange for running you off the premises," said the pug.

"Ah, but will he?" said the cat. "You're a dog. Your type are the man's-best-friend, do anything for a treat kind of animal. Us cats, you take us or leave us. We don't fetch papers or pull small children out of wells. He can't do anything with me. My guess is he'll have you running errands for him, always with the promise of free beer if you do just one more thing."

The dog considered the cat's words. Something about its argument moved him. "He keeps the liquor in the cellar, yes?" said the dog. "I presume," said the cat. "And the beer?" added the dog. "Makes sense to me," said the cat. The dog smiled. "I have a plan."

The dog and cat went away. Half an hour later they returned with fifty each of their kind. Within ten minutes, the barman lay on the ground in a pool of his own blood, and every last surviving patron had run for the hills. A border collie struck a match and they left to watch the bar burn. All that remained was the door to the cellar, set into the ground. When the smoke cleared, the dog and the cat returned to the smoldering remains, pulled open the cellar door, and entered paradise.

After many hours, the dog and cat awoke, having consumed a large quantity of various potent potables. The pug slowly, and with uncertain legs, ascended the cellar stairs to find the doors closed. He tried them, but to no avail. He called to the cat, and together they tried to open the cellar doors, but they were locked. Clearly, they had slammed the doors closed the night before and a bolt had slid into place. Or the vengeful dragon Brokispore had swooped down in the middle of the night to teach them a lesson. Either way, they were trapped. In despair, the dog and the cat returned to the kegs of beer and bottles of spirits, where they drank themselves to an early grave.

The moral to the story: If you're going to die, at least die happy.

I'm glad I could share this uplifting Carkoonian story with you! :)

Brigid said...

Colin, that's horrible. It doesn't even end with a good pun.

Frankie is adorable and I'd share a beer with her any time.

Colin Smith said...

Brigid: Sorry... that's Carkoonian fables for you. :)

E.M. Goldsmith said...

Colin, Frankie would never enter a bar in Carkoon, and she would gladly share a beer with a cat if a cat would comply. As would our lovely bartender at Meehan's. That rotted kale they put in the ale in Carkoon is pure poison. Unless you are a native Carkoonian.

There was a little feral black cat out by our house weeks ago. Frankie and I have been trying to get it to give up its alley cat ways, but we can't catch the bugger. Nobody can. We called the local shelter to help us catch the stray kitty but they had no luck either. We thought perhaps the kitty had moved on, but late Saturday night there it was behind my bushes under my window yowling old George Jones songs off key. Poor heart broken kitty.

I tried to ply it with chicken and cheese. It got both, but the cat still wants nothing to do with us. And it's way too smart for traps the rescue put out. So I put the thing into the book I am writing because that is only way I am catching the little black cat. Still, Frankie says she would gladly accept a cat into our little menagerie. Even if it doesn't like beer.

Colin Smith said...

EM: I'm quite certain Frankie, or any other sane creature, would never step foot in a Carkoonian bar. Which tells you something about the life forms on Carkoon. :)

MA Hudson said...

I'm going to order a pug next time I'm at the pub. Hope it's as fabulous as Frankie.

Claire Bobrow said...

Once upon a Time, Planet Carkoon was briefly deserted for Planet Merle Haggard:

"Frankie and Johnny were sweethearts oh Lordy how they did love
Swore to be true to each other true as the stars above
He was her man he was doing her wrong

Frankie went down to the corner just for a bucket of beer
She says Mr Bartender has my loving Johnny been here
He's my man he was doing me wrong"

Frankie the Pug is adorable. Great photo!

E.M. Goldsmith said...

Claire, too funny. Frankie's favorite song, no joke, is Haggard's I Think I'll Just Stay Here and Drink.

Which we both do lots.

Craig F said...

I have kind of a chicken and egg question.

I know you are a big fan of Pratchett and epic fantasy. Did Frankie come from that or cause it?

If it was the impending gloom of brillig, along with three ingested beers, you could almost see a forest ranger striding toward the gate. You would not have noticed if the hilt of the sword over her shoulder had not caught the last rays of the dying sun.

Neat scene, cool dog.

E.M. Goldsmith said...

Craig, I love the Pratchett reference. Frankie and I ran into a giant box turtle on our walk the other night, and it made me miss Pratchett all over again- you know Disc World and all. This turtle did not seem to be carrying an alternative universe on its back.

My daughter named Frankie after the pug in Men in Black. Frankie does make a very fine extraterrestrial agent and she looks so cool in dark shades.

Mark Ellis said...

Thanks, Colin, your "Cask of Amontillado" take on poor Frankie really made my day. Caption: "What do you mean they're asking us to leave?"

Claire Bobrow said...

EM: A Merle Haggard-loving pug! That is too funny!! I approve :-)

E.M. Goldsmith said...

Claire, we all pledge allegiance to the Hag in my neck of the woods :)

BJ Muntain said...

It's a pug! At a pub!

Pugs are so cute. They have the best expressions - those eyebrows!

What a sweet little pup, EM!

Claire Bobrow said...

EM: That expression is epic. Thank you for making my day!

Barbara Etlin said...

I have to say, I'm really enjoying these delightful pet photos. They bring a smile to my morning. Better than coffee sometimes.

My dog didn't drink beer, but would sometimes indulge in a bit of Grand Marnier on ice cream.

Frankie is adorable. Thanks for sharing your pug in a pub, EM!

Lennon Faris said...

Frankie's pretty darn cute, EM. And from what i can see of that pub, it looks pretty sweet, too! I'd sit there and drink.

Karen McCoy said...

EM, I love your pug! Frankie is a great name.

Panda in Chief said...

What could be better than a pug at a pub? Frankie is adorable, and I am one of those "cat people" (since China won't give me my own pandas!)

Catherine, loved the jokes, even if I had heard them before. Personally, I can only remember about 2 jokes at a time and tell them repeatedly till I get tired of them, which is usually about 10 retellings after everyone else has.

I liked Colin's Carkoonian tale. Although I was somewhat surprised that the pug, rather than the cat was the mastermind of the plan. I think I like the fact that cats are a bit more retaliatory.

And since we were talking about pandas (we were???) Zoo Atlanta's mama panda is about to have cubs again and they can now see twins on the ultrasound! This time I am going to have to go see them when they are small! The only thing cuter than one small panda is two (or more)

CynthiaMc said...

Frankie is absolutely adorable.

Egad,Colin! Are you trying to give us all nightmares?

Craig F said...

I think Colin is suffering from the affects of moving in August. It has given his brain indigestion.

Colin Smith said...

CynthiaMc: Are you saying you'd like me to tell some more Carkoonian fables? Unfortunately they don't all translate, given they involve the removal of certain body parts that are alien to the human anatomy. Oh... no, I mean the stories involve the removal of certain body parts. That's not a requirement for telling them... :)

kdjames.com said...

EM, what a cutie! I'm not a big fan of beer, but that pub looks like a great place to have a beer and a burger and people watch. Very cool that they let Frankie join you.

Beth said...

Frankie just makes me smile. Enjoyed the jokes, and Colin's dark tale that reinforces the notion that Carkoon is an experience better avoided.

Colin Smith said...

Craig: We haven't moved yet. Still packing. I'm hoping we'll actually find a house and be moving next month.

Beth: Carkoon is why your worst nightmares sleep with the lights on...

CynthiaMc said...

Colin - all I'm saying is in my version the cat and dog would've opened a pub together and lived happily ever after.

AJ Blythe said...

Aww, Frankie's a cutie. I've known quite a few dogs who like their beer, although it sounds like Frankie is much more sophisticated in his tastes than most.