Yes, this is filled with whisky

Yes, this is filled with whisky

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

VENGEANCE!

I have to laugh at the irony of  leaving finalist #9 off the original ballot, because of course #9 is the overwhelming favorite of the blog voters! 

Then, once I caught that mistake, I forgot to open comments up again for the voting.

It takes a strong grip on your mental health not to lapse into paranoia when you see stuff like this I'm sure!


The entry the blog readers chose is:

Shirin Dubbin 1:15am
After sixty years the little things killed. One day, the sharp poke of her elbow while he slept. On another, the floppy twist of his toupee when he chortled—no one chortled anymore.

She might tease to offend. Perhaps he sneered as she exited the bath.

Who could say what made them proactive and turned slaughter into a competition? She baked him apple pies, leaving in enough seeds to make the arsenic viable. He oiled the kitchen floor in hopes of a fatal slip.

The law would say, “Attempted murder.” But they called it breathing life into a tiresome marriage.



And I decided to break all precedent and select a winner, not from among the finalists, but from one of the guys who just made me chortle with glee:

Jim McClellan 6:22pm
“A-U” in Brooklyn, is a greeting they say,
And Au means gold in a science-y way;

The A-U in slaughter is pronounced like law,
But this rule is made moot by a serious flaw;

Say the word “laughter” and you’ll get the gist,
Of how the A-U sound often comes with a twist;

And those folks who are sharp already know,
Add an “X” the end, and it’s pronounced like “faux.”

If I could only have just a few words more,
I’d explain A-U as in “dinosaur.”

Now, if cutesy little rhymes just don’t turn you on,
Sue me.
 
 
Jim, Shirin, congratulations.
 
Email me your postal address and we'll get a copy of VENGEANCE off to you. Already have a copy? No worries, books we've got! Lots of choices!

10 comments:

Colin Smith said...

Congrats Jim and Shirin!

Michael Seese said...

Sigh. Always a bridesmaid, but never a bride.

At least I picked the winner.

Congrats, folks.

sam said...

Nice job, Shirin and Jim!

Jim McClellan said...

Wow, thank you so much! I am way beyond flattered and very glad I could make you chortle.

Terri Lynn Coop said...

Jim and Shirrin, you were both the awesome. Congrats!

Terri

Gabriella said...

Chortling with glee is great for the soul.

You might love a Dr. Seuss book for grown-ups called: The Tough Coughs as he Ploughs the Dough.

Ali Trotta said...

YAY!!!! Congrats to the winners!! Great job, everyone.

These contests are so much fun -- both to read and to write. :-)

Charley said...

Great entries -- congrats! And Michael, I'm in your boat, but the world needs us, um, did you say brides *maids*??

kregger said...

I liked Shirin's entry, right off the bat.

There's no way I would vote for myself and another psuedonym is beyond my capabilities to cheat (where's those grandkids when I need them).

And, I was hoping my one vote plus a close second would bring me to the Promised Land, but to no avail.

Appreciation to all those who entered and congrats to Jim and Shirin

Shirin Dubbin said...

Thanks, everyone! I'm tickled. Great entries all the way around. SiSi, Michael, and Patrick, wow.

Congratulations to Jim too. So clever!