You've outdone yourselves on this one. Honestly, I save doing the results of these contests till the weekend cause it takes forever to read through them cause I'm laughing so hard.
Herewith the results:
Outstanding achievement in pandering:
M.R. Jordan 9:41 (with bonus points for poetry!)
First appearance by James Joyce with my ragtag band of merry clients:
Michael G-G 5:26pm
Excellent use of the multiple meaning of "birds"
Marina J. Lostetter 10:38am
Outstanding achievement in Hand-selling!
Most terrifying idea since Barbara Poelle's airhorn: Suzie Townsend gunslinger!
Cynthia Ivers 11:38pm
Things I hope are never on the lunch menu at FPLM:
tunapalooza from Dan’s-Day-Old-Sushi
Terri Coop 3:11pm
Things I'd PAY to see:
While Sean distracted Evan with his spontaneous version of “Babaloo
P.J. Casselman 2:34pm
Then Jeff sang a Frank Sinatra tune
After the reading, Dan approached the other authors. “Who wants to tickle fight?”
Harley May 4:16pm
Cracked me up for a good five minutes
“Then, inject liquid cheese.” (Photo 5) Jeff demonstrated. (Proprietary image blurred) “Microwave and voila!”
Sean sniffed a pit, and grabbed his right arm to stop it from falling off.
She Molly Bloomed him: yes I said yes I will Yes.
Michael G-G 5:26pm
And here are the finalists, the entries that were actual stories:
Five athletes put their whole selves into the quest for gold; none thought simple “right hand in” would destroy him.
Pressure shatters Brooks: wrong hand. (0)
Evan buries his left in his pocket to escape the same fate, but the delay times him out. (3)
Three survivors face off. (1)
Jeff, disqualified for left-right labelled pompoms, claims ambiguity in ICHP regs, (5) but the judges scoff. (6)
Sean and Dan reach “right foot,” but Sean is stuck on right hand. He cringes, trying to pull back. (4) Dan wins.
The runners-up laugh amid tears. (2)
The tiniest slips - in professional hokey-pokey, that’s what it’s all about.
Sheila JG 11:22am
“It’s red-eye, from the flash.” That was BS (P0). He always said that, but DK was suspicious. He’d seen flashes of red in his eyes, usually right before the disappearances. The police were calling it the Brunette Vanishings.
DK warned the others, but they laughed at him (P1). Dk laughed, too. Then he vanished.
“That, DK. What an imagination,” JS whispered (P2). SF laughed. He didn’t have anything to worry about. Or did he?
EM stood to speak (P3), noticing the audience (P6). No brunettes. What if it was true? His hand began to fade.
It started with the hands (P4). A slight blurring (P5). Then nothing.
Considering the years since the suspects' last meeting, their postural similarities were uncanny. (photo 1) The jury's task, already difficult, seemed well nigh impossible. (photo 6) Still, they had to try.
They questioned Evan first, and he seemed an upright fellow -- until his hand began to shake, and then they thought, 'His tell! Surely he's the one.' (photo 3)
But their glee turned to dismay when Sean (photo 4) and Jeff (photo 5) appeared, each a portrait of the other, identical to the very last tic.
The jury despaired. "This trial brooks madness," they cried, when suddenly, Jeff scratched his nose. (photo 2). "A boon," the foreman said. "The jig is up."
Just Jan 1:06am
"My name is Evan, and I'm a vampire." (PHOTO 3)
"Good grief," Jeff muttered (PHOTO 2). "Not another one."
Sean approached the microphone. "This isn't Vampires Anonymous, folks. Anyone else in the wrong room?" (PHOTO 4)
Two wraiths slunk out with Evan. A woman in the front row fidgeted with her scarf. Unnoticed, an ember-eyed fiend (PHOTO BROOKS) mesmerized the remaining audience (PHOTO 6) from the wings.
Jeff stepped up and began to read (PHOTO 5). Without missing a word, he swatted a large bat that swooped in beside him. The bat shrieked, morphed into the fiend, and fell dead.
Dan congratulated him during intermission (PHOTO 1). "Nice backhand. Buffy would be proud."
And the winner is John 9am! Who could resist the hokey pokey!
John, send me your mailing address and I'll send you a copy of each of the books. If you own any of them already, we can find something else to fill out the prize box.
Congratulations to each of you who entered! It was a lot of fun to read your work.