Sunday, October 23, 2011

I may add this to my submission guidelines!

Best new addition to the submissions guidelines I've seen in a while:


By submitting a query to Snubnose Press, you acknowledge that if you act unprofessional, you may end up on our shitlist** and understand that we regularly talk and interact with other editors, zines and presses.

** Yes, we have one.

29 comments:

julienilson said...

Excellent. Not only is it funny, but it probably helps with the sorting process. Anyone who isn't amused by that line probably isn't the kind of person Snubnose editors want to work with.

Jessica Bell said...

LOL. Love it!

steeleweed said...

Right on!
Shitlists are one of the best timesavers ever. They keep you from wasting time on folks who don't deserve your attention.

Keisha Martin said...

It's a bit harsh especially for aspiring writers, altough I do get the premise behind it always follow the submission guidelines, it shows a writer is professional, and won't waste the agent/editor time.

Jenna said...

That's absolutely fantastic. I wonder if our head editor would let me add that to my guidelines on our eZine...

Rivka said...

But they also ask for a list of agents you've already submitted to. Is that now considered standard?

Michael S said...

That clause is made of pure WIN! I think every agency and pub house should have that.

Janet Reid said...

Keisha, there's a very real difference between mistakes made cause you don't know stuff, and asshatery. We can tell the difference.

Sha'el, Princess of Pixies said...

Bill E. Goat: So ... if Janet knew Roger she'd put him on her list?

Pixie: Roger? Roger who?

Bill E.: (Raises eyebrows which is really hard for a goat to do) Sandra Goat's new boy friend ...

Pixie: Does he write?

Bill E.: Not as good as me. ...

Pixie: Prolly not, Bill. I'm sure she wouldn't put him on her list. He's ... how shall I say this ...? Suave.

Bill E: Well he’s on MY list.

Pixie: Sandra likes him.

Bill: Only because I named the heroin in my new historical fiction space adventure fiction novel Molly instead of Sandra. ... She’s miffed.

Pixie: Dear Lord and Little Rabbits, Bill! How could you. You know Sandra likes to be pampered. Besides Roger’s a movie star. …

Bill: Being in a youtube video doesn’t count. So he can lick an electric fence five times in a row and make odd noises ….

Pixie: I take it all back, Bill. I’m sure Janet would put him on her list, somewhere close to you.

Sha'el, Princess of Pixies said...

Pixie’s question of the day: Why would you submit to an editor who confuses his adverbs and adjectives? Shouldn't editors act professionally too?

... in an unprofessional manner.

... act unprofessionally.

... make me jump up and down and yell, "You're a clown!"

Of the three examples above (each of which is Sterling and well polished) I'd go with the last.

STS said...

"Act" can be used either as an action verb OR as a linking verb. Linking verbs include is, feels, tastes, etc., and they can be followed with adjectives or nouns.

Those submission guidelines are honest, funny, and reasonable. No need to sugarcoat it, and if you can laugh along the way, all the better.

Sha'el, Princess of Pixies said...

cranky, are we?

Sha'el, Princess of Pixies said...

What you mean is, "act" can be used with or without an object. In this sentence the word professional answers the question "how" not "who." So it is rightly an adverb and should end in LY. Simple.

Act is seldom a "linking verb." The older and more accurate term for those is "state of being" verbs.

My comment was meant to be wry humour, not to peve you. But in point of fact, your grammarian's sense has failed you here. I suggest strong tea, contemplation of your mates belly button, and deep breathing.

Sha'el, Princess of Pixies said...

That was my 20,205th post with spelling errors, all of them on Janet's blogs.

Keisha Martin said...

asshatery, I love this word, you crack me up thanks so much for the reply first I thought I was dreaming when I saw my name, great post as always.

Janet Reid said...

Grammar fights!! Good times!!

STS said...

It's just a little grammar quibble. Not peeved enough for tea. (Nothing like when people misuse "I" as an object.)

I was just acting cranky.

Oh wait, was I acting crankily? That sounds like I was acting, and doing it with a bad attitude.

Maybe I was just acting like a cranky person.

Or is it as a cranky person?

Ms. Reid is very indulgent :)

Sha'el, Princess of Pixies said...

To quote a well-known pixie, "don't give me that attitude! I have one of my own."

We'll have raise the dead coffee at starbucks one day and compare grammar texts, eat apple fritters and make fun of those people who bring their laptops.

STS said...

Now *that* is what coffee shops are for.

Kristy Shen said...

That's brilliant!

Not sure if it's necessary though. I suspect people are way too scared of Janet to act like an ass. ;)

Michael Seese said...

Should I send flowers or chocolate to get on the what-a-great-guy list?

Sha'el, Princess of Pixies said...

If you want on my great guy list, chocolate or rum cake. A really great guy would send both ...

TC Avey said...

Awesome! Love the honesty. It would be a good reminder to people that treating someone with disrespect is not only NOT Professional, it will also come back to you.

John said...

Your loosing you're mind! There editors and its they're right to make up grammar! So I wouldn't go their if I were you.

Sha'el, Princess of Pixies said...

@John ... (insert snicker here) I hate rejection letters, but the funniest one I ever received had some of the worst grammar I've ever seen.

I'm the typo queen, ask Janet, but this was not a spelling problem. The rejection letter required an expert on obscure American dialect based on spit infinitives, mangled verbs and the contrive language spoken only by poachers in the Olympic national forest to translated it.

Personally, I try to limit my grammar faults to spit infinitives and inverted sentences. Pick a specialty and stick to it, I say. Oh, and I mastered creative spelling when I was in first grade. Stellar!

Sha'el, Princess of Pixies said...

i just noticed! damn! "spit infinitives." you have to love it. ... maybe i'll learn to spell in heaven if i make it.

Feaky Snucker said...

It's not just people who submit online that turn into squalling infants, it's people online in general. Some people think it's OK to unleash the douchepocalypse online. It's like they feel that they aren't accountable for their actions/ words because it's not "real life," and proceed to treat others like crap.

#1Nana said...

I've been on a few shitlists and they're not ALL bad!

John "Ol' Chumbucket" Baur said...

Not unprofessional. If you act unprofessionally. Adverb.