This is hilarious.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
Twist and Spout...Agent Style
I was swimming around my apartment this morning, answering queries and gnawing on clients when I heard a very odd, rather splashy kind of sound.
I hastened to the apartment quadrant with running water (kitchen, bath, distillery) to see if a pipe had sprung a leak. Or perhaps a neighbor had sprung a leak. No, it was all quiet on the cistern front. But, yet, the noise continued.
I went to the window: nothing on thebalcony fire escape but the usual assortment of deadbeat winged rats trespassing pigeons.
I was flummoxed. What could it be??
Then I realized it came from my computer! Yes, my webcam was focused on the Irene Goodman Literary Agency, specifically The Slithery One herself. Who was apparently NOT at her desk but dancing joyously in some waterfront dive bar --and here's the footage to prove it!:
Now you might wonder what got The Slithery One in such an ebullient mood. The cause was revealed moments later when a liveried footman arrived at my door with a framed copy of the latest STARRED review from Publishers Weekly for ♥ Sophie Littlefield♥
Much can be said about Miss Littlefield, but let's all remember, I said it first.
Here's not the last, but the latest:
Littlefield’s rollicking second novel featuring tough-talking Stella Hardesty, who manages a sewing shop and doles out her own brand of justice to wife-beaters, delivers on the promise of her debut, A Bad Day for Sorry. (which, let us all remember is actually the EDGAR NOMINATED A Bad Day for Sorry!!!)
When a tornado uncovers a mummified woman buried at the Prosper, Mo., fairgrounds, the police suspect Neb Donovan, whom Stella once helped kick an OxyContin addiction, and Stella reluctantly accepts Donna Donovan’s pleas to clear her husband’s name.
Complicating Stella’s investigation—and her long-simmering feelings for Sheriff Goat Jones—is the arrival of Goat’s former wife, Brandy Truax, who has designs on her ex and a possible link to the murdered woman. With her plucky assistant, Chrissy Shaw, Stella must exonerate Neb while eluding the real killer.
Littlefield wields humor like a whip, but never lets it dilute the whodunit.
A force to be reckoned with, Stella is a welcome addition to the world of unorthodox female crime fighters. (June)
I hastened to the apartment quadrant with running water (kitchen, bath, distillery) to see if a pipe had sprung a leak. Or perhaps a neighbor had sprung a leak. No, it was all quiet on the cistern front. But, yet, the noise continued.
I went to the window: nothing on the
I was flummoxed. What could it be??
Then I realized it came from my computer! Yes, my webcam was focused on the Irene Goodman Literary Agency, specifically The Slithery One herself. Who was apparently NOT at her desk but dancing joyously in some waterfront dive bar --and here's the footage to prove it!:
Now you might wonder what got The Slithery One in such an ebullient mood. The cause was revealed moments later when a liveried footman arrived at my door with a framed copy of the latest STARRED review from Publishers Weekly for ♥ Sophie Littlefield♥
Much can be said about Miss Littlefield, but let's all remember, I said it first.
Here's not the last, but the latest:
A Bad Day for Pretty by Sophie Littlefield.
Littlefield’s rollicking second novel featuring tough-talking Stella Hardesty, who manages a sewing shop and doles out her own brand of justice to wife-beaters, delivers on the promise of her debut, A Bad Day for Sorry. (which, let us all remember is actually the EDGAR NOMINATED A Bad Day for Sorry!!!)
When a tornado uncovers a mummified woman buried at the Prosper, Mo., fairgrounds, the police suspect Neb Donovan, whom Stella once helped kick an OxyContin addiction, and Stella reluctantly accepts Donna Donovan’s pleas to clear her husband’s name.
Complicating Stella’s investigation—and her long-simmering feelings for Sheriff Goat Jones—is the arrival of Goat’s former wife, Brandy Truax, who has designs on her ex and a possible link to the murdered woman. With her plucky assistant, Chrissy Shaw, Stella must exonerate Neb while eluding the real killer.
Littlefield wields humor like a whip, but never lets it dilute the whodunit.
A force to be reckoned with, Stella is a welcome addition to the world of unorthodox female crime fighters. (June)
Sunday, April 25, 2010
A solid adrenaline rush from start to finish!
Library Journal highlights Andrew Grant in a roundup of summer men's fiction.
David Trevellyan returns shortly after the events that ended Grant's debut novel, EVEN. Exiled from New York and at loose ends, Trevellyan comes to the aid of a legendary member of the British Royal Navy Intelligence Service trying to recover a canister of lethal gas.
Grant's first-person narration puts the reader in the front seat of heart-pounding action scenes with a hard man who has no compunction about killing. The tension is relieved by Trevellyan's wry, understated sense of humor but never long enough to make the story lose momentum.
VERDICT: A solid adrenaline rush from start to finish.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
You know it's going to be a GREAT conference!
When they meet you at the airport with a sign!
That's Terri Molina from the Desert Rose Conference in Scottsdale last weekend. She's one of the many volunteers who made it a terrific event!
That's Terri Molina from the Desert Rose Conference in Scottsdale last weekend. She's one of the many volunteers who made it a terrific event!
Friday, April 23, 2010
Feeling Festive?
The Connecticut chapter of the Romance Writers of America is going to have a VERY festive weekend on Saturday April 24.
In fact it's so festive, you'll need to see it in 3D! Suzie and Meredith are looking forward to being there!
(L)Suzie Townsend, hotshot agent;
(R)Meredith Barnes, godsend to the Shark!
me, attending the same movie
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In fact it's so festive, you'll need to see it in 3D! Suzie and Meredith are looking forward to being there!
(L)Suzie Townsend, hotshot agent;
(R)Meredith Barnes, godsend to the Shark!
me, attending the same movie
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Tuesday, April 20, 2010
You really want me to smack you around, don't you
What is it with subject lines?
Either you think they're stupid and thus don't use them, or you think they are somehow the source of all good and, if you stuff as many words in as possible, one of them will sprout an offer of representation.
Knock it off!
The subject line is how my email is sorted. And I utilize THE dimmest sorter on the planet: my mail management software.
Sadly, MMS does EXACTLY what I tell her, with zero imagination, intuition or ability to integrate information. Working in your favor however is that dear old MMS doesn't get anywhere near as impatient or crabby as I do.
So, let's review:
GOOD: Query for (TITLE OF YOUR BOOK HERE)
BETTER: Query for (TITLE OF YOUR BOOK HERE) a novel OR non-fiction
BEST: Query for (TITLE OF YOUR BOOK HERE) a novel OR non-fiction/category
Bad: Query for TITLE (and by this I mean you simply write title. yes I've seen it)
Bad: RE: Query for...
(the problem here is using RE: That makes me think it's a reply to a query or an ongoing conversation. Because the RE comes first, MMS does not recognize it as an initial query.)
Bad: Query for your consideration
Bad: "Query" (the quote marks confuse MMS)
Worse: Query for "Title" by "Author" with "enticements"
Worse: Hi!
Worse: Hello!
Worst: Drinks tonight?
Get the idea?
Simple works best.
I really notice this when I come back from a long weekend without mail access and I have 479 emails piled up. I sort by subject line and there are always 20 or so people who just can't quite figure out what to do with the subject line.
I make a very serious effort to get my queries handled in a timely manner. If your query isn't recognized by the MMS it just sits there till I get around to it. Since you're not a client or an editor, or any of the other people I know, it can sit for a long long time.
Either you think they're stupid and thus don't use them, or you think they are somehow the source of all good and, if you stuff as many words in as possible, one of them will sprout an offer of representation.
Knock it off!
The subject line is how my email is sorted. And I utilize THE dimmest sorter on the planet: my mail management software.
Sadly, MMS does EXACTLY what I tell her, with zero imagination, intuition or ability to integrate information. Working in your favor however is that dear old MMS doesn't get anywhere near as impatient or crabby as I do.
So, let's review:
GOOD: Query for (TITLE OF YOUR BOOK HERE)
BETTER: Query for (TITLE OF YOUR BOOK HERE) a novel OR non-fiction
BEST: Query for (TITLE OF YOUR BOOK HERE) a novel OR non-fiction/category
Bad: Query for TITLE (and by this I mean you simply write title. yes I've seen it)
Bad: RE: Query for...
(the problem here is using RE: That makes me think it's a reply to a query or an ongoing conversation. Because the RE comes first, MMS does not recognize it as an initial query.)
Bad: Query for your consideration
Bad: "Query" (the quote marks confuse MMS)
Worse: Query for "Title" by "Author" with "enticements"
Worse: Hi!
Worse: Hello!
Worst: Drinks tonight?
Get the idea?
Simple works best.
I really notice this when I come back from a long weekend without mail access and I have 479 emails piled up. I sort by subject line and there are always 20 or so people who just can't quite figure out what to do with the subject line.
I make a very serious effort to get my queries handled in a timely manner. If your query isn't recognized by the MMS it just sits there till I get around to it. Since you're not a client or an editor, or any of the other people I know, it can sit for a long long time.
Eleven Years Ago
we were rocked by the tragedy at Columbine.
The initial reporting, and the "common knowledge" about what happened there was almost entirely wrong.
We know that now because of the ground breaking, ferociously well written book by Dave Cullen: COLUMBINE.
I think COLUMBINE is one of the most important books of the decade. I think it should be required reading for every teacher, school administrator, and reporter in the country.
It's available in paperback now with new material including a 12-page afterword: "Forgiveness." with updates on three victims in very different places eleven years later, and the central role forgiveness played in their recovery.
You owe it to yourself to read it.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Simply Awesome!
and look where she got the idea!!
Dear Janet,
You've inspired me! In early January, you blogged about Jennifer Jackson, calling her a "maassketeer." That name stirred up a creative fire, and the next thing I knew, I'd made a video.
(You may recognize a guest appearance from Lara Zielin, of "editing letter" fame.)
Anyway...enjoy, sing along if you like, and thank you for the inspiration.
Sincerely,
Margaret Yang
I feel exactly the same way I do when I open a client novel and see the acknowledgments page: THRILLED!!!
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
The Seven Wonderfuls
I love LA STORY with Steve Martin and Victoria Tennant passionately. Along with Steve Martin's Roxanne, most movies with Cary Grant; and Casablanca, you've pretty much got my Best Of All Time list.
The scene when Harris and Sara walk along Melrose and his voice over is "wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, most wonderful and yet again wonderful" is one of my favorites.
Here's a clip of it in case you want to see it again.
You'll notice Harris says "wonderful" seven times.
I think there are Seven Wonderfuls of my job. Here's the list:
1. Wonderful clients. I am blessed beyond reason by clients who are fiercely talented, funny, smart and hellaciously good writers. That I get to work with them day in and day out makes this simply the best job in the world. Please don't ever tell them I'd do it for free.
2. Wonderful godsends past and present. These young up-and-coming publishing pros keep me on my toes. They are a delight in every way. I literally love going to the office to be around them. They are fiercely talented, funny, smart and hellaciously hard workers. Frankly, they're starting to frighten me they're so good.
3. Wonderful book designers. When a book goes from electrons to pages to book, there's a magician at work called a book designer. They're the ones who make it beautiful, easy to read, and nice to hold. The really good ones make it look effortless. I have no clue how they do this, but I know magic when I see it.
4. Wonderful query writers. And that's every single query. Every single one. The ones who don't follow directions. The ones who are rude, or clueless, or needy, or demanding, or so shy you want to smack em with the gumption stick. All of them: no exceptions. There are days my patience is less than zero, but there's never a day I don't want to hear from an author about his or her book. Sure, I wish they paid more attention to QueryShark.blogspot.com, but I'm grateful for every single time someone says "hey, I'd trust you to be my advocate."
5. Wonderful (slithery) competitors. Agents who work for the competition are frequently the first source of news and the last voice of reason. From advice about contracts, clients, conferences, and the hurried "no you can not defenestrate yourself over ebook rights" they are an extraordinary resource. I'm profoundly grateful they are my friends.
6. Wonderful readers. Readers who find and love books my clients write. Who blog or tweet about how much they loved them. Nothing beats that feeling of knowing another person read and loved something I love too. It's even better when they say it better than I can, and I get to cut and paste their comments for my own nefarious publicity purposes.
7. Wonderful volunteers. The people who organize conferences, judge the Edgars, organize ThrillerFest, Malice and Bouchercon. These are events I think of as a fun escape. A lot of people work very very hard to make them happen. A lot of them are behind the scenes doing things no one ever notices (cause it's only when it DOESN'T happen that you notice!) They work very hard to pull off events the rest of us tend to assume will just run well cause ..yanno..they always do.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you again, and thank you always.
The scene when Harris and Sara walk along Melrose and his voice over is "wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, most wonderful and yet again wonderful" is one of my favorites.
Here's a clip of it in case you want to see it again.
You'll notice Harris says "wonderful" seven times.
I think there are Seven Wonderfuls of my job. Here's the list:
1. Wonderful clients. I am blessed beyond reason by clients who are fiercely talented, funny, smart and hellaciously good writers. That I get to work with them day in and day out makes this simply the best job in the world. Please don't ever tell them I'd do it for free.
2. Wonderful godsends past and present. These young up-and-coming publishing pros keep me on my toes. They are a delight in every way. I literally love going to the office to be around them. They are fiercely talented, funny, smart and hellaciously hard workers. Frankly, they're starting to frighten me they're so good.
3. Wonderful book designers. When a book goes from electrons to pages to book, there's a magician at work called a book designer. They're the ones who make it beautiful, easy to read, and nice to hold. The really good ones make it look effortless. I have no clue how they do this, but I know magic when I see it.
4. Wonderful query writers. And that's every single query. Every single one. The ones who don't follow directions. The ones who are rude, or clueless, or needy, or demanding, or so shy you want to smack em with the gumption stick. All of them: no exceptions. There are days my patience is less than zero, but there's never a day I don't want to hear from an author about his or her book. Sure, I wish they paid more attention to QueryShark.blogspot.com, but I'm grateful for every single time someone says "hey, I'd trust you to be my advocate."
5. Wonderful (slithery) competitors. Agents who work for the competition are frequently the first source of news and the last voice of reason. From advice about contracts, clients, conferences, and the hurried "no you can not defenestrate yourself over ebook rights" they are an extraordinary resource. I'm profoundly grateful they are my friends.
6. Wonderful readers. Readers who find and love books my clients write. Who blog or tweet about how much they loved them. Nothing beats that feeling of knowing another person read and loved something I love too. It's even better when they say it better than I can, and I get to cut and paste their comments for my own nefarious publicity purposes.
7. Wonderful volunteers. The people who organize conferences, judge the Edgars, organize ThrillerFest, Malice and Bouchercon. These are events I think of as a fun escape. A lot of people work very very hard to make them happen. A lot of them are behind the scenes doing things no one ever notices (cause it's only when it DOESN'T happen that you notice!) They work very hard to pull off events the rest of us tend to assume will just run well cause ..yanno..they always do.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you again, and thank you always.
Ega(r)d!
It's always a pleasure to see books I own and love turn up on Recommended lists!
The latest is SEASON OF THE GAR by Mark Spitzer. Here's what Marilyn Dahl at Shelf Awareness had to say about it:
Lest you think that this is just another book by a crazed fisherman, know that the author teaches writing, is the managing editor of the Exquisite Corpse Annual, has published fiction and poetry, is a translator of Bataiile, Cendrars and Céline, and has appeared on the Animal Planet's River Monsters.
That being said, he is a crazed fisherman, although he prefers the word "passionate." And he has other fish to fry beyond catching gar ("the coolest fish there is".")
The full story is here
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Crimes by Moonlight!
The lineup for
CRIMES BY MOONLIGHT
is amazing!
Steve Brewer
Dana Cameron
(fabulous client!)
Max Allan Collins and Mickey Spillane
Barbara D'Amato
Brendan DuBois
Terrie Farley Moran
Jack Fredrickson
Parnell Hall
Carolyn Hart
S. W. Hubbard
(I'm a total fan of S.W. Hubbard!)
Toni L. P. Kelner
(Toni Lovely Person Kelner rocks!)
Lou Kemp
William Kent Kreuger
Harley Jane Kozak
Margaret Maron
Martin Meyers
Jeffrey Somers
(fabulous client)
Elaine Viets
Mike Wiecek
CRIMES BY MOONLIGHT
is amazing!
Steve Brewer
Dana Cameron
(fabulous client!)
Max Allan Collins and Mickey Spillane
Barbara D'Amato
Brendan DuBois
Terrie Farley Moran
Jack Fredrickson
Parnell Hall
Carolyn Hart
S. W. Hubbard
(I'm a total fan of S.W. Hubbard!)
Toni L. P. Kelner
(Toni Lovely Person Kelner rocks!)
Lou Kemp
William Kent Kreuger
Harley Jane Kozak
Margaret Maron
Martin Meyers
Jeffrey Somers
(fabulous client)
Elaine Viets
Mike Wiecek
And the Gumshoe Review had a few nice things to say about Dana's entry!
Dana Cameron's "Swing Shift" has a down on his luck PI asked by a friend to look into a situation for him. Taking place during WWII, Jake needs to help his friend identify the person who is leaking top-secret information to the enemy. Well done with a lot of twist to keep it
interesting as well as a few surprises for readers.
interesting as well as a few surprises for readers.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Friday, April 09, 2010
Thursday, April 08, 2010
In or near Canton, MI? Save the date
The Friends of the Canton, Plymouth, Northville and Novi libraries host their annual author luncheon at Fox Hills Country Club on Friday, May 7. Alysia Sofios, author of WHERE HOPE BEGINS is the guest speaker!
Here's the link to more info
Thursday, April 01, 2010
New submission guidelines for second quarter 2010
Lots of agents like to change up their submission guidelines for spring.
I'm no exception.
Please pay close attention. This list supersedes all other guidelines.
1. I will only consider fiction novels. Please make sure you're writing a fiction novel before querying.
2. I will only consider novels that are more than 250,000 words (mega novels)
3. I require the novel to be in at least three fonts, one of which should be zapf dingbats, and one of the other two should be in the italic narrow version.
4. I will only consider novels passed on by other agents. Please quote their rejection letters verbatim in your query.
5. I will only consider novels that have more than 25 occurrences of "mouse fart" "death kitten" "wombat of terror" and "that's what she said." I have "Cntrl Find" and I know how to use it.
6. I like to involve my blog readers in my query process, so leave off any kind of contact information. The blog readers will track you down, and if they like you, let me know how to reach you. Thus, be nice to everyone who seems to send a spam email. You never know what they're really looking for.
7. I like to help my interns learn to edit so please don't run spell check before you sent the manuscript. Don't run the grammar check either.
8. I like to encourage my godsends to fight over manuscripts, so please make sure you query every agent at FPLM at the same time. Make sure you include "to whom it may concern" as well as both "Sir" "Madam" and "Snookums."
9. Include the phrase "I've read and followed your direction of 4/1/10" in the subject line.
10. And remember, you'll receive an instant detailed critique, so if you haven't heard back within twenty minutes, send another email reminding me you're waiting.
If this is too much for you, there are other agents out there:
New submission guidelines! Make sure to read and follow!
I'm no exception.
Please pay close attention. This list supersedes all other guidelines.
1. I will only consider fiction novels. Please make sure you're writing a fiction novel before querying.
2. I will only consider novels that are more than 250,000 words (mega novels)
3. I require the novel to be in at least three fonts, one of which should be zapf dingbats, and one of the other two should be in the italic narrow version.
4. I will only consider novels passed on by other agents. Please quote their rejection letters verbatim in your query.
5. I will only consider novels that have more than 25 occurrences of "mouse fart" "death kitten" "wombat of terror" and "that's what she said." I have "Cntrl Find"
6. I like to involve my blog readers in my query process, so leave off any kind of contact information. The blog readers will track you down, and if they like you, let me know how to reach you. Thus, be nice to everyone who seems to send a spam email. You never know what they're really looking for.
7. I like to help my interns learn to edit so please don't run spell check before you sent the manuscript. Don't run the grammar check either.
8. I like to encourage my godsends to fight over manuscripts, so please make sure you query every agent at FPLM at the same time. Make sure you include "to whom it may concern" as well as both "Sir" "Madam" and "Snookums."
9. Include the phrase "I've read and followed your direction of 4/1/10" in the subject line.
10. And remember, you'll receive an instant detailed critique, so if you haven't heard back within twenty minutes, send another email reminding me you're waiting.
If this is too much for you, there are other agents out there:
New submission guidelines! Make sure to read and follow!
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