Monday, November 29, 2010

AND the horse you rode in on!




In case you can't see the text of the letter accompanying the shredded rejection letter and envelope:


"A man of my brilliance and talent should not suffer immediate form rejection letters. So fuck you and good luck in your future endeavors. With your 'judgment' you'll need it."

92 comments:

Colin said...

What will you do now that you've missed that opportunity, Janet?
Haha.

I heard someone say something similar about you after you turned her down in Scottsdale earlier this year.
Of course, all the agents who asked for partials were brilliant.

For all your legendary. . . snarkyness/sharky-ness, you send out pretty mild rejections.

Joanne Levy said...

Wow. Just wow. Some people are total asshats.

Thank you for looking beyond them...

Josin L. McQuein said...

Dear Under-appreciated Writer:

Please accept my heartfelt apology for your immediate form rejection.
Your brilliance simply shone so brightly from the page it blinded me and didn't allow me to read your words, therefore I could not possibly consider the manuscript.

In the future, however, if you are magnanimous enough to deign me worthy to accept your offerings of future endeavors at securing an agent (though I'm sure with your wit you'll be getting what you deserve from another agent or twelve any day now), I shall do my utmost to remember your aversion to instant form letter rejections.

Next time, I'll wait three months and then send it.

Signed,
Professional Bullet-Dodger.

Downith said...

OMG - I'd be spreading his name around and not in a good way.

Loralie Hall said...

*sniffs the air*

Yup, that's the amazing smell of bridges and fire.

Kristin Laughtin said...

Aww, what a demonstration of brilliance that is right there.

Brian Drake said...

Are you SERIOUS? I cannot believe somebody would write that. Now, I have a question: will this unfortunately individuals letter make the rounds to other agents so they know to avoid him?

Kathryn said...

Wait - did they get the letter, rip it up, write that, and THEN mail it back to you? What a waste of a stamp.

Abby said...

Yowzers. On the plus side, he did spell "judgment" right.

Bill Cameron said...

I can't write that straight even when sober.

Melissa Sarno said...

Wow. Talk about unprofessional. And yet, I kind of love it. Crazy people are so entertaining!

L. T. Host said...

Wow. Just wow. Man, sometimes I sort of understand how you might get angry emails because it's so easy to send one and people don't always think it through before pushing send, but a lot of thought and even a tiny bit of effort went into this.

Though I do see that it is written on a scrap piece of paper. Interesting. Still, dude had to pay for a stamp to send you that.

steeleweed said...

These sort are their own worst enemies (and THAT is a delightful thought, eh?)

If his rejection of your rejection is an example of his "brilliance and talent", his troubles are just beginning. One wonders why he didn't just have CNN and MSNBC announce his existence to the world and thus start all the publishing houses competing for him.

Scooter Carlyle said...

Oy.

Can you say, "Fragile ego?"

Philangelus said...

I'm sure you're really regretting rejecting a gem like that now. :-b

Ariana said...

To quote Sue Sylvester, "your resentment is delicious."

DK said...

How many identical notes do you think he had to send to other judgment-impaired agents? The over/under is 50.

mt si dad said...

I promise that if you reject my novel, I will still like you.

Of course, I will like you more if you accept it. ;)

Darby Karchut said...

Holy Toledo, but somebody has some serious issues! What, his mommy didn't hug him enough?

Anne-Marie said...

There are no words. Well, there is one: dumb-ass.

Sean Ferrell said...

He put the comma outside the quotations around "judgment" instead inside, where it belongs. Other than that, it looks fine to me.

CourtneyC said...

When I see this kind of bad behavior, conceit, and complaint, I always wish that person could spend a week in a 3rd-world country and realize all that they take for granted and what is truly important in life.

Thanks to you for sending a response at all. I'm hopeful persons of this man's ilk won't make you rethink that policy.

Margaret Yang said...

Pass me the clue-by-four, please. Someone needs a smack down.

Tony Southcotte said...

I really hope I never get that jaded with the publishing industry. Or that arrogant.

Steve Ulfelder said...

As a former copyeditor, the first thing I noticed was that he spelled "judgment" properly. Kudos, brilliant and talented one!

~Jamie said...

Is it wrong that I wish I had that much confidence? HAH!

behlerblog.com said...

Sounds like we should compare notes.

Rick Daley said...

At least it was immediate. I hate waiting. Makes you suffer longer.

madameduck said...

Goodness I bet you're regretting that one. He sounds like he'd be a JOY to represent!

E.H. said...

Unbelievable. Where do these people come from, and what do they hope to accomplish?!

Slush said...

Whoa! That "man" needs to stop and smell the roses.

The f-bomb was not needed either.

Susan Adrian said...

"my brilliance and talent", huh?

I don't think anyone I've known who is brilliant or talented THOUGHT they were either.

:)

D. Robert Pease said...

Wow. Just wow.

Walter Thurman said...

First off, as everyone knows, if he/she were truly brilliant, this would be written in crayon.

Second, the declarative "fuck you," when followed immediately thereafter by sarcasm, loses its punch, rendering it inert. Like the neon gas in the sign over this guy's head that reads, "Asshat." Or "Shark Chum."

Third, I'm pretty sure he needs a comma after "judgment" to get the pacing right.

Fourth, all caps? Really?

Every time I worry that I'm not approaching my work with enough professionalism, someone like this comes along. Thanks, Janet. I needed this.

Meagan Spooner said...

Every now and then I forget myself and start to think that just maybe agents are exaggerating when it comes to the kind of crazy stuff they have to deal with. Because, I mean, everyone exaggerates--everyone loves a good story.

But then someone posts something like this. Wow.

Dana said...

Love the block letters...

The Editor Devil said...

This person must be a member of the notorious new James Frey gang. To rebel and be assaulting in all things relevant to the public as a means of business.

Ick.

Simon Hay Soul Healer said...

Ouch! My only concern after receiving a form rejection is do I have the tattoo removed or hope for another daughter and call her Janet.

Haste yee back ;-) said...

I don't know what this guy's barkin' about, you said the same to me!


Haste yee back ;-)

M.A.Leslie said...

So I guess the next time that he sends in a query you will put him on the top of the list. Haha.
This should go in the handbook for what not to do. Query Letters for Dumbies.

Patrick DiOrio said...

Couldn't quite see the entire letterhead on the letter. But I thought I saw something about 'Institution' on it.

Ebony McKenna. said...

speechless.

jdh said...

I'm sorry, Janet. You rejected my book, and I still love you. :)

Seriously, you do so much through query shark to help writers in our attempts to get published and through your blog to help us understand the publishing industry (and why the form letter is a necessary evil).

Even in your rejection, you helped me, as the way you rejected my work helped me find the right agent for it.

Oh! And without you I would have never learned that scotch and cupcakes are two great tastes that go great together.

Teri said...

Maybe he played on those little league teams where every player -- regardless of ability -- always gets a trophy?

I recall one agent's website that reads: "Please don't show up at our offices. It scares us!"

Scary.

Beth said...

This is so insane it's funny.

ryan field said...

If this one ever does get pubbed, I'd love to be around when he reads his first bad amazon review.

magickal_realism said...

Abandon grammar all ye who enter here:
Dude writes like a girl. One of those 4th grade ones that like unicorns and purple.

Stephanie Barr said...

What an unprofessional! If you're going to burn your bridge while shooting yourself in the foot and mooning the big bullies at the schoolyard, you should at least type it and put it on nice paper.

On the other hand, he now has the attention someone of his intellect so richly deserves.

Stephanie Barr said...

You know what would be really hilarious? If this guy sent this to the wrong agent, not the one that rejected him but one that asked for a partial.

Gayle Carline said...

Dear Author,
We apologize for the immediate form rejection letter. Please re-submit your query so we can send you a delayed form rejection letter. A slow, torturous, delayed form rejection letter, with insufficient postage.
Cheers,

alaskaravenclaw said...

Heads up, PublishAmerica, you got another genius headed your way.

/always get the comma/quotation mark thing wrong myself. But it'd be right in England. Of course, there you'd have to spell "judgment" wrong to be right.

Gilbert J. Avila said...

Did he print out the rejection letter just to have something to mail back to you? Please print out his query (sans identifiers) and post it. We need a good laugh. God, what an anal orifice!

Gary Corby said...

That's sort of cool, really.

Steve, according to the OED, 'judgement' is the usual form and 'judgment' is a variant. This must be another one of those Americanisms.

wry wryter said...

Odd really how idiots with verbal skills make us all feel more civilized.
Ms. Trite says:
When one is so full of themselves it means they are full of the stinky pile too.
Ms. Trite asks Ms. Reid:
Why did you feel the need to give such a pompous ignoramus word count?

Loralie Hall,3:52 said it best.
I wish I had thought of that.

Dan said...

Can't speak to his talent - unless nice penmanship is a talent - but as far as brilliance, maybe he meant it in the sense of "extreme luminescence". Maybe he's like the aliens from cocoon.

He couldn't possibly have meant intelligence, because how smart does he have to be to know this is going to hurt him a heck of a lot more than the recipient?

Mike Mullin said...

Isn't suffering supposed to inspire great art? Dude owes you a thank you.

Taymalin said...

Jamie--that's not confidence, it's arrogance. Confidence is a good thing to have, arrogance not so much.

The truly brilliant constantly question and challenge themselves. Only someone with serious delusions could have written a letter like this.

Shauna said...

Wow. There are actually people like that?

I would expect to see a letter like that in collage form from cut up magazines.

I'm also a little worried about his second sentence. The two sentiments expressed do not appear to be related thoughts.

Tawna Fenske said...

Please tell me you made that up to be funny. Please?

Tawna

Leona said...

Please, please, please, please, please.

Do not stop sending out the rejection forms. In an age where lost mail is all too easy in the days of spam, the no answer policy isn't worth querying. It leaves too much to chance.

Thank you so much for your help to all of us who are striving to NOT be an Asshat.

Alaina said...

Seriously, if you can't handle a rejection, you should not be in the business! Come on man...

Why would you even WANT someone who does not feel a strong connection with your work anyway? Personally, I would rather have an agent that is stoked about my manuscript over someone who is like, "Nea... Okay, I suppose I'll take it."

Maryann Miller said...

Talks about ego problems. Geesh, this guy needs to find out that what he thinks is brilliant is merely a lack of professionalism.

stoney321 said...

It is wrong to be impressed by the fact it was a mailed, handwritten note? Of course that right there tells you everything you need to know about Mr. Fabulous.

Hilarious. (And I'm sure, irritating as all get out.)

Annette Lyon said...

There are no words.

Tahereh said...

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cole Howard said...

Perhaps if he had hand written his query in all caps you would have recognized his genious. If it had been in crayon I'm sure you'd have built him a shrine.

I actually found the form rejection I received from you to be quite nice, nothing that would make me turn into a profane Hulk (ARGH! YOU NO RECOGNIZE HULK LITERARY GENIOUS?! F*** YOU, SHARK! *PUNCH!*). It made me feel more like an encouraged Eeyore.

But please don't hold us in suspense: You signed him after this, right?

jjdebenedictis said...

He has style, I'll give him that.

Regardless, may he channel ALL his passion into writing next time.

philip said...

How a writer reacts to rejection is one of the truest indicators regarding his or her readiness for acceptance.

Kristine Overbrook said...

It's funny. I just got an amazing rejection letter (not from you...yet) and I cheered. My family thinks I'm crazy.

I will submit my query to you soon, and while I would love to get accepted. A rejection is also awesome. It,if nothing else, proves I'm a working writer and allows me to write the cost of paper off on my taxes. :)

Sandra Cormier said...

Well, he prints neatly, anyway. Perhaps he can get a job transcribing doctors' notes.

Margot Galaway said...

Hmmm. Perhaps it's just me, but I sense he might be annoyed.

laughingwolf said...

best listen up, janet... then add this to your portfolio of info: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9fc-crEFDw

;) lol

wakarahen said...

Yeah, I mean, someone really should have told this guy that you're not SUPPOSED to try in life.

Keith Popely said...

Sean Ferrell's comment was even funnier than the guy's letter.

elizabeth said...

Was this note written by Dylan Moran? The best writing video ever:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oS1NOXWVWgo

Liz

Delia said...

I'm a little weirded out by how much that looks like my handwriting.

The Precinct House Squad said...

This post arrived just in time! I was begining to dread Christmas and the arrival of 13 members of my truly insane family, but after reading this fellow's letter, I realize that some of my family might merely be "quirky".

Seriously, though, keep up the rejections. If I know an agent uses the "no response is bad news" rule, I don't query her. There are enough polite agents out there - if they reject my work, I'll polish my skills further, not query every troglodyte in the phone book.

Ben said...

This is glorious, I'm saving that pic for further blog use.

Liberty Speidel said...

I ditto The Precinct House Squad... This guy puts my crazy family into perspective, too. :)

And, after reading through everyone else's comments, one word comes to mind that may describe this "author": Narcissist.

I hope he gets many of these humbling letters. Every author should, especially if they think they're God's gift to the publishing world.

Sha'el, Princess of Pixies said...

"I don't shred rejection letters. I eat them." - Bill E. Goat.

"Empty calories, Bill" - The Pixie

Julie Weathers said...

"I can't write that straight even when sober."

That's what I was thinking. Excellent penmanship.

Spring said...

At least is wasn't cut and pasted newsprint. At the very least. Wow.

Becky Mushko said...

What if—and I know this is a long shot—you had accepted him and—even longer shot—sold his book? Can you imagine him at his first book signing where he shouts obscenities to everyone in the bookstore who didn't buy his book?

Gilbert J. Avila said...

It would work if the title was "Tourette's
for Dummies."

Working Stiffs said...

This looks like a good place to let you know it's BAAM over at our blog. I've thanked you before, and I'm thanking you again for all you do.

Steve Stubbs said...

Whoa, another love letter, eh? Tell that turkey HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE has already been written by Dale Carnegie. He needs to throw his version away. I don't think he can beat Carnegie for charm.

He might call the Foreign Service and see if they need any more diplomats.

- said...

A man of my hubris and humility ought to have the sense know that any literary agent with a modicum of sense wouldn't touch my manuscript with a ten foot pole...

KB/KT Grant said...

This self labeled man of brilliance apparently forgot to use spell check when penning his response back.

Ashley said...

Wow, that's something special there.

Did he mail you the shredded rejection letter, is that what all that is?

Wulf said...

There should be a license to breathe; so this clown's can be revoked.

JS said...

This self labeled man of brilliance apparently forgot to use spell check when penning his response back.

"Endeavor" and "judgment" are both correct US Standard Written English.

College Boy said...

I used to be a college professor and believe me, there are a few students who do not like to have their work graded. I bet that he was one of those.

-Mike