Well, we're going to be proactive now:
Thank you for calling ULTIMATE LITERARY AGENT SERVICES COMPANY WHOSE NAME YOU SHOULD ALREADY KNOW!
For information on what to do next, PRESS 1.
For information on how to sell your stellar idea, PRESS 2.
For information about how to locate our website, which is conveniently named the same as the listing in whatever registry gave you this number, PRESS 3
For information on how to find someone to tell you how to write the book yourself, PRESS 4
For back patting and hand-holding, PRESS 5
For an open-ended call to vent your frustration, PRESS 6
To be considered as canon (get it! get it!?) fodder in one of our clients' next books, PRESS 7
To pitch the whole dang thing over the phone, query first, then your synopsis, and five pages (please enunciate clearly and spell any "odd" names of people, places, or species), Press 8
If you believe someone is still waiting to answer your questions, Press 9, then do some research.
Please be aware that pressing any number will result in the call being immediately terminated.
Thank you for calling. Have a nice day.