Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Irate emailer?

Gmail is on the job!

They have a new program to keep you from sending out email while you're drunk but in my opinion they need a version that keeps you from sending emails while in high dudgeon over a rejection letter!

My version wouldn't have math problems, it would have grammar and syntax questions:

1. A sentence has an error. What is its problem?

2. Identify one noun in this sentence.

3. Is there a verb in this sentence? If you answered yes, what is it:

4. The passive voice is to be avoided. Correct the sentence.

5. Get over it. Identify the subject.

Extra credit and to turn off the program:
8. Translate: veni, vidi, viagra


acpaul said...

1. This sentence or the sentence. A sentence could be any sentence at all.

2. noun. sentence.

3. Yes. Is.

4. Avoid the passive voice.

5. Subject implied: you.

8. I came, I saw, I'm still hard after four hours and need to seek immediate medical attention.

Susan said...

Mail Goggles, that's hilarious!

But sadly, a much-needed and stupendous idea.

I agree with you: we should have a literary alternative to the numbers.

dylan said...

I came. I saw. I conked out.

H. L. Dyer said...

*snort* Awesome.

Your version reminds me of a silly online adventure game called Kingdom of Loathing.

To enter the associated chat rooms, you must first complete a quest at the Alter of Literacy.

Once you answer the series of grammar/comprehension questions correctly, the Ghost of the English Language says, "You have already proven yourself literate. Go forth and avenge my death."

Nancy said...

Sadly, I don't think that the sort of authors to send irate e-mails in response to rejection letters would want a program to stop them, even if it may be something they end up regretting later.

8. I came, I saw, I got blue balls. . . ?

Nancy D'Inzillo

Cordy said...

Love it. I think I need this on my blog. I tend to post late at night when I'm feeling especially dramatic and desperate about my romantic situation.

kyler said...

You are hysterical. Sending emails when drunk...oi vey, I did that the other day, er...night.

Can't put Viagra in email queries any longer. Discovered they were going into the Spam folder. Know what I mean?

kari d said...

So much for querying my new, best-selling series, "Viagra for the Soul".

Sha'el, Princess of Pixies said...

Pixies don't need viagra. Just a nice knobby kneed scotsman, kinda tall and lanky ... maybe a few faults such as a liking for haggis (bleck!) ... but looks good in a kilt or out of one ...

A cranky "I reject your rejection letter," huh? Did he (I'm speculating that I know this person at least from deleted posts) say that his art was unappreciated? That when he's rich and famous as S. King, you'll be sorry? Did he complain that you probably spend too much time worrying about toe hair and not enough about his feelings? prolly, huh?

I'm saving that all up for when they make a movie based on Pixie Warrior. ... Then I'll send them tickets ... or something .... or not.

I should never post when I'm too tired to keep my eyes open, should I? And, yes, I'm aware that some of you think I always post in my sleep.

There are nearly seventy really naughty phrases and words in Welsh. You could always reply with one of those and let them wonder what you meant.

Viagra indeed!

And one can always reply with a rude limerick:

There once was a writer from Philadelphia ....

WHEN I finally win a Newberry, i want someone to play this for me:


Sha'el, Princess of Pixies said...

He has plenty of music in him, but he cannot get it out. -- Alfred, Lord Tennyson on Robert Browning

You to emailer:

"You have a good story in you somewhere, you just can't write it."

Jonathan E. Quist said...

I came, I saw, I came...

Sort of recursive. Which is what I'd be doing after four hours.

So much for querying my new, best-selling series, "Viagra for the Soul".

Just resubmit it as "Chicken Soup for the Erectile Dysfunction." And don't forget to schmaltz it up.

Deaf Brown Trash Punk said...

hah.that doesn't apply to me cos i always send nasty, rude, irate emails to all my friends and they'll all be like, SABINA!!!! whereas strangers are like, "were you drunk or something?"

I dont drink much but everyone always think I am. I am the MASTER of writing angry, non-drunken emails !!!

Deaf Brown Trash Punk said...

oh yeah and PLEASE update Query Shark... please :(

Sha'el, Princess of Pixies said...

Not that it fits this topic at all, but Dorothy Parker is supposed to have said, when asked to use the word Horticulture in a sentence:

"You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think."

Come to think about it, maybe it fits perfectly.

Editorial Anonymous said...

Surely Janet meant, "I came, I saw, I f***ed up"?

The Unbreakable Child said...

Lol! My spelling starts going wacko about ten each eve... I know it's time to close up shop on the computer, pick up a pen and pad instead!